Fissures
by wildbats
Summary: Sequel to "Picking up the Pieces", this picks up a couple months after that story left off.  Things seem to be going well until new problems arise that cause Greg a set back in more than just an emotional way. Nick and Greg relationship.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N-So this is my sequel to "Picking up the pieces". I had started this actually a couple months ago but was not sure at the time where I wanted to go with it. Now after I had some vacation time and could clear my head I came up with a direction so I have decided to post the first chapter. Postings of new chapters on this story will be a lot slower than PUTP was, as this is a work in progress and can only write when I have time. It's going to pick up a couple months after PUTP left off. This will still be dealing with the after effects of what happened to Greg. Hope you enjoy this one as much as the previous one. Thanks!_

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><p>He woke up with a start, his eyes trying to focus on his surroundings. He was in his bed, safe in his home. "Hey, you okay?" he heard the sleepy voice of the man next to him ask. He hated when he woke him up due to one of his random nightmares. He rubbed his hands over his face as he sat up.<p>

"Yea, sorry I woke you again. I'm going to get up and get some water," he replied as he put his bare feet down on the carpeted floor. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to apologize every time, I've told you that," his lover told him. He turned around and gave a small smile, knowing he couldn't really see it much in the darkness of the room.

"I know, it's just out of habit. I'll be back in a few. Why don't you go back to sleep? I'll be fine," he said to him. He leaned down and sought out the lips of his lover for a quick kiss. "I love you." He turned back around and stood up and started slowly making his way out of the room

"I love you too, G. Don't be long. You need your sleep too," Nick said as he left. Nick Stokes was used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Greg's nightmares. They didn't happen nightly anymore, which was a good thing. Actually he didn't remember Greg having one in the last few days. They seemed to come after he had a rough day at work. He could not help but worry some about him. It had about five months now since he was back in his life. The four months prior to those had been the worst in both of their lives, Greg's for sure. Greg had finally let him into his life completely, physically for about three months now. Things between them seemed to be slowly going back to normal with the exception of the occasional nightmares and therapy sessions they continued to attend with Dr. Melissa Warren.

Greg stood in front of the refrigerator door, feeling the cool air from it against his face. He had been feeling warm. He pulled out a half full bottle of water and uncapped it to take a swig. His throat always seemed to be dry after waking from a nightmare. His throat was a bit sore today too. He decided to take the bottle back with him into the bedroom. He shuffled in and sat down on his side of the bed, placing the bottle on his nightstand.

"What was it this time?" he heard Nick whisper to him. He sighed softly, reminding himself that he asked because he cared but sometimes he really didn't want to talk about them.

"The face I'll never know, again," he replied as he lay back down and then flipped to his side, away from Nick. He felt him shift and then felt his strong arms wrap around him. He sighed at the comfort his arms brought to him. He felt his warm breath on his neck.

"You know, I think I should have another talk with Rex. He has to know who that guy was," Nick said to him.

Greg pulled his arms around him tighter. He hated even hearing the name mentioned. "He wouldn't tell you even if he knew. He probably enjoys knowing the torture it puts me through."

Nick sighed, knowing Greg was probably right. He nuzzled against Greg's neck and then placed soft kisses along the scarring that remained there. "I think…we need…to sleep," he said between the kisses.

Greg moaned from the attention. "If you want me to sleep you should really stop that because you are turning me on."

Nick chuckled. "Okay, I'll stop but we'll continue this after we get some more sleep."

"Mmmm, ok. Sleep well, Nicky," Greg murmured before closing his eyes and being able to fall sleep with the safety of Nick's arms around him.

"Sleep well, Greggo."

Nick woke up and discovered the bed next to him empty. He didn't even realize Greg had gotten up. He must have been more tired than he thought. He sat up in bed and heard the shower start running, signaling to him that Greg had not been up that long. Typically he liked to get up and jump in the shower right away to wake up. He decided to get up and join him.

He walked up to the bathroom door and found it unlocked. He knew that Greg had stopped locking the door behind him only about a month ago. Until that point he was still too afraid to be in the bathroom alone without the door being locked behind him. He opened the door quietly and walked into the bathroom.

Greg immediately felt the presence of someone else and spun around to see the silhouette of a man outside the shower door. He backed into the corner of the shower stall. "Nick?" He asked, his voice betraying a bit of fear.

Nick knew he should have announced himself immediately. He missed the old days when he could just sneak up on him in the shower and take him right there. "Yeah, do you mind if I join you?"

Greg relaxed a little, knowing it was just Nick. He should have figured but since the day he walked into his own bedroom and saw Jasper Marks standing there with Nick tied up, he still worried, even if Jasper was dead. "Sure," he finally replied.

Nick smiled and stripped off his pajama bottoms. He opened the shower door and saw Greg standing under the shower head. He came over to him, turned him to face him and slid his arms around his waist. "Did you sleep okay after?"

Greg nodded his head. "Yes, I did. I gather you did too. I was surprised I was able to slip out of your arms like I did," he smirked. He pushed Nick against the wall and seized his lips with his as water sprayed against his back. He rubbed his growing erection against Nick's. He detached his lips long enough to tell Nick, "I want you."

Nick knew what he meant. "Then go ahead and fuck me," he smirked and let Greg turn him around so he faced the wall. Ever since they have become intimate again, it was mostly Greg topping Nick. Nick knew the change in their sexual relationship was due to the months that Greg had been submitted to sexual abuse. He couldn't hold it against him. When he did occasionally allow Nick to make love to him, it was just that, nice and slow.

Greg grabbed the waterproof lube from the shower corner and coated his fingers first, slowly inserting one into Nick's tight hole. "How's that feel?" he asked after he added another. Nick groaned in pleasure in response.

The first few times Greg had sex with Nick he had been a bit rough, knowing he was still dealing with his control issues. Since then he had learned to ask Nick to let him know if he was becoming too rough. He didn't want to hurt Nick because of his own problems. Nick had been too good to him to take it out on him. But Nick had grown to liking this newer side of Greg, he had to admit.

"Fuck me already, Greg!" Nick pushed back against his lover with his ass.

"Patience," he breathed heavily as he grabbed a condom and rolled it over his leaking cock. He wanted in Nick just as badly as Nick.

Nick felt him at his entrance and then being filled with his lover's girth. "God, yeah, feels so good, G," Nick panted as he placed his hands against the wall to brace himself as Greg started pounding into him. He suddenly felt Greg's hand grasp his own leaking cock and run his thumb over the slit. "Ahh, fuck me."

"I am," Greg grunted and then laughed as he worked his hand up and down Nick's shaft and continued thrusting into Nick, hitting his spot.

Nick loved to hear him laugh these days, even in a moment like this. It had been so long since he had. "I love you, so much," he yelled out before he sensed his own release coming. Only moments later he felt Greg's shaking release and the younger man lean against him for support as recovered.

Nick reached behind him and rubbed his hand up and down Greg's side. "You okay back there?"

Greg only nodded, forgetting Nick could not see him. He finally picked his weight off of Nick and slid out of him. He removed the condom and tossed it into the trash can outside the shower door before closing it back up. He stood facing Nick, who lovingly grabbed his face so he could kiss him. "You are so fucking hot!" Nick told him. Greg visibly blushed at the comment. He still had trouble finding himself attractive anymore. He grabbed the body wash and Nick took it from him. "Let me."

Nick knew that deep down Greg still held some ugly feelings about himself. He was not sure if he would ever be over those feelings, but any chance he had, he made sure to show Greg how beautiful he still thought he was, despite all his scars. "Turn around," Nick told him.

He did as told and Nick started with his shoulders, where tension always seemed to be. He messaged the soapy substance into his skin, kneading the knots in his shoulders and neck area. Greg loved it when he did this, it always relaxed him. He became putty in Nick's hands.

Nick worked the suds over the old scars from the explosion on his back and then down further, running his hands over the newer scars from burns and cuts. He looked down and saw the most horrid mark of all, the brand Jasper had burned into his skin with his initials. It still brought anger and sadness to him at the same time when he saw it. His hands ghosted over it as he washed. He felt the sensitive flinch from his partner. He knew it still bothered Greg even more so. He had to suffer from the pain and humiliation it brought. He knew he still suffered from it but hided it well.

"Nick," Greg said softly. He sensed him pausing, knowing why. He quickly turned around and grabbed the bottle from him. "Let me clean you up now," he said hastily, not wanting to dwell on the elephant in the room. Greg liked feeling Nick's firm muscles under his hands and he washed over his pecs and abs. He idly wondered how he deserved this Adonis before him. He knew better now than to say anything of his thoughts in front of Nick. Nick would just reverse it, saying he didn't deserve to be with him. Maybe once upon a time Greg might have felt that he was a prize to be won but those days were long gone. That was when he was much younger and naïve.

He was lost in his thoughts when he felt his chin being lifted. His eyes met the deep brown orbs of Nick's. "Stop thinking so loud," he was told. He was about to deny it when Nick shook his head. "Don't bother, I know you too well. I know when you mind goes into those dark places." Greg lowered his eyes. Sometimes he hated that Nick did know him so well.

Suddenly he felt hands in his hair, sudsing it up. "Enough with the bad thoughts okay. Let's just finish our shower so we can get ready for work. Remember we are short Ray for the next few days since he is attending that conference in DC. I guess after all the time we've had off lately, someone else was due to get away," Nick said to him as he ran his hands through Greg's hair, rinsing out the shampoo. He would never admit but he was slightly jealous of Greg's thick, curly hair and it was the one reason he loved that he had let it grow out a little more since he close cropped it after returning.

"I'm kind of glad Ray is away. I know you get along great with him but I'm just not sure he's really that comfortable around me since I returned. It's like he's afraid to get too close to me. I'm just glad Catherine does not pair me with him too often," he said as he grabbed the shower head and started rinsing them both off.

"Well he never got to know you that well in the first place and then all that happened. You can't really blame him," Nick said as he stepped out of the shower first and grabbed a towel and tossed it to Greg and then took one for himself.

"I suppose. I'm just saying it's nice for him not to be around for a little bit of time since I don't have to worry about him tip toeing around me. I get enough of Hodges looks as it is, like he's waiting for me to just suddenly break down at work," Greg groaned as he dried off and proceeded to walk into the bedroom.

Nick frowned. "Well you knew it wasn't going to be all roses, especially Hodges." He went into the bedroom and saw that Greg had already quickly put on his boxers and a t-shirt. He was always quick to not stay naked too long.

He went to the dresser and grabbed his own clothes to put on.

"Sure I knew but some days it gets to me more than others. I know it shouldn't but it does," Greg finally replied as he pulled on his jeans and grabbed his sneakers.

Nick decided to drop the subject, since it was a sore one. "What do you want to do for food?"

"I say we go out to eat before work since we obviously have not been grocery shopping in the last week. We need to buy some food. Maybe after shift we can get some, if the shift does not run too long," Greg suggested.

"Sure sounds like a plan."

A couple hours later they were driving together to the lab. Usually they always went in the same vehicle if they worked the same nights. It saved them money in the long run.

They headed into the locker room to change out of their regular jackets and put on their CSI ones. Catherine popped her head into the locker room. "Hey guys. I already have a case waiting. Sara and I are heading out for a 419 at the Bellagio and you all have a 420. Brass will meet you two out there. Here's the address," she said as she handed the paperwork to Nick.

"Okay, we'll get on it," Nick told her.

"See you later, boys," she said with a small wave and was out of their sight.

"Busy night it sounds like. I'll drive tonight, you had your turn last night," Nick told Greg as he handed him the piece of paper. They usually took turns, whoever was not driving was giving directions and radioing in.

Greg took it and looked at the address. "Oh Summerlin, looks to be in one of those expensive communities, The Players Club. I wonder what we'll find."

"Well we will find out soon enough," Nick said to him as they climbed into the Tahoe.

Greg had been right. It was a gated community. The guard at the gate had already been prepared for them to arrive. The house itself was huge. They pulled into the large semi-circular driveway. They saw Brass' mustang in the driveway along with a couple other patrol cars. "I've always wondered why people need such huge houses. Half the time only 2 people live in the whole house. Always seemed like a waste of money to me," Greg commented.

"Yeah, seriously. Who needs like 10 bedrooms," Nick said as he pulled his kit out of the back.

They saw Brass walk out of the massive front door. He sighed as he approached them. "Hey fellas, I want to give you a heads up before you go in. They were having a special kind of get together here tonight." He looked specifically at Greg. "It seems to be an S&M thing. Greg, I want to be sure you will be able to handle this."

Nick looked at his partner, wondering what his response would be. Being thrown into the world again that nearly destroyed him was not something he was sure he was ready to handle yet.

"What exactly do you mean by an S&M thing?" Greg asked cautiously. He was thinking about the one time Jasper had taken him to a private party when they were still together. It was the one where Jasper tried to get Greg to be with others.

"The murder victim was hogtied with leather bondage restraints and suffocated. This house has six bedrooms and in every bedroom some sort of sexual bondage was taking place. The owner, a Mr. John Jamison said he throws these parties for the S&M community since there are not many places they can go. The thing is, no one claims to know the murder victim," Brass told them.

Greg felt Nick's hand go to his shoulder and squeeze it. "You don't have to go in. I can take care of things," Nick volunteered. After hearing the details he knew it would be difficult for Greg to deal with.

Greg turned to Nick, knowing he would support him no matter what he decided. "I can't avoid things like this forever. I'll deal with it. We have a job to do." He turned to Brass next. "Show us the way."

Brass nodded and gave Nick a quick glance, letting him know to keep an eye on Greg before leading them into the mansion.

The atrium was huge and there was a dual staircase going up to the second floor. But what captured Greg's eyes were people gathered to the side in the living room. They were men and women on their hands and knees with collars around their necks, looking up affectionately at their owners. He couldn't help the shiver that rose up his spine. Some of the owners wore all leather in various degrees. One stood out to him, a man in a black leather mask covering everything but his eyes and mouth. He stared long at the man but nothing about his eyes looked familiar.

"Hey G, we need to go upstairs to the bedroom where the body is," he heard Nick say to him as he grabbed his arm a moment. Greg broke his gaze from the crowd and looked at Nick.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go."

They walked up the palatial staircase up to the second floor where most of the bedrooms were. They saw the patrol officers standing in front of a door with crime scene tape across it. "We have no ID on our victim," Brass told them.

Nick and Greg ducked under the crime scene tape and saw David Phillips, Assistant Corner for Clark County kneeling over the body. It was a man. He was dressed in nothing but leather pants. His hands and ankles were in front of him, hogtied with rope. Over his head was a plastic grocery store bag.

"Time of death was about two hours ago," David told them.

"A woman was looking for a new partner when she came into this room and saw him like this. She yelled and Mr. Jamison came up and saw him. He called 911," Brass told them. "The young woman is in the next room. She didn't have much else to offer but that she never saw this guy before. It seems nobody here knows who he is. Mr. Jamison thinks he was a party crasher. I'll leave you to collect evidence while I go back and conduct more interviews." He left Nick and Greg in the room with David and the body.

Greg looked around the room. The décor was very gothic like. The dark burgundy drapes matched the carpet and bedding. Greg's eyes fell on the four poster bed that had hand and ankle cuffs attached to each post. On the bed laid a wooden paddle and a ball gag. He could feel his heart quicken and his breathing becoming uneven as he recalled his own experience with similar items. He knew he was starting to have a panic attack and started trying to concentrate on his breathing.

Nick looked over at Greg and could see the telling signs of an oncoming attack. He didn't want to embarrass Greg in front of David, so he leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Slow easy breaths, Babe." He saw Greg give him a knowing glare. He decided to leave him be, seeing as he seemed to not be getting worse. He kneeled down next to David and the body.

"So anything else about his guy that you can tell so far?" He asked.

David pointed to his arms. "Looks like he is a user by these track marks on his arms." Nick saw the telltale signs of a heroin user.

"Seems like it. So this guy crashes the party and ends up getting killed for it, it seems," Nick guessed.

Greg managed his breathing and avoided a full blown panic attack. He was going to need to up his dose of Xanax if he was going to work this case. He went over to the nightstand and started taking pictures. On it was a simple clock and a condom wrapper. "Someone had sex in here recently," he commented as he looked into the trash can and saw a couple used condoms. "Perhaps our guy here got his kicks before he got killed." He took his tweezers to pick up the condoms and put them in a plastic evidence bag.

"Hopefully they are his and we can maybe find out who this guy is, since no one seems to know. Or maybe it will take us to who the killer is," Nick said to him. He was glad to see Greg had managed to get control over his emotions. He was so proud of him. He knew this couldn't be easy for him at all.

Nick took some photos of their victim before finally cutting the ropes off him. He placed all the items in brown paper evidence bags.

David and his assistant finally removed the body from the room and Greg and Nick continued to examine the room. Greg opened the top drawer to the night stand and felt his stomach quiver at the sight. Inside were numerous tools of S a few large dildos, a couple anal plugs, clamps, and a whip. He felt the panic attack coming on again. "Nick…I need to get some fresh air." He said rapidly before taking off out of the room.

Nick walked over to the drawer and saw what triggered the panic. He would give him a few minutes and if he didn't come back he would go after him. He had confidence he would be okay after he got the air he needed.

Greg ran down the stairs and out the front door. He stopped down by the Tahoe and placed his hands on the SUV for support. He knew he was breathing heavily and his heart was racing. He hated how he was so affected by the items he saw. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his bottle of pills. He opened the bottle and took one pill out and swallowed it without water. He couldn't let this keep happening. He had to get control over his reactions. People would talk and they would never let him on a case like this again. As much as he wanted to be away from something like this, he had the most knowledge of this world and his knowledge could benefit the case.

He gathered his wits again and headed back into the house. On his way back in, he glanced again at the group of people being held in the living room for questioning. No one had leather masks on anymore. Brass must have made them remove them. He felt a little calmer not seeing anyone in those masks. He climbed back up the stairs to their crime scene.

He saw the CSI run down the stairs and out the front door. He couldn't help but see out through the open window the man trying to gather his nerves outside. He witnessed him take some pill before heading back in. He lowered his head but could see the CSI come back in and look into their room again. He felt smug that the man he fucked a few times while being held by his friend Jasper Marks had no idea he was right there in his presence.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N- So sorry this has taken me longer to post than I planned. Real Life got in the way with big problems but I think I will have some more time again to work on this in the coming weeks. Here is Chapter two. It'll fill in a bit more of what this story will be about. Reviews are welcomed with open arms! :)_

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><p>Nick was about to go check on Greg when he came back into the room. He looked a bit pale. "You feel okay?" Nick asked him.<p>

"Yeah, I'm okay now. Sorry about that. Did you find anything interesting, besides the obvious?" Greg asked his partner, wanting to avoid the main problem at hand.

"No, not in this room. But we have a lot of others to check. We're going to be pulling some OT I can bet you on that. Luckily Brass called in Vega to help with the questioning of the people here. Will you be okay if we split up and take separate rooms to get through this place faster?" Nick asked him. He knew they were bound to come across more S&M paraphernalia that might trigger more panic attacks in Greg.

"I'll be fine. I took another Xanax." He saw the weary gaze his boyfriend gave him. "Look, Dr. Warren said taking a double dose can help in me when I feel more stressed and freaked out. I'll be fine. Besides, this place is crawling with cops. Nothing will happen. How about I start working the right side and you work the left side of the house. We'll meet at the bottom of the stairs."

"Okay, but if you need me, just call me," Nick told him. He was still worried but he knew Greg was trying to work through all his fears on his own and overall he had been doing really well lately.

"Of course. Let's get started." Greg picked up his kit and left the room and headed into the next room which was a bathroom. At least this looked like a normal bathroom. It was a darker décor like the bedroom before. The owner of the house seemed to be into Goth décor. It often seemed to go with S&M in Greg's experience. Many of the clubs he went to in his days with that crowd often were on that side. He could see why this house was perfect for the S&M crowd.

Nothing stood out in the bathroom evidence wise. It was amazingly very clean actually. Maybe too clean he thought for a moment. He tested the sinks and tub for bleach and both tested positive. Someone had cleaned up something but what he wondered. No blood had been found on their victim. Maybe with all the sex that was sure to have been going on in the house, the owner just liked to keep things clean.

He went into the next bedroom which was not a bedroom at all, at least in usage. This room gave Greg the shivers again. In the middle of the room was an X-Cross. He remembered coming home one day to Jasper's when he lived with him and he had one set up in the living room. He wanted Greg on it. It was before Jasper had been overly demanding of him. Greg was reluctant at first to go on it, knowing what was to come from it but at the time Jasper was so sly and honestly, turned Greg on, that he would do almost anything to please him. He remembered being locked down to it, back exposed to the abuse that Jasper put upon it with a whip. He still could not believe he ever liked that at one time. He was totally petrified of anything like that now. The four months of sexual brutality that he was subjected to at the hands of Jasper and his other sadistic friends changed him forever. He would have the scars all over his body to show for it too for the rest of his life.

He took a couple slow, deep breaths. He rubbed his throat; it had been feeling a bit sore for a few days. He figured he was getting a cold. He shrugged it off before moving forward to look for any evidence that their victim might have been on this device at one time. He took the UV light over it to detect any body fluids. Unlike the bathroom, this was not clean at all. The light turned up many things. He frowned as he got out some swabs to start taking samples. He had no idea how many samples might be on this one thing.

It took at least another couple hours before he met up with Nick down at the bottom of the stairs. They both had several bags full of evidence. Brass came over to them. "Looks like you two have been busy. We've let the guests go home. The owner and his son remain here. They said they have held several of these get togethers for their S&M friends and never had a problem before. I spoke to some of the attendees. They all said the same thing. So either this is a really tight group that covers things well or they have a killer amongst them."

Greg looked away at the front door; he wished they could just leave now. He felt dirty just being all around all that lifestyle again. "This type of crowd can be very tight since so many people look down on what they do," he said out of the blue.

Both Brass and Nick looked at him in surprise. He didn't meet their gazes. "I was a part of it for a couple years, I should know," he said quietly, hating to even talk about it but knowing it would help the case.

"So you suspect they are hiding something perhaps?" Brass asked him.

He finally turned to meet his gaze. "The bathroom right next to the bedroom where the victim was found was cleaned with bleach. No trace of anything. I just found that very odd. Now I know our vic was not bleeding anywhere, so it must have been done for other reasons."

"The bathrooms I checked where used normally. None of them were thoroughly cleaned like the one you're describing. Did you find anything that might be of use in there?" Nick asked him.

"Not a thing, not even in the trash can. Come to think of it, nothing in the bathroom in personal items at all. Not even a towel," he said as he thought more about it.

"Let me get the owners and ask them if anyone ever uses that bathroom," Brass said as he started to walk away.

"This place is pretty much an S&M playhouse from what I could tell in all the rooms. How about the ones you checked?" Nick asked Greg. He was proud that Greg made it through the rooms without calling him for assistance or anything.

"Yeah, definitely. The rooms all give off that vibe," Greg admitted.

"You know, it reminded me of Lady Heather's place. But hers we knew was that. They claim they only have these parties here a couple times a month. I think they have them more often with all the stuff they have," Nick said.

Brass came back in with an older man, with salt and pepper hair and sharp blue eyes. At his side was a man about 20 years his younger and with black hair. He wore glasses over light blue eyes. He was muscular and a little taller than the man besides him, who was his father. "Nick, Greg, this is John Jamison and his son, Brad. They said usually no one uses that bathroom unless they have a party."

"Yes, our maid usually keeps that bathroom clean and when we have our parties, she is constantly checking all the bathrooms and cleaning them. She may have just finished that one before we called the police," the older man said. "Brad, can you go ahead and get her so the police here can ask her some questions?"

"Yes, father," the younger man said. He regarded the two CSI's with a smile and walked up the stairs.

"Brad has better language skills than I do. Rosa's English is not always the best," Mr. Jamison explained.

"That's fine, I know some Spanish," Nick advised.

Another minute later Brad came with a young Latino woman, whose hair was pulled back in a ponytail. "This is Rosa Martinez. She was here tonight cleaning the upstairs rooms after our couples were done with them." Brad smiled again at them and then turned to Rosa. "Rosa, did you clean any of the bathrooms right before the cops were called?"

"Yes Señor. I did clean the one next to the cross room and then stopped once I knew the police where on the way. I was just starting el baño de rosa as they came," she told them.

"Where do you put your trash?" Greg asked her.

"We have our trash cans in the garage. She would put the trash in there," the elder Jamison responded.

"We'll need to take a look at that too. Preferably take it back to the lab if we can," Nick said him.

"Sure you can go ahead. We have nothing to hide. We are just as shocked by this death in our house as anyone. I don't understand how that man got in here still," Mr. Jamison said as he scratched his head.

"So you keep a list of who you let come to these…parties?" Greg asked, not sure how they preferred to term it.

Brad gazed at Greg. "We don't want people here who do not obey the rules of our world. However, we can't always keep an eye on who others might bring in. Some owners discover new slaves and we let them bring them here, but if we hear from others that they are not obeying their owners as they signed on to do, we throw them out of the group."

Greg felt the hairs on his neck stand up. He almost felt like he was talking about him, but he knew he couldn't be. No one in the outside world knew of his ordeal. They kept it out of the press. But he did know how strongly many in the S&M and slave ownership world took it seriously. Again he experienced it personally.

"So have you thrown anyone out recently that might have tried to crash the party tonight and someone saw him and decided to end his party crashing days once and for all?" Brass asked.

"No, recently we haven't had issues with anyone. Most of our people have been in our group for years. A few hear by word of mouth, but have to have approval of at least three slave owners or S&M specialists to attend one of our events," Brad said calmly.

Brass was amused at how business like it all seemed. "Well I guess that is all the questions we have for now. Stay in town in case we have more questions at a later date. We'll let you all to the rest of your night now. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Thank you for coming so soon. We really want to know who in our group could have possibly killed his man, even if he was not one of us. Someone had to have killed him and we do not want a killer amongst us. We are not like that," Mr. Jamison told them.

"We'll keep you informed," Brass told them.

Nick and Greg led the way out with Brass following behind them. "You know, they really do remind me of Lady Heather. It's like a business to them, these events as they called them. Were the parties you went to so controlled like this one seemed to be?" Brass had to ask Greg.

"Well, some were but the ones we went to mostly were not. I think the scene has changed since I was active in it. I think the control aspect has become a lot stronger, at least here in Vegas. They are a tight group though, always have been, since they are always seen as outsiders," Greg replied, still feeling a bit uncomfortable talking about something he really wanted to never remember.

"Well someone somewhere knew this guy and wanted him dead. So someone was lying to us and probably invited him to tonight's event and thought it was a perfect way to off him."

"I'm just surprised the person didn't fess up and act like it was an accident. Isn't suffocation another form of S&M?" Nick asked Greg, seeming as he knew so much about it.

"Uh, yeah it can be. But usually they use the breath control play instead and not plastic bags over the head but it wouldn't be the first time," he replied. His stomach started to feel queasy, along with his sore throat. He really wanted to stop talking about all of this. Too many painful memories were creeping back just when he had started to get good control over them.

"I'll see you guys back at the lab then. I know you have plenty of stuff there to keep you busy for a while. Take care," Brass said to them before he got into his mustang to leave.

Nick and Greg put all the evidence in the back of the SUV. Nick got in the driver's seat and watched Greg as he slowly climbed in. He noticed a slight shaking in his hands as he settled in his seat and put on his seatbelt. "You held up really well back there. I am really proud of you. I know it was not easy for you to see all that stuff and then talk about the past you have tried so hard to forget. I love you so much." He leaned over and surprised Greg with a kiss on his lips.

Greg gazed at him with surprise and amusement. "Well, I was not expecting that but I sure did need it." He smiled. "Thanks. It wasn't easy but I knew my knowledge could help the case so I had to say something. Someone still died up in that mansion and whether he was an owner or a slave, or just some guy into S&M, he didn't deserve to be killed. If my experience in that can help solve the case, I have to speak up."

"And that is precisely why you deserved that kiss and more to come once this long shift ends," Nick grinned.

"So I have something to look forward to then. Nice motivation to get back to the lab and get cracking on this evidence. So what are you waiting for, drive!" Greg laughed. He loved that Nick always could make him feel better. He gazed down at the ring he wore on his left hand and played with it.

He looked out from an upstairs window down at the SUV that held the two CSI's. He saw the kiss between the two men and smirked. It seemed that Greg Sanders had recovered from his ordeal pretty well, but when he spoke to him he could see the fear still hidden within. He knew he was partially the cause of it and it thrilled him.

He watched as the SUV pulled away and then headed to his office. He sat back in his desk chair and put his hands behind his head in a relaxed position. He smiled to himself. He knew he covered his tracks well. He always made sure of it. He didn't approve of people who didn't take being a slave seriously. Anyone who entered their events had contracts signed saying they would follow the rules of their sex slave and S&M world. He didn't appreciate those who made a mockery of their contracts and refused to do what they had signed on to.

But in any case, it was time to shake up the CSI's working the case. He pulled out his keys and put a key in the top drawer and unlocked it. He opened the drawer and then pulled it out completely. Inside the drawer was important paperwork but it was what was taped to the back of the drawer that he was searching for. His fingers felt for the small SD card and pulled it off. He looked at the card and smiled. He was going to have fun toying with the former slave.

When Brad had met Jasper years ago, he remembered him talking about his new slave that he been with for a few months. He remembered Jasper bringing him to a house party such as he had that evening and his slave refusing to have sex with others that his owner, Jasper wanted him to. Brad told Jasper he needed to teach his slave a lesson. The next day Jasper had called him and told him he had beaten his slave. Brad was very proud of him and considered Jasper a great slave owner.

He had been furious to learn that a month later that the young slave had betrayed the laws of their world and accused Jasper of beating him. Jasper had contacted Brad shortly before he went to prison to ask him to keep an eye on his slave that betrayed him. He did and while Jasper was in prison they were out of touch until Jasper contacted him a few months prior to his release. He told Brad he wanted serious revenge on his former slave. Brad said he knew where he was and who he was with. Jasper said he wanted to make him his permanent possession. Brad said to let his friend, Chris know what he could do and he would assist him.

He remembered fondly, the day when Jasper contacted him after being out of prison for a month. He told him his plans and Brad said he would assist with finding a location to go through with his plans. Brad just asked in return that he would get his chance with the former slave to help teach him the lesson.

Now he looked at the SD card and grinned evilly. Oh, he was going to tear down any walls that the former slave had built up again and rip them to shreds, leaving only a shell of a man left. After what he did to Jasper, he felt he deserved it. He hadn't obeyed the rules. No one broke his rules these days without paying for it.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N-Sorry this is taking me longer to write than I thought, mostly due to real life being way too busy. Here is the next chapter. I am curious to what you all will think by the possibly revelation in this chapter. Reviews are helpful. Thanks!_

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><p>Greg sat at the PCR machine waiting for some DNA results from some swabs from their crime scene. The lab was quiet. It was an early Sunday morning and only minimal staff was working which meant a lot of the CSI's were left to do their own lab work, which was fine with Greg. He still kept up in practice with the latest DNA techniques. Plus it left him without the curious eyes of others wondering if he was okay or not. He knew the gossip would get out that they were working a case involving too close to home for him and everyone would wonder how he was handling it.<p>

He wiped his brow, he felt hot in the lab, which was usually cold. He heard the printer go off and turned in his chair to pull the results. He smiled when he saw he found a match.

"Hey, you got anything on our guy? I just came back from Autopsy." Greg spun around towards the door and saw Nick coming in. He was startled by his entrance and tried to play it off by quickly looking at his results and start giving out information of what he found.

"Yes, I just got the results now. Our dead body is Jason Carbone. I'm about to pull up his record now," Greg told him. He turned back to the computer and felt Nick come up behind him. He felt Nick place his hands on his shoulders and rub them a little.

"Are you sure you are okay with working his case? You feel tense," Nick said to him with genuine concern. Greg nodded. "I'm fine, Nicky." He then pointed to the screen.

"Look, Jason Carbone has been arrested for illegal drug possession twice, last in January 2010. He also has an aggravated assault charge that was dropped against him in 2008." Nick looked at the results over Greg's shoulder.

"So the drug usage is probably recurring. We should ask our party hosts if they are aware of their party members being drug users. We didn't find any drug paraphernalia in the house though, so maybe this guy was the only one and tried to push it off on someone else and they got upset with it and killed him," Nick speculated.

"Drug use can be prevalent with some of the S&M scene. I know Jasper did some drugs before he met me, he had told me. I don't know what made him stop," Greg said quietly. He remained silent for a moment and Nick had a feeling he was remembering something again.

"But you said Jasper was using drugs again when he held you captive," Nick said to him, hating to remind him.

"Yeah, he was and he had forced some on me too. I wonder now if he hadn't spiked my water and that liquor he forced me to drink with some drugs, since there are some things I just don't really remember, like when Mask Guy was there." He felt his own hairs on his arms stand up just talking about it. He was fearful of what he didn't remember of those times. What more could they have made him do that he just couldn't clearly remember?

Not wanting Greg to wallow in painful memories again, Nick brought it back to their case. "Well in autopsy Doc confirmed suffocation as form of death. He had some old bruises on his back and shoulders from some heavy whipping perhaps. He did send in for toxicology results though, due to all the needle marks. Drugs could have increased him being susceptible to suffocation quicker. Plus we did find lots of used liquor bottles in the trash. Catherine called Wendy in to help with all the DNA samples we have. Between the bottles, condoms, and blood samples it'll take a while to find suspects. I have a feeling we will have lots of them."

"Yeah, there is a lot of work here to do. I guess we'll be stuck here a few more hours at least," Greg sighed as he wiped his brow again. Nick came around to stand in front of Greg. He noticed he looked pale and yet was sweating.

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" He asked him in concern. Greg was about to lie to Nick but decided he would read through his lie anyway. "No, not really. Is it hot in here? My throat has been bothering me too," he said as he rubbed at his throat again.

"No I don't think it is hot in here. Let me feel your forehead," Nick said as he placed his hand on Greg's forehead like a parent would check a child. He frowned in concern. "You are warm. Perhaps you are getting sick from that other night we got stuck in the rain. Why don't you take something for the fever and see if it goes down. If not then you need to go home and get some rest."

"I'll take some Tylenol and stay here in the lab. If it doesn't go down in a few hours I'll let you know. We have too much work to get through here first to just go home. I'll get started on some more of these samples until Wendy gets here," Greg told him.

"If you get to feeling worse, let me know," Nick told him. Greg looked up at him and gave a small smile. "I will, I promise. Let's get cracking on this case. I'm hoping we don't have to visit that creepy place again to get more evidence."

"Ditto. I'll be in the trace lab working on some things if you need me."

Greg waited for Nick to leave before going to the locker room and grabbing a bottle of Tylenol out of his locker. He also grabbed another Xanax to take. It had been a few hours since he last took one and he felt he was due. He grabbed a soda on the way back to the lab to take down his pills with. Then he got ready to start on the all the condoms they had found. Maybe a killer was among them.

A couple hours later Wendy was working with Greg in the DNA lab getting results from the condoms. So far most matched people that had admitted to being in that room during the party.

"Hey I think I found someone not on your list," Wendy called out to Greg. Greg came over and looked down at what she had found. He looked at the print out.

"No hits in CODIS or matches to our party goers. I have a feeling this DNA belongs to our killer. Only problem is who is it and where did they disappear to so fast?" Greg wondered.

"I'll go through the rest of the stuff here and see if anything else matches to this one sample. You look a bit pale. Nick said you were running a fever. Perhaps you should go home." Greg looked over at Wendy and only saw concern in her eyes. He sighed heavily. He was still feeling rotten, he hated to admit.

"I suppose I should. I've already been here at work 14 hours. I'll go find Nick. Thanks Wendy for coming in. You're the best," he told her with a smile.

"Anything for the former DNA king," she smirked. He grinned. "And don't you forget it," he laughed before he walked out of her lab. She was glad to see him smiling again. When he had originally returned he had been so solemn and everyone tried to act like things were normal but they knew it wasn't for him. But lately she had seen a lot of the old Greg back. When she heard about this current case it upset her though to know he had to get thrown back into that world so soon. It wasn't fair. She hoped he was strong enough to pull through it.

He walked slowly into the lab and stared fondly at the man he loved leaning over the table studying the computer analysis. He still wondered what he did to deserve him for sticking with him through all his hell. He cleared his throat to get the older man's attention. Nick turned his head around and saw him. He stood up straight and frowned as he approached Greg.

"You don't look good, G. I think you should go home," he said to him. "I was coming to tell you I need a ride. I'm still feeling hot. I think I want to go home, take a cool shower and go to bed," Greg responded to him.

"Okay, give me five minutes to let Catherine know that we are heading home. We've put in 14 hours already. I'll head home with you for a few hours and catch some sleep too. I'll meet you in the locker room, okay?"

"Sure, see you there soon," Greg said to him.

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At home Greg did just as he said and went straight to bed after he showered and took a couple more Tylenol. Nick watched him as he slept. He was concerned about him. His body and health took a beating in those four months that he had been gone and since he had been back his energy level was not what it used to be. He had gained most of his weight, but he could swear that in the last month he was starting to lose weight again. He wondered if there was more going on with him that he was not telling him.

Nick still wished with all his heart that Greg had never gone through what he did. It changed him so much and it hurt Nick to see those changes. There was a lot of the man that he fallen in love with still there but there was always an underlying sadness that he could see but wouldn't let Greg know that he could. Greg already had so many doubts about himself and he didn't want to add to that.

He settled down in bed and wrapped his one arm over Greg gently to not wake him. "I would give everything to take away your sadness, your pain because I love you so much," he whispered before he shut his own eyes and went to sleep.

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A few hours passed before Greg opened his eyes. He felt Nick's arm wrapped around him and snuggled closer into it. He still felt a bit sick and wished he felt better. He wanted to work on the case with Nick but was not sure he could go back into the lab today feeling the way he was. He just wanted to stay in bed with Nick's arms wrapped around him. He always felt comfortable and safe in his arms. He had waited so long before he let Nick hold him but once he opened that door back up he didn't close it.

"You awake?" He heard his lover whisper to him. "Yeah, sort of," he mumbled in return.

"Are you feeling any better?" He felt Nick's hand go to his forehead. He shook his head. "You still feel warm. You should see the doctor if it does not go down soon."

"I know. I'll stay home and try to set up an appointment," Greg said to him.

"I should probably get up and try to get into work early, since we are shorthanded," Nick said to him.

"I'm sorry I am not able to go in tonight. I feel guilty," Greg sighed. "No, don't. Your wellbeing is more important. I'll see what Wendy has discovered out of the remaining samples we collected. I'll keep you filled in," Nick told him before getting out of bed to get dressed for work.

Greg waited for Nick to leave before calling the doctor's office. He wanted to talk to the doctor alone without Nick getting overly worried. The more he thought about his symptoms, the more worried he got. He picked up the phone and dialed his doctor's office. "Dr. Smith, please," he asked the receptionist. He was placed on hold. Surprisingly enough his doctor was available to take his call.

"Greg, is everything okay?" his doctor asked him right away. "No, actually, I've been running a fever for a couple days and have a sore throat. I know I am due for my 6 month blood test again." He detected his own quiver in his voice.

"You're afraid when you take the HIV test this time you might come out positive, aren't you?" Dr. Smith asked him, understanding his fear.

"We never found the fourth man and never found out if Jasper had HIV, so yes, I am nervous," he admitted to his doctor. He hadn't talk to Nick about these symptoms possibly meaning he had HIV simply because he didn't want him to worry anymore. They had discussed the possibility of him contracting it since he wasn't fully aware of what the men who raped him over four months might have. He knew his last test came back negative but it still didn't rule it out completely. The six month test was the true one that if it came out negative he was pretty much in the clear. Now with the onset of these symptoms he worried more.

"You could just simply be sick, Greg. It is rare for someone to come out positive after the first tests, but since you are sick and it is about that time, can you come on down in about an hour? I have a cancelled appointment I could squeeze you in."

"Yeah I can make it in. Thanks, Dr. Smith." Greg finished the phone call and placed the phone down. He held out his hands and noticed they were shaking. He felt an oncoming panic attack. He stood up and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. He took a few swigs and set the bottle down on the counter. He took a few calming breaths to ease his nerves.

The phone rang, startling him. He walked over and saw that his mom was calling. Now was not the time to talk to her. He knew he would breakdown if she started asking too many questions but he had not talked to her in a couple weeks and knew she deserved to hear from him. She would start worrying if she didn't hear from him soon. He sighed heavily and picked up the phone.

"Hey Mom," he greeted, trying to hide the anxiety in his voice.

"Hey honey, how are you doing? I hope everything is okay with you. I haven't heard from you in awhile, I was getting worried," Mrs. Sanders said to her son.

"I'm okay. How are you and dad?" He asked, deflecting the attention off of him. His mom didn't fall for it.

"We're fine but why do I get the feeling you aren't telling me something," she commented.

Greg silently cursed. He wished she was so perceptive at times. "We caught a case yesterday that is a little rough for me. It involves a lot of sexual perversions," he said, trying to make it sound not as bad.

"I see. And how are you handling that? It can't be easy."

"I'm doing okay, Mom. Really and Nick is working with me on the case so he is there for me," he told her

"Well I am so grateful you have him. You got yourself a wonderful man there," she told him.

"I know, believe, I know. I hate to cut this short, but I have somewhere I have to be going. I promise to call you in a couple days. Send Dad my love," he said.

"I shall. Now have a good day and tell Nick we send our love. Take care, my son. I love you," she said to him.

"Love you too, Mom. Goodbye!" He was grateful when the call ended and thankful she didn't ask any more questions. He hated lying to his mother but after all he had been through he was good at keeping things to himself so not to worry others. His current health issue would have to be kept secret until he knew the truth.

He showered, got dressed and headed over to his doctor's office. Upon arrival his nerves were getting the better of him as he started hyperventilating. He sat in his car, trying to concentrate on his breathing. He kept thinking what was he going to do if he found out he had HIV. How would it affect his work and most importantly his relationship with Nick?

His hands still shook but he had managed to calm his breathing down. He got out of his car and went into the doctor's office. The receptionist recognized him and told him Dr. Smith would be out with him in a moment. He took a seat and waited, folding his hands in his lap to keep the shaking hidden.

A few minutes later a nurse came out saying they were ready for him. The nurse led him to an office and took his basic vitals. "You have a fever of 100.7º. Have you been taking anything for it?"

"I've been taking Tylenol and that is about it," he told her. "And are you still taking Xanax?" He nodded yes that he was.

"Okay, Dr. Smith will be in soon to see you. Just sit tight." Greg thought that was easy for her to say. His life could completely change with this visit.

A few minutes later Dr. Smith came in. The dark-haired, bearded man came in with a look of concern. "Hello Greg, nice to see you again. How long did you say you discovered you had this fever?"

"I really only paid attention to it yesterday but I was kind of feeling warm for a few days. Yesterday it hit me harder when I was at work. Plus my throat has been bothering me."

The doctor felt his neck for his glands. He frowned. "Your glands feel a bit swollen too. Okay what we are going to do first is draw your blood. Then we are going to give you a rapid HIV test. If that gives us a positive result we will confirm it with the blood test." He saw his patient nod his head but also saw the shaking in his hands.

"Greg, if you do test positive, it is not a death sentence these days. There are plenty of people living healthy lives these days with the drug protocol available for HIV positive patients."

Greg felt tears prick his eyelids. "I know, it's just after everything I've been through I'm not sure I am strong enough to deal with yet something else."

"Does Nick know you are testing for this? I'm surprised he's not here right now," his doctor said.

"No, he only knows I was not feeling well. I didn't mention to him what I thought might be causing it," Greg admitted.

"Well you do plan on telling him no matter what the outcome, correct?" His doctor asked him.

"Yes, I will. Sorry, Dr. Smith, but can we get on with this? My stomach is a mess of nerves right now," Greg chuckled nervously.

"Sure." The doctor took him in another room to have his blood drawn and then brought him back into the examination room. He left him alone a moment before coming back and bringing in the rapid HIV test.

"With this test, we will have results in about 20 minutes. I'll just have to take a prick of your finger," Dr. Smith told him. Greg nodded and let the doctor do what he had to.

"Okay, now I'm going to leave you in here while I get the results." He walked over to a drawer and pulled out some pamphlets about HIV. "You can look at these while you wait to see that it is not the boogie monster it used to be. I want you to read these and see that if the results are positive, you have many options and can still lead a normal life. And if the results are negative, well then you have nothing to worry about at all. I'll see you in about 20 minutes."

Greg remained silent as the doctor left him sitting in the examination room. He looked down at the pamphlets in his hands, not believing this was happening. It felt surreal. In about 20 minutes he would know if his life would be changed forever or not.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick had arrived at the lab to find Wendy just finishing up their evidence. "Hey Wendy, how's it going? Any results that I should know about immediately?"

She handed Nick a folder. "All your results are in here. I did find a match to our victim from a condom, which had been found in that room that he was found in, so he definitely had sex with someone at that party that night."

Nick took the folder and opened it up and started flipping through the results. "So someone was in that house at one time but left before we got there to get DNA samples to pin them to the crime. So it looks like we will have to question people again to see if there was someone else there who left the party early. I really didn't want to go back to that creepy house," he frowned.

"Creepy how?" Wendy asked him.

"Creepy in the S&M stuff they had their and creepy that it reminded Greg of what happened to him," he said thoughtfully.

"Speaking of Greg, how's he feeling?"

"He was going to the doctor today to see if he has the flu or something. He said he will call me when he knows what's going on with him. I told him not to worry about work right now. I'd catch him up on the case once he was better," Nick told Wendy.

"Good, I was worried about him. He's been through so much, I hate to see him suffer any more," Wendy said.

"Believe me, I know what you mean. I still worry about him daily but I'll never let him know that. Anyway, thanks for the results and good work, Wendy. I need to talk to Catherine about this," Nick said before he left Wendy in her lab.

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Dr. Smith came into the examination room where Greg sat waiting. Greg looked up when he walked in and immediately noticed the serious look on his face. Greg looked down at the ground and felt like his life was about to be pulled apart again.

The doctor sat across from Greg, hating this part of his job, hating to be delivering the bad news. "Greg, the test came back positive. Your blood test will be back in a week and will confirm it more than likely."

Greg closed his eyes and put his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands. He felt nauseous as what the doctor told him sunk in.

"I want to start you immediately on a drug protocol that has worked for many others with HIV. There is no reason to believe that you can't still live a long life if you keep up with your medications and vitamins and live a healthy lifestyle. If you want, I can put you in touch with a counselor who specializes with people who have HIV. I believe Dr. Warren would recommend that for you. I know with all that you have suffered through in the last year this news is not easy to take but you've made such progress, you can't let this destroy you."

Greg just nodded a little but didn't lift his head. He still couldn't grasp how this would change his life, how people would look at him now.

"You and Nick have had protected sex since you've been back, correct?"

"Yes," he said softly in response, still holding his head.

"You can still have a sex life, just being more aware and keeping with the protected sex. You'll also need to advise your boss at work, seeing as the work you do can be dangerous at times and I know people have been injured," Dr. Smith continued to advise him.

Greg finally lifted his head. It was evident he had been crying. "I…I don't know if I can handle this."

Dr. Smith reached out his hand and touched Greg's. "You should call Nick to pick you up. You're too emotional to drive home."

Greg shook his head. "No, he's at work. I can't just spring this on him like that. I'll be okay driving home. I'll tell him once he gets home from work." Greg wiped at his eyes and sat up straighter. He had read the pamphlets and seen testimonials of how many people were living normal lives with HIV positive status. He had been through hell and back. So he took another side trip back to hell but he could get out of it again. He had to for his friends, family and for Nick.

"So what about this drug protocol that I will have to start doing?" He asked his doctor. Dr. Smith smiled at him.

"Well first we need to lower that fever you have, so I'm going to give you prescription strength Tylenol. Then I have a list of medications to start you on. Of course with any medications, side effects are possible." The doctor started going over with Greg the medications he would be starting him with and everything he would need to know about living with HIV.

Greg felt exhausted by the time he left the doctor's office. He walked out with information and prescriptions he needed to get filled at his Walgreens. He just couldn't wait to get home and try to figure out how he was going to tell everyone the news.

He found it hard to think about anything else but his new health status as he drove home. As he went in to the drug store to pick up his medication, he wondered if the pharmacist looked at him differently now, seeing as he had to know the medications he was getting filled meant he had HIV. He held his head low as he picked them up.

"Do you have any questions about these medications?" The pharmacist asked him.

"I am good. Thanks," he said quickly. Dr. Smith had already filled him in on everything he would be taking and the possible side effects. He just wanted to get home with no people looking at him. He got back in his car and rubbed his hands over his face. He knew he was being ridiculous; people could not look at him and tell he was HIV positive. He wondered if Nick would look at him differently though once he found out. He had put Nick through so much already; it was not fair to expect him to stick around after this news.

He walked into the home he shared with Nick and placed his keys on the ring by the door. He set down the bag of pill bottles on the kitchen counter. He opened up the bag and started pulling the bottles out. He lined them up and studied them. Five different pills in addition to his Xanax and the prescription Tylenol sat in front of him. This was going to be his life now, all these pills in addition to the vitamins he took regularly. He pulled out a pill organizer his doctor gave to him to use since he needed to be sure not to miss any dosages. He sighed heavily before opening the bottles and placing pills into the organizer. He set aside his first dosage and finished filling the organizer. He set the bottles aside and put the pill organizer next to the sink.

He stared at the pills he set aside that would be his first dosage. He looked at the different shapes and sizes of the pills and suddenly wondered what kind of poisons he was going to be putting in his body. But then he thought about how his body was now already subjected to diseases and if he didn't take these pills he would get worse and develop full blown AIDS and die sooner rather than later. He shook his head wondering how things had changed so dramatically in the last two hours. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and picked up the pills with his other hand. He stared at them one more time before popping them into his mouth and swallowing them down with water.

He took the bottle with him as he walked into the living room. He sat down on the sofa and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. His mind was still trying to process what this meant for the rest of his life. His eye caught a picture of him and Nick that sat on a shelf above the television. He went back to how he was going to tell Nick. He hated that he even had to tell him anything. Maybe he would be better off just leaving him, leaving Las Vegas.

He suddenly threw the bottle of water at the picture, knocking it down. "Fuck it!" He yelled and then started picking things off the coffee table in front of him and throwing them. A candle holder busted against the TV cabinet. He jumped up and screamed at the top of his lungs in anger and frustration. He stomped out of the living room and into the bedroom and started tearing the blankets and sheets off the bed in sheer resentment about the situation he was in. Once everything was off the bed, he threw himself face down onto the mattress, finally giving way to tears. "Why?" he cried out into his arms that were cradling his head. "Why me?" he sobbed softly.

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Nick had filled in Catherine on the findings in their case. He mentioned to her that they would need to talk to the Jamison's again and some of the house guests that evening their victim was found dead. Since Nick had already pulled extra hours, she allowed him to go home a bit early. She sent him her wishes for Greg to feel better.

Nick figured Greg might be sleeping when he came home, so he didn't bother calling prior. After he closed the door to the house and walked in, he saw the mess that was the living room. He became alarmed immediately, seeing as the room looked partially trashed. "Greg, are you here? Are you okay?" he yelled out. When he got no response, he became more worried and went to look into the bedrooms.

He came across the guest bedroom first and saw it looked normal. Then as he approached their main bedroom he could see the sheets and blanket strewn about the floor. He walked in and saw Greg lying on his back, on the stripped bed. He looked unharmed but he was not sure. "Greg? What's going on? Are you okay?" He asked cautiously as he approached the younger man. Upon seeing him closer he could see he had been crying. Something had happened.

"I'll never be okay again," he said cryptically. He stared up at the ceiling, with his arms spread out over the bed.

Nick came up and sat down softly on the edge of the bed by his partner. "Greg, did you make this mess? What happened? Did you see the doctor?"

"Life is cruel, Nick, so cruel," he said in a strangely calm voice.

Nick was really starting to worry about him and what he could mean. "Babe, you're scaring me. What's going on?" He went to put his hand on his leg when Greg suddenly turned onto his side, yelling, "Don't touch me!"

"Greg, talk to me, please! What's wrong?" Nick pleaded now; truly scared for the man he loved.

He spoke with his back towards Nick. He didn't want to see his face when he told him. He couldn't bear to see the horror on his face. "I went to Dr. Smith today. I told him my symptoms. I had already suspected but I couldn't tell you because I couldn't believe that it might be true. He reminded me I was due for my six month HIV test. He drew my blood for the normal test but wanted to do a rapid test to keep me from waiting. I am HIV positive, Nick. You should get tested too."

Nick felt like he had just been kicked in the stomach and the air sucked out of him. He looked at the back of his lover and then at the sheets on the floor and understood the destructive nature suddenly.

"You're HIV positive? Is he sure?" he had to ask, not believing what was just told to him.

"He said that the regular blood test will be back in a week and will most likely confirm it. He said the rapid tests are pretty accurate. He already has me starting on a drug protocol," Greg told him calmly.

Nick couldn't understand how he could be so calm, but then he realized he had already had his anger fit and possibly other emotional outbursts while he was alone. "Why didn't you call me right away? Why didn't you tell me your suspicions? I thought we agreed to tell each other everything now."

"I'm telling you now, aren't I? You will need to be tested. The doctor believes that since we have been practicing safe sex you should be okay," he told him as if it were nothing important.

Nick needed to see Greg's face, needed to look him in the eyes to see how he was really doing. "Babe, turn around and look at me. You need to talk to me face to face about this." He saw him shake his head.

"If …if I look at you and see your face, I'll start crying again and I don't want to cry anymore. I'm so tired of crying," his calm voice finally breaking some.

Nick already had tears flowing down his cheeks. Greg was right; life was cruel, exceptionally cruel to him. Nick got up and walked around to the other side of the bed. "Don't turn away from me, Greg," he said to him as he saw the attempt by his lover to do just that. Greg instead buried his face in a pillow as Nick came into view. Nick knelt down on the floor to be level with Greg on the bed.

"Greg, look at me. You can't avoid looking at me forever," Nick said gently to him as he wiped at his own tears. Greg turned his head and looked at him. He was trying to hold in the tears that threatened again but was unsuccessful. Nick reached out to him to wipe a tear that slid down his face.

"Baby, we'll get through this like we've gotten through everything else. You know they have advanced these days in the treatment of HIV and your chances of a long life are better," Nick said to him.

Greg lifted his head and looked at him incredulously. "Do you even hear yourself? I now have an official death sentence on my life! It's only a matter of time before I get full blown AIDS and die this horrible death."

Nick was not going to have him talking like this. He stood up and grabbed Greg's arms and pulled him up into a sitting position, with little protest. "Five months ago you were not even sure you were going to ever escape that basement you were being held in, but you got out. Five months ago I found you bloodied and beaten and bruised beyond words and you survived. You aren't going to sit here now and mope about having HIV, something that thousands of people live with every day of their lives. You aren't going to say you are dying, because you aren't. You're going to take whatever the doctor tells you to take and you're going to live a long life with me, you got that?" Nick yelled at him.

Greg pulled out of Nick's grasp that he had on his arms and swung his legs over to the other side of the bed. He stood up and then turned to glare at Nick. "Fuck you, Stokes." He then walked out of the room, kicking the sheets out of his pathway as he left.

Nick shook his head in amusement. He knew when Greg cursed him out and especially when he used his last name he had gotten through to him but he just didn't want to admit it. He decided to give him a minute or two to cool down before approaching him again.

When he walked out into the living room he saw Greg holding the photo that he had knocked down of the two of them.

"I broke the glass in the frame. I'll have to have it replaced." He turned his head and looked solemnly at Nick. "I'm sorry I'm acting like such an ass. I just really thought that after my last blood test I was in the clear. The doctor said it is rare for it to show up so much later after exposure. He asked me if I knew who it was. I said I was not sure. We never checked if Jasper had it. We know Rex and Chris didn't. But there was the guy who had his whole head covered in black leather…maybe he was the carrier."

"Take a seat, Greg. You still have your fever, don't you?" He nodded and took a seat on the sofa. Nick sat next to him.

"What if I infected you too? God, Nick I'm so sorry." He suddenly buried his head in his hands again. Nick couldn't admit to Greg that he wondered that too. Right now Greg needed his support and if it came to it that he too was infected, they would deal with it together.

"G, I'm sure I'm okay. We've had protected sex ever since you've been back. I'll go and be tested though to be safe." He rubbed Greg's back as he spoke to him.

"What am I going to tell them at work? I need to inform them. They're all going to know. No one will want to work with me ever again," he sniffled.

Nick took Greg's hands away from his face. "Stop this. Stop all these assumptions. People at work love you and know that you didn't ask for this to happen. There will naturally have to be some more precautions but that is to be expected. And if anyone does treat you badly, I will be in their faces in no time flat. I won't let anyone treat you poorly. I love you and I will be here for you through all of this."

Greg lifted his tired eyes to Nick's loving ones. "I'm so tired of all this. Why does this keep happening to me? What did I do to deserve all this?"

Nick felt his heartbreaking again for his love. He pulled him into an embrace, which Greg didn't object to. "I don't know, baby, I don't know. I wish I did. But your strong, you'll pull through this. Thousands of others live with HIV every day, so can you. Just hang in there."

"I know, I know. I'll try my best. I've already taken my first official dose," he sniffled into Nick's chest. He pulled away a little. "I'm so tired Nick."

"You need some rest and so do I. Just stay here. I'll remake the bed." He was about to see Greg protest, but he shook his head. "No, let me. You can clean up in here later after we get some sleep. And then you can tell me more about this drug protocol you have started. I want to know all about it but sleep first, okay?" Greg nodded in agreement.

"Okay, stay put until I call you into the bedroom after I have made the bed." He stood up and looked down at Greg lovingly. "I love you no matter what, just remember."

"I do."

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><p><em>AN-Sorry this story is taking me longer than I expected. I know some of you are probably upset I had Greg end up having HIV, but I figured he would more likely end up with it after what he had gone through since one of his rapists did have it. You just have to keep reading to see where this all leads I guess. :) Reviews are always welcome and very much considered. Thanks for reading! _


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N-Sorry so long again...working long hours doesn't give me much writing time lately.**

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><p>He slowly opened his eyes and saw the sleeping man next to him. He looked at him and wondered what he was going to do to help pull him through this newest horror. He looked perfectly healthy but now he knew there was this disease in him that would eventually take his life. Granted he'll probably have many healthy years to live before anything comes to be, but now he would always be cautious if he got sick or cut himself or something. Of course, Nick himself would be just as worried about the same things.<p>

He turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. What if he also contracted HIV, it scared him. Thinking about it more he came to realize how Greg had to be feeling. He turned his head and looked at him again. He was still sleeping. He was glad, he needed his rest. He needed to get better. Now he was even more worried about that fever and sore throat he had been dealing with. He knew that Greg had only just got over one hurdle. Now he had another one.

"Hmmm, Nick?" a groggy voice came from the man next to him. Nick smiled at him as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm here. Are you feeling better?" Nick asked him as he reached his hand out to feel Greg's forehead.

"Sort of, my throat is not bothering me as much," he said as he let Nick feel if he was still warm.

"You don't feel warm today, that's good. Still probably want to take your temperature to make sure it is about normal. I'm not letting you go back to work until you are back 100%," Nick told him.

Greg frowned. "Nick, this cannot stop me from working. If you start treating me like I am fragile again I'm going to feel like it and I'm going to ask myself what's the purpose of even trying to act normal if you're not going to treat me normal. You have to let me do what I feel I can do. I am feeling better and we have that case to solve. You need to fill me in on the findings from yesterday when I was not there," he told Nick firmly.

Nick was feeling worried but he knew Greg was right and he had to let him live his life how he felt. He should be happy that Greg wanted to move ahead with his life already and not dwell on his HIV positive status. "Okay, you are right. If you want to work, I won't hold you back. Now how about I tell you about the case over dinner? By the looks of it we slept in longer than I thought we had. I'll jump in the shower first and then make something for us while you shower."

"Okay, sure. I have to check on some things online anyway, so I'll do that while you shower," Greg told him.

"Cool." Nick got up and headed for the bathroom. Greg waited until he closed the bathroom door and heard the shower start up before he sighed heavily. His fever might have been down but now his stomach was a bit nauseous. His doctor warned him that could be a side effect. He hoped he didn't start feeling worse after he ate something.

He got up and went into the living room and forgot about the mess he had made. He cleaned up the broken glass from the candle holder and picked up the rest of the mess. Then he sat down and picked up his laptop. He opened it up and got onto the internet. He wanted to look up more information about the medications he was taking and possible feedback from others who were taking the drug protocol he was on. Along the way he found a couple stories of people who've been living with HIV for over 15 to 20 years. It helped him feel better that maybe he did have a chance still to live a longer life.

"Hey, what are you looking at?" Nick came out, rubbing a towel over his hair, wearing just his boxer briefs. Usually Greg would have drooled over him looking like that but he didn't even look up.

"Just reading some stuff about others with HIV and how they've been doing the drug protocol for many years with no complications. Makes me really think there's a chance for me too, you know," he said quietly as he looked at the computer screen.

Nick laid the towel over the back of a chair and walked over to Greg. He pushed down his laptop screen, forcing Greg to look at him. "You're going to live a long and healthy life with me, so you need to stop worrying about it."

"I'm worried about you too. You promise me you'll get tested as soon as you can. If I infected you, I…" he looked away and shook his head. He couldn't even think about that possibility. Nick had to be HIV negative and if he tested that way, he would make sure he wouldn't get it from him in the future.

"Greg, I am sure I am fine. We've had protected sex and been very careful anyway since you've returned. But I will get tested, I promise. Now take your shower and I'll make breakfast, so we can talk about the case," Nick told him.

"Okay," he sighed unhappily. He got up from the sofa and walked off towards the living room. He turned around halfway to the bedroom. "You better make some coffee for me too. I didn't start it."

Nick smirked. "Of course, I would never forget your coffee." Greg gave him a weak smile and walked off into the bedroom. Nick frowned after he was out of sight. He just found out Greg had HIV and now he had to worry about the possibility of him having it. He lied when he said he was not worried about having it. He was. Sure they had safe sex but condoms can break.

He moved into the kitchen and suddenly noticed the pill bottles on the counter, six new ones and the pill organizer. He picked up one of the bottles, Retrovir and started reading the side effects. Constipation; headache; loss of appetite; nausea; tiredness; vomiting; weakness were all possibilities. He picked up a couple others and saw similar side effects. He hated reading about side effects but he supposed the medication would be better for the long run in Greg's health. He placed the bottles back down and decided he better start with breakfast before Greg finished his shower so he could tell him the new findings with the case.

As he put the eggs and bacon on a plate, he noticed the living room had been cleaned up. He guessed Greg had done it while he had been in the shower. He wondered if he would have been even more destructive if he had found out the news Greg had. It was rare for Greg to react with destructiveness. But then he remembered Greg had been inflicting harm upon himself with the cutting shortly after he was back and out of the hospital. He guessed the destruction of the room was a lot better than him harming himself.

"Hey, is that plate for me?" Nick was startled out of his thoughts by Greg's voice. He turned around and saw Greg already dressed in jeans and a brown stripped long sleeved shirt. His hair was still damp and sticking up all over. He looked adorable to Nick.

"Yes, come and sit down. Do you want juice with your coffee?" Nick asked him.

Greg smiled. He enjoyed Nick catering to him. He guessed there were certain benefits to having so many issues. "Yes, that would be great. I just hope this slight nausea I feel doesn't mess up this good looking breakfast."

Nick looked at him in worry. "You're nauseous?"

"Yeah, a side effect of some of the meds. I'm hoping it passes after I get some food in my stomach."

"Well let me know if you start feeling sick," Nick said to him. He put bacon and scrambled eggs on his own plate and sat down at the table across from Greg. "So you want to be caught up on the Jason Carbone case?"

"Yeah tell me what I missed yesterday," he said before chewing on a piece of bacon.

"Well we are going to have to question some of those people again. It looks like there was someone in that house other than Jason Carbone who everyone is covering or they snuck in and out unseen. I am thinking the first. I think the Jamison's are covering for someone, who is the question. Brass is going to have them come in again for questioning."

"Wendy was almost finished processing the DNA. There was a couple that we got no matches on, so I am assuming one of them could be our guy. And the condom with his seamen seemed to mixed with another man's, so he had sex with another man," Nick told him.

"Well that doesn't surprise me too much. It looked like there were straight and same sex couples there taking part, not too unusual for the Vegas scene that I remember," Greg shrugged. He pondered a moment, thinking of all the sex that had happened in that house.

"I wonder how many of them actually think about how risky it is trading sex partners like that, even if they practice safe sex, condoms break." He looked up at Nick with sad eyes. "Can you make that doctor appointment to get tested? I'd feel much better knowing I have not infected you too."

Nick's looked solemnly at him. He hoped talking about the case would help him forget his bigger problem but somehow he brought it back to that. "I'll give the doctor's office a call now, okay?"

"Okay. It would make me feel better just knowing," Greg said to him. He was picking at his eggs but not really eating them. Nick noticed it.

"Is your stomach still queasy?" Nick asked.

"A bit, I really want to eat but I'm afraid of throwing it all up."

"Well try anyway, if you throw it up, you throw it up," Nick said to him. Greg frowned but decided to go with it.

After Nick finished his food he got up and called to set up an HIV test for himself. He was scheduled to drop by straight after work, in the morning. It made Greg feel better to know he was going to be tested soon.

On the drive into work Greg was thinking about how he was going to inform Catherine of his medical status. "Do you think I should wait until I get back the actual final blood test? I mean maybe somehow the quick test was wrong," Greg suggested to Nick.

"It's up to you, Greg. The doctor seemed to think it would come back the same but if you really want to be sure before telling Catherine, it is up to you," Nick said as they stopped at a traffic light.

Greg rubbed his hands over his face and then clasped them in between his legs. "I guess I am just not ready to let everyone know this when I am not even sure I have grasped it yet. I mean it all seems surreal. The last ten months of my life have all been surreal. It's like I'm living this nightmare that I can't wake up from."

Nick placed his hand on Greg's knee. "You're a survivor and you're not going to let his get the best of you. I'm going to stay by your side through all this no matter what. Just hang in there, G."

Greg nodded, quickly wiping away tears that had escaped. "Yeah," he said as he looked out at the Vegas night passing by the window.

The rest of the ride was silent until they pulled into the garage. "I need more time. I'm going to wait until the final test comes back. Then I will tell everyone else. Let's just keep this between us until then, okay?" Greg asked of Nick.

"Okay, but once the results are back and if they are still the same you have to tell her. You'll have to tell your parents too."

Greg sighed heavily and nodded. "I know. That's going to be the hardest thing. They are going to freak out."

"Yeah, they probably will. They'll probably want to move here and take care of you, knowing them," Nick chuckled.

"Oh please, no," Greg exclaimed. Even he had to cringe at the thought of that.

"Let's get to work," Nick said as he turned off the engine to the SUV.

Once inside the crime lab, Nick went over the case file with Greg to see the updates. Nick's phone rang and he answered it. Greg continued looking at the results for himself while Nick was on the phone.

"Brass said The Jamison men are coming in to be questioned again. He asked if we wanted to sit in on it, I said yes," Nick told him as he hung up the phone.

"You really think they are hiding something?" Greg asked him.

"Well one of them is at least if not both. They seemed way too cool about the whole death in their home thing. I think they know who the party crashers were and maybe covering for them."

"Well having been in that lifestyle for a bit of time, most of those people are pretty cool about things. And because they strike me as being people very much on the dominating side of the S&M, they are probably good at covering things. Remember how you were with the Lady Heather place and you were surprised at the type of people who do that on the side. I know you were shocked to hear I was a slave," Greg said quietly.

"Yes, I was. I guess everyone has their secrets that they like to keep, secret things they did or do they rather not let everyone know about. The Jamison's own half of the Taj Casino, plus have other interests in other Las Vegas places. Their wealth comes from the great grandfather who made it rich back in the day with mining seems to be the story. People from old wealth often think they can do no wrong," Nick told him.

"Yeah they can be that way. The son struck me as snobby more so than the father. He probably hasn't had to work a day in his life. We should ask them when they started these 'parties' and whose idea it was. I'm thinking that might get us further on who's running the show," Greg suggested.

"We can do that. Let's head down to PD so we can meet Brass and get this questioning started."

A few minutes later Greg and Nick were waiting on the interview room to talk to the father and son. Brass came up to them. "The Jamison's just arrived. We're going to take them separately. Vartann is in Interview A with the father and I will be in B with the son. Who's wants to come with me?"

"I want to talk to the son. Greg, are you okay with the father?" Nick asked him.

"Yes, we'll have to see afterward if their stories match or not," Greg said.

Greg joined Vartann in the room with Mr. John Jamison. The man wore a dark blue suit and a light blue shirt under that reflected his blue eyes. He was a man in his early 60's but looked younger.

"Mr. Jamison; Detective Vartann and CSI Sanders here. We need to ask some more questions about your event on Friday night. You and your son claim you didn't see anyone you didn't know at this party. Now is it possible someone could have got in another way and you were not aware? Or maybe your housekeeper let someone in that you were not aware of," Vartann started off asking the elder man.

"Well I suppose it could have been possible for someone to come in our back entrance without one of us noticing. We do have security cameras on all of the entrances. I believe we just provided them to your people. Brad spoke with Rosa and she said she was had not let anyone in. Now she usually would advise us if someone was trying to come in through her private entrance. She is very trustworthy."

"Do you know a man by the name of Jason Carbone?" Greg asked him of their victim.

"Never heard the name before. Is he a person of interest?" Mr. Jamison asked.

"He is the dead body found in your house. It seems he at one time worked for Buckets Bar. I hear you own some interests into that location," Vartann said as he read from a file.

Mr. Jamison looked surprised. "He worked at Buckets? Well Brad might know him then since he is often went to the bar to have drinks. When did he work there?"

"According to his work record, he started in May 2009 and worked there until January 2010," Vartann informed him.

"I know Brad was out of the country from September 2009 to November 2009, assisting in purchasing a resort in Dubai, but I suppose he could have met him at some point. He didn't remember his face though and my son is usually very good with remembering faces. You would be better off asking him those questions, I'm afraid."

Greg got the impression that Mr. Jamison was truthful so far, so he decided it was time to ask his questions.

"Mr. Jamison, may I ask you how did you first get involved in the world of fetish and slavery?"

He cleared his throat a little before speaking. "I guess I have to admit I always had a thing for sexual fetishes since I was a young man, in my twenties. At one time I happened upon one of the secret underground fetish clubs in New York City and became fascinated with that world and enjoyed the activities. I will admit I was a rich playboy in my day and often looked for new exciting things to do. Most of the time I took part in performing certain sexual acts with ladies and enjoyed occasionally being dominated by a sexy vixen. I raised Brad to be open in his views and it was his idea to have the first party at our house. He was similar to me in being a rich playboy but I think he delved deeper into the world than I had. He was the one who brought up the interest in bringing some people he had met at a few of the Vegas underground sex clubs to our house. He seemed to find the sex slave idea fascinating and decided to mix the two into our parties, being the regular fetish people and the ones who liked ownership."

"After our first party was such a success, we decided to convert a few of our rooms to just those with equipment in them. A few more successful parties over the course of a year and Brad suggested we change all the upstairs unused rooms into fetish dens, as we call them. Our parties grew bigger and with that came problems. So then we started limiting who came to our parties and sending special invites to those people we only trusted to not go beyond reasonable abuse."

Greg felt a chill run down his spine as he knew what unreasonable abuse was, his body showed all the signs of it. "So, uh, when was that, that you started limiting who could come?"

Mr. Jamison looked at Greg and smiled a little. "I know all this talk about this kind of stuff can be strange to people who don't understand the thrill that one can get from it."

"Some of us might know more than you think," Vartann said quickly, saving Greg from responding. Greg glanced at him and curved his lip up a little before turning back to the older man.

"In our line of work, nothing really surprises us. So can you answer my question, when did you start limiting who came to your parties?"

"Sorry, sure I can. It was about a year ago. We had this guy come to one of our parties and he was trashed, drugged up trashed. He got together with another man in the X-Cross room and beat the hell out of him, way beyond what constitutes being dominated."

"Did you report him?" Vartann asked.

"Well the man he beat up chose not to report him. My guess was because the guy had a record and didn't want to be going to the police about anything. We know a doctor who took care of him. I know we probably should have reported it but we didn't want to ruin our reputation of tattling on anyone who misbehaved in our house. Now finding someone dead was a whole other matter. We would never cover that up. I know we walked a fine line with covering the beating but we have not had any incidents since at our house parties. Well at least until this one came along. We expect our guests to respect others as they do themselves," Mr. Jamison finished.

"It's good that you reported this murder right away. I don't agree with not reporting the beating but if the man who was attacked didn't want it I can understand. Do you still have the names of those men and are you in touch with any of them?" Vartann asked.

"I believe I have their names in a file at home. The man who was beaten is still invited but has not come back to our parties since then. As for the man who did the beating, he is on our list of do not allow in. I can get you that information once I am home."

"Well thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Jamison. If we need to talk to you further myself or Captain Brass will be in touch," Det. Vartann told him.

"I sincerely hope you find whoever killed this Jason Carbone. We don't need that person coming back to cause more mayhem," the man told him.

Vartann stayed back with Greg after Mr. Jamison left. "What's your impression of him?" he asked the CSI.

"He seems pretty honest but I have a feeling his son might be a little more tricky. Almost makes me wish I was in with Nick right now on his interview," Greg told him as Vartann nodded in agreement.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N-Hello everyone, I am so sorry it is taking me so long to update this. My life has been crazy with all different working hours and it is putting a major damper on my writing time. I do appreciate all those who are still patiently waiting for new chapters and reading. I have really enjoyed everyone's reviews. I am glad everyone likes it so far. This is a nice long chapter to make up for some of the lack of chapters lately. I do have a feeling it will be at least another couple weeks before a new chapter comes. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>Brass sat down next to Nick across from Brad Jamison. Brad was dressed in a green polo shirt and black slacks. He pushed his glasses up his nose and peered at the two men across from him. His black hair was slicked back from his handsome face. "What do you two gentlemen want to know from me? I want to find out who killed a man in our home."<p>

"Mr. Jamison, we want to find him just as much as you do. That is why we have called you here today. Can you please tell me if you ever heard of the name Jason Carbone?" Brass asked him.

"I've known many Jason's but I can't recall a Jason Carbone. Should I know him?" He asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

"He is the man who was found dead in your house. Did you ever go to Buckets Bar?" Brass asked him.

"Yeah, of course, we own a stake in the place. It's a nice place to chill out after a long day. Why?" Brad asked them.

"Jason Carbone was employed there and we thought you might know him because of that," Brass informed him.

"Oh, wait a second. Jason…I do remember a Jason who worked at Buckets for a while. I don't think he was there that long. He was one of the bartenders. Most of the time when I went I chatted with my friend Mick, who was also a bartender there. But wait a minute, you're saying this guy who was killed in our house is this same Jason that worked at Buckets? I thought he had left town last year. He didn't look familiar when I saw his body," Brad told them.

"That might be because he used to be a bleached blonde. He has a small record and last time he was booked was in 2009." Brass pulled out Jason Carbone's old mug shot. "Was this the Jason you remember?"

Brad looked at the photo and frowned. "Yeah, damn so he was the guy killed in our house? I haven't seen him since he quit Buckets."

"Do you know why he quit?" Nick asked him.

"He said he was moving back home to Nebraska, I believe. He didn't care for Vegas like he thought he would," Brad shrugged.

"Did he seem to have any enemies back then? Was he into the BDSM scene?" Nick asked the younger Jamison.

"Not that I know of, enemies wise. I think he did go to the Fetish Ball in 2009. I remember Mick telling me that the newer bartender was into the same scene I was in. I told Mick that I didn't get employees involved in our private parties, so I would not be asking Jason about it."

"Speaking of the private parties, when was the last one you had? Any strangers bust that one?" Brass asked him.

"We had one two months ago, usually every two months or less. And no, no party crashers that I can remember. Again we keep it to invited people only and those that they bring with them and even those people we usually want to make sure are okay too. Since it is in our house and accidents can happen, we want to make sure we know who is there and they know that we are keeping a watchful eye on who is allowed to come. We had an incident once that caused us to crack down on who came. We don't want any problems with our invited guests complaining and possibly suing us, in this sue happy world," Brad told them with a smirk.

"So do you have the list of who came to your last party that maybe we can see? Maybe someone from that one who was not at this one mentioned it to Jason and he snuck in," Nick suggested.

"Pretty much the same people come every time. I don't know of any newbies from this party from our last one but I can get the list if you want. Anything to help the investigation of this tragic death in our house," Brad said, pouring on the concern.

Nick frowned. "I would suggest not having any more parties until we solve this murder."

"Oh most certainly, I don't think anyone would come until we were able to clear the air as to who the killer was. I guess until then the underground clubs will have to do for our regulars," he sighed dramatically.

"Well thank you for your cooperation. We will be in touch if we have any more questions for you," Brass told him.

"Wait, I have one more question for you. Do you preach to your party attendees to practice safe sex?" Nick asked him.

"Yes, we do. We don't want others possibly passing along any diseases they might have, but of course we can't really enforce it. It is up to the two people or more who are having the sex if they want to be careful of not," Brad said to him.

"Do you ask anyone to disclose if they do have a STD?"

"That would be a bit too personal, Mr. Stokes. We have to trust each other to practice safe sex if they do have something. We don't want to offend our guests by asking them to disclose such personal

Information, as I am sure you wouldn't want everyone to know if you had an STD or not," he smirked.

"No I guess not. Thanks for your time, Mr. Jamison." Nick stood up with Brass as they watched the polished playboy walk out of the room.

"Let's get with Greg and Vartann and compare notes," Nick said once Brad Jamison was gone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So Brad admitted to knowing him briefly once he saw his old picture," Nick told Greg and Vartann after they had filled him and Brass in on what the elder Mr. Jamison told them.

"He did, well I guess I lost that bet. I thought he might deny knowing him," Lou Vartann said. "The son seemed shadier to me than the father. The father seemed pretty straight on."

"Yeah I know. The son still rubs me the wrong way but maybe it is just because he is so cool and collected about someone dying in his house," Nick said to them. Greg nodded in agreement. He was glad he didn't have to interview him. Someone so involved in that sexual ownership world reminded him too much of his past.

"Looks like we have to find out where this guy has been working in the last year and if he did move back to Nebraska as Brad said," Brass said.

"Yeah I guess," Nick said. "In the meantime, Archie should have gone through some of that video footage now, so Greg and I will head over to his lab and see if there are any new leads from the video. We'll let you know what we find."

As Nick walked with Greg to the A/V lab, he looked at him to make sure he seemed to feel okay. "How are you feeling now?"

Greg looked over at him. "I'm okay. Stomach still a little nauseous but nothing bad enough to make me want to get sick, so I guess I am doing well enough," he shrugged.

"Hey guys, I was just about to call you. I found something interesting you might want to see," Archie said as the two CSI's entered his lab. Archie was sitting in front of his computer, pointing towards the larger screen on the wall.

"What do you have Arch?" Nick asked him as both he and Greg settled by his sides.

"I got your security footage from the Jamison house. I found someone interestingly suspicious seemingly unlocking the back door. Look." Archie started playing the video feed. It was the video to the back entrance of the house. The entrance was from the pool area. Someone dressed all in black, head to toe came to the door from the inside and unlocked the door and opened it for someone else.

"Can you zoom in on them, Archie?" Nick asked him. Archie did as told and upon zooming they could see the person entering the house was Jason Carbone. The person who had opened the door wore gloves and when they turned around, Greg made a gasp and stepped back a foot.

Nick saw what he saw and quickly turned to Greg, who had turned white suddenly. "Hey Archie, can you give us a moment please?" Archie turned around and saw Greg's fearful expression and decided to go step out for a moment. He knew something had to be bothering Greg and he had a good idea what now by what they had seen on screen.

Nick came over to where Greg stood, staring at the image on the screen and gently put his hand on his shoulder. Greg flinched. "It was a fetish party, Greg. You saw many dressed like that." He looked at the screen to where Greg's eyes were staring. The person, who by build looked like a man, had turned just enough to see that he wore a black leather mask, more like a hood that only revealed his eyes and mouth and two holes for his nostrils.

"His mask was just like that, I swear. What if it's him? What if it's the same guy?" Greg said quietly, not taking his eyes off the screen freeze.

"When we walked into that party you saw others who also had those on. Just because this guy let in Jason Carbone does not mean it is the same guy, Greg," Nick said to him.

Greg slowly closed his eyes and lowered his head. He rubbed his hands over his face before looking at Nick. He looked very tired all of the sudden. "I know it could be some other guy, but…" he looked back the screen. "I just have a familiar feeling about that guy. I wish the picture was clearer. I am sure if I saw him up close I would know it was him. What is this guy doing letting Jason Carbone in?"

"I don't know but he was wearing gloves, so he is smart. I have a feeling we are looking at our killer and our victim walked into a trap by someone he knew, I have a feeling. I think we will have to call back the Jamison's and have them take a look at this video footage. See if they recognize who this might be." Nick called Archie back into the room.

"Sorry we just needed a moment. Can you get a screen cap of this we can show to the Jamison's?" Nick asked him.

"Sure, but there is more to show you," he told them. Greg looked at Nick and frowned.

"What more is there, Archie?" Greg asked him, focusing back on the case and not himself.

"Well, these two both walk in and no one uses this door again until about 2 hours and 38 minutes later. Look," he said. He sped up the tape to get to the point he was talking about. Another figure, which looks to be another man, but a smaller build than the previous man, approached the door and exited it. Archie zoomed in. The man was dressed all in black and wore a different type of mask on his face. It covered only the upper part of his face. His mouth and chin area were exposed. He never looked at the camera.

"Did we see him enter the party through that door?" Greg asked Archie, suddenly curious about this new suspect.

"No, he didn't enter through this door. And I watched the other video footage and all I can guess is he came in another door and was not wearing the mask and the black shirt, because no one looked like him. I tried facial recognition but not enough to match with."

"So one guy lets in our victim and then mysteriously another guy exits out the back door. I guess we will have to talk to the Jamison's again. There is something fishy going on here. They have to know who these people are. They say they invite everyone. So the guy who exited the backdoor must have been someone they invited in the front but he didn't want to be caught leaving. I bet that is our killer. He left the party before anyone even found the body," Nick said to them.

"I bet you are right. So we really have to talk to the Jamison's again, huh? We should have just kept them here," Greg frowned.

"Yeah, but there are other party guests we should talk to also to see if any of them recognize either of these guys. Archie, if you can get those screen captures printed out for us as soon as possible so we can start taking those photos around and showing them to see if anyone at that shindig knows who they are," Nick said to the AV tech.

As Nick walked out of the AV lab with Greg, they were stopped by Wendy. "Hey guys, I found a condom with our victim's seamen and a female contribution also on the same condom. It belongs to a Nancy Keller. She was one of the bugle swabs you collected. So it looks like they had sex with each other." She handed Greg the print out.

"So looks like one of our party goers was lying. She had sex with the guy and didn't recognize him?" Nick said to Greg.

"Well, unless he was wearing a mask or hood like so many of the others during the act and she never saw his face," Greg suggested, knowing often people didn't like to know who they were having sex with at those types of places, as long as they were practicing safe sex and open to having sex with a stranger. "I mean it was that kind of party basically."

"I guess, still we better pay her a visit. Thanks Wendy, keep up the good work," Nick told her.

Twenty minutes later they were on their way to Nancy Keller's apartment, after filling in Catherine with their new findings.

"So you feel okay now?" Nick asked Greg again, still concerned about his nausea. "Yeah it's gone away now but in another two hours I have to take another dose, so it may come back. I'll see but so far not too bad," he said with a small smile. He was trying to stay positive and he had to admit working the case was helping his cause.

"Okay," Nick responded but didn't completely believe him since he hid his fears in the first place that he thought he might have HIV. It still worried him about taking the test himself but he knew they had been practicing safe sex and didn't seem to have any broken condoms so he prayed he was okay.

"You know, we still probably have Jasper's file and possibly a blood sample still. Perhaps we can have it tested and see if he was the one who gave it to you," Nick said suddenly.

"What's the purpose now, Nick? I got it; it's not going to make a difference now who gave it to me. What's done is done," Greg scowled. He turned away and looked out the window.

Nick sighed and guessed he was right. "Sorry I just thought maybe it would make a difference but I guess you are right." They both remained quiet for a few minutes. Nick knew deep down Greg probably wanted to know but knew it wouldn't change things. "We are almost to her place. It's just up ahead," Nick finally said, breaking the silence as he pulled into an upscale apartment complex.

He pulled the SUV into the parking lot. "Well let's go see if Nancy Keller remembers Jason Carbone now that we have her having sex with him," Nick said before he climbed out of the vehicle. Greg followed him up the stairs to the second floor where her apartment was.

Nick had knocked on the door and a few seconds later it was being opened by a small, blonde hair beauty dressed in blue jeans and a red revealing tank top. "Yes, can I help you, officers?" She asked seeing their emblems on their jackets.

"Are you Nancy Keller? We are from the Las Vegas Crime Lab," Nick said to her.

"I am. Are you here about that tragic death at the Jamison's the other night?" She asked them.

"Yes, we are. We have some new developments and wondered if we could ask you some questions," Greg followed up with her.

"Okay, would you like to come in?" She asked them as she opened the door further for them to enter.

"Thank you, ma'am," Nick said with his slight drawl. He looked around her apartment and noted nothing gave her away that she was into the BDSM scene. It was simply decorated in beige tones. She sat down on a recliner chair and offered the sofa to the two CSI's.

"What do you need to ask me? I didn't recognize the man who was killed," she said in a soft voice.

"Uh, this might seem like a personal question, but how many men did you have sex with that evening?" Nick asked, trying not to blush.

A smirk curved on her lips. "Well that is a personal question but I don't mind answering it for two such delicious looking men," she commented with a wink towards Nick.

Nick felt his face redden even more. He glanced at Greg who had lowered his head a bit. He suddenly realized Greg was hiding his own smirk. Nick cleared his throat and looked back at Nancy Keller. "Well if you could please give an answer to the question then."

"Well I just have to add that I am not only into men, but that night I admit I had sex with three men and two women, although three of them were all at once…two guys and another girl," she smiled teasingly.

The talk of multiple sex partners was a bit disconcerting to Greg and he wanted answers. "Miss Keller, we found a condom that matched you and our victim being together that night. Now if we show you his photo again, can you look closer and see if you recognize him?" He noticed her eyes widened in alarm when he mentioned she had had sex with him.

"Seriously? I was with him? Well maybe he was one of the guys who had a mask or some call a hood, over his face. Let me see his photo again," she asked, suddenly more serious.

Greg pulled out the photo from his jacket and showed her. She took it from him and studied it. "You know, his lips, they look kind of like the guy who wore this partial hood. It only covered down to his nose tip and it covered his head all the way in the back."

Greg pulled out the screen capture of the man they had leaving the house wearing a similar black hood. "Did it look like this one?"

She looked at the photo. "Well it's not the clearest but I would say it is about the same. Is this him too?" She asked about the man.

"No, we don't think so. Do you know if you saw a lot of men wearing this type of black mask that night?" Nick asked her.

"Not really. I mean this particular type no. A couple men wear the full slave hood, which only has eyes, nose and mouth openings. And then some just cover their eyes. This partial one I only saw on Crow."

"Crow?" Greg questioned.

She looked at him. "Yeah, at these things we never give our real names. We all make up some names. Some like to call themselves after animals. The man I had sex with that wore that mask called himself Crow." She suddenly looked between the two of them, scared. "I didn't kill him. I swear."

"Tell us how you met up with him," Nick continued.

"Well I was in the X-Cross room and had just finished being on it and turned around and saw we had an audience. Crow had been watching us…um, us being Maverick, Hunter, and Jules during our little act," she explained to them, blushing now. "Anyway, he came over to me and whispered that he thought I was sexy and wanted to fuck me. He was pretty hot in his leather and the mask made him mysterious, which I like, so I went with him into the next room, where we had a bed. Things got hot and heavy fast and he fucked me. He liked talking dirty, which I thought was sort of funny, but glad he wasn't into spanking or anything since I was still sore from being whipped on the X-cross. He finished up and rolled onto his back. I said thanks for the great fuck and was on my way to find more fun. I left him alone in the room. I didn't see him after that. He was alive when I left him, I swear," she said again, worry creasing between her brows.

"We don't think that you did, but you have given us more information than we had before. These other three you were with before in the X-Cross room, did they see you take off with him?" Greg asked her.

"Maybe, I'm not sure. I think they were going to be taking their turns on the X-cross so they may not have paid attention."

"Do you know their real names by any chance?" Nick asked, hopefully.

"Hunter I do but the others I have not met before. Hunter and I hang out a lot at some at Vegas Underground. His first name really is Hunter, his last name is Parks. I have his phone number if you want. But I don't think he killed him either. I mean, truly Hunter is a sweet guy who just likes to be dominated. He often goes to Vegas Underground as my slave," she smiled again.

Greg swallowed hard. "His phone number would be nice. We just need to ask him questions like we did to you. So see if he remembered seeing Crow, aka Jason Carbone."

"Okay, just give me a second." She grabbed her cell phone and picked up a piece of paper and pen. She started jotting down a phone number. She pushed the paper over to Greg. "Here is his number. He is probably working right now. He works the early morning shift at the Bellagio Front Desk."

"Thanks for your information. You've helped us a lot and if you remember anything about Jason Carbone, aka Crow, let us know. Oh and by the way, what name do you use at these parties?" Nick asked her.

She smiled a little. "Hummingbird, because I am buzzing all over the place at the parties."

"Nice, thanks again for your information." Nick said to her. They all stood up and she led them to the door. "I really hope you find who killed his guy. I feel even more horrible about it now knowing I actually had sex with him. He seemed like a fairly normal guy, considering the scene."

"We hope we can find the killer too. Have a good day," Greg said to her. He walked with Nick back to their SUV. "So you think she told us everything?"

"Yeah, I don't think she has any reason to lie. She seemed sincere. But now that we know he was wearing this partial hood, we might have to see of others saw him around," Nick replied.

"You think the guy who killed him stole his hood and wore it on the way out?" Greg asked.

"Yeah and he got out before anyone knew any better." They got into the SUV and Nick started it up. He looked over at Greg. "Did you ever use any special names when you were with Jasper? I mean back in the day?"

Greg looked over at him and frowned. "Unless you consider him calling me his 'boy' or 'bitch' names and me calling him 'Master', then I suppose we did." He glared a moment at Nick and then looked away.

Nick bit his lower lip, cursing himself for ever asking. It was still too sensitive of a subject to bring up at times and this was apparently one of them.

After a few minutes on the road, Nick spoke again. "We'll give this information to Brass and Catherine and then head home for the day. Maybe they can send some detectives to question this Hunter Parks."

"And then you are going to see the doctor to run the test, right?" Greg reminded him.

"Yeah, I'll drop you off at home and then do that."

"Okay, sounds fine to me." Greg remained quiet the rest of the ride to the lab and didn't talk much to Nick unless it was about the case for the rest of the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N-Sorry I am taking so long to post this story but I guess this is going to be how it is. My time is less and less lately. Warning, this chapter is pretty graphic with some details and you will see why I say that. Thanks for everyone who is still reading, even with my very slow updates._

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><p>Nick walked into Dr. Smith's office. He sat in the reception area until a nurse called him in. She took him into an examination room and took his blood pressure and temperature. "Everything looks good. Dr. Smith will be in with you in a few minutes."<p>

After she left, he had a feeling of what Greg must have felt like waiting for the doctor because he was feeling it right now. Although he didn't think he had contracted HIV from Greg but there was still that underlying fear. He didn't want HIV; he didn't want to live with that constant fear of full blown AIDS developing someday.

"God," he sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He fully realized what Greg had to be feeling now and wondered just how he had been so calm throughout the evening while working. Perhaps focusing on the case was good for him.

He was startled out of his thoughts by Dr. Smith entering the room. "Hello Nick. I see you are here to take an HIV test too. How is Greg dealing with the news?"

"Hi Dr. Smith, yeah I am here to take the test. Greg insisted. He's dealing in his own way, I guess. I think he's throwing himself into work but he is taking the medication. I'll make sure of that," Nick said with certainty.

"Well it is not easy news to deal with. I am sure working helps keep his mind off of it, as long as it doesn't make him forget to take his medication. Now as for you, I'll do the rapid test first. If that comes back positive, we will run the full blood test like I did with Greg, but if what Greg said is true, and you two have been practicing safe sex, your chances of contracting it are less. But you still need to be careful." He started opening a rapid test kit. "I'll need to prick your finger and then there is a twenty minute wait for the results. I'll give you the same information I gave Greg while he waited. Even if you don't have it, knowing this information will be beneficial when dealing with Greg." Nick nodded but remained unusually quiet while the doctor took his blood and then handed him the pamphlets.

"I'll be back with the results." Nick watched him walk out of the room and looked down at the HIV pamphlets. He saw the same ones lying on the kitchen counter just a couple days ago. He couldn't believe it had been two days already since he found out Greg had HIV. He never did really look at them before so he supposed now was as good a time as any to read them.

He had been reading the pamphlets cover to cover and before he knew it Dr. Smith was returning with the results. He looked up and saw a poker face on the doctor's face. "So is it good news or bad news for me?" Nick finally asked.

Dr. Smith looked down at a paper he held and then raised his head with a smile. "You're HIV negative, Nick. You're clean. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep up with regular tests now every six months since you are living and having sex with someone who does have HIV. Unfortunately condoms are not 100% fallible and as long as you are with someone who has it, you will need to be careful and have regular tests. I am sure Greg will be happy to know that for now you are negative. I know he expressed to me his concern about passing it onto you."

Nick had been breathing a sigh of relief and was very grateful he tested negative. "So this test is enough to prove I don't have it? I mean shouldn't I still have a regular blood test?" Nick asked, knowing Greg would wonder.

"If you really want, I can run a regular test, but I'm sure it will come out the same."

"Just as you are pretty sure Greg's will come out the same when his results are back," Nick frowned.

"Yes, unfortunately in that way," the doctor admitted.

"I think I still should take the full thing this time just to calm Greg's nerves," Nick said to him.

"Fine. Let's go ahead and do it then."

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Greg couldn't sleep until he knew Nick was back from the doctor, so he played on his laptop instead. He was doing some research on the current BDSM scene in Vegas when he got an email notification. He opened his email account and looked at the subject line of this new incoming email. "Greg in action" read the subject line. His curiosity got to him and he opened the email. Inside was a video attachment. In the email it read, "Something to remind you of the good times." He looked at who sent it and it said . Suddenly he became nervous as he looked at the email address again. The JM reminded him of his brand on his lower back, given to him by Jasper to remind him that he was his slave. The whole thing sent a shiver down his spine. He looked at the title again and prayed that this was some sick joke. He nervously moved the mouse to click the attachment. He waited a moment for his video player to open. He prayed he had just not let a virus loose on his computer. Later he would wish it had been just a virus he had set loose.

The video started with blackness then suddenly the next image that came on the screen made him freeze. He saw himself, on his hands and knees, on the dirty mattress that he spent about four months sleeping on. He saw his bloodied and bruised up body like he never had before. He never had looked at any photos of himself after they found him. He never really saw the condition he had been in, he only knew how he felt. Now he was seeing just now horrible he had looked. He looked like he should have been dead already at that point. He noticed the dreaded collar around his neck and subconsciously rubbed his hand on his neck, still feeling some of the light scarring that was left from the months of it digging into his neck.

Suddenly on the video, Jasper came into view and walked in front of him. He lifted his head up and looked at him. "Greggy, can you hear me?" He said in his sing-song type voice that Greg hated hearing. Greg witnessed himself nodding, but his movement was sluggish. Jasper then told him to open up. Greg had gone ahead without any fight, opened up his mouth. Jasper laughed. "Dude, this drug totally fucked him up. He's never been this easy to obey." There was a moment of silence and then laughing by Jasper. Rex walked into the camera view wearing jeans and nothing else. He was holding a bottle of what looked like Jagermeister. He took a swig. "Let's fuck this bitch," he slurred.

Greg involuntarily shivered just hearing him again. He watched Rex come up behind him and unzip his pants. Greg turned his eyes away from the screen. He couldn't watch, more like relive that type of stuff again. He could still hear the video though and hear his own whining as Rex must have entered him. Jasper's voice came through next. "Open up again, pretty boy…that's right. Oh work that pretty mouth of yours."

Greg couldn't take anymore; he got up and barely ended up making to the kitchen sink, where he threw up. He threw up twice before wiping his mouth. He stayed leaning over the sink, noticing he was starting to shake. He looked at his pill bottles and quickly grabbed his Xanax and took a pill. He swallowed it without any water. He trembled as he looked up and saw the video still playing on his laptop that sat on the kitchen table. He was about to look away again when he noticed another man join the assault on him. It was the man in the black mask. He went over shakily and saw back down, staring at the man's build and a better look at the mask. It was a hood really and it did cover everything but his eyes and his mouth and his space for his nostrils. The man looked fairly tall and had a build similar to Nick's. He wished he could see him better and wondered why he hadn't ever revealed himself. He had to be hiding his face for a reason, but why if he never thought Greg would get free.

He saw the man bring out a whip and bring it across his back, causing Greg to buckle. He flinched seeing himself take the abuse. He wondered what drug it was that they gave him that he didn't remember this instance. He watched as the hooded man brought the whip across his back again. He saw Rex pull out of him and then walk over and take the whip from the hooded man. Jasper had been holding his head back, placing some bottle of liquor down his throat again. He watched himself spit it up as the hooded man entered him without warning or protection.

Greg's eyes opened wide when he realized that perhaps the hooded man gave him the HIV. He thought he always wore a condom, but he had not this time. Heck, Greg didn't even remember this whole thing, let alone any video being taken. The next thing he saw Jasper handed the bottle to Rex, laughing his head off. Rex smelled the contents of the bottle and pulled it away very quick. "Aw shit, he drank that? That's fucked up man. I wouldn't even have thought of that," Rex said in his slurred voice, laughing himself now. He unzipped his pants again and then tried urinating in the bottle. "Let me add some of my own for him to drink up."

Greg felt his stomach lurch at what he had said and wasn't quick enough this time to get up before he threw up again right on the floor. He started hyperventilating. He quickly shut the laptop as he started gasping for breath. He felt like it might be better right now if he did pass out from hyperventilating and then maybe he could forget he ever saw this video.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nick put his key in the door and opened up. He walked in, closing and locking the door behind him and setting the alarm. He came out from the entranceway and walked into the living room which was connected to the kitchen and ran once he saw Greg gasping for air.

"Greg, baby, what's wrong? You need to slow down your breathing, you know this. What happened to trigger this?" He yelled in panic. He almost slipped in the vomit on the floor before going to his other side and pulling a chair up to him. He grabbed his hands and rubbed them in his. "Baby, it's okay. Just ease down on your breathing. It's okay."

He saw Greg shake his head that it wasn't okay. "Baby, come on, you can do this," he told him worriedly. He looked like he was about to turn blue. He suddenly went limp and passed out. Nick caught him before he fell off the chair. He picked him up and laid him down on the sofa. He felt for his pulse and it was fast.

"What caused this suddenly?" Nick whispered as he sat on the edge of the sofa next to Greg. His rapid breathing had evened out and his eyes began to flutter open.

His brown eyes opened up and he stared at Nick, who was looking down at him in concern. "Did I pass out?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah, just briefly. What's going on to make you have a panic attack?" Nick asked him, full of worry. "Were you worried I come back HIV positive?"

Greg's eyes opened wide, fearful. "Oh God! You didn't, did you?"

Nick shook his head. "I'm fine Greg. The rapid test came back negative and just to be sure he took my blood to run a full test."

"Thank goodness," Greg sighed in some relief at that news.

"So was that it?" Nick asked him again.

Greg closed his eyes and shook his head. He felt nauseous still and knew he couldn't watch it again. He pointed to his laptop on the kitchen table. "It's on my computer. It's an email I got." He opened his eyes, which had sprung fresh tears. "I didn't know."

"What didn't you know?" Nick asked, still lost as to what he was talking about.

"I didn't know I was filmed. I don't remember," sobbed the man he loved. Nick didn't want to leave him in this state, he wanted to stay by his side, but he wanted to know what he was dealing with.

"I'll still don't understand, so I am going to check out your computer," Nick said to him in a soft voice. He got up and went over to sit down at Greg's laptop. He opened the lid and punched in Greg's password. They knew each other's passwords ever since Greg had come back from being missing. Nick had to have Archie break into his laptop, thinking Greg might have left a clue on it as to where he had disappeared to.

The screen opened to the desktop. He opened the Firefox window where the email was. He saw the subject line and the email address from which it was sent and clenched his jaw. He switched to the other screen and played the video. When he saw the video focus on the subject, being Greg, he felt a fury in him that he thought had died with Jasper. He wanted to rip them all apart for what they did to Greg. Seeing his battered lover on all fours made him sick. He glanced over at Greg now and saw that he had changed positions on the sofa and now was huddled into himself in a sitting position, with his head down between his knees. He noticed he was rocking ever so slightly. He turned his head away back to the screen and watched as they raped him. Tears came to his eyes as for the first time he witnessed just a little of what they did to him. He couldn't imagine dealing with that treatment for four months. He didn't know how Greg ever survived it.

Then he saw the thing that must have thrown Greg into the panic attack. Nick had to hold down the bile that rose in his throat. The video seemed to end right after that point. He quietly put down the laptop cover and looked at Greg, as tears blurred his eyes. "My God," was all Nick said.

Greg seemed to pull into himself tighter at hearing Nick's statement. Nick stood up slowly and walked cautiously over to him. He went to sit next to him and Greg leaned away. "Don't pull away from me now, not for this. This doesn't change anything for me. If anything, it makes me wish Jasper was still alive so I could rip his throat out." He looked at the man he loved, seemingly shattered again. He worried all the progress he had made was going to fall away now with the emergence of this video. He didn't need this on top of learning just a couple days ago he had HIV.

Greg couldn't look at Nick. He couldn't face him knowing he had seen it for himself, what they did to him. He had talked about it to him before but talking is one thing, seeing is another. Worst, he saw him obeying pretty much anything that had been asked of him. How could he ever face the man he loved again knowing he had seen all he had seen.

Nick noticed Greg made no effort to talk to him or open up to him. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he should force him to look at him or leave him be. He decided to try another route. He started speaking to him again.

"They admitted they drugged you right on that video. You had no control over what you were doing, obviously. They used you; they violated you without any care. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you had no choice," he said through his own sobs.

Greg couldn't look Nick in the face but at that moment he still needed him. He suddenly unraveled and threw his arms around Nick and leaned into his chest and quietly cried. Nick embraced the man he loved tightly, crying along with him.

They remained silent for a few minutes until Greg finally broke the silence. "Why this? Why now?" was all he said.

Nick sighed heavily. "I don't know," he paused a moment. "Unless, it has something to do with the case we are working on."

Greg pulled himself up and looked blurry eyed at him. "Maybe I was right. Maybe that is the same guy in the security footage who…" his memory flashed to the video he just watched, seeing the man enter him without a condom. He couldn't think about it. He got up suddenly and walked away to the kitchen sink. He started running water in the sink and then grabbed some paper towels.

Nick watched him carefully as he went over to the kitchen table and bent down. He proceeded to start cleaning up the vomit he had left on the floor. Nick had seen the video. He knew the fourth man was in that video. He saw him violate the man he loved. He watched Greg trying to hold it together as he wiped up the mess but he could see the tears coming again. Seeing him on his knees, bent over reminded him of the image from the video too much. He suddenly got up and went over to Greg. He leaned down by him and tried to grab the towels from him. "Let me clean it up."

Greg looked up at him with red eyes, glaring. "I can clean up my own damn mess, leave me alone." He turned back to cleaning up the rest of the mess.

Nick stood back and let him do it. He didn't want to add to his emotional state anymore. Instead he sat back down at the computer to think. "We're going to need to have Archie check this out, see if he can figure out who sent it," he said quietly.

Greg finished with the floor and stood up. He walked around to the sink and threw the towels in the trash bin. He looked over at Nick, who was staring at the top of the laptop. "It doesn't matter."

Nick looked up at him, incredulously. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? It sure the hell does matter who sent this to you. It's probably your fourth guy, maybe with this video we can track him down and send him to prison, where he belongs!" He yelled.

Greg's gaze lowered, away from his partner's. He spoke softly. "I don't want anyone else to see it…please." Nick's angry look softened. Of course he wouldn't want anyone else to see the video. He couldn't blame him. He really didn't want anyone else to see Greg's suffering either.

"I understand, Greg but we have to let Archie at least try to see if he can track the email address or the IP address. He doesn't need to see the video necessarily. You and I can be there when he is looking for information. I highly doubt he would want to watch it either," Nick told him.

Greg closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He then nodded his head a little, agreeing with what Nick said.

Nick rubbed his hands over his face. He felt beat. If he was tired he knew Greg was probably even more so after all he has had to worry about. He got up and came over to Greg. He gently placed his hands on Greg's shoulders and started messaging them. Greg let his head roll back a little. "You know, we really should try to get some sleep. How about we shower together, where I can continue the message…"

"Nick, I'm not…" Greg started to protest.

"I'm not thinking anything but just getting clean and helping you feel better. I don't expect anything from you. Then we can go to sleep," he said softly.

"I don't know if I can sleep," Greg admitted to him.

"Take your sleeping pill then and don't forget your other medication. If you over sleep, I'll tell Catherine why we are running late. Don't worry."

Greg finally turned around and faced him. He shook his head slightly. "I don't know how you put up with me, I really don't," he told him, with sadness filled eyes.

Nick smiled softly. "Because I love you." He went to give him a kiss and Greg leaned back.

"Ugh, no, I'll taste like puke," he groaned.

Nick had to chuckle a bit. "I don't care." And he leaned in to give him a quick kiss. "See not so bad," he said as he pulled back.

Greg frowned and then said, "Let's get cleaned up and try to sleep." They walked off together down the bedroom hallway.

_Reviews are always welcomed!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N- Again sorry for the delay. I'm just not getting the time to write like I had hoped I would. But I plan on continuing, even if it is at a slow pace. I will finish this eventually. For those who are still reading, thank you so much! _

_This chapter starts off very dark, just to warn you. _

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><p>He walked into a dark room with various couples making out. Some were bound while their partner fucked them. They all wore hoods, so he could not tell who was who. He saw a naked man in the corner, bent over a table. He wore a hood as did the man who was fucking him. He walked over, intrigued by the man being fucked as his mouth was pried open with an open gag, almost welcoming to have someone give him something to suck on. The man fucking him was dressed head to toe in black with openings only where desired. He looked up at him and gestured to the man he fucked. "He's waiting to take someone in his mouth, go ahead. He is use to this," the man in black told him. Somewhere deep inside he knew he shouldn't but his cock was rock hard and the man's open mouth was too welcoming.<p>

He was about to unzip his pants when he realized he was already stark naked himself and his cock stood out hard, ready to be sucked. He lifted the man's head enough to stick his cock inside the warm tunnel. The man's eyes were covered so he could not see his eyes. He heard the man whimper and he thrusted inside his mouth to make him take him all the way. He felt the man's tongue working him as he thrust in and out of the warm mouth. He heard the man whimper again as the man in black made his final thrust into his ass and then pull out. That made him come into the man's mouth, shooting down his throat. He kept his hand on the man's head, holding him until he was ready to let the warmth of the mouth leave him. He pulled out his spent cock and stepped back. "You did very well, Nick. You could be a rough top after all," the man dressed in black said. He gestured to the man he had just fucked. "I know he would appreciate it. Why don't you take a look and see for yourself?"

Nick looked cautiously, not sure he wanted to know who he just forced himself on. Since Nick made no move to remove the hood, the man in black did. Nick gasped when he saw the tear stained face of his younger lover.

He opened his eyes suddenly and sat up in bed, drenched in sweat. He quickly looked over and saw that he had not woken Greg. He wiped his hands over his face. He had been woken up earlier by one of Greg's nightmares and had managed to calm him down to go back to sleep. Now he woke from his own twisted nightmare. It had been a few months since he had one of these nightmares involving Greg. He hated himself for having such sick thoughts in his head. What was worse was he woke up with a massive hard on. He silently cursed and tried climbing out of bed quietly to head to the bathroom to solve his problem.

Just as he reached the door he heard his name. "Nick, where are you?" he heard from the sleepy voice of Greg. He didn't want to wake him and yet somehow he did.

"I'm, just, uh, heading to the bathroom," he said softly. He was almost in the clear when the bedside light came on. He stopped and turned around and saw Greg staring at him.

"Hmm, someone had better dreams than I did," Greg chuckled oddly. Nick could see him looking directly at the obvious tent in his boxers.

"Uh, not really but I'm just going to take care of this on my own," he said nervously as he tried to turn back to the bathroom.

"I could help you, you know," Greg said quietly, "unless you don't want me touching you." Nick could hear the doubt and self-consciousness in his voice. Nick's back was to the bedroom. He didn't want Greg to help him at the moment since it was the twisted dream about him that caused it in the first place, but now he was in a touchy situation with him. If he denied him, Greg would think Nick didn't want him and he could not have that.

He turned around and was shocked to see Greg standing there. He got up so quietly he had not even realized he had moved. Greg cupped his hand over Nick's crotch, his big eyes gazing questioningly into Nick's. "Can I make you happy after what you have seen me do? Or do I disgust you that much?"

Nick saw the deep rooted sadness back in those eyes and didn't want to hurt him by denying him. "You don't disgust me, you never could," he said to him softly.

"Then let me please you," Greg said and then proceeded to drop to his knees, pulling Nick's boxers down as he went down. Nick wasn't sure why Greg was acting the way he was, it worried him a little that he suddenly seemed so eager to please him.

"Greg, you don't need to do this," but no sooner had be said it than he felt that warm mouth engulfing his flesh. He moaned softly as he felt Greg's tongue indulged him. He couldn't help but get lost in the pleasure. He found his hand planted on the back of Greg's head suddenly and forced himself deeper down. Greg barely blinked at the sudden forcefulness of his partner thrusting into his mouth.

Greg had been use to the roughness from those months held as a sex slave. He had heard Nick mumble his name while he dreamed. He had been acting like he was asleep but truth was he had not fallen back asleep. He couldn't after his nightmare of being back in that hell hole. He figured since Nick seemed to be having a nice dream about him he might as well give him some pleasure outside of dream world that was if he still wanted him to.

"Oh, oh Greg, I'm coming," Nick warned before spilling his seed down Greg's throat. He released his grip on Greg's hair and used his hand to steady himself against the wall. Greg got up slowly, with a slight grimace as he stood straight. Nick noticed it. "I told you, you didn't have to get down on your knees like that. Your knees are messed up, remember."

Greg didn't need reminding of the months he spent on his knees and the damage they took. He glared at Nick a moment before changing his mood and pulling Nick back into the room and then throwing himself on the bed. "Well the bed is easier," he said to him with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Nick glanced at his lover's clothed body and noticed his pants had no tenting. Unfortunately often their love life lately had become one sided, Greg had been having problems but he never addressed it. He had been the one to please Nick more and more lately. Nick tried to take advantage of the moments when Greg was turned on, but since he had been tortured and used for those months, it was rare overall. It almost gave Nick a complex thinking he was not enough for Greg anymore, but in counseling sessions they knew it was due to what Greg went through. Sex had become something he didn't necessarily look forward to anymore, even with Nick, the man he loved more than anything. It was just too often still painful and made his mind wander to darker places.

Nick sat down in all his nakedness on the bed, next to Greg. This too was often the case. Greg had grown more accustomed to going without a shirt or pants while in Nick's presence but not how freely he use to before his four months of hell. Nick wanted Greg to feel better about him. He knew that video had done a number on him and it was obvious in his eyes, the sadness was back.

"I love you, Greg," he said to him as he slowly put his hand under Greg's shirt and ran his hand over his stomach.

"I love you too," he said to him softly, but the venerability was evident in his voice. The feel of Nick's rough hand over his stomach made him edgy for some reason.

Nick pulled his hand away and grabbed the edges of Greg's shirt and pulled it off over his head, leaving Greg staring intently at him and his intentions. Nick pushed him onto his back and straddled over him. Nick knew this always made him uncomfortable but he wanted him to get over that discomfort.

"That video changes nothing. I already know what they did to you, but seeing it isn't going to change how I feel about you or how much you make me happy. Do I still make you happy?" He asked him, genuinely wondering if he really did.

He nodded a little, as his eyes welled up a bit. "You're the only one that does make me happy."

Nick looked down at his scarred torso and moved his hands over his body, checking for sensitivity. "I wish I could make you as happy as you make me."

Greg grabbed his wrists to make him stop. "You do, it's….It's different now, is all. Just you being here is enough to make me happy. It can't be about sex anymore with me. I wish it could be but," he trailed off and looked away.

Nick knew. He took Greg's chin and turned his face towards him and then leaned down to kiss him. Greg's arms came up around him and pulled him down on top of him, deepening the kiss. This was what Greg needed now; to know Nick still could kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

They remained embraced, kissing for a few minutes until Greg could feel Nick's hardness against his leg again. His own need remained just in the embrace but he knew Nick needed more. He wanted Nick to make love to him but also remembered his status now and that even that would be risky. He felt the overwhelming fear come over him again and quickly turned away, on his side.

Nick wondered about the abrupt movement. "Did I do something wrong, baby?"

Greg shook his head. "I want you but I'm so scared now that I will hurt you."

Nick didn't know what he was talking about at first and then it dawned on him. "I haven't been infected yet and nothing says I will be. As long as we practice safe sex I should be okay," he said to him.

"I can't lose you, Nick," he said so softly Nick barely heard him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told him as he pulled slightly on his shoulder to make him roll on to his back again.

"Make love to me then," Greg said, looking up at him.

The venerability in his eyes was killing him. If anything he was scared of hurting him. He hated that he was HIV positive and he hated that this video surfaced to make him feel this way again. "I would love to make love to you."

He kissed him softly on the lips and then continued to kiss down his neck. He lifted his head to look at his chest and then he took his time to kiss each burn and cut scar that decorated his chest. He knew this always made Greg melt into him. By the time he reached the waistband of Greg's pants, he already looked partially sedated.

Greg scooted his butt up so Nick could remove his pj bottoms and his underwear, leaving the younger man nervously naked, as he always seemed to be under Nick's gaze. Nick noticed Greg was semi-hard anyway and delighted in it and started blowing air onto him. He noticed Greg shiver and then buckle a little under the sensation. Nick then snaked his tongue out and licked up his shaft, causing the younger man to moan.

"Fuck Nick, just fuck me already…enough teasing," he groaned finally.

"Whatever you say, my love," Nick growled. He reached over to grab the lube and condom out of their drawer. He assisted Greg with placing pillows under his back. Greg opened himself up which was the most trust that he could ever give Nick.

Nick worked his fingers into him to loosen him up to prepare for his entrance. Greg watched his every move and nodded that he was ready when Nick finished rolling the condom onto his leaking cock. He focused on his lover's eyes as he slid in past the scar tissue and settled in all the way.

It was still a little rough for Greg when Nick first entered him but once he was inside, he wanted him to move. "Come on Nick, move," he groaned as he wiggled a little. Nick chuckled before doing as he was told. He got into a steady rhythm, knowing it was working when he saw Greg's eyes glaze over. He took Greg's cock in his hand and started working him as he moved inside him. He was happy because he could see it was one of those rare times that Greg was getting lost in the pleasure of the moment as he kept moaning for Nick to keep going. Nick couldn't hold out much longer inside Greg's heat. He made one final thrust before coming into the condom. Greg came almost simultaneously all over himself as Nick stroked him. Nick collapsed onto of him and held him until he had to slide out of him.

Nick rolled off him and onto his back. "Whew, damn I'm spent," he chuckled.

Greg smiled. "Glad I could assist." He turned his head and looked over at Nick, who turned to look at him. The sadness was gone for a while at least in those big brown eyes, Nick thought. He knew it would not last forever.

"We're a mess. We should probably get in the shower," Nick suggested.

"Good idea," Greg agreed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nick came out first into the kitchen and saw Greg's laptop on the table still. He knew Greg was still finishing up in the shower so he had a couple minutes. He opened it up again and waited for it to go out of hibernation mode. He opened the video screen and started the video again. This time he tried to avoid looking at Greg and just looking at the others in the video. He noticed how the man dressed all in black didn't bother to put on a condom when he was with Greg. He knew Jasper never did but he remembered Greg saying he thought he had but then he also had not remembered this whole thing that was videotaped. He wondered if there were other videos out there and if this mystery person would slowly release them to Greg to torment him more. His fury raged at the thought of it. He couldn't stand the thought that it could happen. He knew it would only cause more fissures in his already fragile emotional state.

He quickly closed the lid when he heard the door open to the bathroom. Greg would be stepping out soon and he didn't need to know that Nick had watched it again. It was bad enough their fairly good afternoon was now going to be ruined by mentioning they had to take it to Archie to see if he could find out who sent it.

Greg came out dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a blazer over it. He looked ready for work. He went to the kitchen counter and picked up his pill organizer. Nick almost forgot about his drug protocol that he had to take.

"How many times a day do you need to take the pills?" he asked him.

Greg placed the pills in the palm of his hand and grabbed a bottle of juice with his other hand out of the refrigerator. "I have to take these twice a day and these others only once a day," he said as he gulped down the first few pills and then grabbed the others and took them also. He threw in another Xanax for his anxiety too. He knew that the video was going to have to be discussed and he needed to try to remain calm when it came to it.

"What do you want to eat?" Nick asked him as he got up and went to the freezer to see what they had.

"Nothing, I'm fine," Greg mumbled as he went to sit in the living room. He turned on the television.

Nick looked at him. "You have to eat something. You threw up everything you ate last. You got to be hungry."

Greg just shook his head and continued to stare at the news on TV. "No, I'm fine really. I'll grab something out of the vending machine at work later."

This bothered Nick that he didn't want to eat anything. "You really need to eat something, especially with all those pills."

Greg turned and glared at him. "No, I really don't. Now stop nagging me." He turned back to the TV.

Nick really wanted him to eat but he knew he couldn't force him. Now he was going to be worried about him not eating for the rest of the night. "Great something more to worry about," he mumbled to himself. He grabbed some frozen chicken patties to heat up for himself to eat. Maybe the smell of food would get Greg to eat, he thought.

Greg sat focused on the news. He watched, hoping to see all the other crises going on in the world to take his mind off his own but it was not working. All he kept thinking about was his laptop sitting on the table with that vile video on it of him being humiliated and violated…it felt like it happened to him all over again. He shuddered momentarily and was glad Nick had not seen it.

Nick ate in silence as Greg watched the TV. The tension was back between the two of them. It marveled Nick at how quickly it could come back.

When Nick put his plate in the dishwasher, Greg stood up. "I've got to use the bathroom before we leave. Be right back," he said and took off to their master bathroom. Nick picked up Greg's laptop and put it in his carrying case. He then decided to call Catherine and let her know they were going to need to use Archie for some video research possibly related to the case once they got in, so he would be free. He said he would explain to her once they got in.

While Nick was on the phone, Greg was in the bathroom patching up his first cut in months. He made it to his left arm. He made it deeper then he intended but the pain washed away any other thoughts out of his mind for the time being. He knew he was going to have to be more careful this time and not get carried away like last time. He made sure the heavy bandage was well covered. He had to be careful now since he was HIV positive. He couldn't let his blood come in contact with anyone else's. He wouldn't let the cutting become as bad this time, he promised himself in the mirror. He put the small pocket knife in his pants pocket. He put his jacket back on and walked out to where Nick was.

"Okay, let's get to work and see if Archie can find out who sent this video to me," he said in a determined tone.

Nick looked at him and smiled seeing that he wanted answers just as much as he did in regards to who sent this. "Sure, I already called ahead and let Catherine know we were going to need Archie to assist us on some research. I told her we would let her know more once we got there."

"Fine, come on then," Greg said hurriedly. He wanted to get that part of this night over with so they could go back to focusing on their case of who killed Jason Carbone. He was more convinced than ever that someone in this case was his 4th man, the man in black.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N-Once again I am so sorry it is taking me so long to update. I guess I didn't have the time I was hoping to have to write. But I am still going to try to finish this, it might just take awhile. For those still reading...thank you! Let me know what you think by reviewing. _

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><p>Archie looked up as Nick and Greg came into his lab. "I heard you guys had something important for me to do." Nick and Greg had already filled in Catherine on the email Greg received. Greg had avoided Catherine's gaze the whole time as she looked at him with worry. She was worried about how this would affect his work but also just worried about him. She knew, from what Nick had told her, he was still very sensitive about what happened and still had nightmares.<p>

"We need this to be kept quiet Archie. We don't want anyone else to know about this video right now. This has to do with Greg's kidnapping. We need to find out who sent this email to Greg and anything you can about the video," Nick told him. Archie looked over at Greg who was looking down at the floor, concentrating on his breathing. He was trying to prevent the oncoming panic attack he was feeling. Having anyone else watch this video, even someone he trusted like Archie, was horrifying to him.

Nick saw Greg's paleness and knew this was difficult for him. "The video is very graphic Archie. It's of Greg," he warned him.

Greg thought he could handle someone else knowing about this video but it was too much. "Excuse me," he said quickly and darted out of the room. He went to the locker room and sat down on the bench. He could feel himself shaking. He buried his face in his hands as he tried to hold back tears. He was kidding himself thinking he could handle this.

"Greg, are you okay?" He looked up and saw Sara standing in the doorway looking concerned for her friend. He shook his head. "Not really. Everything is a mess."

She walked over and sat down next to him. She looked at him with concern. "What's going on?"

He lowered his head again and avoided her gaze. "I wish I could tell you but I just can't right now."

She was curious what he was talking about. It was obviously something more personal. "Does it have to do with this case you and Nick are working on?"

He sighed heavily knowing she wouldn't give up easily. He knew she only asked out of concern. "Some of it does but not all of it. I just feel like my life is being pulled apart again."

Sara was really worried and hated being in the dark and unable to help. "You know you can trust me Greg, with anything."

He turned to look at her and knew he could. She gave him a small smile to encourage him. He looked down again and took a deep breath. "I was sent a video by email to my personal account. The video was of me…they videotaped me at one point." He couldn't say any more. He hoped she got the gist of what he was trying to say.

Her mouth hung open as she grasped what he was saying. "Oh Greg, no," she exclaimed.

He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. "Yes," he said softly. He felt her put her arm around him. He turned into her for a sympathetic embrace. He managed to hold back tears.

"I'm so sorry Greg," she said as she hugged him. She now understood why he was so upset. How could this be happening to one of the sweetest men she ever knew?

After a minute embrace, she pulled back and looked at him. He looked tired. "Where's Nick right now?"

"He's with Archie and the video. We're going to try to see if he can find out who sent it or anything in the video that might give us a clue to the one guy," he told her.

"What one guy? I thought you said there were only three of them?" She asked.

He forgot they never told anyone else about the man with the hidden face. "There was another. He was only there a few times from what I remember but he always wore a black leather mask or I guess it is more of a hood really. He was in this video."

Sara shook her head. "I'm so sorry Greg. I can't understand what this must be like for you. Did you remember them taking this video?"

"No, not at all and it was because they gave me some drug apparently from what they said in the video."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Sara offered him.

"Just being here right now is enough. Thanks Sara. You've always been a great friend to me," he said sincerely to her.

She smiled. "If there hadn't been Gil Grissom in my life and you hadn't preferred guys, I think we could have had something," she laughed.

He broke out into a smile and chuckled too. "Well I guess that is better than nothing." He looked at the time on his cell phone. "I guess I should probably catch up with the officers who questioned a few of guests we needed to talk to and see if they found anything out, while Nick is with Archie. I just can't watch that video again."

"That's understandable. And I have a case I need to be working on too. So if you need anything, you have my number. Just call, okay?"

"I will. Thanks again, Sara." He gave her another hug before she left him sitting in the locker room. He finally got up and decided to head over to police headquarters. He sent a text to Nick to let him know where he would be so he wouldn't worry.

Nick wanted to go after Greg when he left the room but he also knew he probably needed his space, so he continued with Archie in hopes to find who this creep was who sent this video to Greg.

He watched Archie go about trying to trace the email address it was sent from and get an IP address from it. After a few minutes he heard Archie sigh. "Sorry Nick, this email domain traces back to India. I'll never be able to find the real source. It's probably a fake anyway by a hacker."

Nick frowned. "I was afraid of that. If you watch the video, would you be able to tell what kind of camera it was shot on? I mean maybe that can help us if we find someone with the same make of camera."

"I can try. Does this video really show part of what they did to Greg?" He asked first, not sure he really wanted to see it, even if it was his job.

Nick swallowed and nodded. "Yes, it's very hard to watch. I mean we already know where it took place and all that. However there is a 4th man in this video who only Greg told me about and this is the first time I've seen him but he is wearing a black hood and pretty much all covered so no way to ID him, but I have a feeling it is his idea to film this. I think he is behind it, so anything that might give us a lead on who it is would be great."

"I'll do my best. I know how important this is." Archie heard Nick's phone beep.

Nick looked at it and saw that Greg had texted him. He was glad he was going to focus on their case for a while. He hoped it would help him forget about the video for the time being. "Greg's busy working on our case, so we can continue here."

Archie nodded and started playing the video. When he saw the video focus on Greg he felt a little sick to his stomach. This was going to be extremely difficult to get through but then he thought of Greg and knew it was nowhere near what he had gone through.

After a few minutes Archie turned off the video, feeling nauseous and hating his job at the moment. "The video looks to be made from a fairly good camcorder, with 1080p HD. Not some FLIP type one. It was definitely set up on a tripod. Whoever uploaded it knew how to remove the properties of the video and hide their trails. I would say this person is extremely internet savvy, a possible hacker of some sort."

Nick sighed, not really hearing what he wanted to hear. He was hoping for something to really tell him who made this video and where they might be. "Thanks Arch. I know this is not easy. I would appreciate you keeping this quiet. Only we and Catherine know about this. We don't want word getting out that someone is taunting Greg again with this video."

"I understand completely. My lips are sealed. I hope you guys find this sick bastard," Archie said to him.

"Thanks, so do I. If you come up with anything else, let me know. I'm going to catch up with Greg now."

Nick headed over to LVPD where he ran into Greg about to exit the building. "Hey," he called to him as he had been walking with his head down.

He looked up and saw Nick. He could read by the look on his face that he was worried about him and that he had no good news for him. "Hey. So anything on the video, who sent it?"

Nick shook his head. "No unfortunately there is nothing to trace. Archie believes the person is very internet savvy and possibly a hacker. They hid their trails deep. What about here, any news on the guys they questioned?"

Greg frowned. "No, it seems we have no new leads. The guys didn't know who this Jason Carbone is and they said they never met him before. I still think we need to talk to the Jamison's again. I do not trust the son. I think he is hiding something."

"We do need to ask them about the finds on the video of their house. So do you want to go there now?" Nick asked him.

"Sure, because we aren't getting anywhere here," Greg shrugged. He had tried putting out of his mind his own problems and focusing back on the case.

On the drive to the Jamison's house, the two partners remained quiet. Nick knew Greg had to be dwelling on the video. "You know, you got through all that stuff. You're here today because you survived what they did to you in that video. You have to remember that. You beat them; you are alive today because you had that will to live. This video can't bring down all that you have accomplished since you have been back."

Greg chewed on his lower lip. He knew Nick was trying to cheer him up and make him feel better but it really was not working. He didn't want to let Nick know though. He wanted to be strong for him. "I know. I know I can't let them get to me. I'll be fine. Let's just try to figure out who killed this Jason Carbone guy."

They pulled up to the Jamison mansion. Nick went ahead of Greg and knocked on the door. The maid, Rosa, opened the door. "Hola! Can I help you?" she asked in a strong Spanish accent.

"Yes, we need to speak with Brad or John Jamison. Are they here? Tell them LVPD is here to talk to them some more," Nick said to her in Spanish since he knew enough.

"Um momento," she replied and then gestured for them to step inside the foyer. She walked off and left the two CSI's to study the place again.

"What happened to the wife? Did you ever ask?" Nick asked Greg since he had been the one to talk to John Jamison.

"No, just by what was in their file, she died when Brad was 10 years old from cancer," Greg told him.

"So he never remarried. The son doesn't seem to have been married either but I guess with that lifestyle it might be hard to keep a full time partner unless they are into the same thing," Nick said, thinking aloud.

Greg kept quiet, not wanting to shed any light on the subject. He looked over to the staircase when Brad Jamison came into view at the top. He seemed to hold his gaze on Greg for a second before coming down the stairs. Once again Greg felt something off about him, something he didn't like. He made him feel uncomfortable.

"What can I do for you gentleman tonight? I was getting ready for a night out," he said. He was dressed in designer jeans and a tight black t-shirt that showed his build underneath. His eyes traveled over Nick at first and then a small smirk fell on his lips as he looked at Greg. He could feel the nervous energy from him and it excited him. He remembered he was not alone with Greg though and quickly wiped the smirk off his face.

Greg had caught it though and felt a chill up his spine. He didn't know why he let this man get to him.

"We need to ask you a few more questions. Is your father around?" Nick asked him.

"No, sorry. He had to go out of town at the last minute for a crisis at the New York office. I can give you his phone number to reach him at. He had called Det. Vartann who gave him the okay to leave. What can I help you with? Do you have a new lead?" He asked the Texan, keeping his focus on him for now.

"We got your surveillance video and noticed that someone let the victim in the backdoor and then someone else later on left that was not recognized by anyone either. I have their screen shots here. Think you can take a look at them and see if you recognize any of them?" Nick produced a couple pictures he had in his jacket pocket. He showed them to Brad.

Brad looked at them for a short while before replying. He pointed to the one photo of their victim and the person letting him in the door. "Well unfortunately many people wore this type of hood into the party. I own a similar one myself," he glanced at Greg a moment to see his eyes widen before adding, "in red." He enjoyed taunting him.

"Can we see the one you own?" Greg asked after clearing his throat from his nervousness.

Brad smiled. "Most certainly. I will take you to my room where I keep a trunk of my stuff. I was actually going to be going into it to grab a few things for tonight. See I am heading over to Vegas Underground for some action tonight, since we can't have any parties here until this murderer is found."

Nick looked over at Greg to make sure he seemed okay with going to see this stuff. Greg just motioned for Nick to go first, following Brad. Brad led them up the stairs to the second floor. He walked them over to one of the large bedrooms they had searched the night of the murder. The room was decorated in black, red, and white. It was mostly darker with touches of white throughout. He opened his large closet door and pulled out a wooden chest. He took out a key from his pocket and unlocked the chest. He opened it up. "Behold my chest of goodies," he proclaimed.

Nick frowned at his excitement in all of his tools of BDSM in this chest. He glanced at Greg who was expressionless as he looked at the whips, chains, handcuffs, and other things that reminded him of a world he was trying so hard to forget but seemingly kept coming back into his life.

Brad took a glance at Greg and smirked before digging around in the chest to find the red hood he was referring to. He pulled it out and showed it to them. "Here is the mask I wore that night." Nick took it and examined it.

Greg was still looking in the chest. "Can I go through it and see if there is anything else that might help us in this case?" He eyed Brad carefully. Brad smiled briefly and said he could. Greg put on gloves before handling anything in the chest. He didn't know where the things had been. He pulled out leather whips, cat-o-nine tails, paddles of different sizes and shapes, pinwheels, and other sorts of pain devices. Instead of feelings sick he felt a fury building up in him over seeing all these, knowing the pain he had suffered from similar items. He wanted so badly to take out all his anger and aggression on someone with the same items. He looked up at Brad and stared at him. Brad wore his glasses and looked innocently back at him. "Do you enjoy causing people pain?"

Brad smirked. "I only enjoy causing pain to those who want the pain. I don't use these on anyone who hasn't wanted it, if that is what you are implying. I mean you shouldn't knock it if you haven't tried it." He knew this would goad the younger CSI.

Greg was about to speak but Nick broke in first. "Listen, thanks for showing us your hood here but can you look at these pictures again and see if you recognize any of these guys? It would really help." Nick didn't want Greg losing his cool over the comment Brad made to him, so he had deflected from it.

Brad took the photos from Nick and studied them again. He knew exactly who two of the men where but he wouldn't admit to anything. "Nope, with those masks on it's pretty hard to recognize anyone. That's the idea most of the time, to be anonymous in my world. You just know people who want to be dominated and like pain. You go to the right places and you find what you need. Now is there anything else I can assist you with this evening? Otherwise I would like to start my night, if I may."

Nick looked at Greg, who just stared at Brad in a strange way. "Uh, no that's good for now. Thanks for your help again. We will be on our way."

"Let me know if you find out anything new," Brad said to them. He called Rosa in to lead them out of the house. Greg was quiet on the way out.

When they got into the SUV, Nick looked at Greg. He seemed to be in deep thought. "What's going on with you?" Greg suddenly looked up at him.

"I'm just not feeling so good. I guess you were right that I should have eaten something. I feel nauseous," he said to him.

"Are you going to be okay working the rest of the shift? How about we get something to eat?" Nick suggested.

Greg shook his head and regretted it immediately. He opened the door quickly and threw up out the door. Nick leaned over and put his hand on his back. "Hey, why don't I take you home and I can explain to Catherine that you got sick and went home early."

Greg slowly wiped his mouth with his sleeve and sat back in the SUV. "Yeah, that would be good." He shut the door again.

"Are you going to be okay on the way home?" Nick asked him in concern. He was worried about him getting sick again.

"Yeah I'll be okay," Greg said. He looked back at the mansion and thought he saw someone looking out the window at them. He stared back and knew what he was going to do once he got home alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**A NYE present...a new chapter. Trying to find time to write is hard lately, but I won't let this go unfinished, I promise. Thanks for everyone's patience for still hanging with me on this. It's getting deeper and uglier now, just how I love my stories. :)**

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><p>"Are you going to be okay here at home, alone?" Nick asked Greg again, still worried about him getting sick after being at the Jamison's house.<p>

"I'll be fine, Nick. I'm going to try to eat something and then lay down for a bit. Give me a call when you are on your way home," Greg said to him.

"Okay, I'm just worried about you. I'll give you a call when I am heading home. You call me if you need anything." Nick said to him before he left back for work.

"I will." Greg waited until Nick was out of the driveway before he went into his closet and dug towards the back of it to find a box of his old stuff from his old place that he never unpacked. He pulled out the box and stared at it a moment wondering if what he was about to do was such a good idea. He had to do it. It was the only way he was going to get some answers to his own questions. He didn't trust Brad Jamison and felt he was behind the murder and maybe something more but he was excellent at covering it up. He wanted to see how his life was outside of his big mansion. It had been a long time since Greg looked at anything inside this box. He was actually surprised that he kept the contents after everything he went through.

He opened up the box and wondered why Nick had never gone through the box. He knew that if he had he would have questioned him a long time ago. He pulled out a pair of black leather pants and a black vinyl tank top. He looked at the collar that was lying in the box and shuddered. That was something he was going to trash. He never wanted to see that collar again. He picked it up and took it out into the garage and placed it into the garbage can along with their other trash. He thought about burning it for a moment but decided just to leave it as regular trash. It wasn't the same collar that held him in his prison for all those weeks.

He went back into the closet and pulled out one more item that he had kept from his old days. He wondered why he had kept these things all these years but remembered he thought that maybe someday he would see if Nick was interested in it. Once he knew Nick was not into that type of thing he completely forgot he still had the stuff, until more recently.

He stripped off his jeans and pulled on the leather pants. They were looser than he remembered them being. Of course he had been losing some weight again and his not eating was not helping things. He took off his shirt and pulled on the tank top. It covered most of his scars, except his arms. He was going to use one of his leather jackets and wear it over since it was cooler outside. He went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He hated seeing himself dressed like this, but if he was going to try to see what Brad did at Vegas Underground, he had to look the part. He knew he could act the part. He had to hide his face though; he didn't want Brad recognizing him. He looked at the mask in his hand and sighed. He remembered Jasper buying it for him back in the day and liked him to wear it at certain clubs. That was before Jasper had gotten rough. It was when Jasper wanted Greg all for himself and he figured if Greg hid most of his face, other guys would not want him as much as when they saw him unmasked.

Nick would think he had lost his mind if he knew what he was about to do. Perhaps he had lost his mind, but something about Brad Jamison nagged at him and he had to follow up his instinct and he knew Nick would have never gone along with his plan, so he had to fake being sick, although it was not completely faked. He had been nauseous and just managed to force himself to throw up.

He placed his small knife in his back pocket. Vegas Underground was not a place to worry about being checked for what you carried. It was a BDSM club and there were plenty of rooms already in the club that held things of pain and torture.

He went to the kitchen sink and took another Xanax, as he was going to have to be as calm as he could in the club, otherwise he would give himself away. He turned off the lights in the house, grabbed his black leather jacket. He set the alarm before walking out the front door to his car.

He arrived at Vegas Underground about 20 minutes later. He sat in his car about five minutes, trying to work up the courage to enter the building. He looked around the parking lot and saw a black jaguar that he knew was Brad Jamison's. He was there already. He had to go in and hope Brad was not already in a private room. He took the mask from the passenger side seat and put it over his head. It was a partial one like their victim had wore when he first came in. It only covered his face down to his nose. His mouth and chin were exposed. He hoped it was enough for Brad Jamison not to recognize him.

He got up and walked over to the door. The bouncer looked him up and down. "You been here before?" the large man dressed in just tight leather pants asked him. "It's been awhile, but yes, I've been here before."

"Then you know the rules, they haven't changed since it's been open. Go on in." Greg entered the club and noticed the interior had been redone completely since he was last in it many years ago. It was black walls with red stripes going down the walls. The furniture in the main room was lush in red velvet; couches and chairs. He walked up to the black lacquered bar with mirrors behind it, where you could watch what was going on in the room behind you. It was a weeknight so the place was not that busy. Couples were already making out on the couches. His eyes wandered the room, looking for Brad Jamison. He hoped he was wearing the red hood or a red and black one he saw in his chest.

"Can I get you something to drink?" He turned around and saw the bartender, a female, dressed in a black leather corset and black leather panties. Her black hair was in a high ponytail on her head. Her eyes were dark and her lips blood red.

He thought a moment. Drinking a soda would be lame there and might make him stand out. One drink couldn't hurt him. "I'll have a rum and coke," he finally said. He threw a ten on the counter and told her to keep the change. She smiled at him and made his drink and took his money. "Enjoy," she said as he handed it to him and then went on to help the next person calling for her down the bar. He looked over and immediately recognized that it was Brad Jamison. He wore his black and red hood tonight. He remained in the same clothes he had last seen him in.

Greg felt a brief moment of excitement at seeing him, knowing he had made the right decision to come here tonight. He had a feeling he might find out more about their case by following him this evening. He watched Brad order his drink, straight vodka. He took the drink and walked over to a couch where a couple scantily clad, dark haired females sat and two men. Once Brad came over, the one man got down onto his knees on the floor and handed Brad his leash. Greg shuddered remembering doing the same thing for Jasper after he would come back to their table. When he had stepped away, he was allowed to sit on the furniture but once he returned he had to get back on his knees on the ground and hand his leash over to his master.

He looked more closely at the man who seemed to be Brad's slave. He wore a full hood that even covered his mouth. He had a decent build, as he wore no shirt and he wore black leather shorts. Brad made a motion with his hand and the slave changed his position so he was on all fours, like a dog. Again Greg felt a little nauseous watching this young man, wondering if he been put through the hell that he had. He looked at his body and saw some scars but nothing too bad, nothing like Greg had. He watched Brad pat the young man's head like you would to a dog. He saw the other man who was sitting on the couch, dressed more simply in black jeans and a leather chest harness with studs. He was rubbing the slave's butt. Greg had to look away as it was bringing back too many memories and he thought he might get sick.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a woman in a red latex bodysuit staring at him. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you? I just saw you sitting here alone and wondering if you were waiting for someone," she said in a soft purr-like voice.

"I'm, uh, waiting on someone. He should be here soon," he said quickly to put off the woman.

"Oh, you're into boys, such a shame, you are pretty hot. You wouldn't happen to be into both, would you, like some others here," she gestured over to Brad's couch, where he was sliding his hand down the one woman's pants, while petting his slave with his other hand.

He realized she might know him and maybe he could ask her some questions. "Uh, well it depends on my mood I guess. Is it the same with him?" He gestured towards the five some, where the other dominate male was sucking on the second woman's breast.

"Oh, Blackhawk likes all kinds, but he does prefer the boys overall, hence his slave. You must be new here if you asked about him," she said as she ran her hand over his covered chest.

"Uh," he said nervously and tried to clear his voice to not let on that he was more use to be submissive. He had to appear dominate or otherwise he would be in big trouble here. "I haven't been here in years. I used to live here and only recently moved back. I guess I am trying to get a feel for the scene again. My boy must be running late from work," he said to cover his tracks. He put his hand over hers and stopped her from touching him. He didn't really like anyone touching him that he didn't know.

She frowned when he took her hand away from him. "Hmm, well if you feel like taking a trip with a female, you can call me Red Rose," she said with a smile as she twirled her fingers in her long red hair.

"I'll keep you in mind. Say, is Blackhawk the same guy who has the private parties I've heard about?" He asked her.

"Yeah, but he's not having any right now. He recently had a situation at one. I was there for a little while but left before all the cops came. Some poor guy was killed there. Never heard of him before though. Blackhawk's parties are the best though. He has everything at his house to make our crowd happy. But they are by invite only, so if you want I can introduce you to him."

"Uh, no not right now. I'll think about it though." He quickly said.

"So what's your name, if I may ask?" Red Rose asked him.

Greg knew he couldn't give his real name. He thought quickly "Nighthawk, you can call me Nighthawk." He groaned to himself at the lame name he came up with.

"Well Nighthawk, it's been a pleasure meeting you, but I see one of my partners just came in, so I'm going to join them. Hope your 'boy' comes in soon." She walked with a sway as she went towards the back rooms, following a muscular guy who just came through the door.

Greg's attention was drawn away from Red Rose when he heard some hooting and hollering start. He noticed that Brad's entourage had moved to the stage in the room. The stage served for a place for those who liked the attention and show of dominance to perform in front of everyone. The private rooms were for those who didn't like a public show. Apparently Brad was into public shows. His slave crawled over to the stage on all fours still. One of the two women went to lie under the slave, the other one got on all fours also, right next to the slave. Brad and the other man went to the back wall and pulled off whips and paddles.

Brad came forward on the stage, holding a cat-o-nine whip. "It's time to show these slaves who their masters are." More hooting and hollering could be heard. Greg walked away from the bar and found a lounge chair in the corner to sit in and watch. He wanted to see how Brad acted in his master role.

"Condor and I will beat my slave and his, while Willow teases both from underneath, giving them pain and pleasure at the same time." Blackhawk, aka Brad Jamison, made the first move. He whipped the cat-o-nine across the back of his slave. His slave arched his back in pain. Greg could virtually feel the pain himself in his scars. He felt his anxiety grow and tried his breathing exercises to keep from blowing his cover by freaking out.

Condor brought his leather whip across the back of the female slave. She also arched from the pain. Underneath her the woman started suckling at her breast while working the male slave's genitals with her hand. Both slaves buckled when hit again with the whips while being aroused by the woman below them.

Greg remembered being turned on by this stuff before. Now it just sickened him. He stared at Brad as he seemed to take great pleasure in whipping his slave.

"Stop," Condor yelled out. Willow stopped below them. "Willow, strip them bare for the crowd." He announced.

Willow got out from under the two and proceeded to get behind them and pull down their pants until both slaves bare bottoms were on full display. "Now, go back to where you were," Condor told Willow. She slid back underneath the two slaves and went back to work on teasing them, this time using her mouth on the male slave's penis and her fingers in the female's vagina.

Condor switched out to a paddle and started paddling the woman's ass. Blackhawk kept with his same whip and smacked it across the man's ass, leaving red welts along the way. Greg felt himself curling into himself as the abuse went on, even though the subjects of it seemed to be enjoying it.

Suddenly Brad Jamison stopped and stood in front of the subjects again. "Anyone out there care to join the party here?" He scanned the room and saw a few people start getting up to join them on stage. Brad spotted the man sitting in the back, alone watching the stage. "Perhaps you would like to get into the action."

Greg suddenly realized he was pointing at him. Greg froze, not knowing what to do. There was a part of him that wanted to run out of there and never come back but there was also a part of him that wanted to take out his anger and aggression on someone. Before he knew it, Blackhawk was coming towards him. He couldn't leave now because it would possibly give him away as spying on him. He stood up as Blackhawk stood before him. He stared straight in the eyes of the man and felt his blood run cold. "Do you want to take my whip to my slave?" Blackhawk said to him and then he turned away from him towards the rest of the crowd. "Or perhaps he wants to be my slave and feel my whip across his back." Hoots and hollers came around again. He turned back to look at Greg and recognized those eyes and knew he knew. "What will it be, bitch?" he asked him quietly now so that only Greg would hear him.

Greg couldn't move for a moment, realizing this was the man. He had to be. Something in his eyes that he recognized, that coldness. Without the glasses and just with his mask on the recognition this close was undeniable. "You like the whip, you know you do." Brad whispered again. Suddenly Greg grabbed the whip from his hand and marched past him, towards the stage.

"I guess he has some Dom in him after all," Blackhawk yelled and then walked up after him on stage. He watched him carefully as he stood over the slave with the whip. "Come on what are you waiting for?"

The others who had come on stage with their own slaves where already taking whips and paddles off the back wall to use on them. Brad came behind Greg and whispered in his ear. "Do it or you will be back on all fours. You come into my house, you go by my rules."

Greg tried to work with the quiet rage that was growing in him and not the fright. He held up the whip and then suddenly brought it down hard across the back of the male slave.

"All right, that's more like it," Blackhawk announced to the crowd, who was yelling for more. "Feel that anger and unleash it on him and her," Greg heard in his ear again. He looked down at the two who seemed to be enjoying the pain they were being put in. He brought down the whip again over the man's ass, leaving deep red welts. He felt some relief as he brought down the whip again and heard a whimper this time not being his own, as he was so use to in the past.

"It's therapeutic, isn't it?" He heard again from behind. Oddly enough it was. He was feeling better with each crack of the whip he brought down on the slaves' backs.

Greg didn't know how many cracks of the whip he took against the slaves before he felt the whip being taken out of his hand. "Whoa there tiger, enough for the stage here." Brad again was talking to only him. Greg stepped back a few steps and looked at the welts he had left and felt sick again. He had become what he hated most. He turned around and was looking into those cold blue eyes again. "Going somewhere?" Blackhawk said to him with a smirk. Greg couldn't deal with him right now. He couldn't deal with what he had just done. He pushed Blackhawk aside and walked off the stage, out of the building. He could hear behind him Blackhawk talking to the crowd.

"Guess he didn't realize his own strength. I'm sure he'll be back for more one day soon." Brad knew he would now. He knew he had lit some fire in Greg. He was going to enjoy toying with his emotions more. He knew there was no physical evidence that Greg could ever prove he was one of the men who raped him. He left no DNA behind or they would have caught him already. The video was not clear enough to distinguish him. It would be his word, the word of a wealthy playboy against that of a messed up CSI. He would have them thinking Greg was crazy before they would ever put him away. Amazingly enough Greg had planted the first seed to his destruction tonight to Brad's delight. He had no idea Greg would pursue him so soon.

Greg sat in his car and pulled the mask off and wiped his hands over his sweaty face. He had just whipped a man to bleed. He saw some blood and knew how it felt and yet he caused that pain for someone else. He never thought he had it in him but now he opened the door to this darker side of him again and wondered where it would take him. He knew he was fucked up and more than he thought. Nick could never know about this. But how could be tell him he knew that Brad Jamison was the 4th man now without giving away what he did? He was going to have to approach Brad at some point with the accusation in front of Nick. Was he the killer too? Did he kill this Jason Carbone? Nothing he did tonight proved anything. All tonight proved was that he was a sadist of some sort.

Greg looked at the time and realized he had better get home so he could shower and hide his clothes again before Nick came home. He would tell Nick eventually, after they found out who the murderer was. Then he could tell him what he did tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N -Another new chapter for you readers out there. If you enjoy, leave reviews. Thanks!_

Nick had called and advised Greg he would be home soon. Nick did a little more research on Jason Carbone and found out he had a male partner who died from AIDS a few years prior. Nick was shocked to learn of this. He discovered his partner had been 20 years older than Jason was though. They had lived together from 2006 to 2009, shortly before he moved to Vegas. Nick told Doc to see if they could find out of Jason had HIV or AIDS. He had got his medical records and found out he was HIV positive. Nick couldn't help but think of Greg and his getting HIV and thinking there was some connection between them. He knew it was pretty ridiculous to think that but there was a nagging feeling he had that there was a connection.

Nick walked in the house and saw that Greg had made breakfast for him. He saw Greg standing over the stove, flipping pancakes and came up behind him. Greg stopped his hands from travelling around his waist. "Hey, not right now, I am cooking, can't you see that?" Greg said a bit huffy. Nick stood back, putting his hands up like he didn't mean anything.

"I just thought I would kiss the cook good morning and see how you were feeling. I guess not that great yet," Nick said as he put his keys down on the counter, next to the newspaper.

Greg didn't want Nick touching him, not after knowing what he did earlier or touch any sore spots. "I'm feeling better, hence why I am making you breakfast. But I just don't want to be bothered right now."

"Oh, now I am a bother to you. Okay, whatever. I got some news on the case anyway," Nick said, deciding to not get into a fight.

Greg finished a plate of pancakes and put it with bacon and placed it in front of Nick. Then he went back to making some for himself. "So what's new on the case?"

"It seems that Jason Carbone had a former lover who died from AIDS back in 2009 before he moved to Vegas." Greg turned around and looked at Nick. "Seriously? How old was the guy?" He asked, with some worry now, having forgotten about his health condition with the events of last night.

"He was 52 when he died. I guess he lived with it for a long time before actually contracting AIDS, from the guy's medical records. It seems he got sick when he traveled to Africa and got malaria and that started his decline and he got the full blown AIDS and died about a year later. Jason moved here afterward to start over but I guess didn't care for Vegas much either. He was HIV positive too." Nick watched for Greg's reaction and could see him taking it all in.

Greg thought about Jason Carbone. He was HIV positive. He had blue eyes, could he have been the 4th man? He was in the BDSM scene and maybe that is why he was killed. Maybe he passed on HIV to someone else and they knew and killed him for it. "Say, do you think that maybe he had passed on his HIV to someone else and that someone else was pissed at him about it and killed him for it?"

Nick thought a moment about what Greg suggested. "It's a possibility I guess. Something we can't rule out. Would you kill the person if you knew who gave it to you?"

"He's probably already dead, so it doesn't matter." Greg shrugged it off and went back to making his pancakes. Nick could feel that something more was bothering him but he was afraid to ask him and start a fight with him.

"That really didn't answer my question, would you kill someone?" Nick asked him again, now out of curiosity.

"So you think I could kill someone because of that? Wow, you don't know me that well if you think that," Greg responded coldly.

"You shot Jasper multiple times," Nick reminded him.

Now Greg threw down the spatula and turned around to face Nick. "Yeah, I did and if you recall I was an emotional wreck too at the time. I lost control, I admit it but I hated that man for what he did to me and I was not going to have him take me again. It was self-defense…you even said so. So now you don't think it was?" Greg's anger was flowing again and more freely since he had let it out earlier.

"Hey, whoa, I never said that. I was just wondering if you think you are stable enough now to face the man who gave you HIV without ripping his head off, like you are mine," Nick said quickly.

"You wouldn't even know the extent of my anger," Greg mumbled to himself. He knew what he was capable of to a point now and it scared him but he couldn't let Nick in on it. He would have him checking in to see the shrink immediately.

"Look, I'm sorry I even brought it up. Let's forget it. Thanks for making breakfast. I hope you eat yours." Nick said, hoping to drop the subject all together.

"Okay, consider it dropped for now. And you're welcome. I figured it was the least I could do since I bailed and left you working alone and I was feeling better now," Greg said to him. He had finished his pancakes and was turning off the stove top. He took his plate and sat across from Nick.

Nick looked over at him and saw dark circles under his eyes. He had not been sleeping as good as he was letting on. "Did you sleep any while I was working?"

Greg shook his head. "No, I was just watching some TV. I couldn't sleep," he lied. He felt horrible lying but it was necessary.

"Well I am tired and I think after I am done eating here I am going to take a shower and hit the sack." Nick hoped Greg would take the hint and go to bed at the same time he was.

"I already showered. I'll head to bed when I know I can fall asleep. I think I want to do a little research on our case some more. See more about the current BDSM scene here in Vegas, maybe hit some message boards and see if anyone is talking about Jason Carbone's death."

"That sounds like something for Archie to be doing, not you," Nick said to him, worrying why he wanted to look into this more.

"Archie would not know what to look for. I've been in that world before so I know what to look for."

Nick noticed he was extremely touchy today and was not sure if it was the visit to the Jamison mansion that caused it or he was just plain grumpy. He could see that Greg was almost looking for a fight so he decided to let him do what he wanted to. "Fine, you do what you want. I'm going to take my shower and go to bed still. I'll see you when you decide to go to bed." Nick got up, after clearing his plate and put his dishes in the dishwasher and headed into their bedroom.

Greg frowned but figured the less he had to talk to Nick, the easier it would be to keep the truth from him. He put away his dishes after he finished his food and then took his laptop and brought it with him. He was leery of opening his email, afraid another video might have been sent to him, but no emails from any one unusual. He decided to look up the website for Vegas Underground. First he came across the underground tunnels that the term mostly referred to, but then he found the page for the club. It had pictures of the interiors and a backstory on the show. He eventually found what he was looking for. He saw a link to a message board.

He started searching the board for any reference to Jason Carbone or Crow, as that was his nickname. He couldn't find anything. Perhaps if there was they had deleted the posts knowing there was a police investigation going on into his death. He was going through the posts and about to give up when he came across a new thread topic that had just popped up. It was titled "Hawk's Night". He had used the nickname Nighthawk last night and he was in Blackhawk's company during the show at Vegas Underground. He clicked on the topic to see what the discussion was.

The post was started by someone named "Observer".

_Last night Blackhawk brought his party to the stage again putting on a good show, but it got even more interesting when he pulled another observer into the mix. The guy went by Nighthawk. No one recalls seeing him before but the man had some serious issues the way he was throwing that whip around. Blackhawk actually had to pull him back and then he took off. My guess is that this guy was once a slave and now is trying to make up for his years of being dominated. I do wonder why Blackhawk happened to zero in on him. My bet is he knows him somehow and wanted to see him in action behind a whip. Now I wonder if he will be back for more. Nighthawk looked pretty hot, even though he was thin, that's what makes me think he was once the one getting the whip. Nothing like taking it up and changing the tables after years of it though. I know it's been great since I've been the Dominator. Everyone should get the chance to have the table turned at some time. I know I'd love to see that hot fuck Blackhawk on the bottom. I doubt he's ever had the tables turned on him. Maybe someone will get to enslave him someday…that person will be lucky. For now I am eager to see if this Nighthawk will be coming back with a little more control next time. This is the Observer and I will observe you all another night._

Greg thought about what the Observer had posted about him. He somehow read him pretty well and that worried him. Did everyone there read him the same way? Could they all tell that he had been a slave before? They couldn't know the extent of his torture though. No one could except those that knew him and had been there. He remembered Brad Jamison, aka Blackhawk saying that the whipping was therapeutic. It really had been in many ways. It also made him wonder if what the Observer said about Blackhawk was true. Had he always been the dominate one in his relationships? How could he know the whipping was therapeutic if he hadn't been in that place himself? In any case, it was no excuse for what he did to Greg in that basement with Jasper and the others.

He refreshed the page to see if anyone posted after the Observer's comment. There was a new post by Red Rose. Greg smiled slightly knowing he had met her there.

_I met Nighthawk before I went in for a private party in a back room. I wish I had seen him in action. He said he had been waiting for his boy but by the sounds of it he was looking for a new boy possibly that night. That or just some action. I guess he got some. Hope he comes back so I can see him. I wouldn't mind being his slave for a night. _

Greg found himself amused by what she said. Maybe he would go back again, but it would mostly be to see Blackhawk and try to figure out what his game was.

He yawned and looked at the time. He would have to go to work in a few hours. He thought he better try to get some sleep before he did. He closed his laptop and went to the kitchen to take his HIV meds before he tried to sleep. After taking his medication he went into the bedroom and saw Nick sleeping in their bed. The sheets were down at his waist, leaving his bare chest exposed as he lay on his back. Looking at Nick naked always made him feel inferior lately. His own body was riddled with scars and marks that he found hideous, even though Nick claimed they weren't that bad. He was skinny and hardly had any muscle tone like Nick had. He didn't understand why Nick stayed with him, except out of some pity.

He loved Nick dearly and was grateful Nick hadn't left him because he know if he had he would not be there today but he felt bad for Nick being stuck with him. He knew Nick could do so much better than him. He sighed, staring at his beautiful Nick, wondering when the day would come that he finally let Nick free.

He walked into the bathroom and used it. He stared at his reflection in the mirror as he washed his hands. He looked tired and not the same man he had been a year ago. He frowned and opened up the medicine cabinet. He pulled out a box of old Band-Aids in the back that he had pushed behind the newer box. He took out the straight-edged razor and placed it on the vanity. He pulled up his shirt and looked at the cuts he had been making over the last couple of days. Nothing too deep. He ran his fingers over them, feeling the uneven texture of the old and new marks. He figured a few new disfiguring marks on his body would be nothing new. He took off his shirt completely. He looked down at his chest and saw the marks left behind by Jasper and his friends. He focused on one scar from a burn he had got from the mini torch. He felt the rough texture from it. He remembered the pain he felt when Jasper held that flame to his chest, smelling his own skin burn. He had no choice, no control over what they did to him. He had his hands tied behind him at that moment and Jasper had been sitting on his legs. He couldn't move and just had to withstand the pain.

Now he could control it and he would. He picked up the straight razor and held it against his chest, right to the scar. He pressed it down into his skin and barely felt it as he dragged it slowly across his chest, leaving a one inch mark. He placed the razor back down and looked at the mark he left in the mirror. Blood dripped down his chest from the cut, covering the burn scar. He smiled to himself as he began to blot away at the blood with a cotton swab. He had hardly felt the pain but knowing he made his own mark over the one Jasper had left on him made him feel better, somehow.

He finished cleaning up the blood from his chest and placed a new band aid over it. He placed his razor back in the old box and placed the box towards the back of the medicine cabinet. He pulled his long sleeved shirt back over his head and patted it down. No signs of what he had just done. He took the bloodied cotton swab and placed it under a bunch of other garbage so Nick would not see it.

He proceeded to brush his teeth and then finally walked back out into the bedroom and crawled into bed. He turned onto his side right away, his back towards Nick. A few seconds later he felt arms come around him. "It's about time you came to bed," the sleepy voice said.

"I had to finish a few things first but now I am ready. Goodnight Nick," he said quietly, trying not to hiss with pain after Nick's arms around him touched the spot he had just cut. He took Nick's hands and moved them down his body more, so they wouldn't be so near to his newest cut.

He drifted off to sleep, thinking one by one, he could obscure the scars Jasper left on him with his own new ones, thereby hopefully erasing all traces of Jasper, Rex, Chris and now Brad Jamison off his body.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N-Again thank you all for your great patience in waiting for new chapters. And thank you for the glowing reviews so far. It helps me to continue on with the story at a faster pace, well hopefully. Work can still get in the way. :) Greg can't simply catch a break, as you will see in this chapter.**

Greg woke up before Nick. He was having trouble sleeping as he kept having dreams about the fetish club. He kept dreaming of having a whip in hand and bringing it down on an unknown person's back, until he drew blood. He was worried about his extreme rage he had in his dreams. He thought about what the Observer had said that he thought he had issues. If he only knew the issues he had.

He got up quietly, so not to wake Nick. He walked out into the kitchen area and got a drink of water. He took the bottle of water with him and picked up his laptop from the table. He took it with him to the sofa and sat down. He opened it up and waited for it to start up. He gazed out the window a moment. It was only 3pm in the afternoon. Usually they both slept at least another hour or two before getting up and ready for their graveyard shift. It seemed like odd hours to everyone else but those that were so use to working that shift it was second nature.

It seemed a bit dreary outside, which was somewhat usual for this time of year but didn't help Greg in feeling any better. He could have used a sunny sky to wake up to. He focused back on his laptop and opened up his internet to check on his email first. He saw one came from _js at jmslavemail. com _ again. He felt his tension building already.

He opened up the email and only saw a link this time. The link was titled "Slave Justice." He wasn't sure he should open it. He had a feeling it would be another video of him but his morbid curiosity got the better of him. He clicked the link and it opened to some porn/BDSM site. There were various videos on it and one featured on this page was titled "Slave Justice". The still of the video was blurry but you could see four people in the still, one on his back, and the other three around him. He pressed play and the video started with blackness again then some sleazy sounding music started playing and the scene changed to focus on Jasper. He was shirtless and wore black jeans. He pointed down and the camera went to Greg, on his back, completely naked.

Greg started shaking as he once again saw himself bruised and bloodied. His hands were tied underneath him and his mouth was gagged with a gag ball. The camera zoomed out and showed the others in the room. Rex, standing completely naked over Greg's upper half with a bottle of liquor in his hand and Jasper over his lower half, unzipping his pants. This video the audio was blocked out by the music. Greg watched Rex lift his own head, remove the gag ball from his mouth and before he could say something, pour some of the liquor down his throat. He didn't remember any of this…it must have been another time he was drugged or drunk.

He watched as Jasper lifted him enough so he could enter him and then Rex went down into his mouth. He was about to stop watching before he threw up again, when he saw the man, which he was sure now had to be Brad Jamison. He was dressed in his black pants and black t-shirt. He wore the full black hood. In his hand he had a whip. He raised his hand and then brought down the whip on Greg's chest.

Greg clutched his chest, almost as though he felt the whip hit him again. Tears started to blur his vision. He stopped the video. He couldn't watch it anymore but then he noticed a comments section below it. Already there were five comments. It suddenly struck him that this video was on a public site and others had seen him. His hand shook as he clicked on one of the comments.

_That is one hot fuck. I would love to have my chance with that hot ass. I'd love to whip him into shape.-Anonymous_

Greg slammed the laptop shut and threw it on the sofa next to him. He picked up his water bottle and throttled it at the bookshelf, with an agonizing scream.

Nick sat straight up in bed, after being wakened by Greg's scream. He looked beside him and saw the bed was vacant. He jumped out of bed and ran into the main room, only to see Greg hurtling a pillow across the room as tears streamed down his face. He let out another gut wrenching cry. Nick wasn't sure what happened but he had never seen Greg like this before.

He walked up closer to him. "Greg, what happened?" He asked as he tried to reach out to touch him. Greg moved away from him quickly. "Don't touch me. Stay away." He looked at him wildly with his tear stained face.

Nick was very worried for him. He didn't know what triggered this latest episode. "Babe, what's wrong? Talk to me, please!" He pleaded with him as he watched him pace the room like a caged animal.

"They all know. Everyone will know now. Oh God! Oh God!" He started hyperventilating.

Nick had no idea what he was talking about but he rushed to his side, forcing him to sit down. "Remember your breathing skills, Greg…trying taking slower breaths," he repeated to him, trying to calm him down.

Greg was trying to push Nick away but he wouldn't let him. He kept his grip on his arms, forcing him to stay seated. "Let…me…go," Greg gasped between breaths.

"Not until you calm down and tell me what's going on," Nick said to him.

Greg tried struggling against him but gave up finally. He felt drained of all energy suddenly. While his heart still beat rapidly, he had evened out his breathing. Tears had stopped flowing as he laid his head back onto a pillow, staring straight up at the ceiling. "I can't take this much longer," he said quietly. Nick wasn't sure what he was talking about but it bothered him to hear him say what he said.

"Tell me, please Greg. Don't keep me in the dark," Nick pleaded with him again. Greg rolled his head, wearily to the side to look at Nick. He looked broken as he pointed to his laptop on the other end of the sofa.

Nick turned around and saw it and then began to realize what must have happened. "You were sent another video," he said as more of a matter of fact. Greg closed his eyes and rolled his head the other way. Nick slid over and grabbed Greg's laptop. He opened it up and plugged in Greg's password to open it from hibernation. He saw the website and immediately realized that this was a public site. He glanced over at Greg and saw that he had his head turned away. He was staring out the window.

Nick went back and pushed play on the video. He got sick to his stomach watching it, having to once again see Greg go through that abuse and torture. When the video ended, he thought about what Greg had said earlier, that everyone will know. He realized what he meant now. It was on a public website. People had already left comments. He picked one randomly and read it.

_I'd love a slave like him. He seems to like it rough. What I would give to ride that boy!-Panther_

Nick quietly closed the laptop after reading the sickening remark and slid back over to where Greg slouched on the sofa. "Hey, we can get them to remove that video from that website. Once we tell them it is part of a criminal investigation they have to pull it."

Greg remained staring off at the outside world. His life was never going to be the same again. "It doesn't matter. People have already seen it and probably downloaded it. It will be all over in no time flat. I'll be a fantasy that BDSM fans masturbate to. My anonymity is over as we speak. What's the purpose?"

The tone and finality in which Greg spoke scared Nick. He never heard him sound so ready to give up. "Greg, you can't go…" The phone rang, interrupting what he was about to say.

Greg got up to answer it, which surprised Nick. "Sanders," he answered with no emotion. Greg listened to the voice on the other line. Nick watched his expression turn even darker as he seemed to be agreeing with whoever was on the other end.

"Okay, I understand. Yeah thanks for confirming it….yes, I know I have to. I will. Bye," he said before slowly hanging up the phone and putting it down on the counter. Greg walked around the kitchen counter, without saying a word and picked up his pills. He put them into the palm of his hand and then just stared at them.

Nick was very worried at his weird reactions. He stood up slowly and walked towards him. "Who was that on the phone?"

Greg continued staring at the pills. "I'll have to tell Catherine now for sure." He lifted his eyes. Nick felt tears come on as he saw the haunted look in his boyfriend's eyes. "Doctor confirmed my final blood test showed I have HIV." He looked back down at the pills. "Can today get any worse?" He mumbled before popping the handful of pills into his mouth. He opened the fridge and took a swig of juice out of an open container. Nick would normally have yelled at him for doing that but he could careless today. He knew Greg was in an incredibly fragile state right now, but seeing him still taking his pills gave him hope. If he was really self-destructive he could have not taken the pills.

"You don't have to go into work tonight. You can skip it. I'll tell Catherine you still aren't feeling well," Nick told him.

Greg shook his head. "No, I have to tell Catherine I have HIV and I need to work. I need to take my mind off all this shit. I need to find the asshole who is trying to ruin my life even more than it already is. I can't go around feeling sorry for myself. That is what this asshole wants. He wants to break me, I know his game now. I'll show him I'm onto his game." He knew this was Brad Jamison messing with him but he wasn't ready to let Nick in on this knowledge.

Nick wondered what made Greg take this turn around so suddenly but he was happy to hear it. "Well that's the way to deal with this. I hope you continue to feel this way, although I think we need to set up a session with Dr. Warren again."

Greg frowned and walked away. "I'll be okay, Nick. I don't need to see the shrink."

Nick caught up with him and stepped in his way. Greg stared at him, tiredly. "I don't have the energy to fight with you Nick."

"I understand that but at least think about seeing her again. You haven't been in weeks. I think you need to, too much has happened lately," Nick told him, worry creasing his face.

Greg sighed heavily. "I'll think about it, okay. I just want to get ready for work and forget about the latest video."

"Fine, as long as you think about it. I won't force you into anything. We'll talk more about this after work, okay?"

"Sure, okay. Can we just get ready for work now?" Greg said, waiting for Nick to step out of his way.

"Yeah, you can go ahead if you want to in the bathroom. I'll make us something to eat," Nick offered.

Greg just nodded and stepped around Nick and headed for the bathroom. Nick watched him close the door to the bathroom. He chewed on his lower lip. He was worried about him. Too much was happening too soon and he wasn't sure Greg was dealing with everything well.

They decided to take separate cars to work in case Greg decided to leave early. Greg felt uneasy as he walked into the lab with Nick. He stopped before reaching Catherine's office. "I want to do this on my own," he told Nick.

Nick frowned. "You don't have to. I can be there for you."

Greg shook his head though. "No, I want to tell her on my own. I need you to go to Archie and see about that latest video. I can't deal with that right now. I can deal with telling Catherine I have HIV."

Nick sighed but let it go. "Okay, just let me know how things went after you are done. I'll take care of the video. You're right you don't need to deal with that right now."

"I will. I'll see you in a bit," Greg said to him. Nick nodded and walked towards the A/V lab. Greg turned towards Catherine's door and knocked on it. She had it closed at the moment. They had arrived a little earlier than normal just so he could have time to tell her.

"Come in," he heard her say. He walked in the door and closed it behind him. She looked up at him and immediately realized something was wrong. He looked pale and extremely nervous.

"Greg, is everything okay? You don't look so good," she asked out of concern.

"May I sit down?" He asked her.

"Of course you can. What's going on? Do you need to take more time off?" She asked him.

He sat down in a chair across from her and sighed heavily. "No, not right now anyway. I, uh, I have something I need to tell you. It's something I figured in our job you should be aware of." He paused, suddenly feeling his heart beat quicken, his anxiety worsening.

"Greg? Are you sure you're okay?" Catherine asked as she stood up and started walking around her to desk to take the seat next to him. She saw that he was starting to shake a little. She sat down and placed her hand on his knee. "Greg, honey, what's wrong?"

He took a couple deep breaths before looking at her. She could see whatever it was, it was haunting him. "I have HIV and since we don't seem to have the best luck around here with accidents and such, I figured you needed to know."

Catherine didn't know what to say. She was in shock. She couldn't believe that he had endured so much to have to have this happen to him. She looked at him and he had turned his head and was looking down at his hands in his lap. She noticed a tear drop from his eyes. Her heart broke.

"Oh Greg," she finally said and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

He rested his head on her shoulder. He was trying to stay strong but the day had been too much for him already. He started sobbing. She held him tighter, rubbing his back. She let him get it out.

He finally pulled himself together and felt like a total fool afterward for crying in his boss' shoulder. "It's been a rough day," he said as an excuse as he rubbed his eyes.

"When did you find out?" She asked him.

"Last week actually but it was just a preliminary result. Today my doctor called me with the final blood test results. I've been on meds since last week though."

"What about Nick?" She asked, knowing they had been intimate again.

"He was tested, he's clear for now," he told her somberly.

"Where is he now? I would have thought he wanted to be here with you," she wondered.

"Yeah he's here but I told him I wanted to do this on my own. Besides, I said it's been a rough day. I got another video today too. He's with Archie looking into it." He looked away again and sighed.

Catherine closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't believe the horrible luck the young man had in the last year. "The video was sent to you via email again?" She finally asked him.

He kept his head low. "Yeah, but I was sent a link. It's on a public website."

She turned to look at him, with shock. "What? It's posted on a website? Not YouTube!"

"God, I hope not. No some porn and BDSM type site. People have seen it already, there were comments." He stood up and started pacing. "It has to be this other guy that I remember being there. He's the only one that can be doing this. He's trying to torment me."

Catherine stood up and stopped him from pacing. She placed her hands on his arms and forced him to look at her. "Now listen Greg, we are going to find this guy but in the meantime you can't let him do this to you. I can see that you are barely holding on right now. If you want to take tonight off you can, everyone else is on tonight."

He shook his head. "No, I have to at least try to work. Focusing on work helps me forget. If I go home I will just think about it all night."

"Okay then but if you can't handle it anymore, you need to go home. Now as for the HIV, you've disclosed it to me, although you were not required. Are you going to tell the others?" She asked him.

He sighed heavily and then looked at her. "Do you think I should?"

"It's up to you. We don't run into too many situations where the others have to worry about it," she told him.

"I'll think about it but I guess I won't tell anyone else right now. It might be too much for me today."

"Well I wish you the best. You said you already started on the medication?"

"Yes, a week ago. They sometimes make me a little nauseous but nothing too bad that I can't work. The doctor says that if the drug protocol works and I can still live a long life," he told her.

"That's great to hear. I have no doubt you and Nick will have a long life together," she smiled at him, hoping to get his spirits up. It didn't seem to work.

"Yeah, I guess. I better go catch up with him now and see if they got any news on that video and maybe where it came from. Thanks for letting me use your shoulder, Catherine," he smiled meekly.

"Anytime, Greg. You take care of yourself and remember what I told you, if you feel you need to go home tonight, go ahead. I will understand." She gave him another hug. She watched him carefully as he left her office. She was really worried about him but didn't want to let on. She could see he was barely holding it together. She hoped Nick would be there for him again when he needed him.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N-Okay I come with another intense chapter. It seems they are all pretty intense lately. But this one shows starts to show how much Greg is changing._

_I want to thank those of you who have left reviews(Momodude115, Tracy79, greggo-123, purplehaze97, 101spacemonkey, Roxie Jameson and others)and hope you continue to enjoy this intense ride._

* * *

><p>Greg found Nick in the layout room. "Hey, so did Archie find anything with the new video and who it might have come from?" He asked Nick as he came to stand beside him at the table with photos of their case laid out on it.<p>

Nick turned to look at him. He studied him a moment to see if he looked okay after telling Catherine he had HIV. He looked tired still but otherwise he seemed okay. "No, unfortunately nothing new to report on. He did get the site to pull the video from it and all the comments left behind."

Greg chewed his lower lip a moment. "Did you see how many comments were on there before it was removed?"

Nick frowned knowing that the comments and that people had seen the video were eating away at him. "Don't think about that, Greg. It'll only bother you more. It's gone now."

Greg turned his determined gaze at Nick. "I want to know how many comments, Nick," he said with the same determination.

"Damn it Greg. Why are you doing this to yourself? Just forget it," Nick said angrily now.

"Fine, I'll go to Archie and have him tell me." He started to turn away when Nick grabbed his arm to stop him.

"37 comments and 174 views…damn it," Nick said through gritted teeth.

Greg hesitated a moment, taking a deep breath to cool his anger that he had felt building up. He turned around and looked at Nick. "Thank you for telling me. Now let's get to work. Do we have anything new?"

Nick was mad how Greg could just change the subject and not want to discuss it further. "You can't just ask me how many comments and stuff on that video and let it be suddenly. What's going through your head, Greg?"

Greg turned to glare at him. "What's going on in my head? You don't want to know what's going on in my head right now, Nick, I can assure you. Now if you will allow me to move along with my life, I want to know what the latest on the case is?"

Nick would not let it drop, not after what he just said. "You need to see Dr. Warren again and soon. I'm worried about you Greg. You've been acting very odd lately."

Greg grunted. "Odd? You think I've been acting odd. Well news flash, Stokes, you try finding out you have HIV and then get sent videos of yourself being brutally raped by a gang of men, which then happens to turn up online for the world to see and you try acting NORMAL. Fuck you, Nick. You know what, Catherine said I didn't have to work tonight if I didn't want to and you know what? I've decided I'm not going to. Goodbye Nick. See you in ten hours." He turned around and left the layout room in anger.

Nick was about to go after him when Catherine stepped into the room and blocked his way. She had overheard some of their argument in the hallway. "Nick, let him be. He's had enough stress for one day. Maybe he does need to be alone for awhile."

Nick shook his head. "Catherine, I am seriously worried about him. He's been a roller coaster of emotions lately after learning about his HIV status and the videos. I don't know where his mind is at and it frightens me."

"Has he said or done anything to make you think he will try to do something rash?"

"Besides getting angry, not really but I keep waiting for something to happen," he said with a heavy sigh. He felt Greg was hiding something from him but he was not sure what it was.

"Nick, just be patient with him and he'll talk to you when he is ready to. That's what happened before…give him time and I am sure he will again. You just have to wait this mess out. Best thing you can do right now is focus on the current case and solve this so you both can get out of that BDSM world for him again. I don't think this case has been helping matters. Do you have any new leads on who might have had it out for Jason Carbone?"

"No, not really. We did find out he was HIV positive and some people were pissed because he had unprotected sex even when he knew. But that is all hearsay… we haven't had any of the actual people come out who got it from him. I think if we find that out, we will have found our killer."

Catherine frowned. "Do you think Jasper was the one who gave Greg the HIV?"

"We are having necropsy done on Jasper to see if he had it. I believe he did. But if he didn't, most likely that means the fourth unknown man did," Nick told her.

"What do you think Greg will do if he ever finds out who that fourth man is?" She asked him, wondering if he had been thinking the same thing.

Nick leaned against the table and gave Catherine a worried look. "I'm not sure anymore. The anger is something newer that he's been experiencing and I'm not sure how far it would go. Look at what happened with Jasper."

"Well if you two need anything, just let me know. I don't want anything more bad happening to my two favorite CSI's," she said with a polite smile.

"Thanks Catherine, that means a lot. I guess I should focus on this case but it is frustrating me. I feel like the Jamison's, especially the son, is lying to us or covering for someone. I just don't know who. I'm going over all the image captures again from the video surveillance and the pictures of those at the party that night to see if any look like the same. I'll leave Greg be until I get home from work. Then I will try talking to him again."

Catherine left Nick alone in the layout room to study the photos. Nick tried concentrating on the pictures but he kept thinking about Greg and what had gotten into him lately. He only hoped the evening away from work and him would bring him to his senses.

Greg was furious on his drive home. He was sick of having to explain himself to Nick. He was tired of Nick always worrying about him. He knew that Nick would be better off without him in the long run; he just wished he could make Nick see that.

When he got home, he opened up the closet and saw his old box of stuff. He pulled it out and found his leather mask in there that he wore the other night. He thought about what the Observer said about him having issues and needing a way to get them out. Then he pictured Brad Jamison's smug face, practically laughing at him in front of Nick. He wondered if Blackhawk would be at Vegas Underground again. He thought it was time he paid the place another visit and confront him this time in private.

He pulled out a pair of black jeans and a black long sleeved t-shirt. He pulled his jacket on over it and grabbed his mask on his way out the door.

When he arrived at Vegas Underground, he pulled his mask on and walked up to the front door. The bouncer from the other night recognized him and let him in. He scanned the stage and noticed a group up there performing sex acts but it was not Blackhawk and his people. He scanned the room and didn't see them anywhere. Maybe he was too early he thought, since it was only midnight. Most of the time that crowd got wild around 2 am, when many other clubs are slowing down. He went up to the bar and asked for a shot of tequila. He felt like he needed some liquid courage to help along with the Xanax in calming his nerves. Even though he had anger inside of him, he still had nerves about being in a place like that again.

"Hey Nighthawk, we got a private party in a back room, you want to join us tonight? You can spank me all you want," purred a voice behind him. He turned around and saw the lovely Red Rose in her red leather corset and lace panties and not much else. She smiled at him invitingly. She wore no mask over her pretty face. He hated being a jerk and turning her down twice but he was there for one purpose. "I'm looking for someone actually."

"Well if you are looking for Blackhawk, it's his party I am inviting you to. He saw you come in on the club cam in our room and asked me to come out and see if you were interested," She said to him. He looked up and saw a camera over the bar and then he looked around and saw a few more.

"Who owns this place?" He asked out of sudden curiosity. She smiled. "There are several owners, Blackhawk being one of them." He rolled his eyes, he should have figured.

"Where's this room?" He decided to go and confront this man again. She smiled and led him down the hallway towards the bathrooms. They passed those and then there were a couple of doors past them. She went to the one farthest down and opened it up. She walked in first and went over to Blackhawk. He was dressed in black leather pants and wore a black and red vinyl tank top with his black and red hood on. He turned around when Red Rose told him that Nighthawk had come. Greg could see him smirk. Greg stood still by the door, quickly taking in the room and how many were there. The room was fairly large and had several various sex machine devices in it. Blackhawk's slave was strapped to an X-cross. The two females from the other night were pleasuring another man he had not seen before, who wore no mask. Red Rose was the only other person in the room. She sauntered over to Blackhawk's slave and started teasing one of his nipples with her teeth.

Greg focused back on Blackhawk who was walking towards him. He stopped a couple feet from him. He looked him up and down and then smirked again. "I see you couldn't resist the temptation of the whip. It felt powerful being in control of it, didn't it?"

Greg felt his tension building. He didn't want him to get to him again. He had to ask him. He had to know. He stepped a foot closer to him so no one else could hear their conversation. "I know you are the one sending me the videos. It's not going to work. We're going to figure out that you are Jason Carbone's killer and that you are the other man who took part in my kidnapping and rape," he said with determination.

Brad Jamison's smirk faded. He stepped even closer to Greg now, but Greg didn't back off. "You think you know a lot but you don't know anything. You have no proof I did anything and I didn't kill anyone. If I recall correctly, you are the one who has killed people. I believe a Demetrius James and then of course, Jasper Marks", he paused for effect. "Oh you look surprised. I know a lot more about you than you know about me. Don't forget that. Now do you want to take part in the activities here or do you want to go home and cry to your boyfriend?"

Greg seethed with anger. "I will find a way to prove you're guilty and you will pay."

Brad had enough and finally turned his back on Greg and walked back over to his slave and Red Rose. He whispered something to Red Rose. Greg stood standing still where he was before Red Rose came back over to him. He was still staring at Blackhawk aka Brad Jamison when he felt something being put into his hand. He looked down and saw a cat-o-nine whip in his hand. He looked up at Red Rose who placed it in his hand. "I can't," he suddenly said.

She leaned into him and whispered. "Blackhawk said you could use his slave, Jakob, if you wanted to unleash your anger." Greg looked over her shoulder at the man on the X-Cross, he seemed to be glaring at Greg with his own hatred. But Greg wasn't sure why as the man seemed to enjoy his position of being submissive. Maybe he didn't like his master taking such an interest in Greg himself.

"Jakob likes the abuse, he thrives on pain, so don't worry about it, if that is what you are thinking," she continued on. She took his other hand in hers and started pulling him into the room further. Greg went along until he was standing only a few feet away from Jakob.

"Jakob here is waiting for the whip to come down on him…if you don't want to do it, Nighthawk, I will gladly show my slave who is in control around here and who isn't," Brad said knowing it would drive Greg to act.

Greg knew he meant that he would make Greg a submissive again. He could not have that. He had to show he could be in control. He looked down at the cat-o-nine whip and knew how painful it could be. Then he looked back at Jakob, who was glaring at him, but this time almost with a dare in his eyes. "Are you afraid of pain, Nighthawk? My master could show you what real pain is like." Jakob finally said.

Suddenly Greg brought the whip across the man's chest, spouting "You know nothing of pain." He brought back the whip again and put it across his chest again. "You have no clue what pain is." Jakob gritted his teeth but bared the lashings that Greg was serving upon his chest.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and shrugged it off as he spun around. Red Rose stepped back a foot as she saw the fury in his eyes. "Sorry, I just thought you could stop for a while and maybe enjoy some other kind of fun." He saw some fright in her eyes and realized he had lost control of his anger again. He looked over at Blackhawk who had the stupid smirk on his face again. He walked away from Red Rose and over to Blackhawk, who was surprised at his approach.

He pointed his finger in his face. "I'll make sure that smirk is wiped off your face one of these days soon. You'll be the one who no longer has control over anything." He threw the cat-o-nine down to the ground and then stormed out of the room and out of the club.

Once inside his car he realized he was shaking with anger. He pulled the mask off and threw it on passenger side floor. He slammed his hands against the dashboard, furious with himself and furious with Brad Jamison. How was he going to prove that he was the one behind all of this? Brad was right, there was no proof except Greg's word against his. And in a court of law he knew he could never prove it. There wasn't the evidence, at least not yet.

He could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. He knew he was letting Brad Jamison get to him and he couldn't. He tried inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm himself down. He managed enough to take one last look back at the club door before pulling out of the parking lot to head home.

Brad Jamison stepped outside the door once he saw Greg Sanders leave the parking lot. He couldn't help but feel satisfied that he was helping unravel the man in ways he hadn't expected. He walked back into the club to go back to the private room. Inside Red Rose was helping Jakob out of his restraints on the X-cross. Brad sat down in a lounge chair and pondered his next move against Greg Sanders.

"Master," he heard. He looked up and saw Jakob looking at him and then kneel down at his feet. "I'm I not good enough for you anymore, Master?" Brad had noticed that his slave was becoming more jealous lately of his activities. He couldn't help but smile at what a great choice he made in his slave. He was as a sex slave should be eager to please and not wanting anyone else to come between them.

"Jakob, you know I like to test out new subjects. I'm just playing around with Nighthawk. He's a former submissive desperately trying to flip the tables. He'll break again one day and be submissive, I know it. But you will always satisfy me." He leaned down and placed his hand on Jakob's collar. "I made this especially for you, not everyone has an 18 karat gold studded leather collar. You're special to me, don't ever doubt that."

"But if I may, Master, you never let anyone new whip me unless you are bringing them into the fold. Is he going to be one of them?"

"Slave, you worry too much. Come now and please your Master," Blackhawk told his slave as he spread his legs wide and unzipped his pants. Jakob smiled at him. "Yes Master, always willing to please you," he said before taking his Master into his mouth.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N-Sorry once again for the long wait but I am trying to get more writing done again lately. So hopefully I can post another chapter later this week. _

_As you will see in this chapter, things are going downhill for Greg. Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews._

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><p>The vision before his eyes disgusted him. There was nothing appealing about it. Varying degrees of scars; some long ones from whips, others somewhat circular in shape from cigarettes or the mini torch that burned his flesh and left rough patches of skin all over his torso and other areas of his body. Newer lacerations also showed on his chest from his own self-mutilation. He was an ugly, disgusting freak and Brad Jamison helped make him that way.<p>

He stood naked, in front of the bathroom mirror after taking a cold shower when he got home. He had carelessly thrown his garments and mask into the box in the closet and pushed it to the back before taking his shower. Now he stood glaring at his body, hating everything about him now. "Nick, you're a fucking fool if you think I don't look like a freak of nature now. I wish you would stop lying to me and to yourself. You can do so much better," he said aloud but Nick was not even home yet. He knew he couldn't say that stuff to Nick anymore because he would only get mad at him and tell him to see the shrink.

"Fuck seeing that shrink too. She doesn't understand anything of what I am going through." He picked up the razor blade he bought on the way home and placed it on his chest and proceeded to draw blood down across an old scar made from Jasper. "My pain is to share with no one," he said as he watched the thin line of blood drip down his chest.

He stared at the vision in the mirror a few moments before tossing the blade into the sink and rinsing it off and drying it. He picked up the Kleenex box and placed it under it, securing it in place with tape and then placing it back in its rightful spot. He then grabbed some tissues and started blotting the blood. "Damn HIV infected blood," he said bitterly. "So defective," he murmured before placing a bandage on the cut.

He grabbed his sweatpants and shirt and put it on, before he flushed the bloodied tissues down the toilet to hide his disgrace. He looked at himself all dressed and covered up now to make sure no other traces of blood could be found before departing the bathroom. He went out into the kitchen and looked at his HIV meds. He frowned before opening up the set dose he had in his pill box. He opened it and dropped the pills into his palm. He sighed before placing them into his mouth and grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator to drink them down.

He proceeded into the living room and slouched down on the sofa. He stared straight ahead at nothing in particular while trying to remember a time when he felt like a normal human being. He could hardly remember anymore; it was like his memories from before his time being held captive had been buried long ago. Now all he had were the memories of torture and rape and feelings of humiliation, revulsion and hate. He wanted to feel in control of his life again but lately he felt like it was spinning out of control.

xxxx

Nick was able to leave work a couple hours early and glad because he was worried sick about Greg. He entered their house and walked into the living room only to see Greg not even flinch. He was staring at seemingly nothing, still as could be.

"Greg, are you okay?" He asked as he slowly approached his partner.

Without moving his gaze away, he spoke. "That's a stupid question, Nick."

Nick chewed on his lower lip a moment, wondering what he could say to him that wouldn't trigger an outburst from him. "I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately."

Greg grunted a mock laugh. "Wow, you are observant. I had no idea I wasn't acting normal." He finally turned his head and looked at him. The deep pain was back in his eyes. "Tell me, Nick, how I should be acting. I mean how would you act if you found out you had HIV in the same week videos of you in the worst moments of your life are made public and people are commenting on them. Tell me how I should act Nick, because I thought I was acting like someone in my position might be. But then again how should you know? This is like nothing you've ever had to deal with." His eyes bore into Nick's soul, stealing away any words he could think of.

Greg waited through a minute of silence before turning his head away to look out the window. "I thought so," he said quietly.

This side of Greg scared the crap out of Nick. It was like he was talking to a stranger. He didn't know this Greg; he didn't know what to say to him. He could only think of one thing. "I love you, Greg."

The younger man made a sad sounding chuckle. "You think love is a cure all, don't you? You're a romantic fool if you think those words solve everything."

Nick had to do something. He sat down next to Greg and lightly grabbed his chin and made him face him. He almost regretted it after seeing the haunted look in his eyes. "I know it can't cure all but it has to help knowing you are not alone, that you are still loved." He realized he broke through some barrier when he saw the beautiful brown eyes well up.

"I don't know anymore," he said heartbreakingly.

Nick shook his head as tears came to his eyes. "Don't say that. It has to matter."

Greg sighed and looked down. "I'm tired Nick. It's been an exhausting day. Can we just sleep on it and talk more tomorrow? I can't do this right now."

Nick dropped his hand from his face. At least he was talking to him and willing to talk tomorrow. "I agree it has been a tiring day. Sleep we can do. I'll just shower and meet you in bed, okay?"

Greg lifted his head feebly. "Sure."

"Good," Nick said before rising to his feet and heading to the bedroom. Greg waited until he was gone and heard the shower running before he let the tears fall freely from his eyes. "He doesn't get it," he mumbled uselessly before slowly getting to his feet and heading for their bed.

xxxx

Nick opened his eyes and turned to see his sleeping lover. His was on his side facing him. He looked at him and he thought how peaceful he looked in sleep. He thought it was the only time he looked at peace lately. He hoped he was having a nightmare-free sleep. He wanted to make all the bad things go away in his life.

He thought about what Greg said about love not solving anything. He wanted to believe it would but he realized what he had told him was true. He just didn't know what else to do to help him out. The only thing he could do was find out who was sending these videos and catch them. He knew it had to be the fourth man.

He heard Greg moan a little and then his face didn't look as peaceful anymore. He didn't want him to have another nightmare. He took a chance at waking him up. "Greg," he said as he traced his fingers through his hair. He stirred and fluttered open his eyes.

"Huh," he murmured as he tried to focus his eyes. He saw Nick looking at him with a small smile on his face. He groaned. "I was sleeping nicely, why did you wake me?" He asked as he glared at him.

"I thought you were having a nightmare, you were sort of moaning and became restless. I'm sorry," Nick apologized, not wanting to have him in a bad mood already.

Greg looked at the patient, amazing man lying in bed with him and decided to give him a break today. "It's okay. If I was having a nightmare I don't remember it. Probably a good thing for a change."

"So did you want to talk now because I'd like to just make out with you," Nick smirked, hoping to get Greg in a better mood to start the day.

Greg remembered what he once said himself not too long ago; he wasn't going to get past anything if he didn't make new, good memories. He smirked in return and scooted closer to Nick. "I think I could use a good make out session."

Nick smiled and pressed his lips against his lovers'. They spent a couple of minutes of passionate kissing before Nick was craving more of Greg. He started snaking his hand up Greg's shirt when he felt Greg's hand stop his. Greg suddenly pushed away from him.

"No, we can't go any further than that." He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Nick sighed. "Why? Because you have HIV? I'm not worried about that." He sat up himself and scooted closer to him. "I don't care that you have HIV, we can still practice safe sex and we have already since."

Greg shook his head. "It wasn't 100% positive like it is now," he told him. It wasn't the real reason he was pulling away from him. He couldn't have him discover he had been cutting himself again. He would march him to the doctor's office immediately if he did find out.

"That still doesn't change anything. How do I make you understand that?" Nick said exasperated.

"Maybe another day I will but today I just can't. Please just honor my request right now. I don't want to argue again," he sighed and turned around to look at Nick, hoping he would understand this once.

Nick saw the pleading in his eyes and couldn't argue with him at his time. It wasn't worth it. "Okay I won't push it."

Greg smiled meekly at him. "Thanks. How about I make us something to eat?"

"Sure, go ahead. I'm going to shave and dress for work," Nick said to him. He got up and went to the bathroom. Greg got up and went out into the kitchen in his PJ's to make a meal for them.

Nick got out of the shower and was rummaging through the closet when the box in the back caught his eye. He had never seen it opened before. He knew it to be one of Greg's boxes back from his bachelor days. He reached back and pulled out an item that was partially out. When he saw it he was shocked. It was a partial slave hood. He dug in the box more and found other clothes from Greg's old days before he knew he was involved in that world. He wondered why the box had been recently opened. He actually wondered why Greg still had the items at all after all he went through.

He decided on his own clothes to wear and got dressed quickly. He was going to ask Greg about the box. Maybe it was the reason he was so moody lately.

He saw Greg placing plates on the table of mixed vegetables and Chicken Alfredo. It was from a frozen premade, microwavable entrée. He sat down at the table, hiding the mask behind his back for now. He wanted to wait for them to finish eating. He knew Greg might not eat if he did bring it up now.

"Looks good, Greg," he said before digging his fork into the food.

"Well you know, my microwaving skills are fierce," Greg said with a smirk. He was trying to put on a happier face. He didn't want Nick knowing how he really felt.

"Yes, they sure are." They ate their food without much further conversation. Nick pushed his plate away when he was done and waited for Greg to finish his meal.

Greg noticed that something seemed like it was on Nick's mind. "Do you have something to say to me?" he asked in a defensive way.

Nick cleared his throat before reaching in his back pocket and pulling out the leather mask. "I found this at the back of our closet, in one of your old boxes. It looked like it had been dug out recently. Why do you still have this?" Nick noticed Greg grow pale.

Greg felt like he was going to have an anxiety attack. He stared at the mask he wore just hours before in Nick's hand. He thought he had placed the box back properly but in his mood he guessed he had not paid proper attention.

Nick recognized the signs of him possibly going into a panic attack. "Hey, if you're going to freak out about this trying to tell me, don't tell me then. I don't want to have you turning blue on me again."

Greg took a deep breath and closed his eyes a moment to gather himself. "I was going through some of my old stuff earlier and came across it. I…I saw it and had some flashbacks and just shoved it back in and pushed the box back." He opened his eyes back up to look at Nick, hoping he bought his lie.

Nick put the mask down on the floor out of view to not torture him anymore. "Why didn't you toss this stuff ages ago?"

Greg sighed lightly, seeing his lie was bought. "I had kept it back when I first moved in with you because I thought maybe, someday you might be interested in a little…kink foreplay. But then there was that one case with Lady Heather and you told me how much you couldn't believe anyone would be into that…lifestyle." He looked down, feeling the shame again come over him at what he did hours ago.

Nick could see his guilt come over his features before he looked down. He never realized that even back then Greg had known his past would have been a turn off for Nick. He never realized he hid that part of his life from him in fear of losing Nick.

"I forgot about the box until today when I was rummaging through the closet looking for an old jacket," he lied again. His guilt only grew with each lie he spewed. He felt nauseous.

"Well perhaps it is time you threw those things out then," Nick suggested to him.

Greg looked up at him suddenly and then got to his feet. "I think I'm going to be sick." He then took off and ran to the bathroom. Nick felt horrible again for being the one to bring up something to cause Greg pain. It just seemed he couldn't do anything right by him anymore.

In the bathroom, Greg washed off his hands and face after throwing up his meal. He looked again in the mirror and cursed himself. He wanted so badly now to make all these feelings disappear for a bit, but Nick was bound to check on him soon and he could not be caught cutting himself. He ran his hand through his hair and grabbed a handful and pulled hard, gritting his teeth in pain. He knew he was trembling as he let his hand fall at his side.

"Greg, I'm sorry I brought it up. Are going to be okay?" He heard Nick say outside the bathroom door. He blinked back tears and started taking deep breaths to calm himself down. He couldn't break down again in front of Nick. He had to show Nick he would be fine even though he knew he was nowhere near fine.

"Yeah I'm just going to brush my teeth to get the nasty taste out of my mouth and I'll be out," he told Nick through the door.

Nick leaned against the wall by the bathroom door and wondered what he was going to do. Too much was happening lately that was affecting their lives. It all seemed to start up with this current case they caught. Maybe if they found out who the killer was they would find out who this 4th man that was sending these videos that were tormenting Greg. He knew that is where all this was rooting from. He was finally getting his life back on track and then all this happened again.

Greg stepped out of the bathroom and saw Nick leaning against the wall. He looked at him. "Uh, I'm going to go clean up the kitchen." He started bypassing Nick to go to the kitchen when Nick grabbed his arm.

"Don't, I'll do it. You should probably get dressed for work, if you think you are up to going in tonight," Nick said to him, with sorry written all over his face.

"Yeah I think I need to go to work and focus on something else for a while," he told him.

"Good, then I'll clean up while you dress, okay?" Nick said trying to give him an encouraging smile.

"Okay," Greg nodded. Nick smiled at him before heading back into the kitchen.

Greg sighed and went to the closet and looked at the offending box. He decided that perhaps it was time to pick it up and toss the stuff out. He doubted after all that had happened tonight he would go back to the club. He put on some clothes for work first and then picked up the box and placed it on the bed. He looked inside it to make sure there really wasn't anything he wanted to keep. He picked up the tank top he wore the night before and a spot of blood on it caught his eye. He quickly shoved it to the bottom of the box before Nick might pop in and see it. He was lucky Nick had not seen it. Greg could see it was fresh blood and Nick would have had more questions if he had seen it.

Nick was just putting away the last dish in the dishwasher when he saw Greg carrying the box out of the bedroom. He watched him as he went out the door to the garage. He could hear him seemingly opening the trash can lid and putting the box inside it and then placing the lid back on it. He came back inside. He looked slightly relieved when he returned.

"I did it. I threw it out, 13 years late but it's gone," he said to Nick. Nick came over to him and put his hands on his shoulders, smiling at him. "It'll get easier with time. I know right now everything seems to be going backwards but things will get better again, I promise."

Greg faked a small smile for Nick. He knew he was delusional to think they things would ever be better again. Things only seemed to be getting worse to him. "Yeah, I know, it takes time."

Nick smiled bigger, thinking Greg took a big step with throwing out that box. "It does." He paused a moment before letting go of his arms. "So how about we go to work and get our night started?"

"Sure thing," Greg said to him. He let Nick lead the way and followed behind him, making no real effort to be enthusiastic for work.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N- Well time for a new chapter, one that will reveal a few key things and lead up to a major chapter, which I will try to post later this week. And thanks again for all you faithful readers, even after such long breaks in between chapters. This is a lighter work week for me so I hope to get my stuff typed up that I have prepared. Enjoy!_

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><p>The shift at work had brought on new cases for each Greg and Nick that took them away from the Jason Carbone case that was slowly starting to grow cold. Greg finished with his arson case before Nick finished with his shooting case. Greg waited around in the break room for Nick to be done since they had chosen to drive in together for their shift. Greg had the files of the Jason Carbone case sitting in front of him, looking to see if there was anything besides the gathering being held in his house that linked Brad Jamison directly to the murder. Nothing stood out and it frustrated him. He knew he had to have done it even though he told him he was not a murderer.<p>

"Hey, are you ready to go home soon?" Greg looked up and saw Nick standing in the doorway of the break room. "Yeah I guess," he replied and looked back down at the paperwork before him.

Nick walked in to see what was getting his attention. Then he realized it was the Jason Carbone case. "Did you find something new?" Nick asked him.

"No and I just have this strong feeling that Brad Jamison is responsible but there is nothing that can prove it," he sighed.

"You really do not like this Brad guy," Nick said to him as he sat down across from him.

Greg looked up again at him with a serious look. "He's guilty of something, I know that but there is no way to prove it as you said." He looked back at the paperwork and closed the folder.

Nick was curious about what he said. "What's he guilty of, Greg?"

Greg stilled and realized he had slipped up. He thought fast of what to say. "He's guilty of being a creepy sadist."

"Well that I guess I could agree on. Let's put this night to rest and go home," Nick suggested.

"Yeah, good idea," Greg said but his mind was on what he had said himself. He was becoming someone he considered creepy. He remembered those few brief moments of feeling pleasure in seeing Brad's slave in pain. He was no better than Blackhawk or any of his friends. He was startled from his thoughts by Nick placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, I thought you said you were ready to go? Something bothering you?" Nick asked.

Greg couldn't help but snort, everything was bothering him. "Yeah this case but now's not the time. Let's go."

On the drive home they talked about their cases from the day. Once they got home and Greg got out of the car he felt a little strange. As they walked through the door he put his hand out to the wall as he felt dizzy and thought he might lose his balance. Nick noticed this and quickly grabbed his other arm.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked with worry etching his face.

"I just need to sit down," he told him. Nick assisted in leading him to the kitchen table to sit down. "Hey have you eaten at all today?" Nick asked him.

Greg settled into a chair, still feeling a bit woozy. "I ate an apple and a bag of chips during shift," he said to him.

"Greg, jeez, you threw up your meal here and what you ate at work is not enough food. You need to eat, no wonder you are dizzy. Let me get us something to eat and hopefully you'll feel better," Nick said to him in a scolding manner.

Greg looked down sheepishly. He knew he should have eaten more but he didn't have any appetite lately. "How about some Chinese food?"

Nick chuckled a little. "You and Chinese food all the time. Okay, I will order some for delivery. Do you want your usual?" Greg nodded. Nick smirked before grabbing their cordless phone and calling their favorite Chinese restaurant.

After Nick ordered he advised Greg he was going to take a shower and he threw money on the table in case the food came before he was out. Greg got up from the table now that he felt a little better and went over to the sofa, grabbing his laptop on the way. He opened up his laptop and waited for it to boot up. He dreaded checking his email, afraid a new video would be there. Upon opening his email he saw one again from his new nemesis. He was afraid to open it but his curiosity always got the better of him. He opened it up and this time there was no video attached, just words. He read what it said:

_So you are now a star on several websites in case you haven't had a chance to see. You might have been able to pull the original video but people had already downloaded it and now you're a star in the BDSM world. Although I am sure you were aware the video would not die off completely. The sadists love seeing a slave enduring so much as you did. If they only knew that you led two lives. Enjoy knowing you are wanted by many to be their own personal sex slave.-JM_

Greg quickly deleted this email. He knew who was sending them, there was no longer any question in his mind. The problem was each of these emails affected him more than he wanted them to. He felt nauseous again and was glad he had not eaten yet. He closed his computer and put it to the side. What was he going to do about Brad Jamison? He couldn't let him keep tormenting him like this but he also couldn't prove anything at this point. He wondered if Brad was such a great computer hacker that he was able to send these emails without being traced. So far Archie had no luck. He remembered Brad Jamison often traveled the world and thought that perhaps he had some connections overseas that was helping him in these emails. It could take forever to search something like that though. He sighed; he had to think of something to bring him out into the open.

"Hey, no food yet?" He looked up and saw Nick wearing nothing but the towel around his waist, his hair still damp. He looked at his perfect body and felt self-conscious again. He averted his eyes down. "No, it hasn't come yet," he said quickly, hoping Nick would go back and put some clothes on.

Nick noticed his reaction and worried again. Greg was pulling away from him slowly again and that was not a good sign. "I'm uh, going to go finish up then," he said to him. He walked back into the bedroom.

Once Nick was back in the bedroom, Greg put a hand to his chest knowing what a mess it was under his shirt. Even with the self-inflicted damage he did to himself, after what Jasper and the other men did to him he never looked the same at himself anyway. He was a hideous sight to himself; he would never understand why Nick stuck with him. He was distracted from his thoughts at the doorbell ringing. He got up and grabbed the money to give to the delivery guy.

Nick came out a minute later and saw Greg placing the food on the table. He sat down and noticed Greg was avoiding eye contact with him. He wanted to tell him something but he wanted him to eat before he gave him the news. So instead they ate in an awkward silence. Finally after he had eaten at least most of the food on his plate Nick decided to tell him.

"I made a call while in the bedroom earlier. I called Dr. Warren; she's out of town this week but will be back next week. I set up an appointment for you to see her," he told Greg. Greg looked up at him, looking slightly peeved.

"What did I do wrong now to make you call in the shrink?" He asked, sounding snarky.

"Look, we talked the other day about it and you said you would go back to her. You've been withdrawing from me again ever since those damn videos popped up. We hardly talk without getting into an argument. I'm just worried about you," Nick told him sincerely.

"Well if you are so worried about me then maybe you should just get rid of me. I told you months ago that I wasn't the same man I used to be and was not sure you could deal with me and now I am sure. We should just move on from each other, it would be best," Greg told him, seeking a way to stop dragging Nick down further into his darkness.

"That's not what I want Greg. I'm not saying I can't handle living with you; you're the one saying that. I just mean your moods have gotten more extreme again lately. It worries me and you don't like to talk about it, so what else am I supposed to do but hope you will talk to your doctor," he tried to make him understand.

Greg looked down and knew he had been a roller coaster of emotions lately. He'd been trying to keep them in check but sometimes he just couldn't control them. It seemed he was losing control of his life again but in a different way. He sighed knowing he was being difficult again when he really didn't want to be. His eyes met Nick's loving ones. "Okay, I'll go to her again. Just remind me when it comes closer."

"Thanks, I feel better knowing you will be seeing her again. She helped before." Nick watched as Greg just nodded and then continued to pick at his food. "How about we watch a movie after we clean up here and then go to bed?"

"Sure, that sounds fine." Greg just wanted something to take his mind off all his problems.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day they decided on taking separate cars into work again since Greg had to wait around the night before for Nick to finish up. They didn't talk much before they went into work. Greg was still thinking about his last email and wondering just how many people had seen him now in that horrifying and humiliating state. It was almost making him feel physically sick but he knew work would help his mind focus elsewhere.

Greg hoped for a new case since he couldn't think of anything new to check out on the Jason Carbone case. "Hey you two, glad you are here. We have another busy night. I'll need you to work separate cases again. Nick you have a 419 off Flamingo and Greg you have a 414 at the Bellagio," Catherine told them as they came to her office.

Nick grabbed his paperwork and barely said "see you later" to Greg before heading out. Greg stayed a moment, knowing he had aggravated Nick again by hardly talking to him at all since they got up. "Hey, are you two okay?"

Greg turned to Catherine who asked the question. "It's kind of the usual. He's upset because I'm not opening up to him and I'm upset because he is sort of pressuring me," he shrugged.

"I hate seeing you two at odds. It's probably best that you two are not working the same cases today. Sometimes seeing too much of your significant other can drive you nuts. I know it did for me in the past."

"Yeah I guess you are right. I just don't think he understands me anymore but he's a good man and he just deserves much better," he said as his gaze went past her.

She pursed her lips in concern. "You're a good man too, Greg. You deserve Nick just as much as he deserves you. Have you decided to tell the others yet about your HIV status?" She asked him.

His eyes met hers again. "No decision yet. I'm just afraid of everyone treating me like I am even more fragile than they do now, you know what I mean."

"I do but it's because everyone here cares about you, just give them a chance one day," she suggested.

"I know…I'm still thinking about it." Just then Catherine's cell phone rang. "I guess that's my cue to get to work. Thanks for the pep talk, Catherine," he said to her with a forced smile. She didn't even detect it.

Several hours later Nick finished his case early this time, Sara had been freed up from her case and helped him collect the evidence from the motel room of where a dead woman was found. Everything pointed to a drug overdose and by late in his shift Doc Robbins and Henry had confirmed it. Greg was still working on his grand larceny case so Nick texted him to let him know he was heading home. Shortly after getting an okay from Greg back in text he headed home in his truck. He was driving when his cell phone rang and the number on it he didn't recognize. He answered it just by saying hello.

"CSI Stokes, I have some info on your Jason Carbone case but I want to tell only you first to see if it is worth anything. Meet me at Brad Jamison's house as soon as you can." The caller hung up and Nick stared at the phone and pondered calling the number back. He didn't think it was Brad that called him but someone else. Maybe it was one of the house workers with information. Nick figured what the hell; any new leads on that case would be great. He wasn't far from the Jamison's house, so he headed there.

Ten minutes later he was pulling into the massive driveway that lead up to the mansion, the gate guard let him in as he was expected. As he approached the door, he laid one hand on his gun in case it was a trap. He rapped on the door and it was opened a few seconds later by the housemaid, Rosa. "Hola Señor Stokes, Señor is waiting for you in the lounge room." She led him to a room he remembered during the first visit there. It was like a library really with some high-backed leather chairs and high gloss bookcases on every wall, filled with many books. He walked in and expected to see Brad Jamison but instead he saw a man he had not seen before. He stood up and put his hand out to shake Nick's.

"Hello my name is Jakob Newsome. I am a very close, personal friend of Brad's. He lets me stay here often. Please take a seat," the man offered. Nick wasn't sure what to make of this man. He seemed ordinary enough. He wore black jeans and a blue button down shirt. Nick sat down in one of the large chairs and gazed around the room.

"I didn't look at this room so well last time I was here, but it is really beautiful. It must be nice to be a close, personal friend of such a rich man who can enjoy such luxury," Nick commented as he turned his attention to the man before him. He had brown, shortly cropped hair and almost black eyes.

Jakob smiled. "It is nice and I take full advantage of it when I can. Brad is out on business so I thought it was time I told someone what happened the night of Jason Carbone's murder.

"Oh Rosa, thank you for the refreshments. Mr. Stokes, would you care for a glass of Iced Tea or warm tea. I happen to prefer warm," Jakob said as Rose brought in a tray of both and crackers and cheese.

"Iced tea would be nice, thank you," Nick said as he was poured a glass. Jakob poured his own hot tea into a tea cup and took a sip and then smiled as he saw Nick drink a good deal of the iced tea down.

"So I don't recall you being here that night at the party, so how can you know about what happened?" Nick asked him.

"Oh well you see I was here but I left before you all arrived and I am glad I did. I can't stand being interrogated by the police," he said with a smirk as he saw Nick start to blink his eyes more.

Nick was feeling a little light headed and was just starting to realize what he was saying. He was the man who had left early; he was probably the killer of Jason Carbone. He went to reach for his gun when Rosa, who had remained in the room behind his chair, grabbed it from his hands. She also took his cell phone out of its holder. She quickly walked away from him and handed the cell phone and gun to Jakob who looked all too pleased with himself. Nick tried to stand up and fell right back down. His head was spinning something fierce.

"You drugged me," he slurred out as he tried to stand up again.

"Yes, I did. You see I don't like other men going after my Master and your boyfriend has been too much of a tease for him. It's time I show your boyfriend that two can play that game. I'll see if he is really the Dominate he is trying too hard to act like," Jakob said with a snicker.

Nick was totally confused. Greg was a tease to his boyfriend, Greg a Dominate? He was about to ask Jakob what he meant when his world went black.

Jakob looked at Rosa with great satisfaction. "Rosa, se me han servido bien. Vamos nos encargamos de este hombre que tienta a nuestro maestro una vez por todas. Me ayude en llevarlo en nuestra habitación especial. Voy entonces el texto el señor Nighthawk sobre su querido."*

*Translation: Rosa, you have served me well. We shall take care of this man who tempts our Master once and for all. Assist me in taking him down into our special room. I will then text Señor Nighthawk about his loved one.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Again thanks for the awesome reviews you all are leaving. I would give everyone a shout out but it takes more time and I think you all really rather have this chapter. At the end of this chapter I am sure you all will be in shock and I can't wait to hear what you think. **

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><p>Greg was finally done with his case and about to head home when he received a text from Nick. "Meet me at the Jamison's. I think I just caught a hot lead. The others already know I'm on my way there." Greg's eyes opened wide. Had Brad finally decided to confess or did someone else come forward and say they saw him murder Jason Carbone? He was still convinced that Brad was the one who killed Jason.<p>

He got in his SUV and drove over to the Jamison's, eager to know what news Nick had. He saw Nick's truck in the driveway and verified his presence at the household. He sent a quick text to Brass asking which officer was meeting them there before he got out of his vehicle since he did not see another cop car there. He was walking up to the door when Rosa, the housemaid opened it. "Señor Stokes has been waiting for you to come, please come in." Greg frowned a moment, wondering why Nick had not greeted him at the door but went on ahead anyway.

"He's in the Library, let me take you there," she said to him and led him to the room Nick was last in. When they came into the room he didn't see Nick. "What's going on here? Where's Nick?" He asked the housemaid who started to walk out of the room.

"Oh just a moment Señor, he is using the restroom. Please take a seat," she said with a smile and walked out. Greg looked around the library instead, at the collection of books they had. He found a small section of books on sadism and masochism. He pulled one off the shelf and was looking at it when he felt a presence behind him. He was about to turn around when he felt a needle prick in his neck. He quickly moved his hand to push away the needle but it was too late, he had already been injected. When he saw who was doing the injecting he knew he was in trouble.

"Jakob, where's Nick?" he asked already starting to feel the effects of the drug. He was reaching for his own gun when Jakob carefully plucked it out of his holster along with his cell phone.

"Nope, I can't have you using those things here. You are about to find out where Nick is in a few minutes." Jakob turned around and asked Rosa to help him as Greg fell weakly into his arms as he tried to move. "What you've been given doesn't last long but it temporarily paralyzes you, so I can move you wherever I want. Now Rosa, help me move him down the stairs."

Greg's head lolled as he was being held up by the two people who trapped him. Jakob was right, he couldn't feel anything at the moment but he was still conscious. He saw Jakob pull a book out of the bookcase and suddenly it opened to a secret passageway. They carried Greg down the stairs into what he feared would be another prison where he would be tortured and raped. He couldn't do anything to stop them, he was helpless.

As they got to the bottom, Jakob flicked on a light that emblazoned the room. This was not like the dirty, abandoned house basement he had been left to die in, it was instead a play room for a Sadist with the latest equipment. Greg's eyes suddenly caught a figure hanging by his wrists in the corner, shirtless and blindfolded. He wanted to scream to him but he couldn't do anything. He was at the mercy of his capturers yet again.

Greg thought for sure that he was going to be stripped and placed on one of the sex machines but instead they sat him down in a chair that had wrist and leg restraints built in. They strapped him in the chair and then Jakob came before him and lifted his head, since he was still unable to move. "See now you will see what it is like to have someone else going after your boyfriend. And I see your boyfriend doesn't have a mark on him, funny enough. I wonder if he knows about your extracurricular activities," Jakob smirked.

Greg wished he could speak but he was still unable to move. He never figured Jakob to be a problem; perhaps he was wrong all along. "Rosa hold his head up for now until the drug wears off. I want him to see his boyfriend when I take his blindfold off. His drug should be worn off by now but he's still probably groggy."

Rosa held up Greg's head as Jakob went over to Nick and pulled off his blindfold. Nick moaned a little but still seemed out of it. Greg saw him try to move when suddenly he opened his eyes wider and realized he was hanging by his wrists in some Sadist created room. The walls where all cement and reminded Greg far too much of his four month prison, the one main thing different about this place was its cleanliness. It was practically sparkling clean. They must have cleaned off the equipment after each use.

Nick first looked up and saw his dilemma; his wrists had metal cuffs around them that were connected to a chain that was hanging from a thick hook in the ceiling. His toes just missed touching the floor. He looked down at who had taken off the blindfold and finally spoke. "You fucking little bastard, what do you want?"

Jakob smiled and pointed over at Greg, who Nick had not seen yet. Nick's eyes widened when he saw that Greg was having his head held up and that his eyes looked glassy. "What did you do to him?"

"We used something a little different than what we used on you. Don't worry it'll wear off soon enough but for now he is paralyzed, so it is the perfect time to see how much you know about your precious boyfriend here," Jakob said to him. He then proceeded to start unbuttoning his own shirt. He pulled it off and displayed his chest full of welts and cuts and bruises. "See my chest here, as you can tell I am a masochist, I enjoy feeling pain and I don't mind others providing me the pain. Rosa is also a masochist and enjoys the whip now and again. But here is the funny thing, you don't have a mark on you and yet your boy claims to be a Dominate."

"What the hell are you talking about? He's never put a whip against anyone," Nick spewed out with venom in his voice.

"Oh but so little you know about your boy," Jakob snickered.

Greg was starting to feel some again but still hadn't gained the ability to make noise come out of his mouth. He didn't let Nick know what he had been doing. Nick would never look at him the same again. He had to keep it secret.

Jakob walked over to a table and grabbed a remote control off it. He pointed over to the side wall where a TV monitor was. "See Greg here doesn't know that there are video cameras all over Vegas Underground that capture what he did." Jakob laughed when he saw Greg's eyes widen with realization. "Yes, that's right Greg, you were recorded whipping me and obviously your boyfriend here has no clue. Let's see the show."

Nick looked at Greg who was now able to move again. "No, please don't," he said with a slight slur towards Jakob. He felt tears prink the insides of his eyes. Nick realized there had to be truth to what Jakob was saying to see Greg get so upset about it.

Jakob just chuckled as he clicked play. Suddenly the video played and the view was of the main stage at Vegas Underground. It was Greg's first night there. Nick was not sure what he was watching except for some guys and women dressed in leather and masks performing sex acts on each other. There was no audio on the video but Nick could see the one man who looked a bit familiar even with a mask on point towards the crowd for someone. He walked off the stage and came back a few moments later with another man dressed in black and a half mask. He couldn't make out the face as he mostly saw his backside. It wasn't until the new man turned around briefly that Nick suddenly realized that man was Greg. He recognized the mask that he found a couple days before. Everything clicked for him all of the sudden and he looked at Greg, who quickly looked away from his glare.

"Watch, the most amusing part is coming," Jakob called to grab Nick's attention back to the screen. Nick looked to the video again and was floored when he saw Greg take the whip and start beating Jakob with it. He couldn't believe what he was seeing; his Greg was whipping someone else and seemed to be enjoying it. He witnessed the man who brought him on stage take the whip away from him. He saw Greg suddenly look horrified and run off the stage. The video went black after that.

"That was the first time. There is another video of the second time he came back for more, if you want to see," Jakob said with a laugh.

"No, stop it, just stop it, that's enough," Greg finally yelled out, the drug having worn off completely now. He struggled against his binds but to no use. Tears were in his eyes as he yelled out. "Tell Brad he wins, just stop this please," Greg sobbed out.

Nick looked at Greg, not sure what he was talking about with Brad winning. He watched as Jakob approached Greg again. If looks could kill, Jakob would have been dead on the spot with Greg's glaring at him through blood shot eyes.

"What exactly does Brad win? I want to know. He says he is just enjoying toying with you because you are former slave trying to become a master but I think there is more to it. I think you two have a history. Tell me about it or I will have Rosa here take the whip to his perfect body and add some marks to it," Jakob said to him, wanting to know what hold Greg had on Brad.

"No, don't hurt him. He's done nothing wrong. I'm the one that's fucked up." Greg looked at Nick, regret and pain in his eyes. "You should have left me when you had the chance," he said to him before turning back to Jakob. "How long have you been with Brad?" He asked out of curiosity first.

"Why? We've been together for over a year." Greg snorted this time at his response. "You're fucking master was raping me out of enjoyment with some of his fellow pals, as they held me captive for four months. He took fucking video of it and now he's been sending it to me to torment me. Little did I know his fucking slave was just as crazy as he was."

Nick was trying to put all this new information together. Greg knew who the fourth man was, he knew it was Brad Jamison and yet he approached him in public and whipped his own slave? He was totally lost.

Jakob was not too much farther behind. "It was you who gave him HIV? I thought it was that fucker Jason!"

Greg was thrown with that news. "Brad has HIV? How long has he known? Did he know last June? Oh my God, this makes so much more sense now. You killed Jason Carbone because you thought he gave Brad HIV and then Brad fucks me and gives it to me. Where is that bastard?" Greg yelled, anger suddenly gaining strength.

"He doesn't know about this right now. Keep him out of this, he's been through enough. And if he did rape you, you probably deserved it if you were a former slave that copped out," Jakob snapped back.

"Maybe I did deserve it but only from my former master, not from your fucking master," Greg retorted back at him. His anger had died down a little.

Nick felt like he was a stranger in the room but he knew this scene was put on by Jakob for his benefit. But hearing Greg say he still thought he deserved what happened to him ripped his heart. He thought he was beyond that. Greg had been lying to him more than ever he realized.

"So now that all this is out, what's your plan, Jakob?' Nick finally asked, feeling exhausted from all these new revelations.

Jakob had forgotten that Nick was in the room. He was so enraged at the news that Brad had kept secrets from him that he forgot what his original intentions were. He turned to look at Nick. "I think it is time you learn some of our world. You are far too perfect for him," he said pointing to Greg. Greg looked down at the mentioned. He knew he was right.

Jakob picked up a whip from a table with various tools of torture on it and lifted it as to strike. "NO! If anyone whips him it is me!" Greg suddenly yelled out, shocking even himself.

All the others in the room turned to look at Greg in various degrees of amusement. "Well if you say so, I'd love to see you damage your perfect man but you can't possibly think I'll just let you free?"

"I won't try anything against you or her. I need to make Nick understand me better and this is perhaps the only way," Greg said to him, now realizing what he had to do to end this mess he created.

"Greg, you don't have to do this," Nick said to him, not sure what he was thinking anymore. Greg looked directly at him, his eyes full of apologies. "Oh but I do." Nick couldn't figure what he meant.

Jakob looked between the two and could see that this could be very interesting. "Okay, fine. I have your guns here. Rosa, unlock his binds and if you do any move that I don't like I'll kill your precious Nick. Come over here to the table when you are untied." Jakob waited until Rosa had unlocked his binds and he was standing before aiming the gun at Nick's head.

Greg almost stumbled as he walked over the table. He was still a bit off from the drugs. Jakob picked up a medium sized knife and handed it to Greg. "I want to see you use this on your man. Carve something into him to show him he is yours. Show you are a true Dominate now by showing it to him," Jakob said to him.

Greg took the knife from him and stared at it a moment. It was a perfect tool for his plan. He would have picked it himself if Jakob had not given it to him. He stepped a foot closer to Nick. He looked up at Nick, who looked scared for both of them. "It won't hurt, I know it won't. I'll do it quick so it can hardly be felt. I know what the pain is like and I can control it. I just hope you won't hate me for doing this. I never wanted you to hate me but I've screwed up so much and hurt you. Now I know I'm going to hurt you again but this will be the last of it," he told Nick with an almost serene look on his face.

Nick felt panic in his heart, he wasn't sure what Greg was going to do to him but he wasn't sure he trusted him anymore. He couldn't believe he could ever strike another man after all he went through and yet he saw the video of it. And now here he was before him with a knife in his hand, talking about hurting him for the last time.

"Come on, get on with it," Jakob yelled at him.

Greg turned around to look at Jakob. Calmly he said, "I will." He caught a shadow of movement in the stairwell behind Rosa and Jakob and figured it was Brad finally coming to see the damage he had done.

Before he could actually see who it was, he put out his arm and quickly slit it. He heard Nick screaming at him as he switched hands and slit his other arm. Then he let the knife fall from his hands. He heard numerous other voices yelling out and the shadow became bodies rushing down the stairs. All he could hear after that was his own heart beat ever so slowly, slowing down. He felt someone's arms come around him as he was about to collapse as the blood poured out of him. He barely felt someone yelling at him and crying over him as they placed pressure on his arms to try to slow the bleeding.

"Let me go," he said quietly to whoever was listening. But they continued their frantic state and mumbled things to him he was not understanding. He felt himself switched to someone else's arms as his vision started to blur. "Let me go," he said again in more of a raspy whisper this time.

He could hear the response this time as it was right to his ear. "No, I will not, I will not let you go. You're going to live, damn it. Damn you, you can't do this," the panicked, sobbing voice said to him. The voice was one he knew so well and yet he couldn't give into the request.

"Please, let me go," he pleaded this time; not even realizing tears had come to his own eyes as they slowly started to close shut.

"No, never. I love you," was the last thing he heard before he went into a blissful blackness.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N- Well I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter and I am hoping it is only because people were mad, thinking I might kill Greg off. I could never do that in one of my stories. I might put him through hell but he won't die. At least not in this story. Anyway, here is the next chapter, mostly from Nick's perspective since he is due to show how he really feels about all that has happened. Hope you all will review ...thank you!_

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><p>He sat in the waiting room, running his hand through his hair, scared to death that the doctor would come out and give him the news he most dreaded. Nick rode to the hospital in the ambulance with Greg where all he heard was how deep he cut and the angle; how much blood he had lost, them saying he had HIV and that his vitals were weak. He saw them tear open his shirt and heard them both gasp; as he did when he saw the cuts on his chest that he knew were not there before. They had asked him if he knew of them and he shook his head that he didn't. He watched them as they placed the EKG electrodes on his chest. Before he knew it Greg was being rushed into ER away from him, possibly leaving the moment in the ambulance the last time he would see Greg alive. The thought tortured him. He would have much rather gone through whatever Jakob had intended him to go through than to see Greg slit his own wrists with such ease and almost comfort. He knew Greg kept telling him to let him go, let him die, but he couldn't. He needed Greg more than Greg ever could realize. Greg might have been difficult to deal with lately but the thought of him not in his life at all he could not deal with. That was the reason he never gave up hope that Greg was still alive after about four months of having disappeared into thin air. At this point he was not sure what was worse, the not knowing if he was alive or dead back then or now, seeing him try to take his own life and knowing he could very well have succeeded. Oh how he wished they would come out and tell him something.<p>

"Hey Nick, have you heard anything?" He looked up and saw Brass and Catherine walk in and take seats on either side of him.

He shook his head, "Still waiting. What is taking them so long?" He cried in worry. Catherine put her arm around his shoulders.

"Perhaps it is a good thing they have not come out to say anything yet. It has to mean he is still alive," she said to him, in hopes it was true.

"God, there was so much blood Catherine and I…I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head," he sniffled.

"I know, I know it's not easy to see someone you love hurt themselves like that," she said thinking of her own losses.

"He'd been cutting himself again, Catherine. He was doing it to his chest. I saw it in the ambulance. He was cutting over his scars and I know it had to be recent, within the last week or so. But he had done so much in so little time. I knew he needed help but he kept saying he was fine but he was lying to me. I don't know how long he's been lying to me and why," Nick carried on as he wiped at his nose.

"He never wanted to disappoint you, Nick and everything he was doing he felt was a disappointment. They destroyed his self-confidence back in that basement all those months ago and he's never really got it back," she told him.

"I did everything I could. I don't know what to do anymore," he sighed wearily.

"I know. We'll have to wait and see what happens now and what his doctors say," Catherine told him as she rubbed a hand over his back. She was still in shock and really couldn't believe herself what Greg had done to himself. "I did call his parents and they were just in as much shock as all of us. They will be on their way here as soon as they can catch a flight." Nick nodded that he heard her.

"How did you know where to find us?" Nick finally asked Jim who had been sitting quietly, observing and thinking.

"It was due to Greg's text. He sent me a text asking if I was meeting you two at the Jamison house or another officer. I had no idea what he was talking about. I called him back and it said his phone had been turned off. Then I tried yours and it said the same thing. Something didn't smell right to me, so I called up the station to see if anyone reported anything new happening in the Jason Carbone case and no one knew anything. So I called in for some backup and headed over to the Jamison's were I saw your two vehicles out front. When I went to the door there was no answer. We had reasonable suspicion so we broke down the door and started calling for you two. After a while and no response we spread out and went into the Library where I heard some voices. I realized they were coming from somewhere nearby and then a book caught my eye that was out in a weird angle. I pulled at the book and a freaking secret door opened. Right then and there I knew these Jamison's were guilty of something since they did not disclose this room to us previously. Then I heard the yelling and I called for backup before proceeding down the stairs. I guess someone else called the paramedics, thinking there might be a need for them. I came down and then heard your scream. I rushed in and saw the chaos. Greg was bleeding and that Jakob and Rosa seemed to be shocked by what had happened. We easily apprehended them. Then you pretty much know the rest," Brass told him.

"I guess. All I can picture is Greg slitting his wrists and me hanging up there helpless to do anything. Next thing I know someone is unlocking the wrist cuffs off me and I rush over to Greg and take him from your arms. Thanks for trying to minimize his bleeding as much as you could with your jacket sleeves," he sniffled again. "I just can't believe it. He really wanted to die. He wanted me to let him go." Nick closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

Brass looked at Catherine who just shook her head. She didn't know what more to say or do. They all hoped they got Greg to the hospital in enough time to save his life.

They remained quiet until a doctor came out in scrubs towards them. He looked worn out. "Is there a Nick Stokes here?" He asked the group. Nick stood up. "I'm Nick Stokes." He was afraid to say anything more.

"Well I just finished putting 112 stitches in Greg Sanders arms. He's going to make it. He lost a lot of blood and that was where we were most worried. Luckily we had enough blood on hand to pump into him," the doctor told them.

"Oh thank God," Catherine said first. Nick had just closed his eyes momentarily and said a silent, thankful prayer. He opened his eyes back up and looked at the doctor again. "When can we see him?"

"Well not for at least 24 hours due to his suicide attempt. We keep a close eye on our patients until we know for sure that they will not be trying to harm themselves again and we want to do that without the influence of loved ones possibly upsetting the patient. Dr. Matthew Levine will be taking over Mr. Sanders' case since Dr. Warren is still out of town. Dr. Levine has been with us for many years and is excellent in dealing with suicidal patients. I expect him to be here soon to introduce himself," the ER doctor told them.

Nick couldn't bare not seeing Greg at all, just to make sure for his own that he was still alive. "Is there no way just to quickly look in on him? I mean he's probably still unconscious, right?" Nick asked with some hope on getting to see his loved one.

"I'll let Dr. Levine make that decision. Oh here he comes now. You all take care," said the ER doctor before stepping aside for an older man dressed in a white doctor's coat. He was tall, thin and with gray hair.

"Hello, I am Dr. Matthew Levine. I see Dr. Keen filled you in on Mr. Sanders' condition. I'm going to be taking over his case from here since we are dealing with an attempted suicide. I'm sorry Dr. Warren could not be here but she is guest lecturer in a conference and cannot break her schedule. I assure you Mr. Sanders will be in good hands with me," the new doctor said right away to them. He then stuck out his hand to Nick. "I assume you are Nick Stokes, Mr. Sanders' partner."

Nick took his hand and shook it lightly, still trying to figure out all the news that was just dumped on him. "Yes, I am. When can I see him, just to know he's really alive?"

Dr. Levine knew suicide attempts were just as hard for the family and friends as it was for the patient. "I'll take you to his room in a couple of minutes just so you can look in on him. However no one will be able to have immediate access to him. I need to see how he is when he first wakes up, his state of mind before letting you all see him. I know it's not easy but often when a patient who just tried to kill themselves wake up and find out they were unsuccessful they are often angry and want to lash out at those who stopped him. Plus those lingering feelings of wanting to be dead will still be there. There is a lot to evaluate. I have his file and have been reading it thoroughly. Is there anything you can tell me about how he has been acting lately?"

The doctor took notes as Nick began to tell him all about what had been happening recently to probably cause Greg to slit his wrists. Dr. Levine shook his head. "Wow, dealing with PTSD and then having someone taunt you even more about what caused it in the first place would drive almost anyone to what Greg did. And learning he had HIV on top of it could not have been any help. I'm going to tell you up front, I have a feeling he's going to need more than just a couple sessions a week help. I have a feeling we should think about having him checked into a specialized hospital that I work with and help him get through this. Of course that will count on what you and his parents think. Are his parents on the way?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah they've been notified. They will be here as soon as they can." Nick felt so drained. He just wanted to see Greg and know he was really alive. "Can I see him yet?"

Dr. Levine smiled. "Sure, give me a moment to make sure he is settled into his room and then I will come back to take you to him."

After Dr. Levine left, Brass stood up. "Well now that we know he made it, I'm going to go back down to the station and see what more Jakob has to say. We have officers at the Jamison's waiting for when either one of them show up to take them down to Central for questioning and Brad Jamison for possibly assisting in covering up a murder."

"Greg said that Brad was one who sent him the videos, he said he was the fourth man," Nick said and then looked at Catherine who seemed to understand what he was saying.

"Oh, that makes so much sense now that once he was up on suspicion for this murder and he saw Greg was on the case, he figured he could mess with him." She looked at Nick who had lowered his head.

"You're right it does make sense and I couldn't see it because Greg didn't tell me his suspicions. Well it looks like Brad did what he intended, to drive Greg crazy enough to want to end his life. Jim you better find him and lock him up before I get my hands on him," Nick warned. He knew he could not be held responsible for his actions if he came across that piece of filth in person again.

"Duly noted, I'll keep you all in touch," Jim said before leaving the two of them alone.

Catherine put her hand on Nick's knee. "I know your emotions are all over the place right now, but the place you need to be is here. Be here for Greg, even if you can't talk to him for 24 hours, just knowing you are here still will be better for him."

"I know. Right now I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'm here for him," Nick told her. She smiled sadly at him. "That's what is needed.

"Mr. Stokes, you can come with me now to see him." Nick saw that Dr. Levine had returned. He stood up and looked at Catherine. She just nodded without speaking for him to go ahead alone. He mouthed a thank you to her and followed Dr. Levine down the hallway to the elevators.

"He's on 4th floor," the doctor explained as they waited on the elevator. "He's still receiving blood through IV and his appearance is still very pale but I assure you he will heal from his physical wounds." Nick noted how he chose his words and knew that the other types of wounds were the most troublesome to be remaining for him now.

"This way," Dr. Levine directed him to the left down the west wing of the hospital. They were going into the ICU area. Dr. Levine stopped before a door with number 432 on it. "You may go in for a few minutes. I'll come back when time is up." Dr. Levine left Nick alone to go inside.

Nick inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled before entering the door. He opened the door and saw Greg in the bed, sleeping. He had a couple IVs hooked up to him and he was pale but what he noticed most was his arms both being heavily bandaged almost up to his elbows. He walked up closer and saw that he was indeed breathing and he could see his chest rise and fall with each breath. He felt a relief at seeing him alive, even though the circumstances for him being there were still horrible.

He sat down in a chair by the bedside. He wanted to touch him but was scared he might wake up, so he kept his hands in his lap. "I was so scared I was going to lose you for good this time. You have to stop scaring me like that. I'm not sure I can go through that again. You're making loving you very difficult but you're not going to chase me away because before you were in my life I didn't know what love was but now I do and I'm not giving it up, giving up on you no matter what. So you're going to have to face that fact that I'm going to keep saving you because I don't want to go back to life without you." He sighed and stared at his face. He seemed to look peaceful but he knew once he woke up again that would not be the case. The only problem was he wasn't sure anymore how he would react once he woke up from his suicide attempt. Maybe it was better the doctor was going to evaluate him before letting any of them see him.

He heard a light knock on the door and turned to see Dr. Levine had returned. He nodded to him. He stood up and leaned over Greg a moment, whispering "I love you" to him before leaving the room.

He returned back to Catherine in the lounge area. "How did he look?" She asked him right away.

He sighed heavily and sat down. "I hate seeing him look so pale like that but somehow he also looked peaceful. I don't know, he's alive but somehow I have a feeling we'll never be the same after this. He really needs help and I'm not it anymore. I tried but look what happened."

Catherine put her hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. "You have to stop being so hard on yourself. You did everything you could. He was purposely hiding things from you."

Nick rubbed his neck as he closed his eyes. "I know he was and I think that is what bothers me most that I didn't question why he was pulling away from me again. I knew there was something going on but I just figured it was due to all this new crap that happened recently. I didn't think it was him actually thinking about killing himself. He once told me he would never take his life but I guess that was before."

"Oh Nick, I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better. All I can tell you is that someday I am sure Greg will thank you for not letting him go," she told him with a smile. "I need to get back to the lab but you stay here as long as you need. Just keep me informed. Take care Nick." She gave him a hug before leaving him alone in the hospital lounge.

He sat there a few minutes until Dr. Levine came back out. "Mr. Stokes?"

Nick looked up at the doctor. "Please call me Nick."

Dr. Levine smiled. "Alright Nick. There is no reason for you to stay here for now. Greg probably isn't going to wake up for at least another 6 hours and then he still won't be able to have visitors anyway. Why don't you go home and try to get some rest. I know it won't be easy for you to sleep, but rest assured, Greg will be fine. We will take good care of him here."

Nick frowned. He hated knowing that he wouldn't be able to see Greg for a while but he had to listen to the doctor now. He hoped he would make it all okay. "Okay, but call me if you need me or he needs me. I'll tell his parents to come to the house first and advise them all the news."

"Good idea. I know they won't be happy about not being able to see him right away too but it's for the best, trust me."

Nick nodded, taking his word for it. They said their goodbyes and Nick headed home. An officer had his truck dropped off at the hospital with his keys earlier.

When he got home he went into the bathroom and dug around until he found the hidden razor blades. He found them under the tissue box, taped there and shook his head. He couldn't believe what Greg had done to hide them. He ripped them off from the box the threw them away. He then gathered the trash from the trash can and took it out to the driveway to be taken away the next morning with trash pickup.

He walked back inside and locked the door behind him. He had called Greg's parents on the drive home and filled them in. They were going to get a hotel room first when they got into town and then stop at the hospital, so he didn't have to worry about them being there. Right now he wanted to be alone.

He went into the bedroom and sat down on their bed. Then he looked over at Greg's side and grabbed his pillow. He pulled it against his chest and could smell Greg on it. He hugged it tight and remembered Greg's face right before he slit his wrists. He looked at peace almost, knowing he would finally be rid of his misery. Tears spilled from his eyes as he wondered if their lives would ever be happy again. He lay down on his side as he hugged the pillow against him while he cried himself to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N-Well thank you all for the great reviews. I was starting to think I had lost people after that chapter where Greg did what he did. It really makes me hapy and eager to keep trying to finish this sooner rather than later with such reviews raving about the story and how it has moved many of you. Hope you enjoy this chapter too._

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><p>Consciousness brought a rude awakening, as the first thing he felt was pain radiating down his arms. His mind was a mess of confusion and for the moment he couldn't remember where he was. He heard beeping and cracked open his eyes to find himself in what looked like a hospital room. He opened his eyes all the way and verified where he was. He glanced over and saw a heart monitor and IV unit. His eyes followed the IV tube down to his arm. It was all bandaged up. Suddenly everything came back to him and why his arms hurt so badly.<p>

He closed his eyes again, remembering the turn of events that landed him in the hospital. He opened them back up and realized he was still in hell. Nick didn't let him go like he asked, pleaded really. He remembered that. He last remembered Nick holding him telling him he was not going to let him go. He wished he had let him go.

He looked down at his bandaged arms and lifted one up and felt the pain radiate down his whole arm to his shoulder. He felt woozy and put his arm back down. How could Nick do this to him, make him suffer even more? He hated him at the moment.

He heard the door open and looked to see a doctor walk in he had not seen before. He was an older man. "So the nurse watching the monitor said she saw that you had woken up. I see that she was right." Greg just hoped this doctor was coming to give him a good dose of pain medication and nothing else.

The doctor walked up to his bedside and looked down at the young man who didn't meet his eyes. "I'm Dr. Matthew Levine. How are you feeling?" Greg just turned his head away from him. The doctor frowned. "So I guess you aren't in any pain or anything. I really thought you would be." He waited for the younger man to make his move.

Greg didn't feel like talking to anyone ever again but he didn't want the pain he was in either. He turned his head and nodded finally.

The doctor smiled a little; a small win for him at getting some sort of response out of him. "So you are in pain, I had a feeling. You cut through a bit of tendons and muscle and lost a lot of blood. You'll probably need some physical rehabilitation for your hand movement down the road. But right now I am here for you. I am taking over your case from Dr. Warren." He watched as Greg's expression turned more sullen and he turned away again.

"I can see you're going to be using the silent treatment which is one way to go. Since it seems you won't be doing much talking, looks like I will then. We are going to keep you under watch for at least 24 hours without any visitors except doctors and nurses. You have people wanting to see you but we won't allow them for now at least. Our most important concern is you and your current state of mind which I am sure you are not happy, as most are not after a failed suicide attempt."

Greg closed his eyes now and just wished the doctor would go away. He wasn't going to talk about it, not now. Nothing this doctor or any doctor said would change his mind in thinking he would be better off dead. All his suffering would be gone, no more nightmares and he wouldn't be holding back Nick anymore. Nick would be free to be with someone else, like he deserved.

The doctor droned on but he tuned him out. He just focused on the pain he was in and hoping to end it all one day soon.

Dr. Levine noticed that his patient seemed to be ignoring him. He wrote down some notes before leaving his patient. He sent in a nurse to administer some pain medication for him. He watched on the monitor as Greg looked to see who was entering the room again but then turned away once he realized it was just a nurse. Dr. Levine had a few suicidal patients who often didn't talk to anyone for days and weeks after a failed attempt because they didn't want to deal with still being alive. Greg was following that same pattern so far. Just how long he wasn't sure at this point. It was still very early.

Greg felt the medication kicking in a few minutes after the nurse left. He was grateful to be slowly drifting off into a dreamless sleep for a while. It would put off him having to deal with anyone for a while.

He woke up several hours later, feeling a bit groggy but not much pain. He looked over and saw that it was daytime outside. He wondered how much time had passed since he had been in the hospital. He had to use the bathroom. He attempted to sit up. He felt dizzy but managed to swing his legs to the side of the bed. He was about to stand up when a nurse came rushing in.

"Mr. Sanders, where are you going?" She asked quickly, grabbing him under his arm to steady him as he stood up. He glanced over at her with an angry glare. "The bathroom, do you mind?" She sighed as she helped him walk over to the bathroom.

The nurse waited outside the bathroom while he was inside with the door open. As he finished up he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was very pale still and had dark circles under his eyes. He then looked down at his bandaged lower arms and wondered what he could have done differently to be successful.

"Mr. Sanders, are you okay there?" He sighed as he knew they were watching him and he knew he couldn't do anything while in the hospital. He walked to the door and allowed the nurse to assist him back to the bed since he was still a little weak from the blood loss.

Once he was back in bed, she asked him if he was hungry. He shook his head that he wasn't and went back to sulking. The nurse checked his vitals but didn't say any more to him. She left him after a couple of minutes.

He thought about the events that lead to him slitting his wrists. He thought about Nick's life being in danger again because of him. First Jasper had him and used him against him and now Jakob had. Why couldn't Nick see that he was better off without him around? He put his life in danger. He wondered briefly if Brad Jamison was still free or if they had brought him in. He briefly thought about what could have happened if he hadn't made his move. Nick could be dead now instead and he could be a prisoner again. The mere thought of him possibly being in that position again caused a anxiety attack to start. He started shaking as his breathing became uneven and his chest hurt.

Dr. Levine was coming to see his patient when he saw him hyperventilating and his hand to his chest. He knew about his history of anxiety attacks. He came over to him, wondering if something in particular triggered the attack or not. "Greg, you need to try your breathing exercises," he advised his patient as he checked on his heart rate. He watched over him carefully as his attack slowly subsided.

Greg felt exhausted and wiped sweat off his brow with his wrapped hand. He looked at the doctor who was patiently sitting at his bedside. He felt a little angry that he was just sitting there. "What do you want from me?"

Dr. Levine gave him a sad smile. "I just want to know why you hate yourself so much."

Greg was a little taken back by the question. "Who said I hate myself?"

The doctor shook his head. "No one has to tell me. You tried to kill yourself, Greg. Typically that comes out of self-hatred."

Greg turned his head away. He sighed. He knew the doctor would not give up unless he said something. "I've made some serious mistakes in my life that have caused myself and others harm. I deserved what happened to me but Nick shouldn't have been drawn into it and twice he was. I put his life in jeopardy due to my stupidity. I hate myself for letting that happen."

Dr. Levine nodded slowly. "So you deserved to be taken against your will and held captive and raped and tortured for 4 months because you put a man in prison who abused you in the past. I have trouble seeing that reasoning."

Strangely enough Greg was having trouble seeing his own reasoning at the moment too. He thought a moment before answering. "He wouldn't have abused me if I had done what I was supposed to do. I was a bad submissive."

"I don't know all the sordid details but from what I've read and heard from your regular doctor and Nick, you had decided you didn't want to live that lifestyle anymore and the man Jasper Marks didn't like that you had your own opinions. I mean, was there a contract written that you had no say in what you wanted?" Dr. Levine asked him, wondering how his previous lifestyle really worked.

Greg finally turned to face him, looking a little annoyed. "No, there wasn't."

"Then help me understand, Greg, why you couldn't just one day decide you didn't want to live by Jasper's rules anymore and why that gave him the right to beat you?"

"You don't understand…there were certain expectations as someone's slave and when you didn't follow them there were consequences," Greg told him angrily.

"If I recall correctly we lived in the 21st century and everyone here has their right to free will. To me their consequences sound illegal, wouldn't you say?" Dr. Levine asked him.

The reasonable side of Greg knew he was right but he was beyond reason at the moment. "No one gets it. Jasper didn't care. To him and his friends they were your owner and if you disobeyed them at all you were made to suffer. I disobeyed and was punished."

"Okay, so let me get this straight. You disobeyed and he beat you and you ended up in the hospital. Then at some point you came to your senses and filed charges against him. He ended up going to jail because of those charges. So because he spent time in prison, he had the right to come back at you and take you again and torture you? To me it sounds like he got what he deserved and I would think seeing as you are a CSI, you would think the same thing. So how did you deserve to be his again after all that?" The doctor asked him, trying to make Greg see his reasoning was totally wrong.

Greg closed his eyes and shook his head in defeat. "I don't know," he mumbled with anguish.

"It's because you didn't deserve it Greg. Just like you didn't deserve to be harassed by videos of what you went through," Dr. Levine told him. He noticed Greg didn't say anymore to this. Perhaps he was getting through to him.

"Let's talk about your cutting yourself again. I know a few months ago you had been cutting your arms and legs. This time you kept it to your chest, seemingly going back over the spots you had previous scars."

Greg opened his eyes back up and looked at the doctor tiredly, before looking away again. "I was thinking I could erase those scars caused by Jasper and them by cutting over them and making them my own. It helped me feel better."  
>"And when you looked at yourself, did it make you look better?"<p>

"No," he said in almost a whisper. "I look like a freak show," he said with distress in his voice.

The doctor noticed how he said it in present tense. "I don't recall anyone saying that about you. No one else thinks that."

"That's because they are lying to themselves. At least I am speaking the truth," he said quietly.

"I don't think so. I think they are looking beyond the physical and looking at you, the whole person. From what I've heard you were always a very happy person before all of this happened. They told me you lived life to the fullest but since you've been afraid, probably why you suffer from the anxiety and panic attacks. Did something in particular trigger this one earlier?"

"The thought of being raped and tortured again," he told him.

"How often do you have these thoughts?"

"Too often," he replied simply.

Dr. Levine jotted down some notes and then spoke again. "I'm going to change your medication. I'm going to put you on Prozac for a while and see how that does for you. It hopefully will not cause any terrible side effects with your HIV medication. Speaking of, the nurse will be coming in a moment to give you your needed dose." He noticed his patient close his eyes again and turn his head to the side.

He stood up when he didn't say anything more. He started walking away and turned back and noticed tears streaming down Greg's cheek. He frowned sadly. "You know Greg, you have a lot of people who love you a lot. You've hurt some of them deeply by what you have done but yet they are here for you. Many people who come here like you don't have anyone here for them. Your friends and family want to help you, I want to help you. Let us help you feel better about yourself. You're a good person, Greg. You didn't deserve any of it."

Greg just kept crying as he left.

Dr. Levine was out at the nurses' station giving medication orders for Greg when Nick and Greg's parents came up to him. "Hey Dr. Levine, these is Greg's parents. How's Greg doing?"

Dr. Levine took them over to the lounge once he was finished with the nurse instructions. After more introductions, he began to tell them about Greg. He told them he had just come from seeing him and that he had walked in on him having an anxiety attack. "He has a long way to go. He still feels that he deserved what happened to him. He is also filled with a lot of shame about himself. But he was open to conversation which is a major step this soon."

"Can we see him?" His mother asked.

"I think enough time has passed for him to have visitors. Now I'm not guaranteeing he will speak to you. He didn't to me the first time. Be aware he will probably be very emotional, perhaps even angry," the doctor told them.

Nick had agreed earlier to let his parents see him first. He knew they had not seen him in a while and they deserved to see him. He watched them go into the room and sat waiting outside. He had hardly slept when he was at home. He got a couple hours in but then kept thinking about Greg and replayed in his mind seeing him slit his wrists and the blood pour out of him. He still couldn't believe he actually did it. It was like some wild, horrible nightmare.

Greg heard his door open again and thought the nurse was coming back, having forgotten something. She has just given him his pills. He was tired and when he saw it was his parents who walked in the door, he quickly turned away and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't deal with them right now. He was too raw with emotions and didn't want to see the disappointment and disgust on their faces that he was convinced they would have for him after what he did.

Mrs. Sanders gripped her husband's hand when she saw her son turn away from them and close his eyes. "Greg, honey, we love you. We just want to make sure you are okay," his mom said. She didn't know how to talk to him after all this.

Greg tried to mute them out. He didn't want to hear their words. He was sure they were just saying what they thought he wanted to hear but not what they really thought.

"Greg, please look at us. Let us talk to you. We only want to make sure you know you are loved. No matter what you've done, it doesn't matter. You are still our one and only child. We love you," his father said to him.

Greg hoped if he ignored them they would get the message and leave. It seemed to work as they stayed only a few more minutes, pretty much saying the same things to him, that they loved him and he did no wrong. They finally seemed to realize he was not going to talk to them so they left. Greg felt relief and opened his eyes again and sighed. He hoped that was it for now. He wasn't strong enough to deal with another visitor.

A few minutes later his door opened again and this time he didn't bother looking, he knew who it was. He always knew somehow when he was near.

Greg's parents had told Nick that Greg hadn't said a word to them and that perhaps he shouldn't go in and see him but Nick didn't care if Greg didn't talk to him. He just needed to see him again and make sure once again he was still really alive.

Nick looked at him as his turned away from him. Just seeing him move made him feel better. He sat down in the chair by his bed and just looked at him, not saying a word. He knew Greg knew he was there and that was all he wanted.

Greg kept waiting for Nick to say something and he wasn't. It was bothering him that he was silent but he didn't move yet to look at him.

Nick looked at his bandaged wrists again and replayed that terrible scene in his head. He didn't even realize tears had come to his eyes as he stared at Greg.

Nick's silence was driving Greg crazy. He was wondering if something was wrong with him. Had he been injured during the standoff? He realized he didn't even know but then he remembered Nick holding him just before he lost consciousness from the blood loss, so he had to be okay.

He heard Nick's breathing change and something else; he realized he was crying. Something about hearing Nick cry made him finally turn to look at him. His head was bowed and his face was in his hands. Seeing the man he loved, as much as he thought he was better off without him, broken down crying over him broke down his resistance.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He saw Nick raise his head and meet his eyes. He never saw Nick look so broken before. He suddenly realized what Dr. Levine had been telling him. He had hurt Nick by his actions, now he even felt more hate for himself. Tears came to his own eyes as he looked Nick briefly in the eyes before not being able to take seeing his pain. "I'm sorry," he suddenly sobbed out. "You didn't deserve to see that. I'm so sorry." He turned his head away in shame as he cried.

"No," Nick finally said. He recognized the look in Greg's eyes, the guilt and blame that drove him to try to take his life in the first place. He didn't want him to feel that way. "No, don't be sorry. I'm sorry I didn't act when I knew you were in bad shape. I knew there was something off about you and I chose to put it off thinking it would pass. I don't want you feeling guilty and blaming yourself anymore, Greg. Please, just stop blaming yourself for all of this. Put the blame where it needs to be, on those that caused you all this pain and shame, Jasper, Chris, Rex, Jakob, and Brad. They deserve the hate you feel, the blame you want to put on yourself.

"I'm crying because I am just so grateful you are alive. I'm selfish, Greg, I couldn't let you go. I needed you. I need you in my life. I went four months without you but I still had hope of you being alive. This time, I knew if I let you go you would not come back and I could not live with that. I can't live without you Greg, don't you get it?" Nick tried explaining to him.

Greg turned to look at him again, his eyes puffy and red. "I don't know who I am anymore, Nick," he gasped with a sob.

Nick put his hand on his upper arm. "I'll help you find out who you are, if you give me the chance."

He was so tired and sick of the struggle against his own true feelings. He knew deep down he couldn't live without Nick either, so he might as well give in and let him help. Greg nodded.

Nick smile was bittersweet as he whispered, "Thank you."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N-Sorry for delay but my laptop hard drive crashed and I had to wait until I could get it fixed to post a new chapter. Luckily this was already written and saved but not edited. But now my laptop is back and I was able to edit this so it is ready to post. So now more of the story._

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><p>Nick stepped back outside after Greg fell asleep shortly after their last words. Dr. Levine was waiting for him. "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice on the monitor that he spoke to you," he said to him. Nick walked over to a chair and sat down, feeling exhausted emotionally.<p>

"He still blames himself for everything. How do we convince him it's not his fault?" Nick asked the doctor.

"It's going to take time. He has an incredible amount of guilt and shame. He had told me one of the things that bothered him most was he kept putting you in danger." Nick closed his eyes upon hearing this. "He figured if he was dead you wouldn't be put in danger anymore," Dr. Levine continued. He noticed Nick just shaking his head a little, seemingly distraught himself.

"Is the men who did this to him behind bars?" he asked him.

Nick looked at the doctor again. "All but the one that is probably tormenting Greg the most right now. But we have an APB out on him and hopefully he will be brought in soon." Nick was referring to Brad Jamison. He had spoken to Brass before coming to the hospital earlier and Brass told him that they still had not been able to get in touch with Brad Jamison but they had got in touch with his father and he was cooperating on trying to find him. Brass had told him Jakob came completely clean after being offered a deal and said Brad helped him cover Jason's murder but he had been the one to actually kill him.

"Well I hope for both of your sakes that he is brought in. I think it would possibly help him to know that his tormenters are not out free anymore," Dr. Levine said to him.

Nick ran his hand through his short hair. "The problem is there were videos and they were leaked on the web and I don't think there is any way to find them all and get them removed. I think that will forever haunt him, that strangers will see him is his worst nightmare."

The doctor shook his head. "Well I'm going to check with him later on again today and decide if he is able to go home or suggest he go to a rehabilitation center. I don't want him going home if there is still a chance he will try to take his life again. I can't expect someone to keep watch over him all the time. I know in a home there are many things that he could use but if he's in a room at the rehabilitation center they are able to keep an eye on him and there are certain rooms that are used for patients who are suicidal. All things have been removed that a person could use to harm themselves."

"I don't know if he could handle being in a place against his will, even if it is in a totally different environment. He still can't sleep in total darkness. He freaks out, being in a place that he is not familiar with and don't necessarily trust anyone, I think it might be worse for him," Nick said, voicing his concerns.

"You could be right. Like I said I will evaluate him later today. Right now I do have to go to my office to see other patients. I suggest you get some more rest. You look like hell," he said with a small smile.

Nick nodded. "Yeah I hardly slept. Now that I have seen him I feel a bit better. I think I might just do that. Thanks for everything, Dr. Levine," Nick said.

Nick did as he said he was going to do and went home. Once home he picked up Greg's laptop, curious if had received any new emails. They knew each other's passwords so he was able to log in with no problem. He opened his email program and saw a few new emails. He spotted one from his tormenter who he now was pretty sure was Brad Jamison. He opened up the email from jm jmslavemail .com with anger building inside him. The email said: _First it started as a small fissure then it grew bigger and soon it ripped apart the submissive man. Next time, use a gun and put it in your mouth. You're good with things in your mouth. You won't fail then._

Nick was furious and scared at the same time. He knew if Greg saw this it would only put ideas in his head. He forwarded it to himself before completely deleting it from Greg's email box. Nick wasn't sure who was worse, Jasper Marks or this Brad Jamison. They were both horrible filth and deserved to suffer. Unfortunately Jasper didn't get to suffer like Nick wished he had. But he'd be damned if he let Brad get off that easily. He was going to make sure Brad spent the rest of his life in prison.

He made a quick call to the lab and spoke to Archie that he was forwarding him another email and once again he wanted him to research it. He knew he wouldn't come up with anything but he had to at least try. He knew he wanted to get as much evidence as he could against Brad Jamison to make him spend the rest of his life in prison, once he was caught. He knew right now that conspiracy to murder would not do it. He needed to get more against him, mostly charges for what he did to Greg. Unfortunately he knew Greg's word at this time would not be that great, seeing his recent event. He knew no doubt that Brad would deny any involvement with Greg's abduction and torture. He knew he would use Greg's recent mental breakdown against him and he could not put Greg through that.

He thought about Greg in that video, seeing him whip another man. He worried how Brad would use that against him. He worried how he would handle talking to Greg about it again. They had only talked the one time since his suicide attempt and that talk barely happened. He remembered the look on Greg's face as he said he was sorry. It brought tears to Nick's eyes again just thinking of how much suffering Greg had gone through and was still going through.

He closed up his own computer after sending Archie the email and decided he should try to get some sleep so he could head over to the hospital later to try to see Greg again.

xxxx

Greg woke up with a headache and was glad no one was in his room since he was feeling bad. He remembered Nick last being in the room with him. He really thought Nick would be better off without him but after seeing Nick like he had, so devastated just due to him attempting to take his life, he had second thoughts. He just wasn't sure he could be strong anymore for him. He didn't want to weigh him down with his emotional mess but he didn't want to hurt him like that again either. He was just so confused and wished there was an easy answer.

"Hello Greg." Greg didn't even hear the door open. He looked up and saw Dr. Levine at first come in but then he saw Dr. Smith enter the room with him. He felt his anxiety kick in. "Dr. Smith, what are you doing here?" He asked his HIV doctor.

Dr. Smith walked up to Greg's bedside, with Dr. Levine standing at the foot of his bed. "Greg, I hate to bring this to you, but since you were here and needed a blood transfusion, we ran a test again. It looks like so far your viral load has not changed. If anything it has increased. I'm going to need to change your HIV drug protocol to something else since the current one is not working."

Greg just laid in his bed, speechless, his breathing becoming heavier and his head hurting more. Tears started forming in his eyes as he thought things could not get worse.

Dr. Levine saw his reaction and spoke up to him. "Greg, what Dr. Smith has not said yet is that this does not mean you have AIDS. It just means your current drugs are not working." Dr. Smith took from his lead. "Yes, that is correct. I warned you up front that we might have to go through a few before we find one that works. I don't want you thinking that this means you will get AIDS anytime soon. What this means is that protocol one did not work. We are going to start you on protocol two. We have many more to go through before we give up hope. I have every confidence this next one will work. I know you having HIV probably was part of what led you to trying to take your life. I don't want you thinking now with this news your life is not worth fighting for. It is. You just need to take care of yourself."

Greg still didn't say anything. He didn't know what to think. He did remember Dr. Smith telling him they might have to try others. It just wasn't news he needed to hear right now. It only brought him down more.

"Greg, do you have anything to say?" Dr. Levine asked him, trying to get his patient's mental state at this point.

Greg sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I have a headache and this is not helping it any."

"I'm sorry Greg. I know this is extremely tough. I'm going to have you start on the new meds later today. Dr. Levine advised me that you are starting to take Prozac. I will double check on possible drug interactions that might happen, but usually Prozac works well with more HIV drug protocols and I say this because many HIV patients suffer from depression," Dr. Smith told him.

"Okay, but for now is there anything I can take for this headache?" Greg decided to ask since the throbbing was getting worse.

"Sure, I will have the nurse bring something for you," Dr. Smith replied to him. "I'll see you later when we have the new medication for you to tell you about them."

Dr. Levine waited until Dr. Smith left to take the seat next to his bed. He looked at Greg who was watching him as he sat down. "Greg, I was thinking that perhaps tomorrow you can go home, but with this new news I am worried about sending you home where you could so easily cause harm to yourself again. We can't expect Nick to watch over you all the time. I've been thinking about checking you into a rehabilitation center."

Greg narrowed his eyes at him. "You mean like a mental institution?"

"No, this is truly a rehabilitation center. People go there for depression, drug use, alcohol use and other issues. You would get a private room and there are monitors in each room so the staff can keep an eye on you. You would be expected to go to therapy and group sessions throughout the day."

Greg didn't like the idea of being around strangers and being watched all the time. He was scared of what could happen to him there. "No, I can't do that."

Dr. Levine noticed he had started sweating some and was slightly shaking, a sign of a panic attack. "I'm not saying you have to go but I'm not sure you won't try to hurt yourself again if you are home where access is easier."

Greg took a shaky breath. "I won't. I won't, I promise, just don't lock me up somewhere with strangers. I…I can't handle that right now." His breathing was becoming more rapid again.

Dr. Levine put a hand on his arm for comfort. "I don't want you somewhere you can't handle. I don't want to make things worse for you. If I do let you go home, you have to keep with the schedule of appointments I am going to make for you then and keep taking your prescriptions. But we also need to talk to Nick about this and make sure he is ready to take you back home."

Greg had never thought about Nick not possibly wanting him to come home, but what if he didn't want to babysit him anymore. What if he had no home to go to after what he did?

When he didn't say anything, Dr. Levine asked him if he was willing to work with him again. He finally nodded. "Okay good." A nurse came in with his headache medication. "Well I'm going to come by before the end of the day and talk to you again. Hopefully you're headache will be gone. Take care Greg."

Greg just said a simple okay and then took the medicine the nurse gave him. He waited for her to leave before closing his eyes and wondering how Nick would feel on him coming home again.

xxxx

Nick came to the hospital and saw Dr. Levine just as he was about to leave. "Dr. Levine, how's Greg doing today?" he asked him.

"I was with him over an hour ago. Dr. Smith came to me earlier and we had to deliver some upsetting news to him. I think he handled it okay though. I did also bring up the possibility of him being able to leave tomorrow. You were right about him freaking out about being put in a rehabilitation center. He said he wouldn't try to hurt himself again but of course, if he stays home he will still have to be watched carefully and that is if you are willing to take on that responsibility."

Nick was still wondering what the upsetting news Dr. Smith had to deliver to him was. "What did Dr. Smith have to tell him?"

Dr. Levine frowned. "I think I'll let Greg tell you. I don't want you to worry though; it's probably just a temporary setback. He had a headache earlier and we gave him something to help him with it. He was sleeping before but if you want to visit him, I am allowing him to have visitors now. I hate to rush, but I have an appointment at my other office in a bit that I am already running late for. I'll talk to you tomorrow about Greg's possible release. Have a good day, Nick."

xxx

Greg woke up with his head feeling better but overall he still felt miserable. He lifted his left arm to look at his wrist, the first one he had cut into. He looked at the bandage wrapped around it. He was so stupid to try to slit his wrists when he did but he saw no other way out at that time. But he failed horribly at trying to end his life and now he had to deal with the ramifications of it.

He tried making a fist and hissed with pain that radiated down his arm as he tried. More damage done to him, more to try to heal; he didn't know if he could deal with the healing process anymore. He looked up as he heard the door open. It was Nick, his Nick, the one person who would do anything for him. He felt guilty for putting him through so much and making life so difficult on him. He couldn't look at him, he felt like dirt, lower than dirt. He lowered his eyes and kept trying to make fists with both his hands, feeding on the pain it caused him.

Nick saw the pain in his eyes before he turned away. It killed him every time he saw him. He wanted to take his suffering away but he knew he couldn't. All he could do is help him try to see life was still worth living. He sat down and noticed him flexing his hand into a fist. He also saw him cringe as he did it. He was causing pain for himself again. It seemed any chance he had he would try to torture himself in some way. Nick couldn't let him keep doing this to himself. He put his hand on top of Greg's to stop him.

"Stop hurting yourself, Greg. I know what you are doing. I can see it's causing you pain. I know you hate yourself and since you didn't succeed in killing yourself you are trying any way you can to make yourself suffer more because you feel you deserve to, but I am here to tell you that you don't and you need to stop," Nick said to him, even though he had his head turned away.

Greg felt his emotions starting to get the better of him but still didn't look at Nick.

Nick sighed after he remained quiet for a few moments, hoping Greg would talk to him again. "You know Dr. Levine told me you might be able to come home tomorrow but he said that he thinks you might need to be put into a rehabilitation center instead." That comment made Greg finally turn his head and look at Nick. Tears filled his eyes.

"Please no. I can't…I can't be put in someplace against my will again," he said with a quiver in his voice and obvious fright.

Nick fought his own emotions back as he tried to talk to him. He moved closer to him. "G, I don't want you to go to one either, but I'm not sure I can handle the thought that if you are home, I might take my eyes off you and you could try to hurt yourself again. If you are at this place, they can keep an eye on you and have special rooms for …for suicidal patients," he said. He found it hard to even admit that he knew Greg was still having those thoughts.

Greg closed his eyes and shook his head woefully. "I'm trying…it's just so hard." He opened his eyes back up and looked to Nick again, pleading. "Please Nicky, please let me come home with you. I promise I won't try to take my life again." He turned his hand that Nick had stopped from fisting, around and lightly clutched Nick's hand in his. "I want to go home, to our bed."

Nick had to look away from his tortured boyfriend's eyes as it was tearing his heart open on the inside to see him pleading with him, so scared. He looked down at their intertwined hands; Greg's always elegant long fingers in his own rough ones. His eyes travelled up Greg's arm, seeing the bandage that he knew hid the stitches from the deadly cut he had made to himself. He stayed focused on that and wondered himself if he could truly handle taking care of Greg, the way he was right now. He knew Dr. Levine said he was starting him on depression medication. Would that help?

"I was told you got bad news from Dr. Smith but they didn't tell me what. Can you tell me?" He decided to finally ask him as his gaze met Greg's again.

Greg wet his lips and took a shaky breath. "My current regiment of meds is not working. He's changing it to another protocol. He told me people often have to try several before they find one that works for them. He told me not to worry about that now but you know, with everything going wrong in my life, it's hard not to."

Nick sighed, Greg really couldn't catch any breaks but he could give him one. He took his other free hand and wiped tears from Greg's cheeks to try to sooth him. "I'll make sure Dr. Levine knows that I want you home with me. Even if your parents have to come help out for a bit, I think you need to be home with people who love you and just want you to feel better about yourself."

Greg smiled a little. "Thank you Nick, thank you."

"You're welcome but I don't want you to worry about me anymore and what I deserve. I love you and I want you to love me but you can't love me until you can love yourself again."

That started a new fit of tears for Nick to wipe away again for Greg. "I know…I know." Nick also had tears running down his face. "We make quite a pair of blubbering messes," he said lightheartedly. That made Greg smile, something he wasn't sure he would see again a couple of days ago.

"I'm going to get better Nick. I just need help in finding out why my life seems to be a never ending nightmare," he admitted finally.

"I want to know too and I will help you. I will remind you of all the wonderful things that have happened in your life and why you have so much ahead of you still. I honestly think the worst is over and to prove it, before I came in here I got a message from Brass saying Brad Jamison was found and is being held to come back here. He was about to board a plane in Miami to leave the country."

"They found him?" Greg asked with some hope.

"Yes and he will be here in Las Vegas in about 12 hours, going straight to a holding cell in LVPD, where he can be questioned and booked," Nick told him.

Greg sighed in relief. Maybe Nick was right, maybe his nightmares would finally be ending knowing his last torturer would be in jail soon. "I hope he gets life and suffers like hell in prison."

"We all do, Greg…we all want to see that."


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N- Once again an apology for the delay. My life is just a bit too hectic to get around to post this thing lately. But once again I want to thank all of you who have let such heartfelt reviews. I really, really do appreciate it. We still have a little ways to go before this is completely wrapped up, but the end is getting closer._

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><p>Nick looked in through the window as a nurse helped Greg get his stuff together. Nick was taking him home today. He hoped he knew what he was doing. Greg was still in such a fragile state and even though he promised he wouldn't try to take his life again, Nick wasn't so sure. He had seen the look in Greg's eyes and it still scared him. He only hoped with Greg's parents sticking around to be there for Greg when Nick couldn't be he would be okay. They had to prove to him life was worth living still.<p>

"You can go in now and take him home. Here is his medication. Make sure he is taking all of it as scheduled. Dr. Levine signed his release papers earlier. Take care," the female nurse named Nancy, smiled as she left him.

Nick walked in and saw Greg standing up, wearing the jeans and pullover hoodie Nick had brought in from home for him. The jeans looked really loose on him. He didn't realize he had lost so much weight recently. Greg looked at him and gave him a sheepish smile. "Guess you will be buying me more fattening, comfort foods again. I didn't realize I had lost as much weight as I have."

"Guess I will be," Nick replied with a small smile. He was glad that Greg had noticed it on his own. He didn't want to bring it up, fearing it would have been a cause for an argument. "So are you ready to go home? Nancy gave me your medication and schedule."

Greg nodded. "Yes, Dr. Levine was in earlier and gave me the speech and she also told me about my medication schedule from Dr. Smith. You might as well start calling me a druggie," he said with an attempt at a joke. He was trying to lighten the mood, seeing as Nick looked so serious and worried. He knew he was the reason why and knew Nick was still wondering if he was going to try to kill himself again. He had been trying to keep positive thoughts in the last few hours, preparing himself to go home. It wasn't easy but Dr. Levine had talked to him again and told him to look at all the good things in his life and that his troubles were coming to a close now, since news that Brad Jamison had been brought in.

Nick frowned. "I won't call you that. I just want you to be well." Greg sighed, seeing his act to lighten the mood didn't work. "I know. Can we go now?"

"Sure, follow me to the parking garage," Nick said. Greg nodded and remained quiet as they walked out of the hospital to the parking garage to Nick's SUV. Greg felt anxiety building inside him as he strapped on the seat belt. He looked over at Nick who was staring straight ahead; seemingly almost annoyed that Greg hadn't said anything. He turned his head away and looked out the window. He felt like Nick didn't really want to take care of him because he knew he was so unstable. He would probably prove him right too. He couldn't even control his emotions right now as he felt tears fall down his cheeks. He was such a mess for a human being.

Nick caught out of the corner of his eyes Greg turning away after looking at him. He knew he had been staring at him but he didn't know what to say to him anymore. He started the engine and then heard Greg's breath hitch. He finally looked over at him and saw that he was shaking some, and then he realized that he was really crying. He closed his eyes as he took his own deep breath to control his own emotions before opening his eyes up and placing his hand on Greg's leg. "Greg…"

Greg turned his eyes, already red, his face in misery, "I know you hate me right now. I know you wish that I rather be in the rehabilitation center, but I can't be alone. I …I just can't."

Nick shook his head somberly, "No, Greg, that is not true. I could never hate you. And I don't want you to be alone either, which is why you are coming home. Your parents will be staying with us in the guest room for a week or two to assist if we need it. I can't be there for you all the time, but between all three of us, someone will always be there for you if you need to talk. You're going to feel better about yourself, just stop trying so hard. Dr. Levine said you have to take your time in feeling comfortable with yourself again."

Greg wiped at his eyes. "I'm going to be babysat in other words," he scowled.

"Well that or you do go to the rehabilitation center; it's up to you, Greg. I can go back in and tell Dr. Levine you changed your mind," Nick said. He didn't want to play this emotional back and forth again right now. He wanted Greg to know he had a choice.

"Okay, okay…just take me home," Greg said, finally giving in.

Nick started up the engine and started pulling out of the parking lot to head home. "I don't want you going home feeling worse than you did. I just want you to be happy again and I just don't know anymore how to accomplish that," he said, voicing his own frustration.

Greg looked out the window again. "I don't know either," he said softly. Nick didn't know what to say to that since he had no idea either. They remained quiet the rest of the ride home.

As they pulled into the driveway Greg noticed the extra car in the driveway. "Is that my parents?" He asked Nick.

"Yes, they are already here," Nick replied. Greg just nodded his head.

Nick parked and got out. Greg took the clue and got out too. He grabbed his bag of belongings and medicines with him. He walked behind Nick as he unlocked the door. Nick let Greg walk in first. Greg saw his parents stand up from the sofa as he came in. He had hardly spoken to them since his suicide attempt and felt his body tense up as their looks of anticipation at his entrance came to their faces.

"We're glad you are home, Son," Peter Sanders said to his son. Greg sucked in his lower lip and just nodded. He was at a loss of words around his parents. He didn't see them that much in the first place and had seen them more in the last year than he had in the last 15 years since he lived in Vegas.

Nick came around him and grabbed the bags from his hands. "Why don't you spend some time with your parents? You should really talk to them," Nick whispered to him before leaving to put his things away.

Greg looked from his dad to his mom, who looked scared of him, almost. He didn't know what to say to them. "I'm uh…I'm glad you're here," was all he could come up with. He looked down at his feet with embarrassment.

His mother walked up to him. He raised his head and looked into her sad, worried brown eyes. "I know you think I smothered you as a child but I only did it because I loved you so much and never wanted to see you hurt. I would give my own life to take your hurt away now, but I know that wouldn't work. I just want you to let us in. We love you so much," she told him with tears in her eyes. She wanted to touch him but was afraid to.

Greg looked momentarily over her shoulder at Nick, who tried encouraging him with a small smile. He looked back down at his mom. "I'm sorry," he said to her before she ended up pulling him into hug. Greg closed his eyes as he rested his head on her shoulder. His father came over and put his arms around him too.

Nick looked on from the kitchen in bittersweet happiness as he saw Greg allow his parents to hold him finally after his suicide attempt. He hoped that this was a step in the right direction for him. Nick saw Greg lift his head a little as he opened his eyes and saw that they were red from emotions. He looked at him and Nick smiled at him.

Greg allowed his parents to guide him to the sofa and sit next to him. He wiped at his eyes before speaking again. "I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything right now, dear, if you don't want to," his mother said to him.

He was given pain medication before leaving the hospital and he was feeling it kick in. He was tired and it was also a good excuse to escape from the awkwardness of the situation at the moment. "I'm kind of tired from my meds. Is it okay if I lay down for a bit?" He asked, not sure he was free to do whatever he wanted to in his own home with so many there to watch over him.

Nick stepped into the living room. "Sure you can sleep if you want. I know you took them right before leaving the hospital. The nurse advised they might make you sleepy." Greg looked to his parents after Nick spoke and they both nodded in agreement. Nick held out his hand for Greg to take. "I'll help you settle in again." Greg nodded and took his hand and got up, leaving his parents to go back to watching whatever they had been before he came home.

Nick let go of Greg's hand once inside their bedroom. "I guess I should ask if you are okay sleeping in the same bed again. If not I will sleep on the sofa." Greg shook his head. "No, I'm okay with it if you are."

"I am. I haven't really been getting much sleep lately either. I might nap with you, if you don't mind," Nick said to him. He just really wanted to be close to Greg, to be near him again.

Greg cast his eyes downward again. "Guess that's my fault too; you're not sleeping well."

Nick sighed and placed his hand on Greg's chin and forced him to look at him. "Stop this, stop always blaming yourself."

Greg's eyes were sad. "But it's true. I worried you so much, you couldn't sleep." Nick forced Greg to sit down on the bed and then sat next to him. "Okay you want to be blamed, then yes, it is your fault that I couldn't sleep but I know I will sleep better now with you by my side, so let's just move past this, please."

His partner nodded. "Okay."

"Look, just lay down. I will be back in a couple minutes. I'm just going to let your parents know we are both going to snooze," Nick said to him before getting up and leaving him alone for a few minutes.

Greg took off his shoes and his jacket before lying down on his side of the bed. He turned to his side and curled up. He heard Nick come in a minute later. He didn't say anything but he felt him get on the bed. He then felt a blanket drawn up over him. "It's a little cool in here, don't want you to get sick," he heard Nick say softly. He felt Nick settle down on the bed himself now.

He turned onto his other side to face Nick, who was already facing his direction. He looked at Nick, who was watching him carefully. "I broke a promise I made to you. I lied and kept more secrets from you but I was afraid of losing you if you knew. But then I kept thinking you would be better off without me but deep down I knew I couldn't be without you and I figured the only way to solve the problem was if I no longer existed. That's the conclusion I came to when Jakob had us. He gave me the opportunity for an out, he just didn't realize it. I used it. I thought that you would move on and find love with someone else in time. I never thought my loss would cause so much pain. I figured since you had already dealt with me missing for so long that it would have been easier this time, letting go of me. I thought wrong and I am sorry." He stared at Nick, waiting for a response.

Nick was shocked by his confession all of the sudden. He didn't know how to respond at first but then he knew. He sat up suddenly and got up. Greg felt horrified that he had said something to make Nick actually leave him but then he saw Nick go through his bag of belongings and take something out. He came back over to the bed and laid back down, facing Greg again. Greg carefully watched him, unsure of what he got. Then he saw Nick reach out with his hand and take his left hand. Greg let him take his hand.

Nick held up the ring he had given Greg during the holidays. He slid it onto Greg's finger where it had been taken off from when he was taken to the hospital. "I gave you this ring for a reason, we might not be able to legally marry but to me, we are. And in saying that the vows are for better or worse, for richer or poorer, or in sickness and in health; we've been through a lot of those recently. A lot of worse probably more than anything but I'll still love you no matter what, I made that promise to you and I won't break it. Yes, you did lie and kept secrets but in the end you only hurt yourself more in doing that. I just wish you would trust me enough to let me handle the truth. You have to stop trying to protect me, I don't need protection but you do right now. Just please let me in and don't shut me out again. I just want to love you and I want you to love yourself again. What I would give to see some of that cockiness back that you used to carry around," he ended saying with a small smile.

Greg looked at the ring on his finger and nodded slightly. "Okay," he whispered, tears coming to his eyes again. Nick reached out his hand and wiped away tears from his eyes. "Don't cry, babe…it's going to get better."

Greg broke down sobbing and Nick gathered him in his arms and held him and soothed him. He breathed in his scent and lightly rubbed his back as his sobs subsided and he eventually fell asleep in his arms. Nick felt a warmness return to his heart in holding his love as he slept. Things were going to get better; they had to for both of their sakes.

Nick reached over for Greg and noticed he was not in bed. He called his name and there was no answer. He got out of bed, wondering where he was. He headed for the bathroom first and noticed the door was closed. "Greg? Are you in here?" He heard water running but there was no response. He opened the door and saw water flooding the floor. It had a reddish color. He looked over at the bathtub and saw where it was coming from. Greg was naked in the tub filled with his blood and water. Nick screamed "No!"

He sat up suddenly in bed, breathing heavily. He looked over and saw Greg sitting up as well staring at him. "Are you okay?" Greg asked him, looking a bit worried.

Nick relaxed a little, seeing it was only a dream. Still it hit too close to home for him. "Yeah I'm fine," he responded finally.

"You don't look fine. I thought we said we were going to be truthful with each other," Greg said to him, with concern. He hadn't seen Nick look so terrified waking up from a nightmare in years.

Nick looked at him, still reeling from the nightmare. "You want to know how I really feel? I can't stop thinking about you covered in blood, taking your own life. This time you were in the bathtub, filled with your own blood from your slashed wrists, laying there dead. Ever since I held you in my arms, thinking you were going to die I've been having nightmares, but I didn't want to tell you because I know you will only feel more guilty and it would only make you think about doing it again. I can't handle the thought of losing you again, I just can't," he said with tears in his eyes.

Greg didn't know how to respond. He was truly realizing the effect his actions had on Nick. He was right too, he did feel guilty. He lay back down on his back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to say. He finally found some words to say. "I thought I was doing you a favor. I thought that you would mourn me for a while but then you would find someone new to love, someone who was truly worthy of you and in time you would forget about me."

Nick looked down at him lying on the bed and shook his head. "Never. Perhaps I would have found someone in time but they would never live up to you. You just don't seem to understand how much I love you, how you are part of my soul…we are soul mates and without you I am not a whole man."

"The funny thing is I don't feel like a whole man anymore," Greg said to him somberly.

"Don't you love me?" Nick asked, truly wondering if his feelings had changed.

Greg looked distant as he started to speak. "When I was chained to that wall, alone in the dark, wondering what they would do to me next time they came; the only thing that kept me from going crazy was thinking of you. I would try to remember good times we had and you and me together in this bed." He moved his head slightly to the side and looked up at Nick. "You're the only thing that has kept me going for these last few months."

"Then what happened suddenly to change that?" Nick asked him.

"Everything, I felt just so overwhelmed and like I said, I started thinking you would be better off without me. I honestly thought that in the long run I would be doing you a favor; freeing you from being attached to someone who doesn't feel whole anymore. I'm not sure I'm capable of loving you the way you deserve anymore. Like we talked about, if I can't love myself, how can I love someone else? But somehow I still do love you but I just don't understand it anymore. I don't understand much of anything anymore. I don't know why someone is so hell bent on destroying me. I'm just so lost," he told Nick with somber eyes.

Nick stared at him, not sure what to tell him. He just wanted him to feel better about himself. He sometimes knew actions spoke louder than words. He leaned down and placed a warm, heartfelt kiss on Greg's lips. He pulled himself up again and smiled down at his lover, who seemed to be more at ease. "Whenever you feel lost, just remember I am here and I will help you find your way."

Greg gave him a small smile. "I'll remember from now on. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now why don't we get up and get something to eat. I am hungry," Nick grinned.

Greg smiled. "Sure."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N- Hello again readers! I'm slacking on posting chapters. I know. Sorry. I will try to kick my butt into gear and get at least one a week out until it's all finished. Now this chapter is pretty ugly and intense and graphic, I am forewarning you. It will be another glimpse of the hell Greg went through. Plus Nick gets to talk to Brad finally after he knows what happened._ Please review!_**

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><p>Greg and Nick were watching a movie while waiting on Greg's parents to get back with something to eat. Nick's phone rang. He saw it was Brass and got up to answer it out of ear shot of Greg. He knew it probably had something to do with Brad Jamison being brought in for questioning.<p>

"Hey Nick. How's Greg doing?" Jim asked him right away.

"He's been better but I think with a lot of attention and love he'll be okay. Do you have any news on Brad Jamison?" He asked eagerly.

"That's why I am calling you. We are going to question him soon but I think before we do, you need to ask Greg why he exactly thinks he's one of the men who tortured him. He's already lawyered up so we need as much as we can get on him to hold him. He's going to deny everything, I have a feeling but if there is any insight Greg can provide, something we don't know about, it would help greatly."

"I'll talk to him and then I am coming down. I want to be there to see this guy try to get out of this," Nick said determinedly.

"Just as long as you know once you lose your cool, you are out of there. I'll make sure we hold off until you get here."

After hanging up with Brass, Nick walked back into the living room. Greg looked up at him. "Who was that?"

Nick sat down next to him before answering. "It was Jim and he's going to be bringing in Brad Jamison for questioning but he asked me to talk to you about him. You need to tell me everything you know about him…why you think he is the unknown man who raped you."

Greg winced hearing that term again and then sighed heavily, knowing he was going to have to talk about his interactions with Brad sooner or later. "I knew from the first moment I saw him in his house I felt uneasy around him. At first I couldn't place it. It wasn't until we went back to his home and he showed us his chest of S&M things. Remember how I got sick and you took me home?" He paused while Nick nodded. "That was the first night I went to Vegas Underground. I figured that was where he was going when he said he was going out for some action. I dug out those items you found and wore them. I wore the mask, hoping he would not recognize me but he did. I was just going to observe him but then he spotted me and approached me. He said either I come up on stage and be a Dominate or he would make sure I was on all fours again. With him just having that mask on and only seeing his eyes, I saw that same coldness I remembered and something about the commanding tone in his voice reminded me of the 4th man. I knew it was him. I did go up on stage and whip Jakob. I had to or he would have exposed me. I'm not proud of what I did but something about it also was therapeutic. It let me release some anger but it scared me too." He shook his head, still not believing he went as far as he had.

Nick kept quiet, letting him speak without interruption. He wanted to ask him so many questions but he also didn't want to upset him by what he might ask, so he decided to just stay silent as he spoke.

Greg continued on warily. "Then after I got another video I decided I had to go back to him. I knew he was sending them. I went back to the club and got invited into his private room with Jakob and others. I approached him and told him I knew he raped me and I knew he was sending the videos and that he killed Jason Carbone. He said I knew nothing and basically couldn't prove anything either. Then he shoved in my face the fact that I killed two people, Demetrius James and Jasper…he said he knew more about me than I knew about him. He was right. He threw me off with that. Then he proceeded to offer his slave, Jakob to me to let my anger out on. He said that or he would take the whip to me, reminding me I was in his territory. Then when I hesitated a moment Jakob even teased me. So I took the whip and beat him with it. I was so furious, I didn't know my own strength until Red Rose," he noticed Nick furrow his eyebrows in questioning. "Uh, she was this girl there. She was actually pretty cool with me. Anyway she took the whip out of my hand, to stop me. I had whipped Jakob worse than last time. I left as quickly as I could, in disgrace. I think that is when I really started to fall apart, knowing I could do that. The hatred for myself grew even worse and as that got worse, the cutting got deeper." He lowered his eyes in shame, feeling Nick's gaze on him stronger than ever. "I told you I'm fucked up."

Nick closed his eyes and bit his tongue, holding back from saying something that might worsen how Greg was feeling again about himself. He had to tread so carefully in what he said. He opened his eyes back up and reached out his hands and grabbed Greg's, who was clutching his hands into fists. Greg looked up at him as his hands were taken in Nick's warm ones. "You're going to work through this; we're going to work through this with help from Dr. Levine and others. If I need to buy you a punching bag, I will." He saw a slight smirk on Greg's face at that comment. "I'm not joking. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right for you again. But first thing is bringing down this fucking creepy monster, Brad Jamison from his high horse and making sure he rots in prison."

Greg sucked in his lower lip and just nodded. "I'll do everything I can to make sure he doesn't escape these charges. We'll find some concrete evidence against him eventually. Once your parents return with the food, I'll take mine to go and go to LVPD to see this creep and see what he has to say."

"You can go now. I'll be okay for a little bit on my own," Greg told him.

Nick shook his head. "I'm sorry Greg, I can't leave you alone. I can't take the chance." He saw him about to protest but he stopped him. "No, Greg. I want to trust you, I do but I am not taking a chance of losing you again and you can hate me for it if you want, but I love you too much to risk it."

Greg's mouth hung open and Nick could see the deep hurt in his eyes. Greg looked away from him and then suddenly stood up. "Fine, I guess I deserve that." He turned around, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "I just hope someday again, you will trust me."

Nick was about to stand up and say something when they both heard the door unlock. Greg quickly rubbed at his eyes and walked towards the window to stare out it. He didn't want his parents to know he was about to cry again.

"We got the subs here. You two ready to eat?" Greg heard his parents say.

Nick got up and took the bag of subs from Mr. Sanders and placed them on the table. "Thanks for picking them up but I'm going to have to take mine to go. I have to head down to the station for work. I'll be back when I am done." He walked over to where Greg still stood, staring out the window.

He put his hands on Greg's shoulders from behind. He was happy he didn't flinch away from him. "I will trust you again someday but for now you have to understand why I don't. When I come home I'll let you know what happened. I love you," he whispered to him, so Greg's parents wouldn't hear what he said. He saw Greg nod. He squeezed his shoulders affectionately before letting go and grabbing his wrapped sub off the table.

"I'll be home later on. Bye," he said to all of them before walking out the front door.

Greg finally turned around and saw that his parents were staring at him with questioning looks on their faces. He slowly walked over to the table where they stood. "They brought in Brad Jamison and Nick's going be there to question him. He asked me more about him and things just got a little tense. I'll be fine though." He saw his parents looking at him still, not really believing him. He sighed. "I really will be, in time. Can we eat now?" He asked finally.

"Sure Son, we can eat. We just all are a little tense I guess," his father said to him.

Greg nodded as he pulled out his chair. "I know. I know." His parents gave him small smiles as they sat down to eat.

Xxxxx

Nick walked into the interrogation room with Jim and saw the smug Brad Jamison sitting there with his lawyer. He was dressed in a purple polo shirt and black slacks. He didn't have his glasses on. Nick glared at him, visualizing this man as a monster that terrorized and assaulted Greg, but he was going to keep his cool, as he promised. He would do it for Greg.

"Mr. Jamison, who is Jakob Freeman to you?" Brass started with the questioning.

Brad looked between the two of them before answering. "He is an acquaintance."

Nick frowned. "Jakob Freeman told us he was your sex slave and that you have been intimate for about a year. Are you saying he is lying? Because we have video footage of him and you together, plus your housekeeper Rosa seems to agree with his statement."

Brad looked at his lawyer who nodded to go ahead. He sighed. "Yes, he is my slave when we are at the underground BDSM clubs. And yes we have known each other that long."

"Then you knew he killed Jason Carbone and helped him cover his murder," Jim said to him.

"No, I didn't know he killed Jason Carbone and I definitely didn't help him cover any murder. I was just as shocked by that dead body in my house as anyone else was. I don't condone murder in any circumstance. If he confessed to killing him, he never told me anything about it," Brad said to them, putting on a good show.

Nick just shook his head, knowing he was lying through his perfectly polished teeth. "Jakob said you were given HIV by Jason Carbone after you had an affair with him and that made Jakob mad and that is why he killed him for you. You said you never knew Jason Carbone that well."

Brad pondered a moment, thinking out what he was going to say next carefully. "Okay, so we slept together one time. We were both drunk and I didn't think it was that important to bring up."

"Not that important when he is the man who passed his HIV status onto you?" Nick said to him, more anger in his voice now, thinking of Greg and his HIV status.

"I can't be 100% sure he gave it to me. I will admit, I like to fuck around," he smirked.

"Is that how you would describe taking part in torturing and raping a man against his will? Just fucking around?" Nick asked with some steam in his voice.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I would never force myself on someone against their will. All my partners have been completely willing to take part," Brad said to him, directly.

Jim decided to ask this time around. "So you are saying Greg Sanders was a willing participant when he was chained to a wall in an abandoned house's basement for four months where he was brutally tortured and raped?"

Brad acted shocked. "Greg Sanders, the CSI? I have no idea what you are talking about?"

Nick leaned forward. "You know exactly what we are talking about. Greg said you told him he could never prove it and to make matters worse you have been sending him videos that you took during that horrid time to him and furthering his pain and humiliation to throw him off the case."

"I'm sorry but your friend, Greg Sanders but he sounds delusional. He came to my club, where he took part in throwing the whip at my slave, Jakob. I have it on video to prove to you," Brad said to him with a small smile.

"Oh, I've seen the video. Jakob provided the entertainment while he had myself and Greg in your secret room in your house which you failed to show us when we searched your place after the murder of Jason Carbone. Tell me why you left that room out," Nick countered back at him.

"No one in that house that night used that room, I knew that. The only people who have access to it are myself and Rosa. Rosa must have let Jakob down there. I know Rosa had a thing for Jakob, I just never realized she was willing to go as far as she did with him. I had no idea he was going to do what he did to you and Mr. Sanders. I am truly sorry for that," Brad said to them. He was truthful in that he didn't know Jakob was going to act on his jealousy about Greg and he didn't know Rosa would be dragged into it.

"Look we know you helped Jakob cover Jason Carbone's murder and we also know you are one of the men who took part in the brutal torture and rape of Greg Sanders. You will be going to prison for a long time," Brass said to him.

This time Brad's lawyer spoke up. "I have yet to see anything but statements that my client is guilty of any of these charges. Unless you can find concrete proof that he committed any of these crimes, you will have to let him go. Jakob Freeman's statements cannot be taken seriously. The man spent a couple of years under psychiatric care for mental illness. And now from what I hear your friend Greg Sanders is seeing a psychiatrist too. Both of these gentlemen's testimony won't amount to anything under a court of law."

Nick felt his blood boiling, wondering how his lawyer discovered what he had about Greg and to discredit him. He turned his hatred to Brad. "You are smart, I'll give you that. You did everything you could to drive Greg crazy and you succeeded but I swear to you I will find something concrete and you will spend the rest of your miserable life in prison where hopefully you'll end up someone else's bitch!" Nick stood up and excused himself from the room before he did something he would regret.

Brass chuckled a little after he left and turned his attention back to the lawyer. "Well I have to say, when he is determined you better watch out. I am sure he will find something so that your client here will not be able to get out of charges put forth. As for now, we can still hold him for another 24 hours. I'm sure we'll be talking again soon and next time we will have something solid on your client, Brad Jamison." Brass nodded to the officer who stood guard so that he could escort the lawyer and his client out the door.

He waited until they were gone before meeting up with Nick in the hallway. Nick had been pacing. "So what are you going to do?"

"I just called Sara and Catherine. We are heading back to the Jamison house and tearing it apart until we find something solid to incriminate him on either or both charges. I am not letting that son of a bitch go free, not will I live," Nick said, seething with anger.

"Then I look forward to hearing what you find. He couldn't have been that good in covering his tracks. He is cocky and when they are cocky they make mistakes," Jim said to him.

"And I will find that mistake," Nick said with determination.

Thirty minutes later he was at the Jamison house again with Sara and Catherine. They had both asked him how Greg was doing. They had felt uncomfortable visiting him since his suicide attempt. Only a few trusted people at work knew about his attempt on his own life. So far Ecklie agreed it was on a need to know basis.

"I'm going to take Brad Jamison's bedroom and office," Nick said to them. Sara said she would work the secret room and the other rooms on the first floor, while Catherine would work all the other rooms.

Nick had already spent an hour tearing apart Brad Jamison's bedroom and all he found was more of his BDSM gear and some photos of him and other people dressed similar. One picture showed him in action, about to whip Jakob on his bare back, which was already red streaked. Another showed him with the hood on that Greg had described his fourth man wearing. Unfortunately it was not enough to say for sure that it was him.

Another 30 minutes had passed and he sighed heavily as he pulled out the last drawer on Brad's desk. He tossed it to the ground, frustrated that he had not found anything yet. He looked inside the empty desk and saw nothing hidden. He grabbed the first drawer and placed it back into its spot. When he grabbed the second one, something caught his eye. He saw something taped to the back of it. It was a memory card. He felt his heart leap and first took a picture of it taped to the back of the drawer before pulling it off. They had already taken Brad's laptop in to examine and Archie was working on that, so Nick went to grab his laptop from his bag and pulled it out. He sat down at the chair at Brad's desk and put the SD card into his computer. The disk had been titled "Special Project". He noticed there were five videos on the card. He clicked on the first one and immediately knew what it was. It was the first video that had been sent to Greg but this was raw footage. There was no editing of it. As much as he couldn't stomach watching these videos he had to because he wanted to see or hear if Brad revealed himself at all in these videos. Finding that he was hiding this footage was on thing but to actually prove that he was there and took part was something that he would not be able to deny. They first two videos were pretty much the same as he remembered, except there was talking in the last one but all he heard was Jasper and Rex in it. If Brad was taking the video he never spoke.

The next video was shaky. The video came on in the middle of Greg being held down on his stomach by Rex and the man in the black hood; over Greg stood Jasper with the branding Iron. Nick's breath hitched when he realized what he was about to view. He remembered Greg so painfully telling him what happened. He realized Greg must have been so absorbed in begging and pleading with Jasper not to use the red hot branding iron on him that he didn't realize he was being filmed. Hearing Greg's cries and pleads tore his heart out all over again but then seeing Jasper maliciously place the burning hot iron on his lower back and hearing Greg's blood curdling screams did him in. He had to stop the video momentarily as tears filled his vision. He sobbed as he finally came to the realization what Greg had been telling him all along, that he couldn't ever understand what he went through. Seeing and hearing this suddenly brought him into the moment and he did understand Greg and why he was the way he was now. If it was breaking him just viewing this, he couldn't imagine actually living it out.

After a few minutes he composed himself again and forced himself to watch the rest of the video. He saw Greg's body eventually go limp and pass out from the pain he had been in. He heard Jasper, Rex and the hooded man laughing their heads off at his passing out. "That'll teach him once and for all that he is mine and no one else's. Blackhawk, this was an awesome idea. I can't thank you enough for it," Jasper gloated to the man in the hood.

Nick remembered Brad's S&M name being Blackhawk. It was him! He knew there would be something eventually. Still he wanted more, he wanted a rock solid case against him. He kept watching the video and saw Blackhawk look at the camera holder. "Chris, glad you could join us. I thought you couldn't handle this. Did you get it on video? I can't wait to rewatch it," Jasper spoke up as he approached the camera.

The camera shot shook as it seemed it was changing hands. Now Chris walked out in front of the camera_. "I'm heading up guys. I've done enough for tonight," he heard Chris say._

_ "Aww, you wuss. Fine go just don't say anything or you know you are dead meat," Jasper said from behind the camera lens. "Hey Brad, fuck my boy while he's passed out," Jasper laughed hoarsely._

_ "Fuck you! Don't call me that. Blackhawk, remember Ass! Speaking of ass, he does have a fine one. Sure why not fuck him while he's out cold. It will be the easiest fuck I've had with him," he laughed. _

_ Blackhawk zipped down his pants and pulled his dick out. He started pulling on it to make himself hard. "Hey Rex, grab that plastic bag there. Yeah that one and bring it here." Rex handed him a black trash bag that he placed under Greg's ass. After a couple of minutes he was hard and he hefted up Greg's ass and forced himself right inside. He acted like he was riding a bucking bronco, although the bronco was out cold and not responsive. He climaxed and pulled out, as cum and blood came out too. He grabbed a towel that Rex brought to him and wiped himself off. Then he pushed Greg off the plastic bag and picked it up, collecting any seamen and blood he might have left behind as evidence to clean up. He tossed the towel to Rex. "Clean up that boy's ass. I don't want any trace of me left behind. I know you two are careless but I am not. Remember who fronted this whole thing so do as I say." Rex grunted but went ahead and got the towel wet in the sink and proceeded to clean up Greg's unconscious body from any fluids that where left behind. _

_ "Wipe the blood up from the brand too so I can see it better when he wakes. Plus I don't want him getting some sort of infection from it and dying before I am ready for him to die," Jasper said to Rex. _

_ "Turn off the fucking video camera already. We are done for tonight," Brad said into the camera._ The video stopped then. But Nick rewound to the close up on Brad, the man in the hood. He could see it was him for the brief couple of seconds that he stood right in front of the lens. They were Brad Jamison's eyes, it was undeniable. Nick was torn. Part of him was thrilled that they had Brad Jamison but mostly he was still feeling the pain of watching Greg go through what he went through.

There was one more video left. He was afraid to watch it but it looked to be pretty short. He clicked play.

_ Jasper stood over Greg, who was on his knees, hands tied behind his back. He looked like he was about to pass out. Jasper's cock stood out hard, dangling in front of Greg. "Now say it," Jasper yelled at him._

_ "Master, please may I suck your cock?" Greg said weakly with no emotion in his voice. _

_ "Of course you may!" Jasper jeered. Greg moved his head slightly so he could take him in his mouth. Jasper moved forward, making sure he was deep throating him. He worked his one hand through Greg's hair, tugging on it every so often. It didn't take long for Jasper to come in Greg's mouth. Jasper stepped back and gestured to the camera and then to Greg. "See that's how a good slave should act. Always eager to suck his Master off. Oh and look, he says it doesn't excite him but I beg to differ." Jasper kneels down and points to Greg's erect cock. "See he gets off on it too. But he also knows that is a no-no and what do I do about that?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cock ring. He placed it on Greg's erect cock, eliciting a groan of pain from Greg._

_ "See now he is perfect," Jasper chuckled looking down at Greg's obvious discomfort in joy as he zipped up his own pants. He reached behind him and grabbed a bottle of liquor. He took a sip for himself and then grabbed Greg's hair and pulled his head back and poured some down his throat. Greg sputtered some of the liquid out but took most of it down. Jasper had him finish off the bottle. _

_ "And see he still gets his drink too," Jasper laughed. He pushed Greg's head to the side, harshly, causing him to fall on his side on the mattress. Jasper took out a knife and cut the cable tie that bound his hands behind him. Once untied, Greg just curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his knees which he pulled up to his chest. _

_ Jasper stood up over him. "I'll let you sleep it off. I'll be back tomorrow for more fun." Then he walked up to the camera and turned it off. _

Nick thought it must have been set up on a tripod that time since he only seemed to be talking directly into the camera and not to any one in particular.

Nick pulled out the SD memory card and placed it into an evidence bag and tagged it. He stared at the thing that would put Brad Jamison away for good, but also wondered if it would destroy any little bit of sanity Greg had left if he saw these two last videos. No matter what he couldn't let Greg see these. He knew it would serve no good purpose but to destroy him completely.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N-Things lighten up in this chapter. Enjoy!_

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><p>Nick walked into the living room and saw Greg's parents sitting on the sofa, in front of the TV. "Where's Greg?" He asked them as he set his keys on the hook next to the kitchen counter.<p>

"He's been outside on the patio for the last couple of hours, reading," Peter Sanders said to him with a dour look.

He looked out the patio door and could see him sitting on a chair with the porch light on and a book in his hands. He looked back at his parents. "What happened after I left?"

Sharon Sanders sighed. "He didn't say much at all. We tried to talk to him but he stayed pretty quiet and after we finished eating we watched a movie and then he picked out a book and took it outside to read. He's been out there ever since. How about you? You have any good news to share? We could use some."

"Well Brad Jamison probably will not be seeing the light of day for a long, long time, meaning that all the men who were involved in Greg's abduction are officially off the streets or dead now," Nick told them.

"Thank goodness. That should make him feel better about things," Greg's mother said.

"I sure hope so. I'm going to go outside now to be with him and let him know what happened. If you two want to head to bed, we should be okay," Nick told them, knowing they had stayed up into the late night just to keep an eye on their son.

"Thanks Nick. We know you'll take care of him," Peter said to him.

Nick waited for them to get up before heading outside to talk to Greg. He opened the patio door and Greg looked up at him from his book. He put the book down on the side table. "So, what happened?" he asked right away. It had been at the back of his mind all night long what was going on down at LVPD and CSI lab but he refrained from calling Nick to ask him. He had to trust that Nick would tell him everything when he was home.

Nick pulled the other chair closer to Greg, so to face him when he sat down. "Brad Jamison will not be going free anytime in the next 50 years at least." He told him upfront.

Greg's eyes widened. "Really? He confessed?"

"Oh no, he did anything but that. He denied everything practically at first." Nick proceeded to tell him what happened before he went to the Jamison house again. "I had to find something so that guy would never set foot out in public again and I did."

"Well what did you find?" Greg asked him, eager to know what it could have been that he failed to hide well enough.

"I was tearing apart his bedroom and office when I found a SD card taped to the back of one of his desk drawers," he told him. He saw Greg tense up suddenly. "What was on this card?" he asked, fearfully.

Nick reached out and took Greg's hands in his. Greg looked down a moment and knew it had to be about him for Nick to be trying to comfort him. He looked up and searched Nick's eyes for answers. "More videos of me?"

Nick nodded and he had to say something first before he got into the videos. "I need to tell you something first. I need to let you know that I think I finally understand what you have been trying to tell me all along, that I would never understand what you went through. I get it now and I can also understand why you thought I would be better off without you. I think I finally was able to place myself in your shoes and see how you have been seeing the world lately."

Greg cocked his head, unsure of what it was that Nick saw today that made him see things his way. He was afraid to ask and just stayed quiet.

Nick could see that he was confused somewhat and decided to carry on with telling him what he saw. "I remember the night you told me about how you got the brand on your backside and how horrible it sounded to me but I couldn't quite picture it so I didn't really understand." He saw the realization hitting Greg at what he was saying.

"No, I don't remember that. I don't…I don't remember them recording anything. Oh God, not that," he exclaimed suddenly. Nick gripped his hands tighter as he felt him start to tremble some. He rubbed his thumbs over the back of his hands.

"Listen to me, okay. The SD card had the previous videos that were sent to you on them, unedited, plus two additional videos." He saw him absorbing what he was saying but also noticed his breath hitch. "No freaking out on me, you just concentrate on your breathing while you listen to me."

He nodded as he parted his lips and was breathing through his mouth more. "You said to me that that man in the mask at that time you thought was Chris because he had been there earlier. You were wrong. It was Brad Jamison and Chris was in the room but you were too busy begging Jasper not to use that hot brand on you. Chris was the one filming it. I saw, with my own eyes what they did to you and I heard, God I heard your screams and," he paused as tears came to him again just thinking of what he had seen. "And I understood what you have been telling me, that it's not something you will ever forget, as I will now never forget your screams in that video." He stopped to brush away the tears that had begun falling from Greg's eyes. "I know what you are thinking right now too, you never wanted me to see you like that and I can understand why. I would never want you to see me like that either. But what's done is done and we have to move forward from it, do you understand?"

Greg nodded again, unable to come up with any words anymore. Nick wiped at his own tears and continued on. "But there was more to this video after you passed out and it is that more that matters where it comes to Brad Jamison. At first Jasper called him Blackhawk during the video and I know that's the name he uses when at the clubs, but the nail in the coffin was when Chris called him Brad and he scolded him and told him to never use that name, he was to be called Blackhawk."

"He…he actually said that in the video," came the first words from Greg after being told all of this.

"Yes he did. We got him. Plus later on he came right up to the camera before shutting it off and even with the mask on, you can clearly see they are his eyes there and his nose. He's sunk, Greg. There is no getting out of this," Nick said with a smile.

Greg sighed, feeling a little bit of relief but feeling like Nick saw more in those videos he didn't want to share but he had to know. "What else was in these videos that I don't recall?"

Nick shook his head. "I knew you would ask and I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you what I saw but I'm not going to let you watch them. I know how they destroy you and I'm not losing what little bit I've gained back of you."

Greg looked down a moment, thinking it through. He brought his head back up. "Okay it's a deal. You tell me what you saw, all of it and I won't ask to see the videos."

"Okay," Nick responded. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think of the best way to tell him what else he saw. He saw Greg staring at him intensely and finally spoke up again. "Okay, what you don't know is after you passed out, Jasper basically dared Brad to have sex with you while you were unconscious and he did but he cleaned up after himself and left no trace of his condom less sex with you behind."

Greg looked slightly horrified at the thought that they raped him even while he was out cold. "That's fucked up." He stood up finally and started pacing the patio. "That's so fucked up," he said more angrily now. He paced and then stood before Nick, staring at him in disbelief. "He fucked me while I was unconscious? That's just…" he couldn't even say what it was. He just lowered his head and shook it.

Nick reached out and took his right hand again. "Listen you wanted to know what I saw, it was filmed and I was disgusted beyond words too. But there was one last video." He looked at his tortured lover as he slowly sank back down into his chair.

"What the fuck else did they do to me?" he asked but he sounded deflated at this point.

"The last video was just Jasper and you. I suspect he had the camera set up on a tripod. You were on your knees, hands tied behind you back. You looked slightly out of it. Jasper came up to you with his pants already unzipped and told you to say something to him. You ended up saying 'Master please may I suck your cock?' Then he said you may and you simply did it. He deep throated you but you kept up the pace and finished him off. He said that was how a good slave was to behave and that you finally learned. Then he grabbed a bottle of liquor and took a sip for himself before forcing you to drink it. Then he slapped you against the head and you fell to your side. He undid your binds and you curled up in a ball. He said that he treated you well; even giving you something to drink and then he said he would let you rest up and be back the next day for more fun. That was it, I swear," he said with a heavy heart.

Greg had been staring down at his hand in Nick's. "I believe you and I don't want to see it. I don't want to see any of it ever again. I just want to forget it ever happened but that's not possible," he said to him as his breath hitched again. He sniffled and looked up at Nick with wet eyes. "Is it over now? Is it really over?"

"I want to say yes, but in all honesty I can't. You know there will be a trial and you know you may be asked to testify," he said to him, watching him carefully.

Greg leaned back in his chair and slouched; as he let his head roll on his shoulder. "I'm just so sick of it all. Why can't it just be over? Why does it have to keep coming back?" he whined with despair.

Nick leaned in to him. "I want it to be over too, believe me. I want you to be free of worry but I can't promise that yet. You know how the system works." He watched as he nodded slowly. "But we can make the best of it for now. You and I, we are going to make new, happier memories and someday all these will be old."

Greg tilted his head back and looked up at the sky, wondering when he would finally have a day of true peace, knowing everyone involved in his ordeal was put behind bars. He knew Brad was a powerful man in business and in the BDSM world and wondered if anyone would seek vengeance on his being put away. The thought made him shiver. "I want to escape," he murmured suddenly.

"What?" Nick asked what he meant. Greg looked at him, his eyes filled with pain again. "I just want to get away from it all, even if for a little bit of time. I feel like I am suffocating here."

Nick glanced at the book lying on the table to see what he had been reading. He was reading The Hobbit. He thought it was odd when he saw it but then caught on to what Greg was saying. "You want to escape to Hobbiton?" This actually drew a slight chuckle out of Greg. "You saw what I was reading, I see. No it doesn't have to be that drastic, although New Zealand would be awesome. Just to get out of Vegas, away from where I feel like everyone is staring at me or knows me. Someplace private where you and I can just relax and try not think of all this hell."

Nick thought for a moment. "Maybe we can go somewhere. We'd have to talk to Dr. Levine about it, if he thinks it would be okay and of course Catherine, but maybe we can."

Greg gazed at Nick and smiled some. "Thanks for indulging me in my dream."

"Maybe it will become reality, you never know," he smiled back. Turning more serious again he brought his hands up to Greg's face and held his face in his hands. "I don't want you dwelling on all this new video stuff. It's videos of things that happened in the past. You have to let go of it at some point. Do you understand me?" Greg mouthed the word yes to him. "Good. So how about we go inside because I happen to think it is a bit chilly out here."

Greg smiled a little. "Okay." He swiped his book off the table before following Nick inside the house.

Nick turned his head around to look at him briefly. "I don't know about you but I am bushed. I need to go to bed soon. I think I'm going to hop in the shower first though. Care to join me?" He decided to try asking, seeing if Greg was up to sharing his personal space with him again.

"Uh, no I'm fine. I'll just read in bed until you get out of the shower," he answered quickly.

"Okay, sure."

Nick got out of the bathroom about 20 minutes later and saw Greg doing as he said he would be, under the covers, reading in bed, the nightstand lamp on as his light. Greg didn't even look up from his book when Nick slid into bed next to him. "What made you start reading that?" Nick asked him.

Greg put his bookmark in the page and closed the book. "Well the movie is coming out and I haven't read it since I was a teen and it was always one of my faves, actually. I guess I needed the escapism, the fantasy world that Tolkien painted to get lost in."

"So I suppose that means we will be at the midnight opening of the movie when it comes out," Nick smiled to him.

"I've already put in for it off, months ago," he grinned. Nick smiled, seeing some sort of change in him.

"You've had any problems with your new pills?" he asked him.

Greg shook his head. "No, actually, I haven't now that you mention it."

"And you have been taking ALL of your pills, including the ones Dr. Levine prescribed?" Nick asked.

His partner frowned a little now. "Yes, I have. Why the doubt all of the sudden?"

"No, it's not doubt. It's the change I see in you. I think that perhaps the anti-depressant he gave you is working. I thought after all I told you today you would have been ready to …well you know," Nick couldn't even bring himself to say it to him.

Greg glanced down at his still bandaged arms. "Oh I see." He looked at Nick again. "I really am sorry I did that to you. I meant what I said…I won't try it again. I'm trying to find myself again. I'm trying to find what's good and what seems to make you want me so badly," he added with a slight smirk.

Nick scooted closer to him. "You know, you are still the sexiest thing on two legs to me, no matter what you think of yourself. And it's not about looks; it's about you, what's inside you. What made you hold out for as long as you did in that basement, what made you hang on to us through all of this. It took a hell of a lot to finally break you completely but I think we might be back to putting you back together again. Slowly but surely we are going to seal up those cracks that formed and super glue them so they can't come apart again."

"You make me sound like Humpty Dumpty," he said with a smirk. Nick reached over and caressed his face. "Maybe but the story won't end the same. You are going to be put back together and you will be stronger in the long run, I am positive."

Greg placed his hand over Nick's on his face. "I do love you. You make me want to try again with your strong faith in me. As long as you keep reinforcing that in me, I think I will be better in the long run."

"That's all I ask of you, Greg." Nick told him with a smile. Greg surprised him by wrapping his arms around him, even as he grimaced a little from the stitches still in his arms and drew Nick in for impassioned kiss.

"I love you Nick, I really do," he whispered after he broke off the kiss and laid his head on Nick's shoulder. Nick gratefully wrapped his arms around Greg, thinking that this day turned out very differently than he expected and grateful for it.

"I love you too Greg. Now let's try to get some sleep. We have to see Dr. Levine tomorrow."

"Goodnight Nick," Greg murmured as he made himself more comfortable in Nick's arms.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N- Well I'll be able to post more of this story and finish it up very soon. So look for more updates in the next couple of weeks and then it will be over. I want to thank Tracy79 for your continuous rave reviews. Also want to thank RoxieJamison, 101spacemonkey, marymel and anyone else who has been reviewing my story and even those who favorite it or me as a writer. Thanks for keeping my writing juices flowing. LOL I already have a new Greg fic in mind. Hopefully I will be a little nicer to him in the next one. But then again that's hard for me because I love Greg angst so much. :) Enjoy this chapter.**

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><p>"Really? That's even more fuel for the fire. Thanks for the update Sara. Yeah and I will send Greg your love. I better go he's coming out now," Nick said as he saw Greg exit Dr. Levine's office and head towards the seats he was sitting in.<p>

"Who was that?" Greg asked as he saw Nick put away his cell phone.

"It was Sara giving more good news," he smiled in response.

"Yeah? So are you going to tell me what it was?"

"Yes. There was something I forgot to mention to you last night that was in the video, something that Brad said. He said that he had 'fronted' the place that they had you in. Well Sara did some research and found out that the property that the abandoned house sat on belongs to Blackhawk Properties. Name ring a bell?" Nick smiled at Greg as he asked.

"Brad Jamison supplied the property that they held me in? He was in the whole thing from the start? He must have known Jasper prior then," Greg surmised. He tried wracking his brain to see if he had seen Brad Jamison before, when he was still in Jasper's BDSM world. He couldn't think of any other time he saw him.

"Well he's still denying everything but its kind of pointless now with all this evidence against him. Say I need to talk to Dr. Levine a moment. You going to be okay waiting for me out here?" Nick asked him.

"Yeah go ahead," Greg said to him and then sat himself down in the waiting area.

Nick went into Dr. Levine's office. Dr. Levine looked up from his desk. "Hello Nick, what can I do for you? Checking on Greg's status?"

"Well a little but actually I have something else that's come up that I wanted to ask you about." The doctor nodded for him to go ahead. "Well Greg was mentioning yesterday that he wanted to get away from all the craziness in Las Vegas for a while. I happen to think it might be a good idea. I think we both could use some time away from all this insanity but I wanted to ask you if you think it would be a good idea or not."

"Greg mentioned something about feeling like he was sick of everything being shoved in his face. Getting away might be a great idea but that I also want to keep up with our sessions and that might be difficult," Dr. Levine told him.

"Do you Skype? We could always set up a session via that," Nick suggested. The doctor laughed. "That's actually a great idea. I had not thought of that but yeah I suppose that would work. Do you have any place in mind?"

"No, not at all. I'm not even sure I can get the extra time off or can afford it but at least knowing you approve might move things along. So back to Greg, how does he seem to you? Is he doing okay?"

Dr. Levine thought a moment before responding. "You know, Nick, he loves you a lot and even that you love him seems to be working in his favor. I think he's feeling better about things but he still has a horrible body image. Anytime I bring up if he would feel comfortable getting intimate with you he says that's not important or that he's not ready."

Nick nodded. "I know. Last night I asked him if he wanted to shower with me and he immediately turned me down. He won't undress around me at all."

"He's ashamed of the additional scarring that he added by his cutting and I think he's afraid of your reaction at seeing the damage he created. He's afraid of the further disappointment, which to him might lead to a reason for you to not love him anymore."

Nick shook his head. "I can tell him ten million times it doesn't change anything for me but you're right, I think he still fears it will change how I feel about him. How do I get him to stop feeling that way?"

"You just have to be patient and I know you've been patient so long already but I think he'll come around eventually. I have noticed that the Prozac seems to be already taking effect on him. He seems to be able to hold himself together better and has a little bit better attitude. I think things will get better," the doctor said to him.

"I'll do what I can for him, you know that. Thanks for the advice. I better get going before Greg thinks we are conspiring against him," he smirked before waving goodbye to the doctor.

"So what did you talk about?" Greg asked as they walked to the car.

"I asked about us maybe getting out of town for a little bit and if he thinks it would be a good idea or not. And he likes the idea, said he thinks it could only help," Nick said as he got in the driver's seat and started the car up.

"Really? So do you have any ideas?" Greg prodded.

"Not yet but we'll figure something out."

Greg was quiet for a while before he realized they were heading home. "Say how about we catch a movie?" He wasn't ready to go home yet.

"Greg, I have to go into work again tonight. I don't think we have time to see a movie. Besides I know what you are doing, you are trying to avoid your parents again." He saw him sigh so he knew he was right. "Why is it so hard for you to talk to them? Why can't you talk to them like you talk to me?"

Greg turned his gaze out the window. "I know they're disappointed in me and I'm afraid if I tell them something about what I did, it will only disappoint them more."

Nick frowned. He didn't realize Greg felt this way. He was so concerned with how he thought Greg thought about him he never realized he was so worried what his parents thought too. "They aren't disappointed in you, I can assure you."

Greg shook his head though. "You don't know them like I do. I can see it in their eyes. They won't say it but it's there. I remember the same looks when they found out I had been lying to them about being a CSI and not telling them about being blown up in the lab. I know they love me but that doesn't mean they still can't be disappointed in me for what I've done."

"Well then tonight is the perfect night for you to talk to them about this and see how they really feel because I will tell you I think you are wrong. I think what you are just seeing is pure worry on their part and you have given them plenty of reason to worry, believe me because I've been in their same boat," Nick told him.

Greg scowled. He decided to play the silence game and not talk to Nick until they got home. Nick knew he was mad but it was time Greg had a serious chat with his parents.

Nick walked through the door first and immediately announced to Greg's parents, who were sitting together on the sofa watching TV, that he had to go to work and Greg wanted time to talk to them. He heard Greg grumble behind him as he came through the door and slam it shut.

Mr. and Mrs. Sanders stared at Greg as he walked in the door. He looked annoyed and they wondered what went down between him and Nick that brought it to this point. "I'm going to grab some food on the way to work. I'll be calling you guys once I get to work to let you know if I am working a full shift or not. I'm going to head out right away. I got paperwork to catch up on. Bye!" Nick said to them quickly.

Greg turned around and glared at him. Nick just smiled and mouthed "I love you" to him before he headed right back out the door. Greg rolled his eyes before turning back around and looking at his parents.

"What's going on Greg?" His mother asked him. Greg sighed and decided to bite the bullet and take Nick's advice and talk to his parents. He was not comfortable with the tension anyway. He went over and sat down in the reclining chair next to the sofa. He looked at their expectant eyes and took a deep breath before just getting it out in the open.

"Look, I know you both are very disappointed in me for what I've done and I know I can't ever make it right in your eyes," he started off before he was cut off by his father.

"Whoa, we are not disappointed in you. Where are you getting this from?"

Greg got up and started pacing the living room. "Look, I know that look…it's the same looks I got when you found out I had been lying to you about being a CSI and the same look when you found out I was gay."

"Now Son, that is not fair. Yes, we were surprised to learn you were gay and perhaps a bit disappointed in the very beginning that we would never see you marry a girl but those feelings are long gone. We have accepted you being gay and love that you are so happy with Nick. And as for you lying to us about being a CSI, yes of course we were disappointed that you didn't seem to trust us with that information at first but again we got over it. And if you think we are disappointed in you for trying to take your life, you are reading us wrong. What you are really seeing is fear, fear that we still could lose you. We love you and that is why we both took time off our jobs just to be here for you. Does that not mean anything to you?" his father said to him.

He looked at his mom who had tears bubbling up in her eyes. He closed his own eyes from seeing her cry and slowly ran his hand through his hair and sat back down. "I'm sorry I blew up at you two. I know it's a lot for you to take time away from work to be here for me." He opened his eyes and looked at them again. "I'm just still angry at the world for what's happened to me and I take it out on the people that love me. I'm sorry you don't deserve that. My doctor said I need to stop pushing away those who care for me and lean on them for support. I just don't want to pull anyone down with me into my darkness," he admitted to them.

His mother sniffled and reached out to take his hand in hers. "Sweetie, but that's why we're here, to help pull you out of that darkness. We just want to see you happy again. It pains us so much to see you so miserable and so unconfident, from the boy who grew up in our house with such strong confidence."

He lowered his head and nodded. "I know. There's just so much that happened that destroyed it and I am not sure I'll ever gain it back," he said truthfully. He looked back up at her, with watery eyes. "I just want to forget it all happened."

"We know you do, but you know it's not going to happen. You just have to learn that it's part of your life now," his father said to him earnestly.

He sighed. "I know that's what everyone tells me." He looked at both of them again. "Can we just not talk about me for a bit?"

His mother looked at his father and nodded. "Okay. Say how about we go out to dinner? Are you up for that?"

"Yeah that sounds nice. Let me just take my pills before we go," he said to them. He was due to take his HIV medications and he had to make sure he kept those up. He got up and went into the kitchen to grab his pills and a glass of water. Once he downed his pills he walked back out into the living room to where his parents now stood.

"Are we going to be okay?" he asked them. "We'll be okay as long as you are open to us," his father said.

"Okay, I understand. Personally I'm sick of conflict anyway and I'm going to try to stop starting it, because I know I do," he said with a guilty look.

"All we are asking is for you to try. Now let's get some eats," his father said as he put his arm around his son's shoulder. Greg smiled slightly and walked out with his parents for a meal.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Greg woke up early, missing Nick from the bed. He had called and told him he was going to be at work a full shift. He had hoped Nick would have come home during the middle of the night but he hadn't. He got up and walked into the living room. His parents were still asleep so he decided to turn on the TV to watch. He was flipping through the channels when he came across the local early morning news cast. He saw Brad Jamison's face on screen and turned up the volume a little bit to hear what they were saying about him.

_Mr. Jamison was booked on charges today of Conspiracy to Commit Murder and Destroying Evidence in the Jason Carbone case but most curiously is the charges of Second Degree Kidnapping and Sexual Assault and Battery on the CSI Greg Sanders, who was held for four months in the basement of an abandoned house that was on property owned by Brad Jamison's company, Blackhawk Properties. There is said to be video proof of Brad's involvement in the rape of CSI Sanders. Recently a video has been leaked online of CSI Sanders during his assault. We've seen the video and it is very graphic but it is hard to identify Brad Jamison in the video. If you want to see for yourself, go to our website…_

Greg turned off the TV quickly. He started hyperventilating. All he could think was that more people were going to see one of his moments of disgrace and humiliation and he had no way to control it. How was he ever supposed to move on if it was everywhere he looked? He tried focusing on his breathing to stop his hyperventilation.

He didn't know how long it took but he did eventually stop it but his mind could not stop reeling about the news having the video on their website. Everyone would see him and see what he went through. He lifted his left arm and started taking off the bandage on it to reveal the stitches that were left. He was due to have the stitches removed later that day. He ran his finger over the roughness and remembered the despair he felt when he made the cut. Tears sprang to his eyes as he remembered the promise he made to his parents and to Nick.

"Greg?"

Nick had walked in a few seconds earlier and noticed Greg was totally oblivious to his arrival. He saw him running his finger over his uncovered stitches and panicked. He called out his name.

Greg, startled, looked up at him as he approached. "What are you doing?" Nick asked him as he sat across from him on the coffee table, looking very concerned.

"Nothing, just thinking," he told him but his face proved that there was more than that.

Nick was scared he was having suicidal thoughts again. "You're crying, Greg. It's not nothing and you have me worried again." Greg closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't stand being here anymore, Nick." Nick took that to mean he definitely was thinking about killing himself again. Greg opened his eyes and saw the petrified look on Nick's face.

He finally reached out to grab Nick's hands and shook his head. "No, I don't mean like that. I promised you and my parents I wouldn't do that," he looked down at his arm with stitches and gestured towards it, "this again. I won't. I mean I need to get away from his city, I feel like I am drowning here."

Nick's fears eased up some but he didn't know what he was talking about still. "Why do you say that? What's going on? Does this have to do with your parents? Where are they?" But Greg shook his head again. "No, it's not them. They are still sleeping. I couldn't sleep. I got up and came out here and was flipping through the channels when I saw the local news on and Brad Jamison's face. I wanted to see what they had to say." He let go of Nick's hands and put his hand to his chest, as if he was in pain and started rubbing it, looking off past Nick. He was trying to not have another anxiety attack. The motion scared Nick again though and once again he asked what was going on and if he was okay.

Greg took a deep, but shaky breath before speaking again. "They talked about my assault and they said…they said they had seen a video of it and posted it on their website." Just thinking about it again brought on another start of him hyperventilating.

Nick looked horrified. He couldn't believe the news had his video and were advising people they could view it on their website. "Everybody…oh god, everybody in the city will see it," Greg blurted out between rapid breaths. Nick took notice of Greg and finally started talking to him to help his breathing. "Hey, it's going to be okay. We'll figure something out. I'll call Catherine and Brass and tell them and they will have that video pulled in no time flat." But Greg just shook his head as he kept his hand clutched to his chest as if in pain.

Nick finally took both his hands in his and told him to focus on him and his breathing exercises. Greg focused on him and tried doing the breathing practices his doctor had taught him to ease his anxiety attacks. After a few minutes Greg was breathing normally again and Nick relaxed a little but he could still see the anguish on his beloved's face. He raised his hand and put it on Greg's cheek. "Now listen to me. I'm going to make some phone calls and make this video disappear again. Then I am going to see what I can do about getting us out of town for a while. I think we both need to get away from it all. But first I want to make sure you are okay. Why don't come with me to the bedroom?" Greg nodded in agreement. "Good." Nick got up and helped Greg up off the sofa. He held Greg's hand as he walked with him to the bedroom. Greg was still wearing his PJ bottoms and t-shirt since he had only been awake about an hour.

"Why don't you crawl into bed for now? I will be here with you once I make the calls I need to make and then take my shower. I will try to be as quick as I can. If you need me, don't hesitate to call for me in the other room. Do you understand?" Nick asked him. Greg again nodded. "I do, don't be too long."

"I won't," Nick promised. He waited until Greg was completely under the covers before he left him alone again. He immediately got out his cell phone and called Catherine and Brass. He had to make this torture stop for Greg. He knew he would never recover if things like this kept happening. He was going to make sure he made good on his promise he made him tonight.


	24. Chapter 24

Nick looked down at the sleeping man lying in his bed. He crawled in carefully beside him, not wanting to wake him. He took longer than he expected and figured Greg finally crashed after the stress he had been under. He settled himself under the covers and closed his eyes.

"It's about time you came to bed," he heard suddenly next to him in a low voice. Nick turned over on his side to look at Greg, who had turned his head to the side. "I thought you were sound asleep?" he asked him.

"No, I can't sleep. I've just been lying here thinking …wondering what I did to deserve all this? I just don't understand," he said with anguish in his voice. Nick could see he was holding back, trying to stay strong for him but he knew it wasn't healthy for him to hold back anymore. He needed to let it all out.

"Baby, don't be strong for me. I can see your holding back, holding it all in. Let it go, Greg. I'm here for you," Nick said to him comfortingly. He reached out his hand and wiped away a tear that escaped the haunted brown eyes of his love.

"I'm so sick of this Nick, it's not me. You, of all people, know I hardly ever showed a lot of emotion before and now I can't control any of it. I'm a fucking wreck. They've destroyed me," he finally sobbed out. Nick scooted closer to him so he could put his arms around him. He was glad to hear him say that 'they' destroyed him, finally putting blame where it belonged.

"I know you are tired of this. I hate seeing you this way also. I would love for you to be back to how you were 10 months ago but you've got a long way to go yet. Hopefully we will be taking steps in the right direction from here on out though." Greg buried his head in the crook of Nick's neck as he spoke. He needed to feel close to him, close enough to smell him. He smelled fresh and clean, the way he always did when he got out of the shower. It reminded him that this was his home, safe in Nick's arms. He wished they could stay like that forever.

Nick felt him clinging to him and he knew at that moment he was Greg's security blanket from the outside world. He had to protect him from it as long as he could. They both remained quiet for a while, before Nick decided to tell him about his phone conversations.

"So you have not asked me why I was gone so long." Nick asked him. Greg sighed, "I'm not sure I want to know." Nick smiled a little, even though he knew Greg could not see it, since he was still laying his head on his chest, with his eyes closed.

"It's actually good news to a point. Brass and Catherine were going to the Sherriff to see if they could get a judge to pull any video of you from all media outlets and not be allowed to show it or even talk about it. They called me back before I came to bed here and said a judge granted it," he told him, hoping it would make him feel a bit better but Greg grunted.

"What does it matter at this point? I'm sure half of Vegas has seen my naked, bruised up self, getting fucked," Greg said coldly. Nick hated hearing him talk to bluntly about what happened to him. He could actually hear the self-hatred still in his tone. Nick chewed on his bottom lip a moment, trying to pick his words carefully not to trigger a possible outburst or other type of rash reaction from him.

"It matters because it would still hurt you to know it was on those sites and there for anyone to view at any time. At least they only talked about it on the morning newscasts so far. Not everybody watches that. They were able to pull it before it made every newscast. Yes, people will have seen it if they were really interested in watching what a sick fuck Brad Jamison was, but they would not think worst of you," he said to him.

Greg finally lifted his head up and looked at Nick incredulously. "No, they will see me and think 'oh there is that poor gay S.O.B. that was gang raped for months. He has to be fucked up' and they will be right." He was about to turn on his other side when Nick stopped him.

"Damn it, Greg, when are you going to stop doing this to yourself? Stop thinking about what others might think of you! Who cares? They don't know the real you like I do, like your parents do, and like your true friends do. Who the fuck cares what they think? Tell them to fuck off if you have to. Just stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and just worry about you and what you think of yourself," Nick said in a raised voice.

"You already know what I think of myself," he glared at Nick with disgust in his eyes for himself. Nick was getting frustrated again. He turned onto his back and ran his hands over his face and sighed. "God Greg, I didn't want this conversation to go this way. I wanted to tell you that part and then tell you the really good news that I had but now I am not even sure you will think that is good news." He shook his head in frustration.

Greg closed his eyes a moment and took a couple clearing head breaths, thinking of putting Nick before himself again. Nick was trying so hard to make things better for him and yet he brought him back down anytime he tried to lift him up. He lay on his back himself and looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep the pessimism out. "What's the good news?"

Nick glanced over at him and wondered if he really wanted to know or would care. He decided to come at him directly by sitting up and then moving to straddle over Greg's lower body, forcing Greg to look up at him and wonder what he was about to say or do. The brown eyes on the man below him widened. "What's going on?" he asked cautiously now.

Nick finally smiled to ease Greg's mind. "You and I are going to be able to have a little getaway. I brought it up to your parents, yes I woke them up, and we talked with my parents who happen to know a guy who has a place that we can use and your parents are going to pitch in with my parents to help foot the bill. We will leave the day after tomorrow." Greg's eyes opened wider than Nick thought was possible and his mouth was slightly agape.

"What? Wait, where?" Greg finally asked, totally curious and partially excited to know they were getting away.

"Well, where is a secret until we board the plane and the only clue I will give you is it is warm and tropical, so you can pack. But for now we should get some sleep so we can wake up in enough time to take you to get your stitches removed later today and when we can come home and pack," Nick said quickly, wanting the getaway to be special and by making him know less about it in advance he was sure it would be.

"Oh no, you can't just expect me to sleep now knowing we are going someplace tropical? I want to know," Greg said to him eagerly.

Nick smiled seeing he had been able to change his mood some. "I would love to tell you more but seriously we need to get some sleep now." Before Greg could say another word, he leaned down to press his lips against the younger man's, to silence him.

Greg gave in easily to the kiss and pouted at Nick once he raised himself away from him. "Just think of that as what's to come during our getaway," Nick smirked.

"Can you at least tell me what time our flight leaves then?" Greg asked innocently. Nick just chuckled as he settled himself back into bed. "So that you can go online and find every flight that leaves Vegas at that time to try to figure out where we are going? No, just please, let's get some sleep so we don't end up sleeping our whole vacation," Nick said to him. He heard him huff and then mumble "fine, goodnight." Nick smiled to himself.

"Goodnight to you too, Greg."

* * *

><p>Nick glanced over at Greg who was staring at his arms, where the stitches had just been removed by his doctor. He still worried about him and what he was thinking inside that complicated head of his. He knew he had been more upbeat since news of the getaway but going to the doctor and having those stitches removed, reminding him of what he did only a couple of weeks ago still weighed on him. He never wanted Greg to feel guilty about it but he knew he always would. He just didn't want him to get to such a desperate point in this life again where he would try to take it. That still scared Nick like crazy.<p>

"You okay over there?" Nick finally asked him, seeing Greg trying to flex and make a fist without some pain on his face. Greg glanced up at him and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just still hurts some and I know the doc said it would since I had cut pretty deep. Just doesn't pull like it did before with the stitches. It hurt more then."

"Well if it hurts, then stop," Nick said to him. "I can't. You heard the doctor say that I need to do this if I want to be able to fully clench my fist again. It's basically physical therapy."

Nick did hear his doctor say that but he also knew Greg now and knew if he could find some way to still cause himself pain, he would do it. He knew he still felt like he deserved to punish himself for what happened. He just really hoped their vacation would help him to relax and stop punishing himself and hating himself.

"Well just don't get too carried away. We are almost home and we need to start packing for our trip."

"So are you going to tell me where we are going then?" Greg asked his face lighting up some again.

"Nope, you won't know until we are at the airport," he glanced over and saw him pout. He just chuckled. He was having some fun keeping this from him and at least it was giving him something to look forward to.

Nick pulled into their driveway and saw another car there. "Sara's here," he said, recognizing the car in their driveway.

Greg realized he hadn't really seen anybody from work since he tried to take his life except Brass and Catherine. It seemed they were all avoiding him. He couldn't blame them; they probably all thought he was a nutcase now. So he felt a little nervous about her being there and wondering what she would have to say, even though she was one of his best friends.

Nick went in ahead of him, letting Greg take a few seconds to himself before seeing her. Nick was surprised when he walked through the door to see who else was there, visiting with Greg's parents.

"Grissom," Nick greeted with a smile. Greg lifted his head when he heard the name. He had not seen Grissom since his kidnapping. Sara had told him he was going to try to see him but something kept coming up and he never got the chance to come see him. Greg suddenly felt his anxiety kick in; knowing the man he looked up to so much for so long was there now. He quickly pulled the sleeves down on his arms before coming into view of the couple.

"Greg, it's good to see you," Grissom said, meeting the younger man's eyes as he stood up to greet him. Greg wasn't sure what to do all of the sudden. Did he shake his hand? Did he hug him? Instead he just stood there, awkwardly. "Good to see you too," he replied feeling like an idiot.

Nick glanced over at Greg next to him and could see he was nervous. He always marveled at how nervous Greg could get around Grissom at times.

It was Sara who was able to break up Greg's awkwardness by coming up to him and giving him a heartfelt hug in which Greg warmly accepted and immediately felt more comfortable. She wasn't giving him a look of pity and now he realized neither was Grissom.

"Where going to let you all catch up for a while alone. We're going to see a movie. Be back later boys," Mrs. Sanders said to them all as she and her husband got up and grabbed their stuff to leave. She gave Greg a small peck on the cheek before leaving.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Nick said after they left. He gestured to their sofa and took a seat on the side chair, leaving Greg to sit in the other chair and the happy couple on the sofa. They all kind of looked at each other before Grissom broke the awkward silence. He looked at Greg.

"Greg, I've wanted to come back soon and see how you were doing but work has been hectic. But you've been on my mind a lot. Sara has kept me filled in. I'm sorry for everything that has happened but it's good that you have Nick here for you. He is solid and I know he would do anything for you. I'm just glad to see you are looking well."

"I'm doing okay, I guess. Nick would probably tell you differently," he said as he tugged down at his sleeves, avoiding Grissom's studying stare.

Nick saw what he was doing and knew he was feeling self-conscious about his scars again, especially his newest that he put on his arms himself. "No, he's doing a lot better. Each day is an improvement. But things here in Vegas can be a little rough so we are actually going to get away for a few days, where no one knows us and he doesn't have to worry about seeing himself in the news or hearing any of the names of those he rather not hear."

"That sounds like a great idea. I know getting away from it all does help, even if it is for a short while. I've been keeping up with the news and heard the last man is in custody now," Grissom said, turning his attention back to Greg.

Greg just thought of the horrifying idea that Grissom could have seen the video. "Excuse me a moment, I have to run to the restroom." He got up quickly as he thought he might be sick to his stomach.

Grissom and Sara looked at each other as he ran off into the bedroom. Grissom then looked to Nick with a frown. "Did I say something wrong?"

Nick shook his head. "No, it's just how he is now. Certain things trigger reactions from him. I'll go check on him." Nick got up and walked into their bedroom to see if Greg was still in the master bathroom.

"Hey G, you okay in there? Can I come in?" He heard Greg mumble to come in so he opened the door. He saw Greg sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest with his back against the bathtub, on the floor. His hands were covering his face. He wasn't sure what Grissom did to make him seem so distraught but he was going to find out. He went over and sat down on the tile floor next to him.

"What happened back there?" he asked his distressed partner.

Greg shook his head a little. "I don't know. I somehow pictured Grissom seeing the video of me that went viral and freaked out. It's bad enough you seeing it and possibly thousands of strangers but for some reason him seeing me like that just really bothers me."

"I don't think he's seen it Greg, so you have nothing to worry about. You're causing yourself stress for no reason."

Greg rubbed his hands over his face and then through his hair. "I know. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself."

"I know why," Nick told him. Greg turned to look at him. "You do?"

"Yeah, it's because you still feel guilty about being put in that situation. You still are feeling responsible and deserving of what happened. I really was hoping you were getting past that but here it is still," Nick informed him.

Greg sighed deeply while closing his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm trying but it seems I take two steps forward and then one step back." He opened his eyes and looked tiredly at Nick. "I need to just escape from this life for a while."

"Well we are going to get away, remember?"

"Can't we go just now? I don't even want to wait anymore," Greg frowned.

"No, we have to wait until tomorrow but right now we are being extremely rude to our guests, don't you think?" Nick said to him.

Greg looked to Nick again. "How can I face Grissom after making such a fool of myself?" Nick placed his hand on his knee. "Look this is Grissom, he will understand. He knows this has not been easy for you."

"I don't know why it bothers me more to disappoint him than even my parents," Greg admitted.

"Well you looked up to him in your career and he helped you along the way to grow. Plus you said he was the one who encouraged you to tell the truth to your parents finally about being a CSI after you were beaten. He's been there for you during times your parents weren't. It's understandable for you to feel like you do. I have felt the same way around him."

"I suppose we need to get out to our guests then," the younger man groaned before picking himself up off the ground. He helped pull Nick to his feet once he got up. "Yes, we do. I'll let you go out first," Nick smiled at him.

"Of course you will," Greg smirked back.

He stepped back out into the room and saw Grissom and Sara conversing. "Um, sorry about running out on you. I'm still a bit overly dramatic about things."

"You've always been dramatic about things, Greg," Sara laughed softly. This brought a smile to his face. "I guess I have been, especially on my days when I was crushing on you. Funny how things turned out, you with Grissom and me with Nick, who would have guessed it back then?"

"Certainly not me," Sara said in response and then looked at her husband. Grissom smiled. "I guess none of us saw each other coming. But I think it all turned out for the best for us all."

Greg looked at Nick and smiled. "Yeah it did." Nick smiled back at him.

"Well we didn't mean to spend too much time here, after your parents told us you were leaving on vacation tomorrow. I know you two probably have to pack and stuff. I just wanted to see how you were doing for myself. I really hope things get easier for you, Greg. I've always admired your strength and I know right now you are probably thinking you are not strong, but to endure what you did for those four months, that shows a ton of strength," Grissom said to him.

Greg became a bit embarrassed but said thank you to Grissom anyway.

Grissom and Sara got up and Sara hugged Nick and Greg, while Grissom shook their hands. Nick walked them to the door while Greg sat back down on the sofa. Nick came back into the room and sat next to him.

"You know what Grissom said is true and I've told you that before. I would have never survived four months of what you went through. I almost killed myself only after a few hours of being buried alive. There is strength inside you; you just have to find it again. It pulled you through those months; it can pull you through these last trials."

Greg looked at him as a small crooked smile formed on his lips. "I love you Nick, for your undying faith in me. I hope I don't disappoint you again."

Nick took his hand in his. "You won't. Now why don't we pack for our getaway?"

"I am so ready!" Greg exclaimed in eagerness.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N- Well once again thanks for all the wonderful reviews. We finally get vacation time in this chapter and some facing the facts and then some nice fluff. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Greg's excitement was thrilling Nick as they landed in the airport in Costa Rica. "I can't believe we are in Costa Rica! I've always wanted to come here. How again did we come to get a place to stay at here?" He asked Nick for the third time. Nick chuckled.<p>

"I'm only telling you this one last time. My dad works with this guy who owns this little vacation house on the beach that they use during the winter. Well they aren't there right now so my dad asked a favor and got us the place. Both our parents helped with the airfare and supplied us with some extra money to enjoy ourselves. Now don't ask me again!" he expressed with a grin.

"I won't, I promise." He looked out the window as they were coming in for a landing. "God, it's beautiful here. So unlike Vegas, I mean like tropical and not desert."

"Yeah it is," Nick replied but he was looking at Greg, who was practically glowing in the sunlight. It had been a very long time since he saw him looking so genuinely happy. It was a beautiful sight. Greg turned his head and saw Nick gazing at him.

"So, um, you say we land in San Jose and then we take a puddle jumper to Limón?" He asked him, feeling a little weird under his strong gaze. "Yes that is correct. So don't get too comfy at the airport."

"I won't. I just want to see this place that we will be staying at."

"So do I. It sounded wonderful hopefully it is what it sounded like. I think we will have a really relaxing time here and no major drama, okay?" Nick said to him.

"I'll do my best," Greg said to him and meant it. He knew Nick went through a lot to arrange this and it was supposed to be helpful to him.

About an hour and a half later they were arriving at the private beach house south of Limón. They had rented a car so they could get around on their own. They pulled up to the small house and got out. First thing Greg did was notice that the ocean was right behind the house. "Look at that water; it's so clear and blue." Nick smiled, admiring the ocean too. "Yeah it's beautiful. Let's say we get our stuff inside and check this place out."

They spent the next hour getting settled into the 2 bedroom/2 bathroom beach house. They even had a pool to enjoy if they didn't want to go to the beach. They drove into town to grab something to eat and buy some groceries to store in the kitchen at the house. They had five nights to be there and Nick wanted to make sure they were going to be as laid back as they could be.

Greg was enjoying the peace and quiet of being there and hardly thought about the last miserable months of his life. He walked out to the beach and stood out there as the sun set behind him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh salty air and let the warm breeze blow against his face. He just focused on the beauty that surrounded him and not on himself for a change. He heard someone coming up behind him and turned around to see Nick carrying a blanket and a bottle of wine and two glasses with him. He smiled at the sight.

"I was thinking we need to take advantage of this gorgeous night and view and chill out on the beach here and I brought us refreshments," Nick said to him as he handed Greg the bottle of wine and glasses so he could lay out the blanket on the sand. They both sat down on it once it was laid out. Nick took the bottle of wine and poured them both a glass. He handed a glass to Greg. "Now you can't drink too much but I know a glass or two can't hurt."

Greg took it from him and nodded. "No, I should be fine." He took a sip and then stared out at the ocean. "I needed this Nicky, I really did." He turned back to look at the man he loved so much. "Thank you for arranging this for us. It's amazing."

"You're amazing," Nick said before leaning over and placing a kiss on his lover's lips. He ended the kiss and looked at the happy crooked smile on his partner's face. He smiled and took another sip of his wine.

"Yeah I definitely needed this," Greg smiled as he drank down more of his wine. He lay back on the blanket to stare up at the darkening sky. "I bet when it is completely dark, you could see every star in the sky here."

Nick lay down too and stared up. "Yes, I am sure you can. I think we could almost fall asleep out here too."

"We probably could but who knows what animals might come out at night here. We are in the tropics after all. Don't want anything attacking us," Greg chuckled.

"The only thing that is going to attack you out here is me," Nick grinned before rolling over and grabbing Greg's neck and pulling him in for a deep, passionate kiss. Greg placed his hand under Nick's shirt and ran it up his back, feeling the smooth muscular skin. He started to tug at Nick's shirt, for him to take it off. Nick shifted and sat up, pulling his shirt off and then leaned down to place another kiss on Greg's lips.

Things were starting to get hot and heavy when Nick went to pull Greg's shirt off. Greg suddenly broke the kiss and placed his hands on Nick's, stopping him from taking his shirt off. "No," he said quietly, shaking his head in the moonlight.

Nick sat back on his legs, staring down at him in anger. "Damn it Greg! When are you going to get over your self-consciousness with me? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about the scars and marks? We're never going to get anywhere if you keep this up. Make up your mind what you want and let me know when you are ready to be intimate normally again. I'm going into to take a shower," Nick said angrily. He got up, grabbing his shirt and the wine bottle and his own glass and stomped back into the beach house.

Greg just lay there, stunned by Nick's reaction. The thing was, he knew he was right. He knew he was being unreasonable and Nick had every right to be mad at him. The problem was he could not get over it as easily as Nick wanted him to. But he had to do something otherwise he might lose Nick. Nick arranged this whole wonderful vacation for him and he couldn't even return him the favor of being intimate with him. Greg realized it was crazy that he was more worried about how he looked around Nick than his HIV status, which in the long run was more detrimental to their health.

He knew he had to do something and do it soon before he ruined their vacation and his own chance to find some peace with his life again. He got up and rolled up the blanket. He picked up his wine glass, finished off what was left in it and stared at the house. "It's now or never," he said aloud before walking off toward the house.

Nick was so furious he had to take the shower to cool down his temper. He thought that this vacation would take away all of Greg's fears for a while at least. He thought he was content there but apparently the same rooted issues were still there. He was starting to think Greg would never get over his self-image issues.

He sighed heavily as he turned off the water. He stepped out of the shower and was shocked to see Greg standing in the bathroom, completely naked, waiting for him.

"Here I am, all of me," Greg stated but his voice betrayed the confidence he meant to convey. Nick stepped out and grabbed a towel to dry himself off while looking at him. He finally saw the newest scars that he had made on his own body. He didn't let it show on his face how much it did bother him to see them. The way they looked didn't bother him; it was knowing he caused the damage to himself that bothered him. Maybe he should let him know how he felt about it. But then looking at him and the look on his face told him he needed to do something else if they were ever to get beyond this.

He walked right up to him and stared him in his eyes. He could see Greg's confidence wavering and could see a slight tremble starting. "Greg, I don't have a problem seeing you naked, with your scars and marks. It's you who have the problem." He took him by the shoulders and turned him around so that he was looking at himself in a full length mirror. "Now tell me what do you see?" Nick could see Greg struggling to look at himself. He finally looked down as tears came to his eyes.

"Nick…" was all he said. Nick tightened his grip on his shoulders. "Greg, you need to learn to live with yourself before you can be comfortable living with me. I see the scars and the marks but what do I see when I see them, I just see you hurting yourself and wishing that you would have let me in before you took those steps. It's those that you created that bother me the most, knowing you hated and still possibly hate yourself so much," Nick said to him, trying to keep his own emotions at bay for Greg's sake.

"I haven't done anything since, I swear to you," Greg said finally, lifting his head back up to look at himself again. He saw Nick standing behind him, looking at his reflection. "I can see that you haven't and that makes me happy. I just wish it would make you happy."

"I'm trying Nick, I really am but I still see them, taking their cigarettes to my skin or taking a knife against it and causing me pain. I still see them controlling my life for those four months. And I feel like Brad and Jakob were controlling me in some other way the last month, making me their fool. The only time I do feel in control is when I am home, with you. But when Jakob had you and I was helpless yet again, I suddenly realized I could control what happened next. When he handed me that knife, it all fell into place. I knew I could control the rest of our lives. I would end mine and Jakob wouldn't have the leverage that he thought he had and you, you would be free of me. You wouldn't have to worry about me anymore and you could move on. I thought that was the answer to everything, I was convinced at the time it was the best thing to do," Greg confessed to him.

Nick had to take a moment because anytime he thought about that moment where Greg slit his wrists; it shook him to the core. He knew he would never forget that. "And now….what do you think is best now?" Nick asked him as he moved his hands down his arms, stopping over the scars of his suicide attempt.

"Now, I know I was wrong and I know how much I hurt you and I don't want to hurt you again, so that is why I am here."

"Then look at yourself now and tell me how you really feel, because you can't go on hating yourself forever," Nick told him praying his viewpoint had improved.

Greg looked at his chest, scars all over from his own hands and others hands. His arms bared scars, more made by his own hands than others and then up at his face, which amazingly had no scars from any of it. He studied his body and realized many of the scars were already a lot less horrible looking than he remembered them being. Perhaps everyone was right, with time they would fade. He knew his burn scars on his back had lessened over the years and he basically forgot they were there most of the time, until Nick brushed his lips over them. He closed his eyes and lived in a brief memory of the moment and it brought a slight smile to his face.

He opened his eyes back up. "They don't seem to be as bad as I remember," he said and then looked at Nick's reflection. "If you can live with me looking like this, then so can I, because all that really matters is you accepting me."

Nick smiled a little but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He let go of Greg's arms and stepped back a little. An ugly, new looking scar on Greg's lower back caught his eye. He suddenly realized what wasn't there and what this new one meant. "Greg, what did you do to yourself back here?"

Greg saw where he was looking and felt incredibly guilty all of the sudden. He lowered his eyes in shame. "I couldn't stand having his mark on me anymore and one day I did something about it."

Nick looked at it more closely and then fingered it. It was a rough, blotchy red scar. "What did you do to yourself?" He asked in horror, knowing this was no cutting job. This reminded him of older scars on Greg's body.

"I…it happened the day before you were taken by Jakob. I was home alone and I looked in the mirror and saw the JM and suddenly felt a need for it to be gone. I didn't want his mark on me anymore. I didn't want him to have that claim on me, even though he was dead. I…," he paused, as he remembered what he did, finding it hard to believe he did it now himself. "I took a lighter and burned it off."

Nick looked up at him, with tears of disbelief in his eyes. "YOU burned yourself?"

"I did. It really didn't hurt that much. I've sort of become numb to pain after everything. It bled pretty badly but I treated it properly afterward to avoid infection. I guess I watched Jasper burn me so many times I learned how to do it and ignore the pain," he explained almost casually.

Nick stood back up and made Greg turn around to face him. "Please, please promise me you won't ever do anything to hurt yourself again. I can't stand seeing what you've done to yourself because you were in so much emotional pain," he begged him as tears fell from his eyes.

Greg's lip quivered as he began to speak. "As long as you promise to always stay by my side, because without you I can't guarantee what I will do but as long as you are with me I promise to never hurt myself again. Just don't leave me."

Nick didn't realize how much his fear of him leaving him affected him. He pulled Greg close to him and hugged him tight. "I promise I won't leave you." Greg started crying on his shoulder and Nick joined him.

They remained embraced for a couple minutes while their crying subsided. Greg was the first to break the embrace. He wiped at his eyes before speaking. "I'm sorry I play this game of pushing you away. My emotions are still conflicted but I don't want you to ever doubt that I love you. I do and I know I have strange ways of showing it lately but it's because I'm afraid of your reaction, that I might finally do something to drive you away."

"Well you need to stop thinking that and just realize that you're not getting rid of me, no matter how hard you try," Nick smiled at him.

Greg grabbed his hand. "I owe you something," he said to him as he pulled Nick out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He made Nick sit on the edge of the bed while he opened the patio door to the pool area. "We might not be on the beach at this moment but at least we can let in the same fresh air." He then proceeded to turn off all the lights but one corner table lamp which he had on the dim setting. He opened a nightstand drawer and saw Nick had already hoped he would get lucky on the trip, by placing condoms and lube in the drawer. He smiled at Nick. "I should have known." Nick just blushed in return.

Now that Greg knew everything was set he went back over to Nick and pushed him back on the bed and then straddled over him. Nick looked at him seriously, wondering if he was just doing this because he felt he had to or if he really wanted to. Greg put him at ease with his next move.

Greg lifted his left hand and was looking at the ring on it. "I remember telling you when you first gave me this ring that I was not ready and I was not sure you wouldn't change your mind down the road. Then later on I told you I was ready. I thought I was then and a part of me was but then everything fell apart again. Now I look at this ring and everything that we have been through in the last nine months and I know that I want to be wearing your ring." He looked at Nick. "I love you Nick and I would love to marry you someday, should we be allowed to. I now know that you complete me. I wouldn't be here without you, literally this time too. You wouldn't let me go, even though I begged you and I appreciate that now. I do, really!" He said as Nick gave him a doubtful look. "I guess the only way I can prove it to you is to show you the best way I know how." He leaned over him and kissed him deeply. He then started to grind his hips against Nick's, their cocks brushing against each other.

Nick moaned as the friction made him hard. He placed his hands on Greg's face and pulled him away for a moment to look him in the eyes. He saw what he was hoping to see, lust and desire filling the warm brown eyes of his partner. "What? Am I making you hard or something?" Greg smirked mischievously at him. Nick returned his smirk. "You know you drive me crazy when you move your hips like that. See you still know how to be so fucking hot to me."

Greg smiled before smashing his mouth against Nick's and slipping his tongue in to the hot mouth of his lover and duel it out with his tongue. Nick wanted to flip Greg over and control him but he knew he needed to let Greg control tonight. Perhaps round two he could have the upper hand again and Greg would let him be on top.

Greg unlocked his lips from Nick's lips and began to kiss down his body, worshipping the muscled chest and teasing the hard nipples. He worked his way down to the hard cock and placed his hand around it, furthering a moaning from Nick's throat. Greg looked at Nick's cock and licked his lips and then grinned at Nick, who couldn't believe how unbelievably sexy Greg was when he looked at him that way. He had missed those sensuous looks from him that could practically make him have his orgasm right there. He watched as Greg kept his eyes on Nick while licking up his shaft. Nick quivered under him and Greg loved the control. He continued to tease his cock until Nick finally begged him to take him completely at which time Greg took him whole and worked him until he came in his mouth.

Nick felt spent but could see by the look in Greg's eyes he was not finished yet. He noticed that Greg's medication was not affecting his libido tonight. He was hard too and leaned over to grab the lube and condom. He pushed Nick's legs up and lubed up his fingers. He slowly pushed his finger into Nick and started working him. More moaning came from Nick as Greg worked in another finger to loosen him up. When Nick nodded to him that he was ready, Greg put on the condom and slid into Nick slowly. He started a slow pace which drove Nick only to want more from him. Greg leaned down and placed a kiss on the Texan's lips. Nick grabbed his head and smashed their lips together, hungrily tasting himself on the younger man's tongue.

Greg pulled up as his pace became more erratic the closer he got to coming. "I love you Nick, fuck I love you so much," he exclaimed just become coming inside Nick. He collapsed on top of Nick, panting from exertion. He lifted himself enough to pull out and then discard the condom. He then settled back on the bed next to Nick, wrapping his arms around him and laying his head on his chest.

After a few minutes of quiet he spoke up. "Are we okay now?" Nick opened his eyes and turned to look down at Greg's face, which was turned up to him. Nick moved his head to kiss him on the forehead. "We're good, really good. Now if the rest of this vacation goes like the last few minutes have, I think we will be great." He chuckled.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N-Once again thank you one and all for the reviews. I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. This one is a continuation of the vacation. A thing about this chapter, I was initially going to end this story with this chapter but there are still 4 chapters left. I felt I needed to wrap up a bit more and so in the next four chapters after this, time will have passed some from the end of this chapter to the next. Hope you all enjoy this one!**

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><p>He was startled awake by groaning noise. Enough morning light was seeping through the drapes for him to see that the noise came from the man lying next to him. He was restless in his sleep and seemed like he was saying "no." He placed his hand on his shoulder to wake him up. He moaned some more and threw his arm to the side, narrowly missing his head. He shook him harder and Greg's eyes opened up suddenly and fixed on Nick who was staring at him.<p>

"Another nightmare," Nick asked him softly. Greg pulled the sheet up to his neck and curled up on his side tighter. "Yeah, I guess paradise isn't a cure all after all," he said sheepishly. Nick recognized the sad look in his eyes and knew it had been a bad one again.

"You want to talk about it?" Nick tried asking him. Greg looked away from him for a moment before turning his eyes back to look into his. "You were there."

"What do you mean I was there? Was this back in the Jamison's house?" Nick asked him. Greg shook his head. "No, not there, it was in the basement." He looked almost ashamed to be telling him this. Nick was curious. "What was I doing there?"

"Nick, please, you don't need to hear my twisted dreams," Greg said to him with a pleading tone. "You need to tell me Greg. I need to know because it will help me understand when you shut me out, because you usually do after a bad dream."

Greg sighed, knowing Nick was right. He did tend to push him away when he had bad dreams, especially if he was in them. He promised Nick last night that he wouldn't push him away anymore. "Okay, you were there, goading them on. You told them that I was a liar and I deserved to be punished. You were just about to whip me yourself when you woke me up." He couldn't meet Nick's eyes when he told him this. He felt so embarrassed.

Nick moved his chin so that he would look at him. "I don't want you feeling guilty about having this dream. You know I would never hurt you." Greg nodded. "I know and that is why I hate it. I don't understand why I have these dreams like that."

Nick nodded thoughtfully. "So have you told Dr. Levine about these dreams?" Greg sighed. "Yes."

"And what does he have to say about them?" Nick asked him, really wondering why he was having those types of dreams. "He said it's my insecurities about our relationship."

"So even after last night you are still feeling like I will leave you or that I don't love you?" Nick asked him seriously. Greg moved, sitting up in bed and pulling his knees to his chest and rubbing his hands over his face. "I know you promised me so I don't know why I still have these dreams," he said with frustration in his voice.

Nick pulled Greg's hands away from his face. "Look at me. You can't control your dreams, none of us can. Stop feeling guilty about it. It's okay as long as you know I would never hurt you like that."

"I know you would never hurt me. I wouldn't stay with you if I thought you might because I couldn't deal with it anymore. I do love you and I just wish these dreams would stop," he whined as he ran his hand through his hair.

Nick took his chin and turned it towards him. "Let's drop this. We're here in paradise. Let's do what we came here to do, escape from the mess in Vegas for a while. Why don't you jump in the shower, while I make some breakfast. Then we can go check out that place we saw on the way here to do some snorkeling? What do you say?"

Greg frown disappeared. "Sure that sounds great. I would love to do some snorkeling."

"Great, I'll start breakfast while you shower." Nick got out of bed and pulled Greg up with him to get him started.

It was dusk by the time they came back. Greg collapsed on the patio chair outside after grabbing a bottle of water and his pills to take down. Nick came a couple seconds after, feeling as exhausted as Greg. "What a day! I can't believe we did all that in one day…no I take that back. I can believe it because my body feels it," Greg said with a groan.

"Seriously, it was your idea to do the zip-lining thing after snorkeling for a few hours…no wonder why we feel like every bone aches in our body. My arms are killing me," Nick moaned in unison with Greg. Then they both laughed. "We both sound like old men, complaining like this," Nick said. He looked over at Greg who had the biggest smile on his face. He was happy and that was his goal for the day, to make him happy and forget the issues of the morning and night before.

"You know, I am eyeing our Jacuzzi right over there right now. I bet that would feel awesome against our aching muscles," the younger man said to him. Nick looked over and agreed that would probably be great. "I tend to agree."

Greg finished off his bottle of water and his pills before shucking his t-shirt and with a mischievous grin Nick's way and sauntered over to the Jacuzzi and slowly walked into it. His grin disappeared a little bit feeling the heat of the water. "Okay…maybe a bit hotter than I thought," he said through gritted teeth as he sat down on the built in bench inside. He looked for the controls and lowered the temperature a bit. Then he settled in more comfortably and looked at Nick. "Are you going to join me?"

Nick laughed. "I'm going to grab us a couple more bottles of water and then I will join you. I know how thirsty it can make you." Greg laid his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the jets against his aching body.

Nick came a minute later and stripped off his shirt and walked in to join Greg. He moved so that he was right next to Greg. He placed the water bottles behind them so they could easily grab them if needed.

"It feels wonderful doesn't it," Greg said in a low throaty voice. Nick agreed, it did feel great. "You know, today was pretty awesome," Nick said as he closed his own eyes to enjoy the jets against him.

"Yeah it was. If I haven't thanked you yet I want to thank you now for arranging this. I'll have to thank Mom and Dad and your parents when we get back, even though I wish we didn't have to go back," he said with a sigh.

"Well we still have a few days left. Tomorrow you need to Skype with Dr. Levine at 2pm but other than that the day is all ours again. Anything in particular you want to do?"

"I think we just chill out here tomorrow; maybe go down to our private beach," Greg smiled at the just saying that. "Sounds good to me," Nick replied. He looked over at Greg, who still had a smile on his face. It pleased him that this vacation is just what he needed. He hoped that when they went back to Las Vegas he would better be able to deal with the situations that might arise, including possibly having to testify in court still for Brad Jamison, but he wasn't going to bring any of that up now. He just wanted to try not to talk about any of that unless Greg was the one to bring it up.

After about fifteen minutes of just relaxing in the hot tub, Greg decided he was ready to get out. "Okay I'm going to turn into a prune if I stay in here any longer. Plus I am really hot now. I almost want to cool off in the pool instead."

Nick shrugged. "If that's what you want to do, then go ahead and do it." Greg stood up and looked at him with a crooked grin. "I might just do that."

"I dare you to go naked," Nick added with a grin and glint in his eyes. Greg glared at him a moment and then took a look around. There were tall bushes and fencing surrounding the property, no one would be able to see him if he did. He looked back down at Nick, who was still sitting in the tub. "You think I won't but I will." He smirked and then stripped off his shorts, leaving nothing but skin. He walked over to the deeper end of the pool and dived in. Next thing Nick knew he popped his head out right at the end by the Jacuzzi. He stuck his tongue out at Nick. "See told ya I would do it."

Nick laughed at him. "I hoped you would. I've missed this side of you." Greg frowned a little. "I guess I really have been a drag haven't I, but I am trying to change that. I'm hoping this is a good start."

The Texan moved over so that he could lean over to where Greg's head bobbed above water in the pool. "It's a great start," he smiled and then leaned over to kiss him. Greg enjoyed the kiss for about a good minute before pulling away and splashing water in Nick's face with a laugh. He dove down into the water to swim away.

"You brat!" Nick chuckled and proceeded to get out of the Jacuzzi himself and join his partner in the much more refreshing pool.

Greg had started swimming laps in the good sized pool and Nick thought he was crazy since he knew his arms were still killing him from all the swimming they did while snorkeling. Nick just waded in the shallow end, waiting for the younger man to swim up to him. After about ten laps he came over to where Nick was, looking a bit worn out.

"I can't believe you just did ten laps after all that swimming and then the zip line thing we did today. Aren't your arms killing you?" Nick asked him as Greg came to sit beside him on the pool steps.

"Yes, I guess they are sore but I've been in worse shape," he shrugged. Nick knew what he was talking about and decided to let it drop. Instead he moved behind Greg and placed his hands on his shoulders and began massaging them. "You know, I've always thought you had a swimmer's body; your broad shoulders and then long, lean torso and narrow waist…no wonder you are such a fish when you are in the water. It's so damn sexy," he smiled to himself since he knew Greg could not see his face.

"Hmm, others have said the same thing to me," he said rather quietly. Nick caught his tone and had a feeling he was referring to Jasper. Greg shrugged off Nick's hands from his shoulders and got up out of the pool. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist and proceeded to stretch out on a lounge chair.

Nick chewed on his lower lip before getting out of the pool himself. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off. He noticed Greg had a slight pout on his face as he watched him dry off. He knew what he was thinking. He knew he was probably thinking about how he didn't deserve him. He was going to erase those thoughts. He threw the towel to the ground and then straddled over Greg's lounge chair and sat down on his lap.

"Ugh, watch where you are sitting there Cowboy. I'm not a horse," Greg groaned but a small smile did form on his lips. Nick shifted so he was more comfortable for both of them. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of the chair by Greg's head.

"You know, I don't care what others before me have said about you and you shouldn't either. All that should matter is what I think and I think you are still damn sexy, especially with that goofy crooked grin you always get on your face like right now," Nick smirked.

"So what are you going to do about this goofy grin on my face, huh?" Greg challenged him. Nick licked his lips and ground himself against Greg's groin, eliciting a moan from the man below him. "I'm going to wipe that silly grin off your face with a kiss that is going to blow your mind."

Greg raised his eyebrows. "Oh is that so?" Nick ground against him some more. "Oh it's so." And with that he bent down and locked lips with the sandy haired man below him. He covertly moved his hand and tugged at his nipple. Greg bucked a little under him. He wrapped his arms around Nick's neck and pulled him down closer. He knew what Nick was doing and he appreciated it. He knew he had let thoughts drift into his mind that he was trying to keep at bay.

He moved his head to the side so Nick could kiss down his throat. He missed moments like this, with Nick lavishing him with affection. It made him realize how stupid he had been to try to take his life when he had the man he loved so willing to get him through the difficult times. He needed to tell Nick he appreciated him. He grabbed Nick's face and made him stop what he was doing and face him. "I need to say this one more time and then I won't say it again. I'm sorry I tried to end my life and leave you. I know now that it was the stupidest thing I have ever done. You give me so much love and I just didn't appreciate it but I do now. Just like now, you saw I was thinking about them again and here you are trying to make me forget. You are always here for me and I was going to just throw that in your face, like I didn't care."

"You were in a tough situation and you were at your lowest point. I know that now, I don't blame you, as I said I would have tried to take my life much earlier than you had. You don't need to apologize anymore," Nick eyes soft as he spoke.

"I know and that is why I said this would be the last time. I just wanted you to know it won't happen again. I love you. And now you can do back to doing what you were doing," he said with a huge grin.

Nick laughed. "You nut this is why I love you." He went back to lavishing kisses all over Greg's body. Nick wanted to make love to Greg and waited for his nod to allow him to. Ever since Greg had returned from his four month ordeal, Nick always wanted to make sure he was ready to allow him in. He knew it always was a little painful since there was so much scar tissue down there.

"We have no condoms out here. I need to run inside real quick. Don't move," Nick said to him. Greg stayed still while waiting on Nick. Nick didn't take long at all he didn't want to lose the moment.

Greg smiled upon his rapid return, seeing Nick's growing excitement. "I see someone is eager to get his groove on," he chuckled as Nick straddled him again. Nick smiled at him. "Now where was I?" Greg pointed to his neck. "I think I was lower but I can start there again," Nick grinned and then proceeded to lick Greg's long neck.

Greg closed his eyes as he let the feeling of Nick's hot mouth trail down his body. He moaned in pleasure as Nick's tongue dipped into his belly button. He let himself get lost in the pleasure Nick was bringing upon his body. He heard the sound of Nick ripping open the condom wrapper and raised his hips in anticipation. He felt a cushion placed under him to help support him. He smiled to himself knowing Nick was taking all care in making sure he was comfortable.

"You still with me?" Nick asked him as he had his eyes still closed but seemed to be enjoying himself. Greg just hummed with a grin on his face. Nick was use to Greg keeping his eyes open lately during any intercourse but apparently this time was different but as long as he had a smile on his face he knew he was alright. He slowly started adding fingers to loosen him up. He didn't see Greg's smile falter until he began to enter him. He knew it always caused him some discomfort and there was still a part of Nick that felt guilty for taking pleasure when he knew he was in some discomfort. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard Greg groan for him to move. He hadn't realized he was hardly moving at all. He looked down at Greg who was gazing lustfully up at him.

"Lost your way, Cowboy?" He smirked at him. That comment made Nick move faster inside him. Nick noticed Greg keeping eye contact with him now. He leaned over and kissed him, whispering "I love you." "I know," the younger man replied in a throaty voice.

Being inside Greg made Nick feel complete and reaffirmed Greg's trust in him, which was the most important thing to him.

When he finally exerted himself, he pulled out slowly and discarded the condom to the floor. Greg scooted over as far as he could so Nick could settle in next to him, but more so on top of him on the lounge chair. Greg closed his eyes and buried his head in Nick's neck and wrapped his arms around him.

Nick felt wetness on his neck and pulled back to see that Greg had started crying. He lifted his head and Greg opened his eyes. "What's wrong?" Greg shook his head. "I don't know. It's just you're so tender with me."

"You don't want me to be tender with you?" Nick asked slightly confused.

"No, that's not it. It's that you respect me so much and you always make sure I am okay with you making love to me. It just means so much to me and it just hit me suddenly for some reason." He wiped at his eyes. "God, I am such a blubbering fool at times lately," he laughed softly.

Nick placed his hand on his cheek and brushed his thumb over it. "I don't mind. I just want you to be comfortable and happy. I never want to hurt you so I will keep asking and making sure you are okay with it."

Greg placed his hand over Nick's on his face. "You could never hurt me. Besides it's really not pain anymore, it's just…I dunno, weird feeling. So much scar tissue and it just feels weird, but then you always go a pace that brings me pleasure even when I thought for so long that I would never feel that pleasure again, you bring it to me." He fingered the ring on Nick's left ring finger. "Like it says in the engraving, you are my savior. You save me every time." He smiled at him and then lightly brushed his lips across his lovers'.

Nick briefly pulled away and gazed lovingly at him. "We save each other," he smiled and then kissed him deeply and passionately. They lay together holding each other as they looked up at the night starry night sky.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N-First of all I am so happy for all the fabulous reviews. I am so glad so many of you are loving this story. Only a few more chapters remain. This one will jump a few months ahead to move the story along. You will find things aren't as rosy as they were in Costa Rica. Enjoy!**

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><p>He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. "It's going to be okay. You're strong enough now to stand up to him," his partner said to him as he straightened his tie out for him. He searched the dark brown eyes, seeing if he was being honest with him. "You really think so? You don't think I will freak out all of the sudden, seeing him after all this time. I mean I've never confronted him since he was in custody. Now I have to relive the horrors while he watches and probably enjoys it," Greg said to Nick before he walked away from him down the hall.<p>

Nick knew this was not going to be easy for him, having to face Brad Jamison in a court of law, but it had been three and a half months since he was arraigned and now he was on trial and Greg had to testify. Nick watched as Greg paced the hall of the courthouse. "It was never going to be easy, we both knew that but you are stronger now. You've got to show him that you finally have control over your life and what was done to you is in the past. If Dr. Levine says you are ready, then I believe you are. Even since we got back from Costa Rica you have been taking great strides in moving on with your life. When you get through today, you can finally close that last chapter. Don't you want to end this once and for all?"

Greg stopped pacing and looked at Nick. "You know it's never going to be really over for me," he said with sad eyes.

Nick came up to him and put his hands on his cheeks. "I know that but this will put your mind more at ease, to know that the last man who was part of your torment is behind bars for the rest of his life. You can put that final nail in his coffin."

"Okay, since you have so much faith in me, I guess I can do this," he said to Nick, giving him a small smile.

"Greg Sanders, you're up in Courtroom 3," said a sheriff deputy who exited the courtroom where Brad Jamison's trial was going on.

Greg looked to Nick. "Here goes nothing, I guess," he said with a shrug. Nick smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss for courage. "You can do this. I'll be there for you, just look at me if you start to feel you might have an anxiety attack." Greg nodded and then the two of them headed into the courtroom.

Greg breathed slowly through his mouth as he entered the courtroom. Nick sat down behind the prosecution as the sheriff deputy led Greg up to the bench. Greg didn't look to see Brad until he was in the witness box and turned around to pledge his oath to tell the truth. He saw Brad staring at him with great hatred. Suddenly Greg realized he had the power in this room. He didn't need a whip or any tools of S&M. All he needed was his truth and it would send Brad Jamison to a cage for the rest of his life. He knew he could do this now.

The prosecutor had Greg tell the jury how he came to discover that Brad Jamison was one of the men who raped and tortured him. The jury had heard about what had happened through other details but he wanted Greg to speak for himself. When the prosecutor was satisfied with what Greg had to say he sat back down.

Brad Jamison's lawyer stood up and said he wanted to cross-examine Mr. Sanders. Greg felt his nerves kick in as he saw Brad smirk as his lawyer approached him on the stand. "Mr. Sanders, you said you never actually saw Mr. Jamison's face during any of your captivity, so how could you have been so sure it was him when you met him?"

"His eyes, I had seen his eyes and at first, when I met him at his house he wore glasses so I was not sure but then when I saw him without them I knew him from somewhere but was not sure until I saw him at Vegas Underground. I knew for sure then. And then he threatened me and I knew for sure he was the one who had worn the black hood," Greg told the jury.

"Now, how can we not be sure you just didn't have something against Brad since he busted you in an S&M club and as a CSI it probably is not a place you should be at, I would think," Mr. Andrews, Brad's attorney said to him.

"I'm not sure I am following you," Greg said uncomfortably.

"Well he was recording you at the club, whipping another man. Evidence file G45F, please play for the jury," Mr. Andrews said as he pointed to the video screen.

"Objection Your Honor, Mr. Sanders is not on trial here. What purpose does showing this video prove?" The Prosecutor jumped up to say.

Mr. Andrews immediately responded. "We are just trying to point out that Mr. Sanders here is not necessarily the most reliable witness since he has done his own questionable actions since that abduction."

Greg looked nervously at Nick, who mouthed back to him that it was going to be okay. Greg didn't want to relive those moments where he took pleasure, even if briefly, in hurting another man.

"Overruled, you may precede Mr. Andrews." Mr. Andrews proceeded to play the video of Greg in the private room, whipping Jakob until he drew some blood. Greg had to look away.

When the video finished playing, Mr. Andrews continued with his questioning of Greg. "Now did your boss at LVPD Crime Lab know you took part in that at the time?"

Greg swallowed hard before answering. "No, she did not." Mr. Andrews approached Greg. "Did you plan on telling her at any time?"

"No I did not," he replied even as he felt his heart rate quicken. "I see. And the man you were beating in that video, was he not Brad Jamison's boyfriend?"

"I didn't know that for sure at the time," Greg replied.

"But you found out when Jakob Newsome, he asked you to come to Brad Jamison's house and he advised you at that time, is that correct?"

"Yes it is."

"Now, isn't it true that you also tried to kill yourself in Brad Jamison's house?"

"Objection, again Mr. Sanders is not on trial here. He is a victim of Mr. Jamison and if anything his suicide attempt was caused by the torment Mr. Jamison put him through," Prosecutor Bixby advised.

Nick looked at Greg, who was looking back at him, eyes wide in worry_. Stay stong,_ Nick mouthed to him. He saw Greg nod slightly before taking a deep breath.

"Sustained. Mr. Andrews please move this along," the Judge advised Brad Jamison's attorney.

"Fine. Mr. Sanders can you be 100% sure that my client, Brad Jamison is the man who was wearing the black hood during your abduction. Remember you are under oath."

Greg thought about it a moment and knew he could not say he was. He never saw his face entirely and didn't really remember him talking enough to remember his voice that well. He sighed before responding. "No, I can't be 100% sure."

"Thank you Mr. Sanders, no more questions." Mr. Andrews smugly sat back down next to his client, having proved his point.

Prosecutor Bixby asked for a few moments before cross examining. Greg saw Prosecutor Bixby go to Nick a moment and talk to him. He saw Nick look at him with sad eyes before nodding to go ahead. Greg shot Nick a questioning look when he looked back at him. He shook his head and lowered it a moment. Greg couldn't figure out what was going on. He wanted to ask Nick but he couldn't as the Prosecutor stood up again. "Judge, we'd like have evidence file P876Y shown." The judge nodded to the court clerk to prepare it.

"Now the following footage you are about to see is graphic, I want to warn the jury." He approached Greg on the stand. "Mr. Sanders I'm going to play a video that you may or may not remember. I do apologize in advance because I know these videos are hard for you to watch. But this will go to show that Brad Jamison is the man in the black hood."

Greg felt panic setting in as he realized the jury was about to watch one of the videos of him being tortured and raped. He fought back nausea as it started to churn in his stomach as the video started. As it started he didn't remember seeing it before but suddenly he remembered the moment. He looked at Nick suddenly with shock and some hurt, realizing this was the video Nick had seen. Nick couldn't meet his eyes for the moment, as he felt as guilty as could be about him having to be there while they showed this footage. He knew it was the worst moment for Greg but he also knew it was 100% proof that Brad Jamison was there in that basement.

Greg watched the video until Jasper came running down with the red hot brand. He turned away then, not able to watch the rest. The memories flooded back and he felt sick. He wanted to run out of the courtroom but he sat eerily still. It wasn't until he heard his screaming end and the voice of Brad Jamison on the video come on that he looked up again. He never knew what had happened after that until he woke up hours or days later, he never could keep track of time there. He heard the name Blackhawk used in reference to him and his eyes opened wider in realization of what evidence was really on this video. But then he had to turn away again when he saw Brad Jamison do to him in his unconscious state. He felt so sick again, he wasn't sure he could hold it back but he tried his damned best to. It was a couple more seconds into the video as they fast forwarded some of the graphic stuff to get to the main time they wanted.

Greg's head popped up again when he heard Jasper say "Brad" in the video and then Brad tell him to shut up and never use his name. Then he heard what he remembered Nick telling him, that he had fronted the operation and got that property to use for Greg's prison. It was literally the smoking gun against Brad. He dared to look at Brad, who was staring straight ahead with no expression. But he wasn't smug anymore, he looked resided almost to the fact he was on this video and it was the nail in the coffin.

Greg hadn't realized the video had stopped playing until Prosecutor Bixby said his name. "Do you remember that event, Mr. Sanders?" Greg looked up at him, not realizing his eyes had got watery. He quickly wiped at a tear before it escaped for the whole jury to see.

"Yes, I do most of it…until I passed out."

"Do you still have the scar from that brand?" The prosecutor asked.

"Yes, but it doesn't look the same," he admitted since he knew he had burnt himself to remove Jasper's initials on his body.

"That's okay Mr. Sanders. Now as the video showed, Brad Jamison called himself Blackhawk in the club. Did you hear that name used on this video?"

"Yes I did."

"And did you also hear the name Brad said in this video?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, no more questions Your Honor."

The judge looked at Mr. Andrews who just shook his head that he had no more questions for Greg. Mr. Andrews looked like he was just handed a lost cause.

"You are free to leave the stand now, Mr. Sanders." Greg stood up and left the stand and headed straight past Nick in the courtroom and out the door. He couldn't hold back anymore so he ran to the restrooms. He found a stall and closed the door behind him before throwing up anything he had in his stomach. He heard the door to the restroom open and someone step in but no words.

He threw up again before finally flushing the toilet and wiping his hand across his mouth. He stood over the toilet a moment as tears fell from his eyes. He was strong, but he wasn't that strong that seeing that video and reliving that moment wouldn't affect him. He knew it was Nick waiting outside for him to come out but he would have to wait until he was ready. He just couldn't deal with him yet. He couldn't believe Nick allowed them to show that video. He felt betrayed by him somehow.

It was as if Nick could read his mind because of what he heard next. "I'm sorry they had to use it but it was the proof that was needed to put him away. No jury will ever let him get away with what he did to you after seeing that."

Greg closed his eyes and rested his head against the door a moment before finally unlocking it. He opened the door and saw Nick standing there, tears in his eyes filled with guilt.

"I'm so sorry Greg." He said to him. Greg looked so pale and hurt, which he never wanted to do to him again. Greg walked past him to the sinks and turned on the water and splashed some in his face. He looked at his own reflection. He could tell he had not slept well the last couple of nights, worrying about his day in court. It was reflected in the bags he had under his eyes and the paleness in his face.

He turned off the water and turned around. "Can we just go home now?" Nick nodded right away. "Sure anything you want."

"I want to go home and not talk for a while," Greg said to him.

"Okay, I understand. Just let me drive us home." Nick said, allowing Greg to lead the way out of the restroom and through the courthouse, to the parking garage.

They didn't say a word to each other during the drive him. Greg stared out the window as his mind replayed that video in his head. Living through it and seeing it happen to you was very surreal, he had thought. He knew living through it was far worse. He still could feel the scar on his lower backside. He felt slightly nauseous as he thought about the jury seeing him at one of the worst moments of his life.

They stepped into the house, Greg again leading the way. He waited for Nick to lock the door and set the security system before turning around and facing him. "How could you not tell me they might use that? If you knew it was going to be used in the case, you should have told me instead of letting me get blindsided like that."

Nick couldn't respond for a moment as the distress and pain in Greg's eyes directed towards him caused his heart to stop a second. He had vowed to never hurt him and yet that is what he had done by not telling him. Tears sprang to his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Greg finally just shook his head and walked away into the kitchen, shucking his suit coat off onto a chair.

"I didn't know they were going to use it today, while you were on the stand. But Prosecutor Bixby said he had to because of Mr. Andrews slightly damaging cross-examination of you," he finally said once those hurt-filled eyes were not burning into his soul. He walked into the kitchen and saw Greg staring at his pills.

"He could have infected me then or Jasper during anytime. I guess I will never know who really gave me HIV," he said as he put his pills for his HIV into his palm before grabbing a bottled water out of the refrigerator and taking them down in one gulp. He placed the bottle back down on the counter and looked at Nick again. "Are they going to see the other videos?"

Nick sucked in his bottom lip and closed his eyes. "No."

"What the fuck? How did I not know this all that time?" Greg suddenly burst out.

Nick thought he was talking about him. "I was just trying to …." But Greg waved him off. "No, not you…them and their recording me. How did I never see it?" He shook his head and then walked around the counter to go flop down on the couch. He started to loosen his tie. "Fuck!"

Nick came over to him slowly and sat down next to him. "You were already in so much pain and weak and you said half the time you didn't know how much time had passed or anything. You were mostly focused on your fear and your pain than to notice them slyly videotaping you."

Greg surprisingly leaned his head over to lie on Nick's shoulder. Nick wasn't sure what to do. They had grown a little distant in physical contact most recently. "I still can't believe they recorded all that. I guess when you told me about it originally it somehow felt like it was going to be okay and I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wouldn't have to worry about any jury seeing it. I guess I was wrong."

Nick gingerly placed his arm around Greg's back and pulled him closer. "I wish I had some magic wand to make it all disappear too, but that would be too easy, I guess."

"If there is one thing I have learned through all this that life is not easy at all. It's hard as hell," he sighed. Neither said anything for a while. Greg had closed his eyes and just allowed himself to relax some. The stress from being on the stand had worked up his anxiety.

Their brief silence was broken by the phone ringing. Greg sat up as Nick grabbed his cell phone. "Stokes," he answered. Greg watched him as he seemed to be listening to what was being told.

"Okay, give us a call when they are in. I think we will want to be there. Thanks," Nick concluded the call. He set the phone down on the table and looked at Greg. "The case is with the jury now. They will call us and let us know when the jury is in with the decision. Do you want to be there when they come in with it?"

Greg looked down a moment, thinking about it. What happens if they found him innocent and he was set free? He couldn't deal with that. But he knew the evidence was strong against him and there was no way the jury could find him innocent. He smirked a moment. "It would be wonderful to see his face when they found him guilty, even better when they sentence him. Yes I want to be there." He lifted his head and gazed at Nick. "But seeing the hour of the day it is, I doubt they will come back with a verdict before the day is over. So," he reached out and started loosening the tie around Nick's neck. "I say we get out of these stuffy clothes and get loose." He needed to not think about Brad Jamison and those videos for a while. He needed a break and knew Nick would always be there to help him escape.

Nick smirked and started taking his coat off. He let his partner slowly unbutton his shirt and take it off of him. Nick helped Greg completely remove his tie and start unbuttoning his shirt but stopped before taking it off. He knew Greg would take it off when he was ready. Greg still had his image issues but the hate was no longer there.

Nick had caught him on occasion staring at his body in the full length bathroom mirror and still could see the pain in his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he would be that way but as long as he didn't hurt himself anymore he could deal with it.

Greg gazed lovingly at the wonderful man in front of him. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was that this gorgeous man stuck around through all this for him. Greg knew he was still working through issues but the medication, Dr. Levine, and Nick's constant faith in him helped him greatly.

"I love you Nick," he said to him before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him close for a kiss.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N- Thanks again for the rave reviews. Only a couple more chapters after this one. I do throw a little wrench into the story again in this chapter just to keep some more interest. *insert evil laugh here* It will be interesting to see what you all think of this sudden revelation. Enjoy!_

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><p>He opened his eyes and saw Brad Jamison standing over him, with no mask on but he wore his black leather pants and a black shirt. He had a malicious grin on his face. He pulled from behind his back the mini torch, already aflame. His eyes widen and he begged, "No, please don't do it!" Brad just smirked and began to bend down over him. He swung his arm out to fend off Brad and to try to knock the tiny torch out of his hand. He felt his arm grabbed and screamed and brought his left fist to collide with Brad's face. He felt the grip on his arm loosen some and he struggled to get up. "Get away from me!" he yelled again as he felt the grip on his arm tighten again. "Greg, stop it! It's not real." Greg heard the words but they weren't coming from Brad.<p>

"No, leave me alone!" He yelled again and then gasped when he felt fingers dig into his arm, causing pain. "Wake up, damn it! I don't want to hurt you!" He heard again and this time he blinked his eyes a few times and the room changed and Nick's face came into focus.

"Nicky?" he whispered as he realized he had been having one of the most vivid nightmares he had had in months. Nick sighed with relief. "Yes, you're okay now but I couldn't wake you up. Damn you scared me," Nick said. He was woken up by Greg moaning in his sleep and when he heard him start to panic and yell he tried waking him up by shaking his arm but it wasn't working. He sat up and tried grabbing his arms and Greg took a swing at him and shockingly clocking him in his jaw. Nick was stunned a moment before he realized he had to try harder and that's when he grabbed his arm tightly and started digging his nails into Greg's arm, finally waking him up.

Greg pulled his arm out of Nick's grip and clutched it to his stomach. He shook his head some and looked down. "I guess the courtroom and seeing that video got to me." He ran his other hand through his hair and lifted his eyes to look at Nick. He saw him rubbing his jaw. "Oh God, did I hit you?" He looked horrified.

"Yeah, but I'm okay. You didn't know what you were doing," Nick said to him.

Greg suddenly turned his back to Nick and swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He began pacing the bedroom floor. "I always going to be fucked up," he whined as he paced with his head hanging.

Nick sighed and got up and walked over to Greg. He went up to him and stopped him from pacing by placing his hands on his shoulders. "You need to stop this. You know what Dr. Levine told you, you will never be completely over it. You will continue to have nightmares, but they will lessen over time. You already know what triggered this one." Greg lifted his eyes to look at him.

"I know you are right." He lifted his hand and lightly rubbed his thumb over the growing swelling on Nick's jaw. He frowned. "I'm sorry I wacked you." Nick took hold of Greg's left arm and pointed out the fingernail impressions on it.

"I'm sorry I dug my nails into your arm," he said with a sad smile. Greg glanced down at his arm, having not even noticed the marks. Then he looked up at Nick again. "Well I guess that makes us even for today, anyway," he said with a wary smile.

Nick glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock. "Hey why don't we try to get some more sleep? We've only been sleeping about 4 hours. I have a feeling we will get a call tomorrow for the jury coming in. You still want to go, right?"

"Yes, I still want to go. I can't see any way that jury could let him go free," Greg said, shaking his head.

"Me either and if for some totally insane reason he does, I'm not sure I'll be able to let him walk free," Nick threatened. Greg frowned. "I can't lose you. Please don't do anything stupid if he is set free." Nick saw the seriousness in his eyes and knew he had to remind himself who needed him most.

"I won't touch him unless he harms you in any way again, that's the most I can promise," Nick finally said to him. Greg nodded slowly. "Okay I can deal with that. Why don't we try sleep again?"

Nick walked with Greg back to their bed. He waited until Greg was comfortable in bed and then wrapped his arms around him, knowing he always slept better when he held him.

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They woke a few hours later and Nick made breakfast for the two of them. He noticed Greg picking at his food more than eating it. "What is it?" he asked him. Greg lifted his head, seemingly confused. "What?"

"You! I can tell something is bothering you. Is it the nightmare last night or the outcome of the trial today?" Nick asked him.

Greg shook his head a little. "Both I guess since both involve Brad Jamison. I just can't believe I ever got involved in all of this. If I would have stayed clear of my curiosity and my need to be different none of this would have happened."

Nick was curious now, since he had brought it up. "What made you want to delve into that world in the first place?"

Greg put his fork down and leaned back in his chair, looking at Nick. "I was young and rebellious…sounds good doesn't it?" He scowled and then groaned. "No that's not true either or well it's partially true. I was young. I was bored with my personal life. In college I had my nose so far in the books to get my degree and graduate with honors I hardly had time for fun. My sex life was pretty much vanilla and I was wanting a challenge once I got out of college. I moved to Vegas and was the new kid and wanted to try some new stuff. I always had a curiosity about bondage and wondered what it would be like. So yes I went to the Fantasy and Fetish Ball. I had heard a lot about it from my college friend who went one year during his break. So I went and it was eye opening to say the least. And then I met him." He briefly closed his eyes, trying to think of that time only and not everything that happened since then. "He was really good looking back then. His hair was shorter and the way he looked at me…he made me feel incredible. He wanted me and I never really had that before him." He opened his eyes again and looked to Nick. He wanted him to understand that at one time Jasper was a decent guy. "He told me about being a Submissive and he would be the Dominate. He told me what it would all entail. He said I would be referred to his slave. He even gave me a trial period of a couple weeks to see if I liked it. I did. I admit it, I enjoyed it. But it wasn't like what he did to me in that basement. That was pure evil and torture, absolutely zero pleasure for me in the least." He paused again, leaving Nick a chance to say something but he said nothing. He just let him speak. He was opening up about something that he knew was difficult for him.

"I know you think it is crazy to think anyone could find pleasure in being bound or whipped during sex, but it's all about the way it is done. If done right it can be an incredibly, intense sexual experience." He saw the doubt in Nick's eyes and knew he would never understand it unless he experienced it. He had to look down before continuing. He couldn't meet Nick's doubting eyes. "Well maybe not for everyone but it was for me at the time and I know you'll never understand but at the time it made me happy. That was until he started changing. I should have known drugs and drinking had something to do with it." He sighed heavily and then got up and started walking towards the patio door. He stopped and gazed out the window, wondering if Nick was going to say anything.

Nick could see that he wasn't going to say anymore and he could also see that it brought his mood down more. Nick knew he was part of that reason because he couldn't understand how anyone could ever like being whipped or bound for sex. He figured he should say something. "Did you wear a collar always when you were out with him?" He asked out of curiosity.

Greg swallowed hard and briefly reached up to touch his neck, feeling the bit of scarring that was still there from the collar in that basement. "Not always, sometimes, mostly when we went out to the clubs. At home he mostly just liked to tie me up," he said in almost a whisper.

Nick closed his eyes not believing he never knew this side of Greg's life before all this happened. It was almost like he was another person. It got him curious even more. "After Jasper, did you let any of your other boyfriends tie you up?"

Greg chewed on his lower lip, not sure where Nick was going with this. "A few I did," he said quietly again. Nick closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.

"How come you never really asked me to do that, except that one time?" Nick finally asked what was really on his mind.

Greg felt tears prickle at the back of his eyes. "I heard your reaction to that scene when there was that case of Lady Heather's. I saw your disgust with people doing that kind of thing so I knew I could never do it with you. The one time that we did, well we were both a bit drunk and I was brave and tried it but I remember the next day you were looking at my wrists and frowning about the marks that were left behind and could tell you didn't like it. So I never wanted to try it again or even let you know I was into that. I thought for sure if you knew that about me you would have left me. I'm still not sure why you stay with me since you now know."

Nick eyes widened in worry. This was deeply depressed Greg talking again and he hadn't been this way in a while until this last week. He noticed he'd been distancing himself somewhat from him again. He got up slowly and put their plates in the sink. "You have to stop talking like this. Why are you so depressed again lately? Is it the trial?" He noticed Greg didn't say anything, he just shrugged his shoulders.

Nick glanced over at his pill bottles and picked up his Prozac. It looked like there were more pills in there than should have been. He frowned and put the bottle down. He walked over to where he stood and went to touch him but then decided not to. "Have you been taking your pills?" He asked him. He saw his body tense some.

"Yes," he said softly. Nick pursed his lips, not believing him. "All of your pills?" he questioned further.

Greg finally turned around, tears in his eyes that glimmered with some anger. "What are you getting at Nick?" Nick took back a step, a bit shocked by his anger. "Look, the last week you've been getting moodier and moodier again. I just looked at your bottle of Prozac and it looks like it hasn't gone down at all. Have you stopped taking them?"

Greg's eyes lowered before he turned away from him again. "Maybe," he said cryptically.

Nick shook his head even though he knew he couldn't see him right now. "I know you are not thrilled with having to take an anti-depressant but you seriously need to. It has been helping your moods immensely. Why did you stop?" He watched Greg wrap his arms around himself as if he was cold.

"I wasn't feeling anything at all when I was on them," he whispered to him. Nick frowned, not understanding what he meant. "What? You mean you had no feelings at all?"

"Well not exactly." He turned around and glanced at Nick. "Sex with you…" he paused suddenly not knowing how to say it without somehow probably making Nick feel like crap. "It does nothing for me."

Nick looked shocked. "What? You seemed to be happier lately when we have sex." But Greg shook his head. "I've been faking my happiness for your benefit." Nick's eyes opened wide suddenly, not believing what he was hearing. To him, Greg seemed to be the most comfortable having sex with him lately than he had been in ages.

"But you've been having no problems with erections," Nick said quietly. Greg suddenly laughed sadly. "Nick, I can't control that half the time. Look at when I was locked up in that basement…just because I was getting an erection didn't mean I loved having to suck Jasper's cock at the same time Rex had his up my ass," he said cold and bluntly, shocking his partner some more. Nick's mouth dropped open and for a minute he couldn't think of anything to say. He just looked into the dark, sad eyes of his lover.

Greg saw the mixed emotions going through Nick's eyes and couldn't look at him anymore because he feared the next question that he had a feeling Nick might ask. He moved and sat down on the sofa, putting his head in his hands. He felt Nick slowly sit down by him but he couldn't look at him.

"So since you've been off it, has anything changed, besides your depression returning with a vengeance?" Nick finally asked. Greg slowly shook his head. Nick wasn't sure what that meant. "So you still aren't happy with having sex with me? Even when you're on top?"

This is what he was dreading. He knew what he needed and he knew Nick would think he was crazy and probably say he needed talk to Dr. Levine about this. The problem was he had and it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He sighed heavily, still hiding his face from Nick's. "I need more control Nick," he said vaguely.

"What does that mean? You always want to top? That's fine, if that's what you need," Nick said. He was fine with it he just wanted Greg to be happy.

Greg shook his head. He was going to have to tell him the painful truth and he knew it would alienate him but Dr. Levine told him he had to be truthful to him. He rubbed his hand over his face before turning his head to the side to look at Nick. "I need to dominate, Nick." Nick cocked his head to the side, not sure he was hearing him right.

"Dominate? What do you mean? Like tie me up?" he asked cautiously. Greg subconsciously put his hand to his neck and started rubbing his scars there. "That and more," he said cryptically.

"More? Come on, tell me what it is?" Greg shook his head and looked away again. "Fuck Nick, don't you know how hard this is for me to tell you this? To tell you how fucked up I really am?" Nick was totally confused and shook his head.

Greg looked at him, exasperated. "I feel a need to try to be rough with you." Nick eyes widened as his mouth fell open. "Rough?"

"I want to tie you up, punish you and fuck you hard until you're screaming my name, Damn it Nick," he yelled with pain and got up and walked to the patio door, pulling at his hair on his head in frustration and pain.

Nick was stunned into silence. The man he loved, who was so brutally tortured sexually wanted him to feel some of the same at his hands. His mouth was dry as he tried to speak. "You need to talk to Dr. Levine." He heard Greg chuckle coldly all of the sudden.

"I did. I told him all of this and he said it wasn't abnormal for me to feel this need. He said since I was in such a brutal situation as it was for as long as I was, it's not surprising I would feel a need to want to dominate and take out my control issues on my partner. He said what I did to Jakob was just the start of those issues." He was quiet a moment and then turned to look at the still shocked deep brown eyes of Nick Stokes. "I tried to kill myself because I feared hurting you, causing you pain that Jakob tempted me with doing to you in that room. I knew I couldn't hurt you, but I also knew I couldn't stop myself if I started. My only other option was to end my life and stop it all completely." Nick still gazed at him, speechless.

"So here I am, standing before you, alive but still with that darkness inside me. Being off the pills has not changed that. It was there when I was on them. It's just now I am realizing how much of that darkness I've been burying inside me and it's getting harder to keep it buried," he said as tears threatened again. "Now you truly know how screwed up I really am," he said letting the tears freely fall from his eyes.

Nick stood up, tears in his own eyes now. He walked closer to Greg who suddenly backed up. "Don't," Greg said as he held up his hands for Nick to not come any closer. Nick stopped, hurt and pain lacing his own eyes. "Do you really think you could hurt me?"

Greg shook his head and looked down. "I don't know, I truly don't know." Nick silently cursed to himself. He wasn't prepared for anything like this. He wasn't even sure how to respond. He gazed cautiously at Greg, whose whole body seemed to be tight with tension.

They were both startled out of their thoughts by the phone ringing. The phone was closest to Greg. He leaned over to pick it up. "Hello," he said quietly, not looking at Nick.

"Oh…okay…yeah sure. Okay….see you soon. Bye," Nick heard him say before he raised his heavy, pained eyes to him. "The jury is in. The verdict will be read in an hour and a half. We have to get ready to go." Greg set the phone back in its charger and sighed heavily before walking past Nick and going into their bathroom.

Nick's whole body felt heavy as he gazed at where Greg had just been standing. He thought most of this would be over after this jury verdict but now he knew better. Now he knew this would only prove to make things slightly better for Greg or worsen things if Brad was found not guilty. And even if he was found guilty, there was still Greg's own guilt and trauma he would have to deal with. He sat back down in a daze as he heard the shower start running in the other room.


	29. Chapter 29

_A/N-Second to the last chapter here. I'm glad all of you have enjoyed this story so much. I'll be posting the final chapter later this week. _

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><p>Nick glanced over at Greg in the passenger seat. He was staring out the side window, ignoring him. They had hardly spoken a word to each other since the shocking revelation in the living room. Now they were pulling into the courthouse parking lot and weary of each other. Nick parked the car and turned off the engine. "You ready to go in?" He asked him. Greg just nodded, not meeting his eyes and opened his door. Nick sighed and knew they were going to have to have a long talk when they were home again.<p>

Greg followed closely behind Nick as they walked into the courtroom. They sat behind the prosecution's side. Nick looked cautiously at Greg before being distracted by Brad Jamison being led into the courtroom in handcuffs. He was still dressed in a suit and smirked as he spotted Greg.

Greg watched him with little to no expression on his face but inside his stomach churned and his heart beat fast. He had to be sent away. He couldn't bear it to know if he was set free to torment him more. He felt Nick put a hand on his knee and briefly looked down at it. His eyes followed the arm up to Nick's face. He was giving him a small, reassuring smile but Greg could only think of their conversation earlier and quickly dropped his eyes again. He knew they were going to have to talk about it again after all of this and he was not sure he could do it. He was already scared to death of Nick leaving him because of what he told him. His thoughts were interrupted by the court being called into order.

The judge went over the generalities and then the jury was called in. Greg looked nervously at them as they came in. They gave nothing away with their faces. He hadn't sat in the courtroom when Rex's judgment came in. He knew he was going to be found guilty there was no question about it. He got a charge of felony sexual intercourse without consent with aggravated circumstances and felony aggravated kidnapping and assault and was sentenced to life in prison due to the prolonged time he took part in it. Brad was on the same charges plus Aiding and Abetting in the murder of Jason Carbone. There were some other small charges but those were the main ones. As long as he was found guilty for one of them, he was bound to do a decent amount of time in prison.

Nick glanced at him, trying to gauge what he was thinking but his expression gave away nothing. He could see his body was still tense though. He then took a look at Brad Jamison, who didn't look as smug now that the jury was about to announce his fate. His expression was serious now and perhaps Nick could see some nervousness in him. He had to smile just thinking of that.

They all waited on the edge of their seats as the Jury Foreman began to read off the verdicts they came to. They first one announced was the Aiding and Abetting in the murder of Jason Carbone. Greg breathed his first sigh of relief when they announced him guilty. The next two accounts were the most important to him; the sexual assault and kidnapping charges. When they announced that he was guilty on both charges he closed his eyes and said a silent thank you in relief at the jury's finding. He felt his heart beat regulate as he knew Brad Jamison would be spending most of his life in prison.

Nick looked at Greg first when they announced Brad was guilty. He noticed he showed relief and some of the tension seemed to leave his body. He then looked to Brad Jamison who hardly flinched at hearing he was found guilty. Nick couldn't help but smirk in knowing that he was probably holding back his true feelings. He turned to look at Greg again who had opened his eyes and was looking at Nick now. He had a small smile on his face. Nick smiled too. "He'll be in prison for the rest of his life with these charges. He can't hurt you again." Greg nodded in response. "I know."

The courtroom was dismissed and everyone stood up to start walking out. Greg walked out first but was stopped when Brad Jamison turned towards him. "If you think this is the end of it, you're wrong. I'll always be making your pathetic life miserable," he sneered before the officer grabbed him.

Greg just stared at him with hatred. "At least I'll have my freedom. You'll be locked up in a cage and hopefully you'll become someone's little bitch in there. Rot in hell," Greg said with anger.

Nick walked in front of Greg to block his further view of Brad. He had his own words he wanted to say to him. He got in his face and leered at him. "If Greg gets any sort of emails or anything that I even think is possibly something you are involved in doing, I will have your head on a platter."

Brad just chuckled at him before being dragged off by the officer to be taken back to his jail cell. Nick turned around and saw that Greg was walking rapidly out of the courtroom without him. He went after him until Greg stopped in the hallway.

Greg felt the nausea in his stomach worsen. He knew he should have felt great but he knew Brad was right. He would always haunt him, whether in nightmares or in his actions in the future. He watched Nick come up to him, looking concerned. "Hey, you okay? Don't let him get to you. He is nothing but talk now."

The younger man just shook his head. "He's right though. What he did, what they all did will always be with me. What I told you earlier is proof of it."

Nick hated seeing the sadness in his eyes back. He thought he would be happy about this but apparently the topic of earlier conversation was still foremost in his mind. "Maybe we should see if Dr. Levine can see us today? I think we should try."

Greg looked defeated. "Why? I already know you are disgusted with what I told you." He looked down at the floor and without even realizing it, ran his left hand over his right arm's residual suicide attempt scar. Nick noticed the action immediately though and worried. "I'm going to call him right now. We need to figure this out together." Nick got out his cell phone and called the psychiatrist.

Greg suddenly started walking away. "I'm going to the car," he said with determination. Nick walked after him as he got the doctor on the phone. When Nick mentioned all that had happened and that he was really concerned for Greg he went ahead and asked if they could come over right away. He was available for an emergency session.

"Dr. Levine will see us right away. So we are going there," Nick told Greg who was already ahead of him opening the car door to get in. Nick, frustrated, got into the car and looked at him before starting the car up. "Are you okay with going to him now?" he asked him.

Greg finally looked at him again. "Yes it's fine." Greg did find it easier now that he knew Dr. Levine well enough to talk to him about things. He never judged him but the problem was he already brought all this up to him over a week ago. His doctor told him to tell Nick but he was worried it would scare him away and now his fears were coming true. The only thing he could tell his doctor that he was right.

Nick was glad he was fine with going to the doctor's office. He started the car and made the short trip to the doctor's office which was only ten minutes away. Once again they hardly spoke during the drive. The tension was thick.

"Brad's never going to see the outside world again. You have to be happy with that at least," Nick finally said to him. Greg shrugged a bit. "Yea, I am but I meant what I said to him too. Do you think that is wrong?"

Nick shook his head. "He deserves whatever happens to him in prison. I don't think what you said is wrong at all." Greg smiled a little feeling some relief that he agreed with him.

The pulled into the parking lot of the medical offices and parked. Greg got out first and went ahead inside. The receptionist smiled at him as he entered. "Hello Greg. Dr. Levine told me you were coming by. You can go on in." She saw Nick come in after him and spoke again. "Dr. Levine said he will talk to Greg first and then he might be calling you in too, so feel free for now to sit down out in the waiting area."

Nick glanced briefly at Greg, who just shrugged and went on ahead into the office of his doctor. Nick sighed and sat down in a chair thinking over what Greg had said to him back in their home. _I want to punish you._ He shook his head in disbelief, wondering how long he has kept this hidden from him exactly. Did he always feel this way after the abduction or did he even have any inclinations before it? He thought back and recalled a few times when they had pretty rough sex, mostly for Greg's part. Maybe it has always been there but what happened to him brought it out since he was being controlled for so long. He looked at the door and wondered what Greg was telling Dr. Levine inside.

"So what's going on Greg? Does this have to do with the jury coming back on your case? I saw on the news," the older doctor asked him.

"No, not really. He was found guilty. It would have been insane if he had not been. We exchanged a few words before he was led out of the courtroom. He said he will continue to make my life miserable but I'm already there," he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"What is it Greg?" his doctor pushed.

"Nick knows. I told him I need more sexually and he didn't take it well," he told him, looking down at his hands. "I'm afraid he's going to leave me."

Dr. Levine frowned with concern. "What makes you say that?"

"He couldn't talk to me after. He looked disgusted." He struggled to hold back tears.

"I think we should have him come in here and you both talk this out here. I'll have him come in," Dr. Levine told him. Greg was nervous about talking about this but it was best to do it with the doctor there. He wanted to know what Nick really thought of what he said.

Nick entered the doctor's office a little hesitant. He had not been out there too long and wondered why he was being called in so early. He glanced at Greg and noticed he had his head down. He felt guilty all of the sudden with his reaction to what Greg had told him. Maybe he was taking it the wrong way. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he pictured.

He sat down on the sofa next to Greg but kept a little distance from him. "Thank you for joining us, Nick. Greg told me that he told you about his control needs. He said you haven't really said anything to him since and he is scared you will leave him now that you know what he wants. Do you want to tell us how you really feel about his revelation?" Dr. Levine started with him.

Nick should have realized Greg would immediately think he would leave him, that's been his big fear all along. Nick looked at Greg who remained tense, still staring at his hands in his lap. "It's shocking, I can't deny that. I can't completely understand how after everything they put him through he would want to do similar to me."

Greg suddenly spoke up, looking very upset. "How could you think I would do to you what they did to me? I'm not like them. Are you comparing me to them?" he asked, horrified.

"No, no of course not. It's just you said to me you want to punish me and you even admitted you were scared you could hurt me," Nick explained to him.

His lover sighed heavily. "I told you I don't want to hurt you."

"Yes you did but you also said that you hurt yourself to avoid hurting me, hence your suicide attempt." Greg looked away from him to his doctor, his eyes pleading for help.

Dr. Levine sighed and spoke to Nick. "Yes he did do that but he is doing better now."

"Is he? Did he tell you he stop taking his Prozac about a week ago?" Nick told him. Dr. Levine turned to Greg and gave him a disapproving look. "Is this true Greg?"

Greg felt like he was being scolded but then again he realized he sort of deserved it. "Yes, but I did take a pill again before we left for the courthouse," he quickly added, looking at Nick.

"Did you really?" Nick asked, not trusting him suddenly. Greg looked incredibly hurt. "I did," he whispered.

"Why did you stop taking it, Greg?" Dr. Levine asked him. Greg frowned. "I thought that maybe it was the medication causing these urges but I know now that is not the case, so I went back to taking it because I do realize it does help me."

"Well that is good to hear," Dr. Levine said but he and Greg both noticed Nick looked skeptical. "So Nick, would you at all be open to doing what Greg asked?" The doctor asked, deciding that Nick never really answered the question.

Nick suddenly felt like the spotlight was on him and it made him a bit nervous. He caught Greg staring at him, wide eyed too, and looking so vulnerable. He remembered what he said to Greg numerous times and realized he wasn't doing it. "I've been thinking and realized I said I would do anything to make you happy and if somehow doing this makes you happy, I can try. I'm just a little worried how far you want to take this and have to admit doing this could cause more damage."

Greg's eyes brightened up at his willingness to try. "I'll try to go as easy as I can because I don't want to hurt you. But like I told you, if done right it can be pleasurable."

"And your concern for this possibly causing him more damage I can understand but if you two do this, I will make sure we talk about it Greg and how you feel. You two need to be open with each other. Greg, your fear of Nick leaving you causes you to keep things from him. Nick, I don't think you realize it but you intimidate him at times because you do have this power over him due to this fear of abandonment," Dr. Levine said to them.

Nick never thought he intimidated Greg but what the good doctor said made sense to him. He glanced at Greg who appeared embarrassed by the revelation. He softened up and reached out and took Greg's hand out of his lap and held it. "I've told you time and time again, I'm not going to leave you. We will work through this like everything else. This has just really taken me by surprise. We can discuss this more at home because I am sure you don't want Dr. Levine to know all the dirty details unless I am wrong."

Greg blushed more than he had in ages and it warmed Nick's heart to see him this way. "Yeah um, I think for now I rather that stuff stay between you and me as long as you are comfortable talking about it."

Nick smirked. "I'm not sure I can say I will be comfortable but I will listen nonetheless and who knows, maybe I might really like it."

Dr. Levine cleared his throat as he realized they probably would be okay and be able to work this out on their own now that they knew each other's concerns. "I think you two are back to communicating openly again and will probably be okay from here on out. But if either of you have any concerns, you have my number. I'll always try to make time for you because I know how important this is to both of you. But for now, I do have to cut this short since I do have an appointment coming up. I wish both of you the best as always."

They said their goodbyes and Nick walked with Greg out to their car. "So you are really willing to try something?" Greg asked with some hope. Nick still had his doubts but he was willing to try to make Greg happy. "Yes, I am but you will have to tell me some of your plans because I don't want you to start something I am not prepared to handle."

"I can do that. I swear it's not going to be what your mind obviously is thinking," he said with a smirk and eye roll. Nick grinned at him, seeing some of his Greg back again. Maybe this would work and maybe it would make him happier. He decided he could definitely do this for him.


	30. Chapter 30

_A/N-Well this is it. The final chapter. I want to thank all of my reviewers but especially Marymel, Rosie Jameson, and Tracy79 for loving this story and Greg and Nick and always being kind. Great reviews keep me wanting to write. So I already have several chapters of my next new fic written with some touching up to do before I start posting. It will be a Greg focused (of course) but not a Nick and Greg one, exactly. More of a triangle with all the drama and angst I love to write._

_In the meantime enjoy this last chapter. It's a fun chapter I think overall. Again thanks for reading! _

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><p>Nick sat on the edge of their bed, nervous and not believing he was going to let Greg tie him up and do what he wanted to him during sex. He couldn't help it but all he could think of is the things that were done to Greg and Greg somehow acting them out on Nick due to his issues. He shook his head; he had to believe Greg would never hurt him like that. He was damaged but not that bad. He looked over at the closet, where his partner was currently rummaging through looking for something in particular. "Ahh ha! Found it," he heard him exclaim from the closet.<p>

Greg came out with his hands hiding something behind his back. He had a smile on his face and Nick couldn't help but smile himself at the excitement Greg seemed to have built up after Nick agreed to try this. "I'm ready. Are you ready?" Greg asked him as he walked up to him sitting on the bed. Nick eyed him suspiciously. "What are you hiding behind your back?"

Greg smirked. "I'll show you once you strip for me." Greg was wearing a pair of his tighter jeans and an old Depeche Mode t-shirt with a few holes in it. Nick had to admit to himself that he was kind of turned on by Greg's enthusiasm all of the sudden. He hadn't been this enthusiastic for sex since before his ordeal.

"Fine," Nick said but he was going to put in a show for him. Maybe he could play the game a bit too and it would work out. He stood up and slowly, seductively started unbuttoning his shirt. He watched Greg bite his lower lip as he slid his shirt off his shoulders. He made sure to flex his muscles as much as he could for show. He saw the desire growing in his lover's dark eyes.

"You need to speed up the process or I'll be sure to make you suffer later for it," Greg threatened teasingly. Nick chuckled and then proceeded to slowly undo his pants. He stepped out of his jeans and just stood briefly in his boxers, waiting for Greg to tell him to remove them too. "When I say strip, I mean everything. I want to see just your beautiful flesh." Nick smiled even more when he got what he wanted. He slowly pulled his boxers down and stepped out of them, tossing them to the side with the rest of his clothes. He saw the burning lust in his partner's eyes as he studied him but then he caught the look falter some and a sadness flash in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Nick. I don't understand how…," he stopped what he was about to say, knowing he would only upset Nick. But Nick already saw it, he saw the self-confidence that he had been showing falter and been replaced with that disgust he had for himself. He wasn't going to let him dwell on it. He wouldn't give him enough time. Nick dropped to his knees suddenly and unbuttoned Greg's jeans and pulled his zipper down. He then proceeded to pull down his pants and underwear in a swift movement, freeing Greg's member from its confines. He looked up briefly at Greg, whose mouth hung open in surprise.

"You're the one who is beautiful," Nick said to him before he took him in his mouth. He heard the gasp from his lover as he worked his tongue around his girth and length. He felt Greg's hands go into his hair, that had had grown out a little longer recently.

"Oh Nick, I love you," Greg gasped as Nick's expert mouth worked his cock. He hadn't expected Nick to throw this wrench into his plan but he loved it anyway. Something about this naked man on his knees, giving him head was an incredible turn on. He felt his insides tightening and warned Nick that he was close. "Oh Nick, oh I can't…Nick!" he called out his name as he came in his mouth. Nick savored the salty taste of the man he would do anything for. He knew that now. He knew whatever Greg would do to him, he could handle it because he loved how this man made him feel.

He stood up and held onto Greg as he knees got a bit wobbly from Nick's magic mouth doings. Greg's eyes finally focused again and shook his head at Nick. "Oh you are so going to pay for that. Get on the bed, now!" he commanded. He picked up the item he let fall from his hands when Nick took him. He held up the silk tie that he had taken from Nick's collection. It was his favorite of his. He remembered him wearing it on the first formal date they had gone out on. It was red with silver pinstripes going through it. "Remember this?" he asked, holding it up. Nick nodded as he had a fond memory of that night after their dinner. They had gone back to Nick's place and Greg had slowly taken off his tie and slowly stripped him. Then he had taken off all his own clothes but then proceeded to wear that tie and nothing else. For some reason, it was one of the sexiest things Nick thought he had ever seen; Greg just dressed in his tie.

"I know how much I turned you on when I wore nothing but this tie. Now it's your turn, however this tie is going to be used to tie you to the headboard. Now place your hands over your head, together," Greg told him in a rather commanding tone. Nick felt his cock twitch at the tone and felt some excitement seeing the lustful look in his lover's eyes. Nick did as he was told and Greg took his hands and drew them back to the wooden slatted headboard and using the tie, bound his hands together to the headboard. He tested the knot when done and then smiled. He backed off and looked at his work. Nick tied to their bed, tugging at the bonds which bound him to their bed, completely naked. Greg felt his erection coming to attention again by the incredible sight before him. "You are divine," he said in a low, sexy voice that gave Nick pleasure just hearing it.

Nick had to admit he was a little nervous but mostly now, seeing Greg's hungry look in his eyes, he was mostly turned on and also impressed at how well Greg tied him to the headboard. There was no way he was getting free from his binds. He looked back over at Greg who was stepping out of his pants and boxer-briefs. Greg caught him staring at him and looked serious.

"Can I blindfold you too?" Greg asked him, cautiously. Nick studied him a moment and decided to let him do it. "Okay." Greg smiled and then proceeded to turn around, giving Nick a full view of his finely shaped, but alas scarred ass as he opened the dresser drawers looking for something to blindfold him with. Nick realized he would always feel hatred towards those who caused those scars on his lover every time he saw them. He still would have loved to cause actual harm to Brad Jamison, but at least justice was being served and he wouldn't see the light of freedom for the rest of his life.

He was taken out of his thoughts by Greg turning back around with a light fabric scarf he found in their drawer. "I think this should work." Greg walked up to Nick and was tentative all of the sudden. "You sure you are okay with this?" Nick was touched that he was so concerned. "I'm fine…go ahead." Greg grinned and then tied the scarf over his eyes so he couldn't see anything of what he was going to do. "I'm going to be right back," he heard Greg say. He felt Greg kiss him on the lips and then heard him walk away. He wondered what the hell he was going to get and going to do to him.

Nick tugged at his hands tied above his head and felt them tightening and frowned. He felt his stomach get butterflies as Greg seemed like he was taking forever to get whatever he was getting. His mind whirled with possible ideas. Was he going to hurt him? He said he would never hurt him but he couldn't help but wonder. "What's taking you so long?" he whined. "I'll be there in a couple of seconds," he heard Greg yell from another part of the house. He decided he had to trust him. He tried to relax his body until he heard Greg's footsteps return to the room.

"Are you ready to be punished?" Greg asked in a low voice. Nick felt his cock twitch again at the sound of lust in his voice. "Yes."

Greg smiled to himself and placed the items down carefully on the nightstand to not give anything away. He decided since Nick was blindfolded he could take off his shirt and not feel inadequate under his strong gaze. Instead he could just show Nick how great certain kinds of punishment could be. He crawled onto the bed next to Nick and leaned over and picked up the one item. He licked it first and then placed it on Nick's lips.

Nick felt the cold against his lips and knew what it was immediately. Greg had grabbed some ice. Suddenly he felt the ice trailed seductively down his throat and down the middle of his chest, making him stir a little.

The piece of ice melted fast against Nick's heated skin. Greg grabbed another piece and this time placed it on Nick's nipple. The cold made him buck a little. Greg liked seeing him sensitive to the touch and circled his one nipple with it until it was hard. Then he leaned over and placed his mouth on it, causing Nick to curse at the change from cold to hot breath. Greg grabbed another cube and placed it on his other nipple while using his teeth to tug at the already sensitive nipple.

"Ah, fuck Greg," Nick cursed as Greg bit down and sent an incredible sensation through Nick's whole body. He already knew he was hard and wanted Greg to travel his mouth southward. But instead Greg continued this pleasure filled torture of cold and heat and his biting of his nipples. Nick tugged more at his binds and they only got tighter.

Greg nipped at Nick's hard nipple again before grabbing another piece of ice and moving downward, stopping at his belly button and dropping the ice cube into it. Nick's whole body jerked at the cold sensation and Greg smiled mischievously as he knew he was driving him crazy. He was showing Nick what he meant by being able to create pleasure from a little bit of torturous pain. He bit down on his lower lip as he watched Nick's stomach muscles flex from the cold. He blew on the ice and watched Nick squirm some more.

"Greg, this is torture. Do something already," Nick exclaimed. Greg frowned suddenly and stopped doing anything. Torture, Nick didn't know what real torture was and he didn't want him to.

Nick noticed he wasn't moving and got a little worried. "Greg? You okay? I hate not being able to see you or touch you."

"It's better that you can't," he replied quietly. He shook his head to get the dark memories out and reached over to grab the glass of ice. He held it in one hand and pulled out a piece with his right. He ran the ice down the inside of Nick's thigh, causing Nick to shudder again from the sensation. Greg purposely let his finger slight touch Nick's throbbing cock. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction yet. He had to have his first, that's what control was about.

He sat up and ran a piece of ice down Nick's other inner thigh. He pulled the ice away and stared at him a moment. "Roll over on your stomach," he commanded him. Nick wondered if he could do it with his hands tied but he found he was able to without twisting his arms and just twisting the binds instead. "Good," Greg said to him. He got another piece of ice and ran it over his back, watching similar reaction from Nick from the sensation.

Nick was going crazy. He wanted Greg to touch him with his hands or to be inside him already. "Greg, please. I want you, I want you inside me."

Greg smiled at his plead. "Patience, I'm not done with you yet." He pushed Nick onto his knees so that Nick was in a somewhat uncomfortable position since his hands were tied to the headboard. He took the ice and ran it down his lower back and across his fine ass. Nick proceeded to tease him by shaking his butt. "No, no, no. That's a bad boy. That deserves more punishment." Suddenly Nick felt his ass being bitten.

"What the hell?" he laughed but was incredible turned on by it. He felt the ice trailed down his crack. He then felt Greg push an ice cube between his cheeks. "Holy fuck!" He shuddered at the feeling. Greg grinned, getting the reaction he was hoping for. He picked up another piece of ice and pressed it right against his opening. Nick's whole body flexed again. The sensation was utterly insane. "Greg," he breathed heavily as his body couldn't stand much more intense feeling.

Greg reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of lube and a condom. He put lube on his fingers and replaced the ice with his index finger, pushing inside Nick. Nick felt him add a second finger and work his fingers inside him, finally pushing him over the edge as he lost his release all over the bed sheets. Greg smiled happily. "See you never thought I could make you lose it like that just from touch, did you?" He watched his fairly spent partner just shake his head that he cradled on his stretched out arms.

"Now it's my turn," Greg said as he traced his finger down Nick's sweaty back. He rolled the condom onto his aching cock and then drove himself into Nick, watching his body buck at the sudden intrusion. "Jesus Greg," he groaned.

"What? Too rough?' Greg asked out of concern suddenly. But Nick shook his head, "No, you are just blowing my mind right now." Greg grinned in satisfaction and slowly pulled out, leaving Nick moaning for him to return. He wanted to feel full of Greg again. He obliged and drove into him again and continued on with the rough pace until he was ready to come himself. He called out Nick's name as he released his seed into the condom inside his love. He leaned over Nick's back briefly, feathering kisses over it until he pulled out and threw the condom to the floor. He collapsed on the side of Nick on the bed.

Nick turned onto his back again. "Uh, G, are you going to keep me in the dark here?" He asked him since he was still blindfolded and tied up. Greg suddenly opened his eyes and had practically forgotten he was still in that way. "Shit, sorry," he apologized as he took off the blindfold first and then loosened the tie around the headboard to free his hands. He pulled his hands away when Nick finished getting out of the binds himself.

Nick was looking at the red welts that had formed on his wrists from the tie when it had tightened on him. He rubbed his wrists and looked up and noticed Greg watching him, his eyes wide with worry. "I hurt you, didn't I? I'm so sorry. I should have made them looser." Nick saw that he was getting very upset at the thought that he had hurt him. He tilted Greg's head up to look at him in the eyes and saw that he was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, no don't do that. I'm fine, really. It's my own fault for struggling so much but don't you think that you purposely hurt me, you didn't. This was amazing and I've never experienced such sensations as that ice all over me. Being unable to touch or see heightened it that much more. What you did was incredible. You didn't hurt me at all. You surprised me if anything, I was expecting…I dunno anything but what you did," Nick tried explaining to him.

Greg lay back on the bed and looked serious. "You thought I would really whip you or hit you?" Nick didn't want to admit it to him but he had to. "I guess I did because I just remember seeing that video of you in that club and what you did to Jakob." Greg sat up on the side of the bed, with his back to Nick. He placed his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I've thought a lot about what I wanted to do and anytime I thought of bringing a whip against you or anything like they did to me, I knew I couldn't. I never want you to feel how I felt," Greg said quietly. Nick got up and moved over so he could wrap his arms around Greg.

"Listen to me I know you could never really hurt me. I know how much it destroyed you to realize you did what you did to Jakob." He ran his hand down Greg's arm, stopping over his scar from his suicide attempt. "I saw that first hand and I know you couldn't do that to me. What you did do I want you to do again but if you are uncomfortable in thinking you might be hurting me, then don't do it. But I want to assure you that I'll be okay." To show him he pressed his lips against his shoulder and kissed him and then proceeded to kiss up to his neck, taking care to kiss the pale pink scarring left from that horrid collar that had kept him prisoner.

Greg tilted his head to the side to give Nick better access. He realized he was always going to need Nick's reassurance that he still desired him. He felt Nick's soft kisses trail around the back of his neck and then felt his lips brush over the old scars on his upper back only to be joined by the newer more vicious looking ones that trailed down his backside. But he tried to push those thoughts of his ugliness out of his mind and just savor the feel of Nick's warm breath and warm mouth on his body. He felt Nick's hand travel up his torso and pull at his nipple, eliciting a groan deep within his throat. These simple sensations woke up his desire again.

Nick loved the taste of Greg and loved lavishing his body because he knew those feelings of self-hatred still lived in his Greg somewhere. He knew that patience was the key and just indulging him was the path to lead him out of that stuff. He shifted and pushed Greg onto his back on the bed. Greg gazed at him and he saw the desire but he also still saw that hint of vulnerability that was always there when he was under him. He hated that they caused that in him and he had to hold back that simmering anger that always built up in him at the thought.

"Are you really okay now? Okay now that Brad Jamison is going to be spending the rest of his life in prison?" Nick asked him. He watched Greg's eyes darken. "As long as he never gets out so long as I am alive, I am good."

Nick nodded and then decided to lighten the mood up. He grabbed Greg's shoulders and rolled over so that Greg ended up on top of him. Greg laughed at the sudden change of position. "I guess you really do like being a bottom after all," he smiled down at him.

"As long as you are my top, my Love," Nick told him with a warm smile. "I'll be your top for as long as you'll have me," Greg replied, more serious now.

"I'll have you forever, remember," and he lifted his left hand and pointed to his commitment ring. Greg lifted his hand and looked at his own. "Yes, I do." He smiled down at him. "As long as you love me, I'll be okay." He leaned down and placed a kiss on Nick's lips. He brushed his nose against his. "I love you."

Nick reached up and caressed his cheek. "I love you too." Greg then lay down next to him, placing his head on his chest and closing his eyes. Nick brought his arms around him and held him close. Nick knew they still had a long road ahead but he felt that this time there would be no steps backwards. They were only moving forward.

The End!


End file.
